


The Space Between

by Shiro_Kabocha



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Anal Sex, Angst, Break ups and make ups, Hospitalization, Injury Recovery, It's gonna be a long road, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Post-Time Skip, Sex, sports-related injury
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-05
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-01 05:42:36
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 141,645
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23499955
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Shiro_Kabocha/pseuds/Shiro_Kabocha
Summary: "That wasn't as scary as what I’m about to do."Asahi chuckled nervously as he gathered up the empty food containers. "Where are you going to next, then? I thought you'd already been to all the scariest places in the world.""I thought I might try sticking around one place for a while," Noya said, eyes sharp though his voice was light. "Maybe. If you want me to."~~~Asahi and Noya reconnect after years apart while Noya was traveling the world.  While many things changed over the years, their feelings haven't and now it's finally the time to see where those feelings lead them.
Relationships: Azumane Asahi/Nishinoya Yuu
Comments: 311
Kudos: 192
Collections: Asanoya (main pairing)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So, I really hate posting stories on AO3 before I’ve completed writing the rough draft, but this story won’t give me any peace, despite that fact that my AsaNoya works aren't all that popular. If no one is here for this story, maybe my brain will give up on it and eventually I’ll just take it down. But if this story finds an audience—if this is the story you want to read—let me know because it’s the story I’d really like to tell right now.

"Hi Noya!"

"Hey, Asahi! Did I call at a weird time? I forget time zones are a thing! Hahaha!"

"No, don't worry about it. I was up anyway. Are you still in Spain?"

"Portugal! But close. Well, closer than Austria anyway. Hey, I wanted to ask a favor!"

"Anything."

"I'm flying in to Tokyo in a week! I was hoping I could crash at your place for a few nights to shake off the jetlag before I take the train back home."

"Of course! Email me your flight information, I'll meet you at the airport."

"Nah, that's a pain! Send me your address and I'll find my way there."

"Ah, the trains get complicated and crowded during the day, especially if you've got luggage. Just let me come meet you?"

"Ha! Okay, okay, I'll send you the info."

"Sounds great."

"Great."

"..."

"..."

"..."

"Asahi?"

"Yeah?"

"I'm really looking forward to seeing you."

"Me too, Noya."

~*~^~*~

Asahi couldn't keep still outside the arrivals gate at the Tokyo airport. He told himself it was the coffee he'd had at lunch, but that was a lie. It had been years since he'd seen Nishinoya in person-- not since Tanaka's wedding, in fact. Even then, Noya had only been in town for a day before jetting off again. They texted frequently and Noya sent pictures of his adventures, but that wasn't the same. He'd missed Noya. 

Actually, it went a lot deeper than simply missing him, but...ah, well. Seeing Noya for a day or two would do him good. Any longer than that and Asahi might be tempted to hope for things best left unsaid. 

"Asahi! Asahi!"

Asahi's heart pounded painfully against his sternum twice, both times in response to his name. He smiled as Noya came into sight, grinning and waving wildly among the shuffling and travel-weary masses. He imagined Noya would have been leaping wildly were he not encumbered by his oversize backpack and a shoulder bag. He'd dyed his bangs red-orange and his spiked hair was only slightly crushed after several hours on a plane.

"Asahi!" Noya crashed into Asahi's chest, one arm pounding him on the back. 

"Noya." Ashi wrapped his arms around Noya's shoulders, breathing in the scent of him: citrus, like oranges, some kind of cleaning chemical and sweaty, recycled air. Noya would likely want a shower when they got back to Asahi's place. Asahi tried not to think of that. Instead, he focused on how tall Noya had grown. He was still short, wiry and compact with muscle, but there was no way he could still be mistaken for a middle schooler anymore. That was a little sad, though Noya most likely didn't share the sentiment. 

"Thanks for letting me stay with you!" Noya broke their hug and punched Asahi on the arm. "You look great! I love your hair down."

"Ah, thanks." Asahi felt his cheeks burn crimson. It wasn't fair that Noya could be so complimentary yet still sound totally manly. A lot of things weren't fair about Noya, but none of that mattered. "Are you hungry? Tired? Do you need to pick up anything on the way?"

"Nah, I'm good. Let's go! I can't wait to see your place!"

"Ah, it's a little small," Asahi admitted. "I hope you're not expecting much."

"If it has a bathroom with a door on it, it's already a step up from most of the hostels I've stayed at!" Noya's laughter was life and Asahi breathed it in. How was it that he could miss Noya more fiercely when the man stood right in front of him? "It's not too far, is it?"

"Not too bad," Asahi said. He led the way to the trains, surprised that Noya's only luggage were the two bags he had on him. Asahi tried taking the shoulder bag, but Noya refused. Once on the train, Noya regaled Asahi with his travels and trials, adventures and adversities. It all sounded amazing to Asahi, who had yet to have his passport stamped. He was so caught up in listening to a story about canyoneering that he nearly missed their stop. Noya remained cheerfully upbeat on the walk from the station to Asahi's apartment, but he began to flag once they reached the apartment building's outer stairwell. Asahi finally claimed the shoulder bag after the third landing. 

"Sorry." Noya grinned. "I love travelling but I hate the travel, if you get me. I'll probably be a boring guest tonight."

"Don't worry about it," Asahi assured him. "Do you want me to heat something up for dinner? Or do you just want to sleep?"

"If it's all right, I want to take a shower." Noya made a face as he sniffed the collar of his shirt. "I hate the smell of air travel. And then, yeah, if it isn't too much trouble, I could eat."

"It's no trouble," Asahi assured him as they finally reached Asahi’s door. He palmed his key somewhat nervously. He only had a studio apartment; it was painfully small even with him as the only occupant. He hoped Noya wouldn't mind the close quarters. If he didn't, then maybe he'd want to stay a little longer...

Already getting my hopes up, Asahi thought with a sigh. He unlocked the apartment door and held it open for Noya. "Welcome to my home."

"Pardon the intrusion." Noya kicked off his shoes in the entryway before stepping inside. "Whoa, hey, this is great, Asahi! All your books and everything. What's this fabric? Is this for your work?"

"Ah, yeah." He'd cleaned up before leaving for the airport, but there simply wasn't enough space to put everything away. "We're looking at using that for the spring line-up. Sorry it's in the way."

"I'm sorry I'm in the way," Noya chuckled. "Probably a huge inconvenience for a high school friend to impose on you like this. I really appreciate it Asahi! You're a great friend."

"Uh. Yeah." Asahi rubbed the back of his neck, embarrassed.

"Is that the bathroom?" Noya nodded to a closed door as he tossed down his backpack. At Asahi's nod, he rummaged through it until he found a towel and a few tiny bottles of soap or shampoo. "You mind?"

"No, make yourself at home," Asahi insisted genuinely. Noya's smile made Asahi want to kiss him. It was actually a relief when the bathroom door shut behind him.

Asahi sagged back against the kitchen counter, feeling suddenly drained. What had he been thinking, hosting Noya in his tiny apartment? They could barely move without brushing by one another here. He should have offered to go halfway on a nice hotel room for the duration of Noya’s stay. But the thought of that made Asahi hot with nervous energy.

Dinner. Right. That was something Asahi could do. He had some take-out leftovers that could easily be reheated, so that was no problem. Drinks were another issue. He had a partial six pack, but wasn't sure if Noya drank or not. It had never come up when they texted. There wasn't much else besides coffee, so Asahi filled two cups with water and set them on the low table that doubled as Asahi's work desk. His eyes caught on the neatly rolled futon he'd left atop his bed; there was barely enough space to roll it out on the floor and once there, he'd have to step over it to get to the bathroom or kitchen.

Oh, this was a nightmare!

Noya finished his shower quick, exiting the bathroom in a pair of loose gym shorts and a cloud of steam. A damp towel hung over his shoulders and his hair was adorably down. Asahi must have stared too long because Noya toyed with a lock of it.

"I know, I need to get it cut." His grin was infectious. "Should probably freshen up the dye, too. What do you think, Asahi? Should I keep it this color or try something new?"

Asahi swallowed hard and tried to busy himself with rearranging food around his laptop and fabric samples on the small table. "I, uh, liked the red you had when you were in Australia."

"Yeah, the red was nice," Noya admitted, sitting down on the floor next to Asahi, close enough that their knees bumped. "But it fades really fast, so I have to get it refreshed more often."

"Ah. I didn't know."

"Hey, thanks for cooking!" Noya grabbed a pair of disposable chopsticks and grabbed the closest reheated food container. He didn't even seem to notice what he was eating. "Been starving all day. You know what we should do tomorrow? Get some Korean barbecue! I haven't had good Korean in ages!"

"Sure." Asahi smiled. "We can do that."

Noya's chatter filled the apartment with light and warmth and all Asahi wanted to do was drink it in. Noya didn't need Asahi to fill in any stretches of awkward silence; he spoke around bites of his dinner, sharing stories and pieces of his life, leaving Asahi content to simply listen. That was what people got wrong about communication: a conversation wasn't just about waiting your turn to talk, it was about enjoying the company you were with and taking the time to really listen.

"...was the size of a hubcap, no lie, and had fangs the size of soccer cleats!" Noya laughed loudly. "But you know what's really scary? Scuba diving! I mean, you don't think it is, but there's no way to know how dark it gets underwater and if you're not paying attention you can go too deep and your tank could have gotten a hot-fill and then you're stuck buddy-breathing while you wait at a safety stop for fifteen whole minutes!"

Noya tossed his head back and laughed, though Asahi felt mildly concerned. Was that something that had actually happened? It sounded scary, not funny! Noya tossed his food container down to wipe tears of mirth from his eyes. When he looked up, he was still smiling, but it wasn't an amused smile. No, this was different. Confident, teasing, and about as serious as Noya got off the volleyball court.

"Still, though. That wasn't as scary as what I’m about to do."

Asahi chuckled nervously as he gathered up the empty food containers. "Where are you going to next, then? I thought you'd already been to all the scariest places in the world."

"I thought I might try sticking around one place for a while," Noya said, eyes sharp though his voice was light. "Maybe. If you want me to."

Asahi's hand contracted, squashing a cardboard box and sending bits of rice flying. His face burned as he muttered "Sorry" and cleaned up the mess. "You mean you're going back home? Or were you thinking of starting college somewhere?"

"Nah, I really don't feel like doing the school thing." A pause and the whole world seemed the shrink to Asahi's tiny, cluttered table. "Asahi?"

"Hm?" He was trying to fit the empty food boxes inside one another in order to take them all to the trash at once. Noya reached out and firmly took all the trash from his hands, sweeping it to the side before covering Asahi's hands with his own.

"I don't mean to make things awkward between us or anything, especially since you're being so nice in letting me crash here, but...Asahi, there's something I really need to say."

Asahi's breath caught, his eyes flickering between Noya's glittering brown eyes. This couldn't be what he thought it was--hoped it was. Could it?

"I like you," Noya said in a rush. "I have since high school. I was too afraid to say it then. I wasn't sure how you'd react and I didn't want to lose you as a friend. But, I mean, awhile back you were posting pictures of you and your boyfriend and I thought I just had to tell you. I really like you, Azumane Asahi."

Asahi was stunned beyond words. It was more than he'd ever hoped to get, all he'd ever wanted, all the same feelings he'd had over the years summed up so simply, yet so powerfully. He couldn't have constructed a better confession himself and it left him struggling to come up with something to say in return.

Noya leaned back, drawing his hands away from Asahi's. "Yeah, I didn't really think you'd feel the same. It's totally fine, I get it. You know, I don't even know if you're in a relationship right now, I just thought I hadn't seen any pictures of you with anyone else in a while, so--"

"I'm not," Asahi said quickly, awash in terror that Noya might take back his confession as unexpectedly as he'd given it. "We broke up months ago. I'm single."

"Oh." Noya fidgeted, looking uncomfortable. "So then, is it okay? That I told you?"

"Yes! Yes, of course, I--" Asahi took a breath in an effort to control his breathing. Despite the meal, he was suddenly feeling very lightheaded. "I've liked you since high school, too, Noya. Forever, probably. I--if you're not running off again to some country I'll have to look up on a map, I'd love for you to stay. Here. With me."

Noya's toothy grin was infectious and Asahi found himself smiling too as Noya closed the distance between them. Asahi's skin prickled even before Noya laid a hand on his arm, felt his face flame as Noya reached back to card his fingers through Asahi's hair. His body grew warm even before Noya crawled partway into his lap, lifting his chin until their lips were scant inches apart. "I want to kiss you, Asahi."

Asahi gulped. "Please."

The earth moved, fireworks erupted, thunder struck as their lips finally met, Noya pulling Asahi down to him, Asahi wrapping an arm around Noya's waist to pull him in closer. It wasn't timid, no shy touches or wasted movements between them now; they had far too much history together for that. Noya was demanding and firm, teeth teasing, tongue tickling, fingers lightly tugging the hair at the back of Asahi's neck. Asahi drew small breaths through Noya, stealing his air, shivering beneath his touch. His hands ranged down Noya's sides, scraping over ribs, fawning over hard planes of muscle. He pushed the towel off Noya's neck and ran his fingers through the soft hair curling around Noya's ears. Noya hummed appreciatively as Asahi dug his fingers into the muscles at the back of Noya's neck, stiff from hours of plane travel but pliable after the heat of his shower. Asahi gasped as Noya tipped his head to the side, nipping at Asahi's neck.

As Noya surged against him, Asahi tumbled back onto an elbow, staring up in wonder as Noya stretched over him, kneeling between his legs, that familiar cheeky smirk in place. Those gym shorts didn't hide much and Asahi swallowed hard against Noya's unmistakable interest. Reaching long, Noya brushed hair off of Asahi's face.

"You know," Noya drawled. "You're wearing entirely too many clothes for this."

"Ah--oh." Asahi couldn't conceal the shiver that ran through him. "Sorry. Um, I can--"

Asahi was reaching for the hem of his shirt, but every muscle in his abdomen contracted as Noya laid his hand over his, rough fingertips just barely brushing the skin of his stomach. "Asahi. You apologize way too much."

"Sor--"

Noya's hand curled around the top of Asahi's pants, making him choke off his apology in a wordless yelp. "There you go again. How about this? If I do something that makes you uncomfortable, you say stop. Otherwise, maybe just keeping making noises like that one." He smirked and Asahi's heart skipped a beat. "Hearing you groan like that gets me all kinds of excited."

Asahi lost all ability for coherent thought after that, never mind the ability to speak. Noya twisted his hand, deftly popping the button on Asahi's pants before skimming down the zipper. Asahi made a half-hearted attempted to remove his own shirts--he was wearing a collared shirt beneath a vest and a comfy hoodie which, as Noya had pointed out, was FAR too much clothing--but as Noya palmed him through his boxers, Asahi.exe crashed. He groaned loudly as he fell back against the floor, eyes falling shut, breath coming short. Noya's hand was warm, his breath warmer and the visual of Noya crouched between his legs was enough to set Asahi on fire.

"You're pretty big," Noya said, hand teasing Asahi's length through his boxers. Asahi slung his arm over his face to cover his blush. How could Noya just _say_ such things? Didn't he know how embarrassing that was to hear? Even if it was a little hot... "I'm pretty sure I could take you, though. I'm clean, by the way. Got tested in Portugal before I flew back."

Asahi's mind skipped like a record on that until he was able to process it. He had trouble formulating a response with Noya's hand on his dick. "Uh, I think I'm clean? I haven't gotten tested since...since my last time, but I don't have any symptoms of anything." He'd been a virgin before his one and only boyfriend and when they broke up amicably, he hadn't thought to get tested. He hadn't dared to hope he'd have any reason to.

What bothered him more was Noya's admission to getting tested. They'd chatted off and on for years after high school, but Noya had never mentioned a boyfriend or girlfriend or partner of any kind. What did that mean for Noya's sexual history?

Concerning thoughts were chased away by a dab of wet heat pressed against the cleft of his dick through the thin material of his boxers: Noya pressed his tongue firmly just beneath the tip, undulating it in a rhythm that made Asahi writhe and shout.

Noya laughed as he broke off, hand still firm around the shaft.

"That's fine. We'll just use condoms for now. Do you have any? I have some if you don't, but it'll take me a while to find them in my bag."

"I...I have some," Asahi panted. As much as he wanted this to continue, his mind was beginning to wrap itself around the fact that he was about to _have sex_ with _Nishinoya_ and he did **not** want their first time to be on the floor of his tiny, cluttered apartment. With an effort of will, he pushed himself up onto and elbow, carded his free hand through Noya's hair and pulled him up for a sultry, passionate kiss. A little insistent motion and Asahi pushed himself up to sitting, rocking Noya back to a seated position. Noya's hands fisted in Asahi's vest as if he could rip it off him and with those muscles on display, Asahi didn't doubt that he could. Still, he carefully extricated himself from Noya's grip, using the table to help himself shakily to his feet. "There's a box under my bed. If...if that's okay."

Noya's grin was wide and cheeky as he jumped to his feet. "You hide your condoms under your bed, like porn? Don't you live here by yourself? Who are you hiding them from?"

Asahi felt his face color. "Sometimes when Kageyama and Hinata are playing in Tokyo, Daichi and Suga stay with me overnight."

"Yeah, I bet they'd be so disappointed to find out their baby boy has sex stuff," Noya teased. As Asahi reached beneath the bed for a shoe box, Noya shoved the rolled futon off the bed with a smirk. "As if I was I ever gonna sleep on that thing even if you didn't have feelings for me. We've already slept together, remember?"

"It's...not the same." Sure, they'd slept together. During training camps and away games, on thin futons surrounded by their classmates. They'd bathed together, too, helped each other stretch before and after games, run together in the mornings, laughed together in the evenings. They'd laid the groundwork for a relationship neither seemed to think was ever going to happen and now, somehow, it was finally happening. "I wanted you to have the option."

"The option to sleep on the floor?" Noya rolled his eyes as he pushed Asahi onto the bed, stepping between his knees before curling his fingers beneath the hems of all of Asahi's shirts. "No thanks." With a sudden motion that did beautiful things to the muscles in Noya's chest and shoulders, Noya pulled Asahi's shirts off all at once, then scaled his lap to wrap his arms around Asahi's shoulders, kissing his jaw, his ear, his neck. Asahi coiled one arm around Noya's back, fingers playing with the drawstring hem of his shorts, while the other hand pushed the box away so it wouldn't get crushed during their foreplay.

Noya couldn't seem to keep his fingers out of Asahi's hair, and he reveled in the light, not-quite-painful tugs. The sharp-edged kisses along his throat made his blood surge and boil while the tiny, growling breaths Noya took between kisses made Asahi want to let go of his remaining self-control. With one arm wrapped around Noya's back, Asahi traced his free hand up Noya's thigh, climbing higher and higher until it slid up the loose gym shorts and--very tentatively--squeezed a cheek. Noya's hips jerked as he moaned agreeably and to Asahi's utter delight, he realized Noya hadn't bothered putting on any underwear. Before he could go any further, Noya was pulling back, stepping onto the floor and pushing Asahi down flat on the bed. When he moved to yank Asahi's pants down, Asahi yelped in surprise, hands jumping to catch them.

Noya looked almost feral, with those hooded eyes and kissed-out lips as he looked up to meet Asahi's stare. "You wanna stop?"

"No, just--"

"You're shy? Now?" Noya looked darkly amused. "You know I've seen this all before, right? You have, too."

Of course. They'd showered together for years, changed in locker rooms, dressed at camps and in gymnasiums. But even so...

"I'm nervous," Asahi admitted, swallowing hard. Wasn't it supposed to be difficult to go from being someone's friend to being their lover? What if this wasn't everything they both wanted it to be? Needed it to be?

Noya's cocky grin was so familiar it was more comforting that it normally would have been. "Just trust me, Asahi. You don't have to be shy when it's just us."

Asahi nodded, trying to let go of his anxiety, but failing miserably. When his hand refused to release the top of his pants, Noya let go, stepped back, and deftly stripped away his shorts, standing fully nude between Asahi's legs. One hand jumped to Asahi's mouth as he took in the sight: hard, perfectly cut muscles all sculpted into a perfect V-shape, framing the flushed erection that curved ever so slightly to the left. Noya leaned over Asahi again, one hand stroking his thigh while the other gently loosened Asahi's hand from his pants.

"Relax." Noya kissed Asahi's knuckles. "I know what I'm doing, okay? Just say stop if you need to."

The breath Asahi released was almost a laugh, but not quite; of the two of them, Noya was younger. Asahi should have been the one reassuring him, not the other way around. But then, Noya had always been the more confident of the two of them, the one ready to fight or throw down, the first one to say "Don't mind!" and truly mean it. With great care, Noya hooked his fingers through Asahi's pants and boxers, slowly dragging them down until Asahi could kick them off his ankles. When Noya stood back up, he sat on the edge of the bed and reclined alongside Asahi, curling towards him so their faces lined up.

"Not so bad, right?" Noya asked, still teasing. He reached out to toy with a lock of hair. "You're beautiful, you know. I always wanted to tell you that."

Asahi's cheeks burned. "I always thought you were amazing. Yuu."

It was the first time he'd ever used Noya's given name out loud. He said it softly, asking permission even as he transgressed. Noya professed to dislike it, but just then his breath caught slightly, his eyes flickering with something like...affection? Uncertainty? Amusement? All of the above? But he didn't admonish, so Asahi guessed it was alright. It would be weird to call Noya by a nickname during sex anyway, wouldn't it?

Noya leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss on Asahi's lips before leaning back, eyes scanning Asahi's face. "You alright with doing this?"

This time, Asahi did chuckle. He curled an arm around Noya, tugging him in close. "What do you think?" He hefted Noya's weight into his arms, reorienting them on the bed so their heads were at the pillows, rather than laying crosswise on the mattress. Noya was heavier than Asahi expected him to be, though that made sense--the former-libero had grown, after all, and he'd always been nothing but muscle. And, if he was being honest, Asahi had lost a lot of his muscle definition since high school. He spent more hours sitting at a computer than he did strength-training or running these days. On rare occasions, he'd stop by a local community game as a pick-up player, but other than that, he was mostly just one more sedentary office worker. The thought made him more than a little embarrassed to be naked in front of someone who had obviously not only kept up with his physique after high school, but even added to it, but the lights were low and Asahi was in love and none of that really mattered anyway.

Noya sat up, leaning over Asahi to kiss him, pulling his hair back to expose more of his throat before kissing down it. Asahi ran his hands down Noya's back, feeling the shift of muscle beneath warm skin as he pulled their bodies close together. Noya swung a leg over Asahi's waist, climbing on top of him before breaking off his trail of kisses to flip open the shoe box Asahi had set down what felt like ages ago. Without looking, Asahi knew the box's contents: a few dated doujinshi, an open box of condoms, one tube of sex lube and two greasy bottles of massage oil. He hadn't opened the box at all since he and his boyfriend had split up; lotion and tissues worked just fine when flying solo and there was no need to hide any of that. Come to think of it, when was the last time Asahi had done more than touch himself? A new fear surfaced as he counted down the months since his break-up; he hoped Noya wasn't expecting anything too vigorous, because Asahi might not last that long.

Foil popped as Noya tore a square free from a strip, letting the rest fall haphazardly into the box. He grabbed the tube of lube and shoved the box unceremoniously onto the floor. He pinched a corner of the foil between his teeth as he sat straddling Asahi's hips, popping open the lube and starting to tip it into one hand.

"Let me!" Asahi said, struggling to sit up as he realized Noya was about to prep himself with the lube. "Here, let me have that."

"I can do it," Noya insisted after spitting the foil-wrapped condom into his hand so he could speak. "I don't mind. I want you to enjoy it, Asahi."

"I do, I am. Please." Asahi smiled as he inched back to sit against the pillows. "I've been letting you do all the work. Let me help."

Noya still looked doubtful, but Asahi gently took the bottle of lube from him, then pulled him close for a kiss. He wrapped one arm around Noya's waist, pulling their chests flush together, then squeezed a dollop of lube into his free hand, pressing kisses into Noya's still-damp hair. Noya squirmed, legs curled around Asahi's waist, arms wrapped around his shoulders, first scrubbing his nose along Asahi's jawline, then tucking his head beneath Asahi's chin. There was no making up for the height difference between them, no comfortable way to kiss each other while they did this, but even as he thought that, Asahi felt the scrape of teeth against his collarbone.

"Just don't overthink this, okay?" Noya insisted, breath warm on Asahi's skin. "When I say I'm ready, I'm ready. Trust me."

"I do," Asahi replied simply. He'd cupped his fingers around the gel-like lube, letting it grow warm in his hand before reaching back and running the tips of his fingers down the divet of Noya's spine, following the crease that dipped in between his cheeks. He found Noya warm and welcoming, opening easily to his touch, though he was still careful to go slowly. Perhaps in his fantasies when he'd thought of one day doing this with Noya, they'd both been virgins, exploring new territory together. It hadn't quite worked out that way, but Asahi couldn't find it in himself to be disappointed. He'd been a mess his first time and he'd always be grateful that his first lover had been tolerant and encouraging. Even so, Asahi was certain that throughout his entire first time, there had been more blood in his cheeks than there'd been in his dick.

At least now he felt practiced enough to know what he was doing as he smeared lube around the ring of tight muscle, easing his middle finger inside. Noya groaned and rocked backwards, fingers digging into Asahi's skin as if he could hurry him along. Emboldened by Noya's reaction, Asahi pressed in further, slicking the inside with lube, probing and stretching before inserting a second finger. Noya gasped and arched his back, teeth nipping hard at the underside of Asahi's jaw. He rocked back on Asahi's fingers as much as he could, moaning as Asahi coated his walls with the lubricant. He took care to stretch, even though Noya felt willing and pliant, working up to thrusting three fingers in and out in a gentle pulse. Noya was thrusting backwards now, panting heavily as whimpering moans spilled from his lips.

"Asahi..."

"Wait." Asahi buried his nose in Noya's hair, reveling in every gasp, every moan, every scratch from Noya's nails in his back. He withdrew his fingers, then worked two back in, searching, curling, touching, pressing--

"AAaah!" Noya lit up like a firework, head tossed back, eyes shut, nails digging hard enough to draw blood. It was the most beautiful thing Asahi had ever seen--never wanted to not see. He pressed the button over and over, reveling in Noya's screams, the shudders of his body, the curl of his toes. If he didn't want the next part so badly, he might have been tempted to get Noya off right there; he wanted to see the expression on his face when he came, hear all those delicious noises and know he was the one causing them. But too soon, Noya's hands were clamping down on Asahi's forearm, pushing it down and away, bodily begging for the pleasurable assault to end.

"Need you," Noya panted, eyes so dark they appeared black. "Now."

Asahi shuddered, goosebumps rippling his skin as he agreed, withdrawing his hand and wiping it on the sheets. He looked around, near frantic. Where had that condom gone? Had they bounced it off the bed, or was he sitting on it, or--

Noya had it. His face flushed, lips bruised, Noya brought the corner of the foil to his mouth, hooded eyes locking with Asahi's just before he ripped the foil apart, spitting it to the side after removing the rubber. Asahi felt frozen in place as Noya scooted back, rolling the condom on over the tip of his dick, Asahi hissing at the contact. He wasn't going to last long; he'd thought the condom would dull more of the sensation, but just the visual of Noya touching his cock was enough to put Asahi on the edge, in danger of falling over. Once the condom was rolled down to the base, Asahi moved, intent on pressing Noya against the bed.

Instead, Noya stopped him with a firm hand on Asahi's chest. "Let me." Noya's devilish grin made Asahi's heart pound double-time. "I've wanted to do this for a long time."

Noya pushed Asahi back against the pillows, keeping their eyes locked as he swung his legs over Asahi's, straddling him on the bed. It felt like a moment suspended in time, Noya looming over him, damp hair in disarray, chest flushed and heaving, tongue touching his lips as if savoring the moment. Noya's need hung heavy between them, Asahi aching to touch it. His own need, wrapped in latex, coiled and ready, jutted lewdly up as if orienting on Noya, hovering just out of reach. Unable to stop himself, Asahi reached for Noya's hips, skimming his thumbs over the ridge of bone, marveling at his fantasy turned reality. Or if this did turn out to be a dream, he hoped he didn't wake up before it ended.

As much as he wanted to, Asahi didn't pull Noya down. His hands followed as Noya guided himself down and back, one hand reaching behind himself, grasping Asahi's length and positioning it, earning a harsh hiss from Asahi. Light touches were almost too much to bear; how was he ever going to last once it was inside? Noya eased back slowly, abs rippling with power and control. He drew his lip between his teeth as Asahi felt the first kiss of heat against the tip of his dick. He groaned loud and long as Noya slid down, enveloping him entirely, surrounding him with heat and pressure. Asahi's hips rolled once, just before Noya was entirely seated, making them both gasp and shout.

"Sor--sorry!" Asahi hadn't meant to move, his body had acted without permission. What if he'd hurt Noya? What if they stopped here because of that involuntary reflex? Was Noya okay? Did he need--

Noya craned forward, reaching out to place a finger over Asahi's mouth. Sweat dripped from his hairline, beading on his shoulders and chest. "No apologies, Asahi. I won't break. Promise."

Asahi nodded, still concerned as he schooled himself into stillness, no matter how much he ached to thrust up into Noya. Noya was taking short, shallow breaths, hands curled around Asahi's forearms, bracing himself against them to readjust, lean back, find a comfortable angle. It felt like forever, especially as he was being squeezed on all sides by that delicious heat. Just when he thought his control might break, Noya caught his eye again, small smile in place. He shifted up onto his knees only slightly before rocking back down. Asahi's hands tightened around Noya's waist, just barely constraining himself against moving Noya himself. His heels were braced against the bed, his spine a coiled spring. Any second now, his control was going to snap and he wasn't sure what would happen when it did.

"You can move, Asahi," Noya growled, voice low and sultry. "I'm fine. Go on. Please."

His hips leapt of their own volition, stopping short when Asahi mastered the motion. It was too much, all too much. So much more when Noya began to move with purpose, rising on his knees and sliding back down. Asahi let himself match the rhythm, thrusting up and down in time with Noya's movements, his lower lip trapped between his teeth as he kept his concentration so he wasn't moving too fast or too hard. The concentration grounded him, helped him focus on Noya instead of himself, keeping himself tightly in check instead of focusing on the feeling, the sight, the sounds. Noya's fingernails dug into Asahi's arms, bracing himself as he rose up over and over again, changing the pace, urging them faster and faster. Noya's eyes were closed, expression rapturous as softly hissed curse words bubbled over his lips in hisses and gasps, erotic and dirty and all so entirely Noya. It was beautiful, perfect. Even better than Asahi's fantasies, better than his wildest wet dream.

Noya's eyes blinked open, gleaming in reflected light, mouth falling open as he panted. "Asahi. I'm not gonna last long."

Asahi nodded tightly. "Me too, Yuu."

Noya nodded, as if in agreement, his eyes falling shut again, pace quickening once again. His hand moved, but Asahi got there first, fingers curling around Noya's curved length, thumb circling the crown before pressing in on the slit. Noya grunted, bit his lower lip, curled in on himself--then came with a shout. Asahi would have kept watching Noya's face throughout, but as the muscular body around him clamped down, he found himself spilling over the edge as well, caught almost by surprise by the strength of his own orgasm. His vision blurred, his lungs burned, his body trembled, as if he'd just run a marathon. By the time he came back to himself, Noya was grinning down at him.

"You good?"

"Ah, yeah."

"Yeah. Me too."

Asahi chuckled and groaned, shifting so he could hold the base of the condom as Noya eased off of him and onto the bed beside him, leaning to the nightstand to grab the box of tissues situated within reach for just such messes. As Noya swiped the mess he'd made off Asahi's chest and stomach, Asahi worked on removing the condom without making too much of a mess. He should probably have gathered up all the tissues and taken them to the trash--along with the empty food containers still sitting on the dinner table--but Noya grabbed the whole mess of tissues and dropped it over the side of the bed before curling into Asahi's side, and that, honestly, was more than enough to convince Asahi to just stay put. He wound his arms around Noya, curling over and around him, tucking his nose and chin into Noya's hair. He felt the puffs of Noya's breath on the sweat-damp skin of his chest, felt Noya's legs tangle with his. This was enough. This was everything.

"Asahi?"

"Hm?"

"Did you mean it?"

Asahi blinked as his brain stalled. "Mean what?"

The arch of Noya's foot skimmed along Asahi's calf. "Can I really stay here? With you?"

Asahi drew Noya in closer, tighter, holding him against his heart. "If you leave now, you'll break my heart."

Noya chuckled softly. "I probably should have said this before, but um. I'm kinda in love with you, Asahi."

"I love you too, Yuu."


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm bisexual," Noya blurted.
> 
> "Oh. Okay." Asahi had already guessed as much: Noya had always been one to appreciate beauty, regardless of gender. "I'm gay."
> 
> Noya let his breath out in a rush, laughing as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I know it's just...that's the first time I ever told anyone."
> 
> "Really? You haven't told your parents? Or Tanaka? Or...you could have told me?"
> 
> "You didn't tell me either," Noya reminded him, playful rather than accusatory. "But I wanted to tell you. I guess that's why you're the first person I've told!"
> 
> "I'm honored." Asahi smiled. "Thank you for telling me, Yuu."
> 
> "Thanks for taking a chance on me, Asahi."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you everyone for all your support to continue this story! I actually probably should have been focusing more on my other projections, but I was just so excited to continue this one! Don’t let all this domestic fluff fool you—this fic is going to take a dark turn at some point.

Asahi woke up to the strong smell of coffee brewing and an empty bed, just as he did most mornings. It took him a moment to figure out why he thought something was missing.

Hadn't he gone to bed with Noya last night? Hadn't they each confessed? Hadn't they... had sex? Asahi blushed at the memory, grateful no one was around to see it. 

But why wasn't anyone around? He hadn't dreamed the whole thing...had he?

Asahi sat up, combing his hair with his fingers as he looked around the tiny apartment. There was Noya's backpack, as well as his discarded shorts from the night before. And there was the mess of tissues they'd left in a heap on the floor. The bathroom door was cracked and dark, otherwise Asahi would have thought Noya was taking a shower.

The apartment was undoubtedly empty. 

Just as Asahi was reaching for his phone with not-quite-panic in his chest, the door to the apartment crashed open and Noya burst in. 

"Good morning, Asahi!" He took a second to kick off his shoes, then darted across the room to plant a kiss on Asahi's lips. Asahi only had a moment to register Noya's clothes: a sweat-wicking tank top and gym shorts. He smelled of early morning sun and his skin glistened with sweat. 

"You went for a run?" Asahi asked, still sleep-addled and confused. 

"Yeah, I told you before I left," Noya said, stripping off his sweat-soaked top. "Don't you remember?"

Asahi's blank stare made Noya laugh. 

"You muttered something at me. I just assumed you were telling me to have a good run. Still not an early riser, eh Asahi?" Noya darted in for another quick kiss. "You mind if I shower?"

"No, go ahead." Asahi rubbed the back of his neck, mind still scrambling to catch up. Coffee would help. 

After the door to the bathroom clicked shut, Asahi kicked free of the blankets. He stepped into a clean pair of boxers, then cleaned up the messes he and Noya had made the night before. He poured a cup of coffee, inhaled its rich aroma deeply, then sat at the low table, nursing his coffee as he caught up on emails. 

Or, tried to anyway. The more he woke up, the more he remembered of the night before. He and Noya had confessed! They were dating! Asahi simultaneously wanted to text everyone he knew while also keeping it a closely guarded and precious secret. 

How much would dating change their relationship? They'd always been close, but it had never been physical. And Asahi had invited Noya to live with him! He'd never lived with a boyfriend before, and even Daichi and Suga had a bigger apartment than this. Would they have to move? Or was it too soon to think about such things?

It was too early in the morning to be thinking this hard!

The bathroom door opened and Noya stepped out, clean with his hair in its usual spiky array. Asahi tried to politely look away as he realized Noya was only wearing a towel tied around his waist even though he recognized it as stupid—he'd seen Noya more than naked and even if he hadn't, they'd showered together for years in locker rooms. Still, though, it wasn't polite to stare. Right?

"Got anything else for breakfast?" Noya asked, pillaging the mini fridge. "Wow, what does Daichi say when he stays here?"

"That we're going out for breakfast." Asahi had bought a few things for Noya’s stay. He'd just forgotten what a heavy eater Noya was. "There's some breakfast bars and oranges."

"That'll work. I'll pick some stuff up later." Noya sat at the table with Asahi, dropping a small pile of scavenged food on the table in front of him. "You sure you don't mind if I just stay here with you? I don't wanna intrude and I could get my own place, but--"

"No!" Asahi blushed at his panicked response. "I mean, I'd rather you stay here. You don't need to get your own place. I know it's small, and we could probably get someplace bigger, but..."

"Bigger?" Noya glanced around the single room apartment. "I bet you get a great rate for a place like this. And after I start working, we'll be able to save some real money!"

"Ah!" Asahi hadn't even thought ahead to Noya working. "What are you planning to do?"

"Dunno." Noya shrugged carelessly and this time Asahi didn't stop himself from staring at those lovely shoulders. "Maybe I could get a job at a sporting goods store. Or I could probably work as a personal trainer at a gym. Ryu could give me a recommendation. Or maybe one of the climbing gyms needs an instructor. I'll figure it out."

Being adrift without a plan had always been one of Asahi's greatest fears, but Noya had always been able to coast along just fine. Though it was hard to picture the endlessly rambunctious Noya working in a retail store. 

Asahi stood up to pour himself another cup of coffee. "You know, it's probably not too late for you to get picked up by one of the professional volleyball teams. I remember you had an offer to try out after high school and you look like you're still in peak condition."

Noya made a sour face. "Nah, I'd rather not. I'm probably too rusty to compete with the kids out of high school and even if I did get picked, who could say which team or where? Besides, I've done the volleyball thing." Noya stood and stretched, the towel dropping an inch further down his waist. He smirked as he caught Asahi staring. "I'd rather give this thing with you a shot."

Normally Asahi would have blushed and stammered, perhaps even spilled his coffee as he poured it. But something about the light through the window and how it was hitting Noya piqued his interest in a way totally unrelated to sex. He set his mug down and took a step to the side, sizing Noya up critically. Back in high school, Noya had always been covered in bruises, owing to his position as the team's libero. He wasn't entirely bruise-free now (likely due to a reckless take on life in general) but the few Asahi saw could be easily covered by clothing or makeup if necessary. 

"Uh, Asahi?" Noya looked confused but not concerned. "Something wrong? Do you need to take a picture?"

"Yes," Asahi answered before his brain caught up to the question. Then the blushing and stammering started. "N-no! I mean, I was just thinking." He cleared his throat. "Have you ever thought about modeling?"

Noya gave a sharp, startled laugh. "I don't know a whole lot about it, but don't you have to be tall to be a model?"

"Runway models and fashion models, yeah," Asahi agreed. "But you'd be perfect for catalog work."

"Catalog work?"

"Yeah." Asahi grinned. "Like school uniforms and sportswear."

Noya's mouth dropped open, eyes going wide as he considered the possibility. "For real? I could model the hell out of sports clothes!"

Asahi laughed as he retrieved his coffee cup. "I'll send an email to a friend of mine in the business. I think you'd do really well. The pay is good, too."

Despite the destroyed and scattered food items Noya had ravaged at the table, he was looking at Asahi's coffee mug like a man starving. Or maybe it wasn't the coffee he was looking at...

"Do you have to go into work today, Asahi?"

"No, I rearranged my days off this week so I could spend some time with you." Asahi smiled shyly. "If you were only going to be in town for two days, I wanted to make sure I got to see you."

Noya grinned as he took Asahi's coffee from his hands and set it on the table. His towel fell away at an artful shake of his hips before he pressed himself against Asahi, rising up on his toes for a kiss. "What should we do for two days, then?"

Asahi had a vague thought of teasing him, saying something about local historical sites, museums and cafes, but all that died against Noya's mouth. If he still had the upper body strength he'd had in high school, he would have scooped Noya up and carried him to the bed. As it was, he didn't resist when Noya took his hand and led him there instead.

The next two days were a blur of sex, food and catching up. Noya eventually got frustrated with the meager supplies of Asahi's kitchen, so they went shopping, stopped at a cafe for lunch, then went right back to having sex at the apartment. It seemed Noya had a strong preference for riding on top, probably his way of exerting control. Asahi didn't mind, but he hoped they could vary it up eventually. For now, it was enough to see Noya's rapturous face every time, to hold him, touch and hear the noises he made. Because WOW Noya was loud! Asahi started putting music on in his apartment, hoping it covered the sound for his neighbors. By the look Tsunade-obaasan gave him in the hallway, it probably wasn't working.

Not that Asahi cared. Those two days were everything he could have wanted them to be. In between bouts of sex, they talked just like they had back in high school, no shy or quiet awkwardness between them. Of course, most of that was Noya's doing. He didn't have much patience for Asahi's hold-ups and tended to deal with them by barreling straight through them. For instance, he jumped into the shower with Asahi on the second morning, just to get him over the embarrassment of seeing each other naked. Asahi had been embarrassed at the time, but he got over it pretty quickly.

They did talk about their sexual history, with Asahi admitting to only one partner and one relationship. That reminded him to schedule an appointment to get checked by a doctor. He didn't think his boyfriend had shared anything with him, but it was better to be on the safe side. And it would be nice to quit using the condoms.

Noya admitted that while he'd never been in a relationship that hadn't stopped him from sampling the local fare while he was traveling. From hostels to hotels, from ships to airplanes, it seemed Noya had a conquest to tell about each of them. In the middle of sharing a particular story (one that made Asahi turn all shades of red) Noya stopped himself, looking uncharacteristically thoughtful. When he looked up, he blurted: "I'm bisexual."

"Oh. Okay." Asahi had already guessed as much: Noya had always been one to appreciate beauty, regardless of gender. "I'm gay."

Noya let his breath out in a rush, laughing as he rubbed the back of his neck. "Yeah, I know it's just...that's the first time I ever told anyone."

"Really?" _That_ was a surprise. "You haven't told your parents? Or Tanaka?"

"No, definitely not my parents." Noya laughed a little too loudly at that. "Ryu is great and all, but I didn't think he'd understand. I knew back in high school, but I never told anyone."

"You could have talked to Suga," Asahi suggested. "He was out back then. Or...you could have told me?"

"You didn't tell me either," Noya reminded him, playful rather than accusatory. "But I wanted to tell you. I guess that's why you're the first person I've told!"

"I'm honored." Asahi smiled, reaching across the bed to pull Noya into his chest. "Thank you for telling me, Yuu."

"Thanks for taking a chance on me. Asahi." Noya put his hands on both sides of Asahi's face, holding him still for a long kiss.

Finally, their two days of blissful peace ended and Asahi grudgingly accepted that reality had to begin again. Thankfully, his work started in the afternoon, so he didn't have to worry about getting up early. And most days, he could get head home just after the evening crush, provided there wasn't a show or a last-minute change to the line-up. The nights he did work late, he came home to find Noya already deeply asleep, usually with his phone in his hand. He felt a little bad about that, but then, it wasn't like he was getting home all _that_ late: Noya just went to bed early.

Instead, Noya was an early riser, usually slipping out of the apartment to run before the sun was fully up. Most mornings, Asahi awoke to the sounds of the shower running, or occasionally to Noya slipping back into the bed with him, freshly showered and eager to start the day. Those were the best mornings. Even if it meant waking up a little early.

In less than a week, Asahi set up an interview for Noya with a catalog photographer he knew. Noya didn't have headshots or anything, but Asahi doubted he needed them: when modeling sports clothing, most photographers liked to use former athletes as models and Asahi could personally attest to Noya's level of fitness. Asahi had to work while Noya went on the interview, but he wasn't too surprised when Noya called, shouting that he'd gotten the job. They decided to meet up for Korean barbecue once Asahi got off work.

As tired as Asahi was after he finished up for the night, the sight of Noya waiting for him outside the restaurant--bobbing on his toes, grinning maniacally and generally unable to hold still--rejuvenated him. He couldn't help but feel a little proud of them both as they were shown to a seat inside.

"I know you said the job was for, like, uniforms and stuff, but I didn't realize it was for sports equipment, too!" Noya said, practically bouncing in his seat. "They had all kinds of balls at the studio, and a set they can make look like a gym. Oh! And equipment for like hockey and stuff! I don't know anything about hockey, but I wanna try it all out!"

Asahi laughed. "It's more likely they'll ask you to pose with the equipment than play with it. They have to photograph the logos and everything and that's hard to do if you're moving."

"Yeah, but sometimes the bigger name catalogs will pay for location shoots!" Noya rose up on his knees from his seat in his excitement. "I might get to do shoots in, like, rivers and mountains and stuff!"

Asahi couldn't help but laugh. "That's rare, but yeah, location shoots are fun."

"Will I ever get to work with you?"

"Ah, no, it's unlikely." Asahi rubbed his nose. "I usually focus on casual wear, or sometimes formal wear. During shows, I help out with the runway models. Sorry."

"Nah, that's not a problem." Noya filled up his plate with meat from the grill in the center of the table. "I get to see you at home anyway, so that's fine. Hey, how much is rent, anyway?"

"Uh..."

"C'mon, Asahi, I'm gonna pay my fair share."

"It's really okay." Asahi squirmed, uncomfortable. "It's such a small place, I'd feel bad asking you to pay a share. Maybe you could just cover food and stuff?"

The look Noya gave Asahi told him immediately that that wasn't going to fly. "I don't care that it's small, Asahi. I'm living in it the same as you. I don't care if you don't want to put me on the lease or anything, but I'm still gonna pay my half if it means I've gotta sneak the money into your pockets when you're not looking. And utilities, too. There's gotta be electric and internet and stuff right? And yeah, I'll pay for food, too, because by the looks of your kitchen, it's like you don't even eat."

"Okay, okay, okay!" Asahi held his hands up in surrender. "I'll show you all the bills when we get home. Still...I think it might be better to save up and get a bigger place instead."

"I looked into that one of the days you were at work," Noya said, twirling a chopstick idly. "The bigger apartments in our same neighborhood cost way too much. Even if I cashed in one of my investments, it seems like it'd be tough to meet the rent every month. Unless you're already living below your means?"

"Uh..." What was that about investments? "No. I get by, but there's not a lot extra at the end of the month."

"Then let's just keep the small apartment." Noya grinned. "It'll be easier to save up that way, with both of us paying the rent. I'd rather go on nice vacations once or twice a year than live in a bigger apartment."

Vacation? With Noya? That sounded nice. Maybe somewhere tropical with white sand beaches and beautiful blue water. Or maybe some foreign city full of noise and lights. Asahi had yet to travel at all, so the destination wouldn't matter as long as he was with Noya. The thought of a hazy future made him feel warm all over, his heart light in his chest. What did a tiny apartment matter against that? All it meant was being smushed closer to Yuu. That certainly wasn't a bad thing.

"Oh! You know what we need to do?" Noya bounced up from his seat, swiping at his mouth with a napkin as he did so.

"What?" Asahi snapped out of his reverie in alarm.

"We have to tell the old team that we're dating!" Noya rounded the table and just about crashed into Asahi's lap as he clicked his phone on, rapidly opening the camera and turning it around to selfie-mode.

"Ah, is it really--Do we have--" Asahi struggled to accommodate Noya in the narrow booth, turning sideways and wrapping an arm around his waist. "Does it need to be a photo?"

"Yep!" Noya replied cheerfully. "Have you even told Daichi and Suga yet? I've been waiting to tell Ryu because I didn't want them to hear it from him."

"Er." Asahi had told Daichi and Suga that Noya would be visiting for a few days back before Noya had arrived. He'd exchanged a few texts with them since, but every time he thought about telling them that he and Noya were dating, he chickened out. It wasn't that he was embarrassed or anything; it was just that living with and dating Noya was still incredibly special and personal. That and...he just knew Suga was going to make a huge, inappropriate deal about the whole thing.

"That means no," Noya laughed. He squirmed in Asahi's lap, using the camera to fix his hair--he'd dyed his bangs red when he'd gotten it cut and Asahi absolutely loved it. Sensing there was no way to get out of a picture-announcement to their old friends, Asahi curled around Noya, pressing a kiss to his temple just as Noya snapped the photo. With a joyful laugh, Noya sent the photo out to their old teammates along with the message "We're dating now!!!!"

Before they even settled their bill at the restaurant, texts were flooding both their phones. Predictably, Suga was first and when Asahi didn't answer his texts soon enough, he started texting Noya, who was all too eager to share the details of their new relationship status. Daichi sent a simple congratulations along with a warning to stock more food in his kitchen. Kiyoko sent some sage advice about giving each other space when needed, which sounded good but in their tiny, shared apartment, Asahi wasn't sure how that would be possible.

Noya shared the notes from his own phone: an excited and misspelled text from Tanaka, a congratulations and a question about visiting sometime from Ennoshita, simple congrats from their other teammates and a huge, shiny dancing emoji from Hinata. It didn't seem as if anyone was terribly surprised; Asahi wondered if any of them had picked up on their feelings for one another back in high school. Suga had always seemed to think there was something there, mostly based on how Noya always asked Asahi to help him stretch out before practice, but Noya was physical with everyone, so Asahi hadn't thought it was anything special at the time. Whether it had meant something or hadn't, Asahi hadn't had the balls to say anything back in high school. He probably would have gone to his grave without ever saying anything. Thank God one of them had the courage to confess!

Once back at the apartment, Noya hardly waited for the door to close before he was on Asahi, tugging him down by the collar of his sweater vest for a kiss, then unbuckling and tossing aside Asahi's belt. They staggered and tripped their way across the darkened one-room apartment, tumbling into the bed, Asahi on top of Noya, holding himself up on his elbows.

"Forget to tell you," Asahi said between breaths and kisses. "I got my results from the doctor today."

"Yeah?" Noya's grin was sharp. "And?"

"I'm clean."

"Great!" Noya knocked the strip of condoms off the night stand with seemingly random flail. "No need for those anymore!"

Asahi laughed and went back to kissing Noya, divesting him of his shirt, then sitting back to help take off his pants. He'd gotten far less shy about this part of their relationship than he had been. Noya was a fireball of passion without an iota of shame--not that he had anything to be ashamed about. His body was chiseled perfection and he knew how to use every inch of it. It was enough to shame Asahi into digging out his old dumbbells and leaving them in a corner of the apartment, with the hopes that seeing them every day would encourage him to actually use them.

It hadn't worked yet, but maybe it would.

Naked, Noya moved to straddle Asahi's lap, freeing his hair from its tie and gently setting his glasses on the nightstand. He started to push Asahi down on the bed, but Asahi had other plans. Noya might have the strength, but Asahi had the leverage. With a sweeping motion, he put Noya on his back, putting kisses on his neck and shoulders to keep him there. Noya moaned agreeably for a little while, then gripped a handful of Asahi's hair and tugged him down so that they were laying side by side. A little more kissing, then Noya slung a leg over Asahi's hips, moving to straddle him. Asahi stopped him with a touch.

"Can I be on top, Yuu?"

The flickering emotions over Noya's face had Asahi instantly backing off.

"Never mind. It's not important." Asahi rolled backwards, giving Noya the space to climb on top.

"No, it's okay." Noya caught Asahi's arm, keeping them facing one another. "I just...I hate feeling small in bed."

"I get it. It's fine," Asahi insisted, trying to lie back again. "Whatever you want, Yuu."

Noya tussled his bangs and gave an exasperated sigh. "Sorry. I shouldn't have stopped you. I don't think I'm great at this relationship thing."

"What do you mean?" Asahi asked, concerned. They'd barely been together for two whole weeks and as far as he knew, Noya had been a model boyfriend.

"I mean, like...I feel like I'm being selfish all the time." Noya grabbed a pillow and crunched it under his chest, turning his head to the side to see Asahi. "You shouldn't feel weird asking about the kind of sex you want to have instead of just letting me have my way all the time."

"I want you to be comfortable," Asahi said. "I wasn't thinking about your height being an issue; that's my fault."

"No, it isn't." Noya's laugh was almost bitter. "Listen, Asahi, I know you've never once looked down on me for my height. But other guys...like the ones I used to hook up with, it was...different. Like they only wanted to sleep with me to feel like they were dominating me or something." He shrugged. "Not that I let them, but I guess that was the expectation. I kinda hate feeling like I'm powerless during sex."

"You shouldn't feel that way," Asahi insisted. "We can do whatever you want, Yuu."

"Yeah, I know." Noya's smile turned soft. He rocked his shoulder into Asahi's. "Like you could ever dominate me."

"You know you've always been in charge of me, Noya," Asahi replied, ducking his head as he smiled.

"You and your heart of glass." Noya released his pillow and curled into Asahi's chest, pulling Asahi's arm over him. "Give me a little time, okay? We can have sex other ways, I just...need to settle in a little, I think."

"Take all the time you need," Asahi said, holding Noya close. "Sex isn't important. I'm sorry I brought it up."

"No, you should feel like you can bring it up." Noya squirmed as if uncomfortable. Then: "Is this what it's supposed to feel like when you're in a relationship? 'Cause it kinda just feels like we're friends who started having sex together."

Asahi laughed at that. "I think it's different because we were friends first. I don't think that's a bad thing."

"No, it feels nice and all, but, I mean, I don't just want to be friends who have sex if being boyfriends means something...more." Another shift in Asahi's arms. "I don't wanna do this wrong."

Asahi buried his nose in Noya's hair. "I think whether it's right or wrong depends on us. And this feels right to me."

"But you'll tell me if I'm doing it wrong, right?" Noya asked through a yawn.

Asahi snugged the blanket around the both of them. "I think as long as we're both trying, nothing we do is wrong."

Either Noya found that answer acceptable or he fell asleep before he heard it. Unable to sleep so early, Asahi laid still, simply listening to Noya breathe. He couldn't imagine anything ever feeling more right.

~*~^~*~

"Shouyo!"

"Noya-san!"

The orange-haired professional volleyball player and the former high school libero crashed together in an exuberant hug outside the Tokyo sports arena. After a minute of talking over each other in their excitement, Noya broke away and punched Hinata in the shoulder.

"Damn you got big!"

"You too!" Hinata held a level hand against his forehead. "I'm still taller than you, though!"

"I bet that helps, now that you play professionally." Noya grinned, bright and cheery.

"Where's Asahi?" Hinata looked around. "I thought he was coming with us to lunch today."

"Nah, he has to work," Noya explained. "But he'll be at the game tonight."

Hinata laughed. "He makes it to almost every game! And not just mine, but Kageyama's games and Tsukishima's games, too!"

"Well, he does live right here." Noya laughed. "He doesn't have much of an excuse not to go to all the games."

"Yeah, true!" Hinata agreed cheerfully. He was only in town for the weekend, but he'd reached out asking if they could meet up while he was visiting. Noya found time in his schedule for a lunch near the stadium and Asahi promised to hang around and say hi once the game finished. Noya let Hinata lead the way to a sandwich shop near the stadium, one that had a picture of his volleyball team on the wall, signed in marker by all the various players. While he tried to look humble about it, Noya was proud of him: Karasuno's little one-shot wonder really had come a long way to prove himself in a sport he loved.

"So what's it like dating Asahi?" Hinata asked when they sat down with their food. Hinata's plate was nearly piled as high as Noya's, though that made sense mostly because he'd need to load up on energy before the game later. "Or, wait, is that a rude question to ask?"

Noya laughed. "I don't know, but it's weird."

"Weird?" Hinata looked confused.

"Yeah, it's like...we've known each other forever, so it's actually really comfortable. Kinda like roommates but with sex, you know?"

The look on Hinata's face said he didn't know; actually, he looked a little bewildered. "Isn't that a good thing?"

"Hell, yeah, it's great!" Nyoa took a big bite of his sandwich, trying to actually put words to the way he felt. "I guess it was something I wanted to happen for so long that now that it's finally happened, it just doesn't feel real, you know?"

"Oh!" Hinata's eyes lit up. "I think I get that! Sometimes it's hard to believe I'm actually on a real volleyball team, just like Kageyama. Like I wake up and think it's a dream or something."

"Yeah kinda like that!" Noya pointed with a potato chip before popping it into his mouth. "We don't see much of each other, though, which I guess I didn't expect. He works late most nights and sometimes he's got these fashion shows that last all weekend. And my schedule is kind of all over the place most of the time. You ever hear of this thing called Golden Hour?" At Hinata's head-shake, Noya explained: "I guess photographers really like the light at sunrise for outdoor shoots, so sometimes I'm out the door before Asahi even goes to bed."

Hinata flinched. "That's rough. At least you're both coming to the game tonight, right?"

"Yeah, of course!" Noya beamed. "We're both looking forward to it."

"That's so cool," Hinata sighed wistfully. "Wish I had someone to go to games with. When I'm not playing, I mean."

Noya took a long slurp of his soda before charging ahead with his next question: "Do you get to see a lot of Kageyama?"

"Not as much." A cloud settled over the sunny boy's face. "Sometimes we'll meet up when we're in the same city, but, you know, we're only ever in the same city when we're playing against each other so it's kinda awkward."

"Yeah, that makes sense." Noya was never more grateful for passing up the opportunity to play professionally: it would be weird and maybe a little sad, going up against former teammates. He rarely agreed with Kageyama on anything, but his sentiment of "wanting to take this team farther" had really resonated with Noya; he'd probably never love a team as much as he loved the team in his second year of high school.

"Oh, but in the off-season we're going training together!" Hinata bounced in his seat, all melancholy forgotten. "There's this camp at the top of a mountain--you have to climb to get there!--and you run and lift weights and swim, all at a higher altitude, so it's good for you or something."

"Just the two of you?" Noya asked, smirking.

"Well, Bokuto keeps saying he wants to come, but Akaashi keeps talking him out of it for some reason." Poor oblivious Hinata. Then again, Noya had probably been just as bad about Asahi back in high school. Hopefully those two crazy kids realized their feelings for each other one day. Although, Noya imagined it had to be difficult while they were playing on different teams and rarely in the same city at the same time. Another point in favor of not playing professionally. "Do you want to come? You could bring Asahi!"

Noya laughed loudly. "I've climbed enough mountains, thanks. And I doubt Asahi's up for anything more strenuous than a practice game these days." A thought occurred, making Noya light up. "Hey, we should do that!"

"Go mountain climbing?" Hinata asked, confused.

"No, we should get the team together for a game! Maybe see if we can get enough of us to face the new Karasuno team." Noya couldn't hold back an evil chuckle. "Show those kids their senpais still got it."

"That would be fun." Hinata looked wistful. "Maybe just for a weekend? And maybe Kageyama could make it, too?"

"Yeah, let's put the word out and see who can make it. I bet Coach Ukai would love it!" Noya was already tapping away on his phone. "And we can throw a party at Ryu's family's restaurant. It'll be great!"

"I can't wait!" Hinata checked the time and jumped up. "Oops, sorry, Noya! I have to get back to the arena for practice."

"Good luck tonight!" Noya called, waving as Hinata did. "I'll see you later!"

It was the first pro volleyball game that Noya and Asahi had ever attended together, which put it firmly in the realm of being a "date" though Noya hadn't really thought of it as such until Asahi bought drinks for the both of them, refusing when Noya tried to pay him back. Dating was weird; whenever he'd hooked up with people in the past, both had usually paid their own way. Was there a rulebook on dating? Noya wasn't much of one for reading, but a rulebook might just clear a few things up for him.

It turned out that watching a volleyball game was a lot more frustrating than actually playing in one. Noya kept thinking of how he would have saved that ball, or how he would have received a particular serve. His body shifted in his seat, arms tensing, legs coiling, as if he actually were on the court. By the break between games, he was exhausted.

"It's pretty intense, isn't it?" Asahi asked, smiling. "Hinata's doing really well."

"Oh yeah, Shouyo's doing great." Actually, Noya had been watching the liberos on both teams. He felt a little chagrined as he acknowledged that. "Doesn't it make you want to play? Is there a community league nearby or anything?"

"There are a few," Asahi admitted with an embarrassed shrug. "When I get the itch to play, I stop in sometimes, but, um... Well, you probably noticed I'm not really all that fit anymore."

Noya laughed, leaning into Asahi's lap to kiss him. "I love how comfy you look these days. I like your cheeks a little round." He pinched one to prove it, making Asahi blush. "It might be nice to play sometimes, though. You know, stay sharp."

"Hm." Asahi tugged at Noya's bangs, recently dyed blond once again. "You remember what the photographer said about bruises, don't you? As long as you're a model, your body belongs to the catalog."

Noya smirked. "Oh? And here I thought it belonged to you." He loved Asahi's blushes and sputters; he'd enjoy teasing Asahi for the rest of his life just to see that reaction. "Maybe I'll find a beach league, then. Or, you know, I could just take ice baths. Those usually take the color out of bruises."

Asahi shuddered. "That just sounds like torture. I can't understand why anyone would willingly take an ice bath."

"You should join me sometime, I'll show you how to warm it up." Only a smile that time, and a warm look. Noya hoped Asahi wasn't growing immune to his teasing. "You know I take cold showers, right? After my run every morning?"

"I hadn't realized." Asahi looked surprised. "But that could be because I'm still asleep when you get back from your run."

Noya laughed. A whistle from the court and he slithered out of Asahi's lap back into his own seat to watch the second game.

"Hey, Noya?" Asahi threaded his fingers through Noya's.

"Yeah?" He was only half paying attention; the serve that went up was a wicked jump-serve and he wanted to see if the other team would get it.

"I saw the message you sent out to the old team."

"Uh huh."

"The one about a practice game back at our old school?"

Noya cursed as the ball was received--it clearly would have gone out! "Yeah, yeah. You want to go, right? Can you make time? Not that we have a date set yet, everyone's just confirming if they want to go or not."

"I can make the time, but, Yuu--" It was the use of his given name that drew Noya's attention away from the game. Asahi's eyes were soulful and deep. "Why didn't you ask me first, before sending out a text to the whole team?"

Noya blinked, surprised. "I just...thought it was easier to invite everyone at once. I didn't think to talk to you first." He ducked his head, itching his neck. "I just figured you'd want to go if everyone else was going. Guess I messed up, huh?"

"Not really." Asahi smiled kindly. "I do want to go. I'd just rather we talk things out before we go ahead and start making plans for each other."

"Okay, I can remember that. Sorry, Asahi."

"It's fine, Noya." Asahi squeezed his fingers. "Actually, I've been wanting to talk to you about going back home."

"Yeah? Want to visit Suga and Daichi?"

"No. Well, yes, but, more than that, I'd like you to meet my parents." Asahi's smile was as warm as hot cocoa, but Noya froze. "You probably know them from our games, but I thought it might be nice to visit for a dinner and tell them properly."

"Properly?" Noya's panic must have shown on his face. "What do you mean? Was I supposed to ask them before I started dating you?"

"No!" Asahi laughed. "I mean, I think it'd just mean a lot to me to have you meet my parents. Officially."

Noya didn't have anything against Asahi's parents--they'd seemed kindly and supportive the few times he'd seen them at volleyball games. But still a formal family dinner sounded...stuffy. Uncomfortable. "Is this something you did with your last boyfriend?"

"No, actually." Asahi looked thoughtful. "This just feels different to me. Special." Concern filled those expressive eyes. "Unless...you don't feel the same?"

"Ah..." It wasn't like Noya to stutter over an answer. He felt like he was on a treadmill with no traction; any second now, he was doomed lose his footing and land on his face. "Look, Asahi, this is all just really, really new to me. I don't actually know what I'm supposed to be feeling."

Hell, Noya could actually see Asahi's glass heart breaking through his shaky smile. "That's okay. If you--"

"Wait, stop, can we just." Noya ran a hand through his hair, frustrated. A whistle from the court below caught his ear and he couldn't help but look, distracted. He shook his head and took Asahi's hand. "Let's go outside. Just for a minute."

"Okay."

Asahi followed as Noya tugged him up the bleachers and out into the barely quieter corridors encircling the stadium. Lines for booths selling food, merchandise and sports equipment made the space feel just as stuffy, so rather than talk there, Noya pushed open the doors to an outdoor balcony usually occupied by smokers in between sets. It was empty just now, thankfully. Noya hated breathing smoke into his athlete's lungs.

"Listen, Asahi." Noya tugged at the collar of his shirt and scraped his shoes on the rough floor of the balcony. "I just...ugh. You know how, on the team, it was my job to keep the ball in the air?"

"In volleyball?" Asahi looked surprised. "Of course."

"Right, so like." Noya ran a hand through his hair. "I want to keep us connected. I know it's important, and I want to win--with you--but it just...it feels like I'm playing in a new league and I don't know all the rules yet."

Asahi looked confused, but that was a far cry better than heart-broken. "You're equating our relationship...to volleyball?"

"No. Well, yeah." Noya shrugged. He started pacing the short balcony, nervous energy amped up to eleven. "It's like I've been playing all these two-person practice games, so I thought it would be easier when it was game time but...it's really not like a two-person team at all, really."

"You're losing me, Noya."

"Argh! I don't know how to say it right!" He stomped a foot, facing away from Asahi, looking out at the lights of the city. "Look, Asahi, the reason I went out looking for scary things to do is because I wanted to be ready."

"Ready?"

"Yeah. Because..." Noya turned around, searching Asahi's face. "Because the scariest thing to me--then and now--is losing you. I wanted to confess to you years ago, but I thought if I did it wrong or if I messed it up, I'd ruin our friendship, and that was really important to me. So it was better to just stay your friend while I got over being scared of confessing. And now we're finally dating and I--I mean, somehow it still doesn't feel real. I mean, everything is great--really!--but it's still--I'm--"

"You're waiting for the ball to drop," Asahi said with sudden clarity.

"Yes," Noya breathed in relief of being understood.

Extended rallies were fun to watch as a spectator: both teams working their hardest to keep the ball connected, brilliant plays of teamwork and instant communication like telepathy as each team functioned as a single, functioning unit, looking for the single flaw in the opposing team's defenses to sneak through and score. It looked great, added a lot of drama and usually when the point was finally scored, spectators leaped to their feet to applaud the marvelous efforts of both teams.

As a player, extended rallies were brutal. There was no time to breathe, no time to think, it was only react, _react,_ **react!** When a rally carried on too long, players begin to wish fervently: Just drop already! Preferably on the other side, but anywhere is fine. Anything for a break!

Noya had thought that after finally confessing his feelings, he'd feel the light-hearted jubilation of a team victory.

Instead, he'd felt the gut-clenching sensation of a long, drawn out rally. And all he could do was keep the ball in the air--keep them connected.

Because the worst thing of all would be losing Asahi.

"I think I understand." Asahi did the last thing Noya expected: he smiled. He took Noya's hand and gave it a comforting squeeze. "You're not the only one responsible for keeping us connected. That's my job now, too. You can rely on me to help you keep the ball in the air. Sometimes the ball _is_ going to drop, but that's okay. We'll put it back in play and win the next toss. The game isn't over because of one dropped ball. We'll just say 'don't mind' and move on. That's how relationships work."

"Don't mind." Noya chuckled. "It's really that easy?"

"It really is." Asahi's eyes were warm and deep and pure. "If you're scared of losing me, then you have to know I'm twice as scared of losing you. I'm going to fight for this as long as I can. I love you, Yuu."

Noya's chest felt warm, but his eyes just about burned. "I love you too, Asahi."

Asahi leaned forward and brushed a kiss on Noya's lips, tender and sweet. When he rocked back on his heels, his cheeks were wet. He glanced away as he dried them with a sleeve and took a breath. "I don't mean to pressure you, Noya. If you need time to feel comfortable in this, then there's no point in rushing a dinner with my parents. Take all the time you need, okay? I just...I want to do everything I can to make this work."

"Yeah." Noya slid his hand up behind Asahi's neck and pulled him down for another kiss. "Me too."

Fingers linked tightly together, they walked back into the stadium and took their seats. The score was close, but Hinata's team was down. It should have been easy to lose himself in the excitement of the game, but for the rest of the night, Noya found Asahi stealing his attention away from the game. He kept noticing small things, like the way Asahi's fingers folded together after he finished clapping for a scored point, or the way he brushed his hair back behind his ears. For once in his life, Noya was praying for a volleyball game to end sooner without a care as to who won in the end.

After the game, they met up with Hinata and the few other players they remembered from their high school days. It was a little surprising how few of them recognized Asahi, though most remembered Noya. There were the usual jokes about Noya trying out for the league and he laughed along, but inside he felt impatient. Weren't they all tired after their game? They weren't going to just stand around talking all night, were they?

Somone--Bokuto, most likely--suggested they all go out for some food, but Sakusa reigned them in, reminding them of an early training session the following morning. They bid each other goodnights, both Asahi and Noya exchanging a hug with Hinata and waving to the others as they ducked back inside the arena to grab their belongings. Asahi and Noya faced the brightly lit city of Tokyo.

"Did you want to walk home?" Asahi asked. He said it brightly, with a smile, but Noya had learned to read the subtle cues behind the offer: the shift of Asahi's eyes to the side, his nervous little shuffle, the tug on his hair. Usually when they were out late, it was because they had just eaten a large meal and Noya always preferred walking over taking the subway when he felt heavy. But for some reason, tonight he just felt impatient.

"Nah," he said, taking Asahi's hand. "Let's take the train."

Asahi looked both surprised and delighted, giving Noya's hand a squeeze before they headed for the nearest train station. The ride home felt infuriatingly slow and despite all the available seats, Noya fidgeted and paced, anxious to be home. When they finally reached their stop, Noya just about bolted from the train--only to have to turn around and urge Asahi to hurry up. Asahi only laughed and kept to his usual pace.

The hike up the stairs to Asahi's apartment felt longer than usual, but Noya was energized when he unlocked the door and kicked off his shoes in the entryway. As soon as Asahi crossed the threshold, he kicked the door shut and pulled Asahi into a hard, long kiss. Asahi was more than amenable, teasing his tongue along the roof of Noya's mouth as he stepped out of his shoes, hunching low to maintain the kiss. Noya backed up, drawing Asahi into the apartment, hands tugging at clothes rather than reaching for light switches. Noya cursed as he nearly tripped over the low table, Asahi gasping as his hip hit the kitchen counter, but neither stopped. Noya hit the bed first, shirt gone, shorts slack around his hips. He skinned out of them neatly before sliding into the bed. Asahi stripped off the remainder of his clothes, setting his glasses carefully on the nightstand before climbing in after Noya, straddling his lap to keep kissing.

Something in Noya's chest had shaken loose since their talk on the balcony at the stadium. Before, he'd always gone into a partnership expecting it to end. Maybe the next morning, or possibly a week later when he was catching a flight to his next destination, but either way, there was always an end. A conclusion. And it was only now that he realized he'd been waiting for that inevitable conclusion between him and Asahi. Ever since his confession, it had been a held breath, a secret dread, a painful truth. But now, all that pain, all that fear, was dripping away, like ice in spring sun.

This wasn't ending.

It had barely begun.

Asahi grabbed the bottle of lube off the nightstand--it rarely made its way back into the hidden shoe box anymore. He flipped them so that Noya straddled Asahi's lap, his arms looped around Asahi's neck as Asahi pulled him close, cupped hand tracing the line of his spine to the crack of his ass. Noya tangled his fingers in Asahi's hair, sucking at his neck as Asahi prepared him. Asahi always took his time, which was nice, in a way, but frustrating in others. Asahi always wanted to know that Noya was ready; Noya wanted Asahi to understand that he was _always _ready. So he only tolerated a bit of teasing before he elbowed Asahi's arm away, kissing him hard as he unwound himself from Asahi's lap to lie back on the bed. He tugged Asahi down over him, kissing him fiercely.__

__Asahi braced himself on his elbows, leaning over Noya to kiss him, smiling that soft smile of his. His hair fell around them and when he lowered his hips to Noya's, Noya arched and cried out, unable to hold still. Still, when he wrapped one leg around Asahi's waist, Asahi fell still and contemplative._ _

__"Yuu--"_ _

__"It's fine, Asahi."_ _

__Asahi still looked unsure, but a roll of his hips had Noya bucking and gasping beneath him, so even with doubt in his eyes, Asahi sat back between Noya's legs, running his hands down the length of Noya's body. Noya felt his breath catch looking up at Asahi from the flat of his back, but thankfully Asahi didn't stop to ask him something stupid like "Are you okay?" or "Is this alright?" Noya wasn't nervous--they'd had sex dozens of times now and it wasn't new to either of them. No, it was seeing Asahi loom over him, like the ace of old, ready to slam the ball through a wall of defenders to score a point._ _

__Asahi barely looked anything like that fearsome ace anymore, but that wasn't a bad thing. Not to Noya, at least. It wasn't so much that Asahi had gained weight, it was more like he'd simply gotten soft. His face was rounder, his abs and chest no longer chiseled, the hard angles of his body all gone soft around the edges. He looked _comfortable_ and not just physically--all around, he seemed less anxious, less tense, less likely to break under pressure. It was a good change and Noya appreciated all of it. Still, strength and power lurked beneath that soft facade and hovering over Noya in the bed brought back old memories of Asahi at his peak. And that was a good thing, too._ _

__Asahi's hand ranged down Noya's chest and sides, lifting his hips and leaning against him. Noya hissed, feeling the heat of Asahi's erection pressed against him. He started to wrap his legs around Asahi's waist, but one ankle was caught in a gentle yet firm grip._ _

__"You're still pretty flexible, aren't you?" Asahi asked, voice just a touch rough._ _

__The words took a minute to register. "Yeah. Why?"_ _

__"Just checking." Asahi propped Noya's leg against his chest, kissing the ball of his ankle as he leaned back, looking down between their bodies. One hand curled around Noya's hip, lifting him slightly. The other worked between them, lining up Asahi's cock with Noya's ass. Noya hissed at the initial pressure, setting his hands up against the headboard to press himself down. Asahi surged in to meet him, joined in a single firm thrust. Noya started to move, but Asahi laid his hand down on Noya's chest, stilling him._ _

__Asahi's eyes glittered like dark gems. "Just tell me if it hurts, alright?"_ _

__Noya was about to bark at him, tell him nothing he did could hurt, that this wasn't anything new to either of them. But then Asahi was leaning in--leaning down--stretching Noya's leg back and back and back until it was nearly jacknifed against his body. Noya groaned, the stretch a strain, but not painful. Asahi placed his palms down on the bed on either side of Noya and, lifting his chin, kissed Noya gently on the lips._ _

__It only worked because Asahi was tall. It only worked because Noya was short. It only worked because Noya was flexible, because Asahi had worked him through these stretches a hundred times and knew exactly how far he could go._ _

__It only worked because it was them._ _

__Noya grabbed a handful of Asahi's hair and kissed him fiercely, teeth nipping at lips, tongue thrusting and dominating. When Asahi began to move, the kiss broke, but they were still close enough to look into each other's eyes, touch each other's faces, hold each other close. The stretch in Noya's leg was at his limit, pulling but not painful, and as Asahi rotated Noya's hips up for a better angle, he stopped feeling even that. His toes curled, his eyes glazed, his fingers dug into the muscles of Asahi's arms to hold on. Asahi's technique was perfect: an arhythmic thrust with just enough burn, striking just past his prostate with enough pressure to make him moan and thrash. Lightning danced just under Noya's skin, threatening to burst through. He had little to no control over their pace or motion, which he usually hated about being put on his back, but this was _Asahi._ When other guys tried to put Noya on his back, it was to dominate, to feel powerful, to suppress. Noya felt none of that from Asahi: he only felt his partner's desire to give pleasure, to enjoy and to be enjoyed. And that was what finally had Noya letting go, squeezing his eyes shut and simply enjoying the ride._ _

__He could feel the heat of Asahi's breath on his face, the drip of sweat from Asahi's chest falling onto his own. He felt the temperature of his skin rise, he felt the trembling begin in his thighs and the coiling of heat in his stomach. The leg wrapped around Asahi's waist tugged him in tighter as one of Asahi's big hands curled around Noya's shoulder, holding him steady as the thrusts became just a little wilder, slightly less controlled. Noya had to twist his hand free of Asahi's arm in order to reach between them and take himself in hand. He found a pool of his own precum on his stomach and used it to ease the slide of his palm against his dick. He didn't have to work too hard on himself, the pace Asahi was setting was enough and he was already so close. A loud rumble from Asahi's chest, like the growl of a feral beast was what really put Noya over the edge, shouting out, muscles clamping down as his orgasm rocked him, ecstasy pulsing through him to spill messily onto his stomach. Asahi came with a gasp, eyes going wide as if in surprise, his final thrust rocking Noya's hips up so far he was nearly folded in two. He held that way for long moments, hands on the bed, taking most of his weight as he rode out his pleasure. When he finally started catching his breath, Noya ran a hand back through Asahi's hair, tucking it behind his ear. Asahi gave an exhausted smile before lifting his chin for a slow, sweet kiss._ _

__"Was that okay for you?" Asahi asked, eyes concerned as they searched Noya's._ _

__Noya laughed making Asahi wince and adjust. "Yeah. It was. Way better than I'd thought it would be, but, ah, I'm pretty sure my leg's gone numb."_ _

__"I've got it. Careful." Asahi was just as gentle in taking them apart as he had been putting them together. He eased out as he rolled Noya's hips down to the bed, bracing Noya's over-stretched leg with his hands, easing the big muscles with kneading touches and firm pressure. If Noya flinched when his leg was finally his again, it was because of the pins and needles sensation and not any real pain. Even after that, Asahi kept up the light touches, brushing kisses over Noya's hips, the insides of his wrists, the side of his neck. Noya smiled lazily, sleep heavy behind his eyes, body loose, warm and sated._ _

__Perfect._ _

__"Yuu."_ _

__Noya was drifting, the room dark, the bed warm._ _

__"Yuu." An insistent nuzzle at the side of his head._ _

__Noya grunted his annoyance._ _

__Asahi laughed softly. "We need to get up and clean off."_ _

__"Dun' wanna."_ _

__"Don't make me carry you."_ _

__"You couldn't."_ _

__"I could try."_ _

__"Ugh." Noya forced his eyes open and allowed Asahi to pull him from the bed. "Fine. We can shower. But no messing around, you already wore me out once."_ _

__Asahi laughed and kissed Noya on the temple. "I promise."_ _

__But...maybe they did mess around. Just a little._ _

__It certainly wasn't a bad thing._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you’re following this story or are interested in making a fic request, check out my [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ShiroKabocha1).


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "So?" Noya asked.
> 
> "So, what?" Asahi asked with a smile.
> 
> "What were you talking about with the photographer?" Noya asked, bumping Asahi's elbow with his own. "I thought taking my shirt off for the photos was your idea, but then you didn't even look."
> 
> "Ah." Asahi turned bright red and looked away. "It was my idea, but, um... Noya, you're very....attractive."
> 
> A vague motion like trying to cover oneself and Noya felt the light bulb go on over his head. "You couldn't look at me because I was giving you an erection?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I snuck in a character from another series. If you’ve never seen it, it should be easy to consider them an OC, this isn’t like a crossover or anything. I, um, wanted to be lazy? I actually hate coming up with original characters, and I thought this one was a good fit! If you do know where the character is from, I hope you’ll enjoy his cameo!

Life slowly took on the steady rhythm of receiving practice, rather than an extended volley during a tournament game. Their daily life together felt like the well-practiced motion of bumping a ball to and from each other, mostly smooth, mostly never missing, but even when the ball did drop, they laughed together and started over. It wasn't stressful to Noya anymore. It was...peaceful.

Noya woke up every morning with a heavy arm draped over him, soft breaths tussling his hair. He'd smile, then duck out of bed as quietly as possible and go on his morning run, sometimes heading straight to work if he had an early shoot. Some nights, Noya would go to bed long before Asahi came home, but on the nights Asahi got in on time, they spent hours catching up over dinner and then making love together in bed. Noya usually feel asleep curled against Asahi's side as his beautiful night owl tapped away on his laptop, finishing up work for the day or catching up with friends on social media.

Noya's work as a model was a bit erratic, sometimes working for only an hour or two, or sometimes stretching late into the afternoon. Sometimes jobs would take entire weekends for a location shoot and sometimes there were days on end with no shoots at all. He enjoyed the work and he stayed fit for it, lifting weights in the apartment or stopping in as a pick-up player for nearby volleyball community teams. He was careful not to get too bruised as the photographer had dismissed him a few times for unsightly blemishes that couldn't be easily covered. For days when he was too bruised to work and for the stretches of time with no scheduled photo shoots, Noya picked up a job as a courier, usually picking up or dropping off food or packages or documents to various businesses around town. It was flexible and he could set his own hours, so it filled the time when he would otherwise have been bored. Asahi worried about him working too much, but for Noya, being too busy was always preferable to being idle.

As much as they missed each other when they were working, they made up for lost time whenever they each had the day off. Asahi showed Noya around the city, to all his favorite spots, the local tourist attractions and his favorite places to eat. On rare occasions, Noya could get Asahi to join him for a pick-up game, or for a long walk that left Asahi sweating and panting by the end. They went out to eat whenever they could and they almost always turned up at the sports arena whenever any of their old teammates were playing.

Asahi invited Noya to one of the fashion shows he was helping to put on and even though it was late, Noya stayed the whole show, even helped Asahi pack up afterwards--and then vigorously jumped him when they got home, much to Asahi's amusement. Noya admitted to feeling guilty for seeing the models as hot, even though he was in love with Asahi. Asahi laughed and said that was normal, although he'd been working with models for so long now, he rarely ever got turned on by them anymore, not even when fixing seams backstage. He told a story that he probably thought was funny--about a blown seam in a sensitive area that had to get stitched up fast for one of the male models before it was his turn on the catwalk--but Noya found the whole thing too erotic and just ended up jumping Asahi again.

When one of Noya's photo shoots was scheduled to take place at a rock-climbing gym, Asahi happened to have the day off and tagged along as an industry professional--whatever that was. In his travels, Noya had climbed a few mountains and repelled down many more canyons. He was familiar with the harness and the equipment, so while the other models were still getting the safety lecture, Noya was already hanging lazily from the wall, flipping upside down, backwards, leaning back to walk up the wall. He was really only five feet off the ground, though the pictures would make it appear as if he were thousands of feet in the air, so he felt comfortable messing around a bit, trying new poses for the photographer, who needed the climbing equipment logos for the picture more than anything else. Asahi stood over the photographer's shoulder, watching with thinly veiled interest.

Even after the other models were up on the wall and showing off harnesses, kneepads, gloves and helmets, the photographer kept returning to Noya, asking for new poses and different angles. Noya was just beginning to work up a sweat when Asahi ducked his head, whispering something to the photographer. The photographer raised an eyebrow, looking half amused before turning back to Noya.

"Nishinoya-san, how do you feel about a few shirtless shots? Feel free to say no if you're uncomfortable."

"I don't mind." Noya grinned, working the equipment to drop down to the ground. "But climbing a rock wall without a shirt isn't a great idea."

"We'll let the professionals tell that to amateur rock climbers," the photographer said, waving over a makeup artist. Noya had already made up his face for the pictures--he'd been a quick study in makeup, it turned out--but his chest and back were slick with sweat and he knew there was a bruise on one of his hips where he'd walked into a table. The photographer moved on to another model in the interim so as not to waste time on location. Noya had thought Asahi would come over to talk to him, but instead Asahi only smiled shyly and moved with the photographer, quietly pointing out that one model's clothing clashed with the logo on the climbing gear. The climbing instructor had to bring the model down off the wall and help them peel off layers of protective gear in order to go change.

"There. All set." The makeup artist smiled, backing away from Noya. She'd placed a sort of patch over the bruise on his hip, using makeup to blend in the edges. Looking closely, it was obviously there, but the camera and image-doctoring would make it vanish completely. She'd also touched up his hair a little and refreshed a bit of the makeup on his face. She was pretty cute, with a wicked smile--the kind of girl Noya would have offered to take out for dinner if he'd met her outside the country. Now, he only thanked her, then looked around for Asahi, grinning when their eyes met across the room. Asahi said something to the photographer and they returned to Noya's set just as he was climbing up to the middle of the wall.

"Looking good." The photographer snapped a single photo, looked at it through his camera, then waved the makeup girl back over. "I need a little sweat here."

"On it!" The girl used a spray bottle of water to mist Noya's chest and back, giving his skin a smooth sheen.

Noya shivered and laughed. "Use warm water next time."

The girl laughed, too, before getting called away. Noya leaned back in the harness, checking the angle of the climbing gear to the photographer, then caught sight of Asahi.

He'd thought he'd catch him staring, but instead, Asahi was most determinedly looking away.

"Noya-san! Camera smile!" The photographer barked.

"Ah, yeah, sorry!" Noya worked through a few poses, some like he was pretending to climb, others like he was lounging comfortably in the climbing gear and one--though it was kind of goofy and he said it was when the photographer directed him into it--where he reached up and held the rope over his head, looking down at the camera. After that, the photographer told him he was finished with Noya's gear and could take off for the day. As Noya stripped off his gear, he thought he saw Asahi whispering to the photographer again. He grabbed his shirt and trotted over to them, but before he got there, the photographer moved on to continue taking shots of the other models.

"What was that about?" Noya asked.

"Ah, nothing." Asahi looked at him, blushed, then looked away. "Are you--Do you need to go change? I'll wait out here."

Noya made an annoyed noise. "You can just come to the locker room with me. It's not like you don't see me naked all the time."

Asahi blushed brighter, glancing around to see who had heard, which, as it turned out, was the entire craft services team. "I'll buy us some crepes on the way home if you'll just go change."

"Ugh, fine!" Noya slung his shirt over his shoulder and walked bare-chested to the locker room. The gym was reserved for the shoot anyway, so only the crew and the climbing instructors could see him. And Noya had nothing to be ashamed of. He took the time to scrub the makeup from his face and peel the bruise-covering patch off his side before it could get itchy. His hair was still fine from earlier, but he hated that he'd had to dye it blond for work--the studio preferred natural-looking colors and the bright red hadn't cut it. He thought the blond made him look younger, like he was back in high school again.

Changed back into his normal street clothes, Noya met Asahi in the lobby of the climbing gym.

"So?" Noya asked as Asahi held the door open for him.

"So, what?" Asahi asked with a smile.

"What were you talking about with the photographer?" Noya asked, bumping Asahi's elbow with his own. "I thought the shirtless thing was your idea, but then you didn't even look."

"Ah." Asahi turned bright red and looked away. "It was my idea, but, um..." He turned his face away, hand cupping the back of his neck. "Noya, you're very....attractive."

"Yeah, I know. I'm a model," Noya pointed out.

Asahi laughed. "You're modest, too."

Noya shrugged. He worked hard for the body-shape he'd achieved and while he wasn't one to brag, he was pretty proud of it. "Yeah, but Asahi, you see me all the time."

"It was just...different." Asahi sighed. "I couldn't look because...because you were making me--I was--it just--"

A vague motion like trying to cover oneself and Noya felt the light bulb go on over his head. "You couldn't look at me because I was giving you an erection?"

Whoops, he'd said that a little loud. People passing them on the street paused to stare, one disapproving mother covering her child's ears. Noya just shrugged but Asahi looked as if all the blood in his body had suddenly relocated to his face and ears. He covered his face in his hands and just kept walking. When they left the staring bystanders behind, Asahi ran a hand down his face.

"Yes, Noya, you did." He still wouldn't look at Noya, which was probably a good thing because Noya was grinning like an idiot. "Anyway, I was asking your photographer to send some of the pictures to me."

"A little something for later?" Noya asked, elbowing Asahi in the ribs.

Asahi checked his nose to see if it was bleeding. "Noya, have you given any thought to creating a portfolio?"

"Yeah, I have one. Look." Noya turned on his phone and clicked into an app. "See?"

"I hadn't realized you were thinking--" Asahi frowned. "Noya, what is this?"

"My investment portfolio. See? Capital investments, stocks, start-ups, dividends." Noya pointed to different numbers on the screen. As Asahi stared in confused silence Noya glanced down at the screen to study it. "I know, I should have more real estate, but I sold a lot of it to fund my trip around the world."

"You--I--what?"

Noya looked up, confused. What wasn't Asahi getting?

Asahi shook his head, pushing the phone away. "I don't know what that is, but it isn't what I meant. Have you started constructing a modeling portfolio? Headshots, posed shots, action shots? You'll need one to pick up jobs at other agencies."

"Oh. Is that important?" Noya asked, tucking his phone away. Asahi stopped at a food stand selling crepes, picking Noya's favorite without having to ask and passing it over before taking one for himself. "I mean, I have this job already and it pays for the rent and stuff. I wasn't thinking about picking up another gig."

"Ah, well, it's really up to you." Why did Asahi look uncomfortable? "You're right, we're doing really well with both our incomes, so it isn't really necessary."

Noya took a bite of his crepe, enjoying the street food. Unless he ate with Asahi, he really didn't eat too much that he didn't make himself. That is to say, he didn't eat much more than fruits, steamed vegetables, brown rice and homemade icepops. Somewhere in his travels, he'd discovered the ability to freeze protein powder mixed with fruit juice or water into popsicle molds and it had pretty much become his favorite meal ever. In high school, it had been easy to eat whatever he'd wanted and simply train off any excess weight. It was slowly getting more difficult to do that, even with all the effort he put into training, so he was a little more careful about his diet these days.

"We're not behind on any utilities or anything, are we?" Noya asked. "Or were you still thinking of getting a bigger place? 'Cause I'm still fine with the place we have."

"No, I know." Asahi smiled shyly. "I guess I always think more income is better. For, you know, a safety net, or to cover time off. Did you ever set a date for getting the old team together for a game against our old team?"

"Suga is working it out with Coach Ukai," Noya replied. "I think we're trying to coordinate it to match one the team's training weeks, so we can play a few games. Not sure if we'll be able to get Shouyo and Tobio and Tsukki, though, their schedules are kinda crazy."

Asahi laughed, seeming to be past his earlier embarrassment. "It probably isn't fair to make the new team play against professionals, anyway. It's bad enough they'll have to play against you."

"I know, right?" Noya laughed cheerfully. When they stopped at a corner for a "don't walk" sign, Noya leaned against Asahi's side and beamed up at him. "I love you, Asahi."

Asahi blushed and smiled right back. "I love you too, Yuu."

Unfortunately, those little windows of shared availability came infrequently, and shortly after the climbing wall shoot, they were back to missing each other. They still found little ways to share time together: Noya sometimes stopped by Asahi's office after he finished modeling for the day and they'd grab a snack at the vending machine before Asahi had to get back to work. When they couldn't find enough time together, Asahi would forcefully rouse himself in the morning to make small talk while Noya stretched out before his run, then prepare them both breakfast while he waited for Noya to return. They texted throughout the day every day, and though it wasn't much, it seemed like enough. At least, Noya was happy and it seemed like Asahi was, too.

That was what mattered most, right?

About a week later, Noya was alone in the apartment, listening to music with a heavy beat track while lifting weights and stretching: his usual evening routine. Asahi didn't have a TV, watching most of his streaming services through either his laptop or his phone. He'd offered to get a TV, but Noya had declined; he could barely stand to finish watching a single show, forget about a series or a movie. But music helped him count out his reps without losing focus and it wasn't like he stayed up late or anything. He was only waiting for Asahi to come home, after all.

Noya's phone beeped and he dropped his weight with a thud, twisting around to grab his phone off the bed.

**Asahi:** Gonna be late, eat without me. Sorry! <3

Disappointing but not unexpected. Noya sighed and tossed the phone back on the bed. He stood and stretched, considering what to eat. He scratched the back of his leg with his toes as he considered. There were a few bags of steamable vegetables in the freezer, maybe if he cooked those up and mixed them with some salt and spices, they'd make a meal on their own. Some nighttime tea and maybe a protein icepop...yeah, that sounded good enough.

Noya took one step into the kitchenette when he heard a knock at the door. Halted in his tracks, he stared at it, confused. Who could that be? Asahi wouldn't knock; he had a key. And anyway, he'd just texted saying he wasn't going to be late. Neither of them had any local friends and none of their former teammates were visiting. Had Noya ordered food earlier and forgotten about it?

At least he was dressed: barefoot, but wearing baggie gym shorts and a loose tank top. He went to the door, half expecting to find a lost food delivery person.

He did _not_ expect the very pretty doe-eyed man standing outside his door.

"Hey, glad you're in! I was hoping to--" The honey-haired man stopped suddenly, looking up from his phone to focus on Noya. He looked vaguely familiar, but Noya was sure they'd never met before; he'd remember if they had. "Oh, um, I'm sorry, I--" He squinted at the number on the door, then looked back to Noya. "Is Asahi home?"

Realization dawned for Noya just as it did for the pretty stranger.

"Oh, I remember you!" A bright smile over just a touch neatly trimmed facial hair. "You were one of Asahi's high school friends, right? The one who was always traveling?"

"You were Asahi's boyfriend," Noya said, recalling the couple-photos that had appeared briefly in Asahi's social media profiles. That was why he looked familiar. And then, just to be awkward, Noya added: "I'm dating Asahi now."

"Ah, oh. Good." Honey-hair shifted back a step. "I didn't really mean to intrude, I was just hoping to ask Asahi for a favor. I'll just call him tomorrow or--"

"Did you want to come in for tea?" The suggestion surprised Noya as much as it did the former boyfriend, but Noya stood by it. "He's running late, but you can wait for him if you want."

"Ah..." Emotions warred on that genuinely expressive face, but curiosity seemed to win out as he accepted. That was fine; Noya was curious too. "Sure. If you don't mind."

"I wasn't doing anything anyway." Noya shrugged and held the door open. "I'm Nishinoya Yuu."

"Nakayama Haruki." He stepped out of his shoes, leaving them neatly by the door. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you."

"You too." Noya couldn't help but stare out of the corner of his eye as Haruki took a seat at Asahi's little table on the floor. There was an elegance to how he folded his legs, to his long fingers resting on the table, to the cant of his head to toss hair out of his eyes. He burned his fingers as hot water from the electric boiler spilled over the rim of the cup. He cursed and mopped it up, feeling clumsy in the presence of such grace. Seriously, this guy was like a male version of Shimizu Kiyoko--and Asahi had dated him!

Noya set the cups down on the table and took a seat opposite his boyfriend's former lover. "So why did you and Asahi break up, anyway?"

Haruki laughed nervously, touching the side of his cup and finding it hot. "Ah, well...there really isn't too much to tell. We were both really busy all the time and we sort of drifted apart. I suppose I ended it officially, but I don't think Asahi was too brokenhearted about it." Haruki cringed delicately, eyes flickering to meet Noya's across the table. "Unless he's said something different?"

"No. We never really talked about it." Asahi rarely spoke about his ex-boyfriend at all, in fact. "I was just curious. I didn't mean to be rude."

"I didn't think you were." Haruki smiled. "I'm a bit curious, myself. If you're dating Asahi now, does that mean you've ended your world tour performing odd jobs and extreme sports?"

Noya laughed. "Yeah, I guess. For now, anyway. I live and work here now, so I don't have any plans to travel any time soon."

"It must have been fun, though," Haruki mused. "I don't know where you were for all the mountain-climbing pictures he showed me, but I remember the ice fishing photo was in Greenland, right?"

"Yeah, that was fun!" Noya smiled. "Ice fishing was the easiest part of living in Greenland. I couldn't get any good photos of kayaking there. That was wild."

"I can only imagine." Haruki shook his head. He picked up his tea and sipped it delicately. "It must be amazing to be able to travel. I haven't even been to Hawaii, forget about someplace as foreign as Greenland."

"Hawaii was only all right," Noya said with a shrug.

Haruki stared. "Just all right?"

"Yeah. I mean, they don't have the best waves, they don't have the best volcanoes, and they don't have the best reefs for scuba diving." Noya ticked off the points on his hands. "But it was a good place to start on all three of those things, like an introductory course, I guess, so it's not a waste of time to visit."

Haruki laughed. "I'm pretty sure that if I went, I'd spend the whole time in a lounge chair on the beach sipping rum out of a pineapple. And maybe watch one of those traditional hulu dances."

"Yeah." Noya felt nostalgic for a moment. "The hulu dancers probably were the best part of Hawaii."

Haruki held up his tea cup. "To pretty dancers."

"To pretty dancers." Noya tapped his cup to Haruki's, drinking as prompted. After a quick drink, Noya asked: "So what do you do?"

"A little bit of everything." Haruki laughed. "But mostly, I'm a musician. I play bass in my band."

"Oh, really?" Noya was surprised: he'd half expected Haruki to say he was a model. "Any songs I would know?"

"Maybe." Haruki tapped on his phone. "Do you ever go to any live band shows?"

"Er, not really." Noya had been to a few concerts, but they'd never really felt like his scene.

"Really?" It was Haruki's turn to look surprised. "You and Asahi should come to one of our shows sometime. If you have Asahi let me know, I can try and have some tickets set on standby. Here, this is our biggest hit so far."

Noya only listened to a few bars before he decided it wasn't his type of music. Sure, it was good and all, as far as Noya could judge such things, but it sounded like a love song and Noya preferred songs with heart pounding beats, the type of music he could run or workout to. But Haruki looked proud, so he complimented the song when it finished.

"So how did you and Asahi meet?" Noya asked. If he was being honest, he kind of liked Haruki. He seemed open and honest and he was certainly nice to look at. He found himself wondering if Asahi thought he'd traded down in dating Noya after dating Mr. Sunshine Musician.

"At one of my jobs. I work at a coffee shop and Asahi used to stop by on his way to work." Haruki smiled fondly. "He always ordered the same thing and he was pretty regular in his timing, so I got used to making it before he got there, just so it would be ready for him."

"Who asked who out?" Noya asked, intrigued.

"Ah, I guess it was me?" Haruki's cheeks colored faintly as he rubbed his chin. "We talked a little whenever he wasn't running late and I kept thinking he was going to ask me out, but he never did. So one day I wrote my number on his to-go order. It actually took him two days to call." Haruki laughed nervously. "Kind of hurt my ego when he didn't call right away."

"He was probably nervous!" Noya crowed, just picturing how Asahi would have reacted to someone slipping him their number. "I bet he tried calling a dozen times before he finally went through with it."

"I bet he did!" Haruki laughed. "I didn't know him well enough back then, though, I just thought I was misreading signals."

They laughed for a bit and when the laughter died, their gazes dropped down to their tea. Noya drummed his fingers on the table for a moment, then looked up.

"Would you rather have a beer instead?"

"Sure, why not?"

Noya went to the fridge, cracked open two beers and passed one to Haruki before taking his seat again. Haruki murmured his thanks before taking a sip.

"So if Hawaii doesn't have the best waves," Haruki said, "where is the best place to go surfing?"

They filled the apartment with chatter and laughter, Noya oblivious to the passage of time. He told stories from his travels and Haruki told stories about Asahi settling in to daily life at Tokyo--stories Noya had never heard before. It seemed Haruki never joined Asahi in going to a volleyball game, though he had meant to--his band took up most of his time and money, leaving him precious little of either for dating, a large reason he attributed to the eventual break-up. Asahi had gone to at least one live show to see Haruki's band play and a few of their dates had been at other local band performances. Noya had trouble envisioning Asahi at a show; he was looking forward to going to Haruki's next show, just to see Asahi in such an environment.

"So being in a band has gotta be badass, right?" Noya asked cheerfully. "Like, you must get all the tail you want."

Haruki laughed, blushing. "Acutally, um...I just started dating one of my bandmates. So it's not like--"

A sound at the door of the apartment made them both jump. Each turned towards the door as the key scraped in the lock and the knob turned. Asahi stepped inside, a stiff envelope visible under one arm as he toed off his shoes.

"Are you still awake, Noya? Sorry I ran so late, it was--" Asahi stopped dead as he looked up, freezing as he saw Haruki sitting at the table with a beer. Haruki gave a little wave, smiling brightly. Asahi's eyes tracked to Noya, questioning. "Um, what...what are you two doing together?"

"We were just comparing how you are in the sack," Noya said boldly.

"No, no!" Haruki looked horrified. "We didn't talk about that at all, I swear! I just needed--Asahi?"

Asahi had gone pale, slumped back against the door of the apartment. He placed a hand over his eyes, breathing shallowly.

"He's rebooting, give him a sec." Noya finished his beer and tossed his empty in the trash, then went to Asahi at the door, gently taking his hand. "C'mon, Asahi, you know we could only say good things. Haruki said he had a favor to ask you, so come on." When he tugged on Asahi's hand, Asahi followed, sitting heavily at the table without even taking his jacket off. He held the envelope in front of his chest with both hands, seemingly for lack of anything else to do with his hands. It seemed he was having trouble processing his ex-boyfriend talking to his current boyfriend, so Noya made him a cup of calming tea.

"Sorry to just show up without calling," Haruki apologized. "My band is getting some photography done next week and I was really hoping you'd help me pick out their looks for the pictures."

"Oh." That seemed to settle Asahi a bit. He said thanks and smiled as Noya handed him the cup of tea, setting aside the envelope as he accepted the mug. He still looked a little nervous when he turned back to Haruki. "Did you have something in mind?"

"Simple is better, but I want us to look a little like how we sound." Haruki clicked open his phone. "We have a new band member now. Oh, and a new band name."

Noya crowded in to see the pictures on Haruki's phone, curious about the band, but more intrigued about how Asahi was going to help. He knew Asahi designed clothing for various production lines and helped dress models during shows, but he'd never thought to ask Asahi's advice on what to wear before. Then again, when left to his own devices, Noya typically only wore comfortable old sports clothing.

As Haruki flicked through the pictures on his phone, telling Asahi a little about each band member, Asahi drew a sketchpad out of his satchel--still over his shoulder rather than set down when he got in--and wrote a few notes to himself in pencil as he looked at each picture. When Haruki played a clip of the song he'd played for Noya, Asahi sketched a few lines, nodding as he listened.

"I have a few ideas," Asahi said, the serious expression on his face as he stared at his sketchpad a foreign one to Noya. "Do you mind if I get back to you? Or did you need this tonight?"

"No, take your time." Haruki held up his hands. "I feel bad for just stopping by and intruding. It's a really big help, so just get to it whenever you can." Haruki stood from the table and dropped his empty beer in the trash. "I didn't mean to stay so long either, but it was really nice meeting you, Nishinoya-san."

"Same to you," Noya said, following Haruki to the door. "Let us know about your next show."

"I will!" Haruki promised. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight," Noya and Asahi called. Noya closed the door behind Haruki. When he turned back, he was surprised to find Asahi's head ducked low, brown eyes big as they stared at him. "So...he seemed nice?"

"He is." Asahi shuffled, tugging at his jacket as if he were warm.

Noya crossed his arms and huffed. "What is it, Asahi? If you're mad that I teased you, you should just tell me."

"No, it's not that." Asahi looked concerned. "I guess it's just really weird to see my boyfriend getting along with my ex. Based on every rom-com ever, I thought you two would be mortal enemies."

"Ha! No, he seems really cool, actually." Noya leaned his elbows on the table, watching as Asahi realized he was still wearing his coat and his work satchel. Something was bothering him, just a little, so he decided just to blurt it out: "Why'd you let it end with him?"

"Huh?" Asahi looked surprised, freezing in the act of removing his satchel strap from his shoulder. "I don't know, it just...ended."

"But why?" Noya pressed. "I get if you were both busy, but you and I are busy all the time and we still make it work. You guys could have moved in together, or gone away on vacations or, I don't know, just made more time, or something."

"I..." Asahi hesitated, plucking at a corner of the envelope he’d set aside earlier. "I think the fact that neither of us tried to make time for the other was a symptom, not the reason we broke up."

Noya frowned. Did that make sense? No, it didn't.

Asahi chuckled. He spun the broad envelope around in a circle on the table. "I really liked Haruki, and I think he liked me, too. We had fun but...it never really felt permanent. Not to me, and...I think he felt the same?"

"Oh." Noya supposed he understood. He'd lost interest in partners before. And he'd never really thought of any of them as "permanent." At least, not until now. Not until Asahi. "He said he ended it."

"He did," Asahi admitted. "But it had been on my mind, too. It was nice to be able to walk away from the relationship and still be friends. And I...I kind of had the sense he'd fallen for someone else."

Noya sprang to his feet. "Did he cheat on you? Asahi, I swear if he--"

"No, no!" Asahi caught Noya's hand, keeping him from running after Haruki to beat the shit out of him. "I'm sure he didn't. I just think one of the reasons he ended it was because he was falling for someone else. And I don't know that for sure, it's just a feeling I had."

Noya shuffled his feet, residual rage making him impatient. "Yeah, but, how could anyone fall for someone else when they've already got you?"

Asahi's eyes went wide, then he blushed and ducked his face, rubbing his nose. "Ah well...if I'm honest, maybe I only think Haruki fell for someone else because...because I was in love with someone else, too."

"Really?" That was a shock; Noya couldn't picture Asahi as the type of person to date one person while being in love with someone else. "But then why go out with him in the first place?"

"I wasn't sure that person was ever going to love me back," Asahi said, meeting Noya's eyes. "Or if he was ever going to stay in one place long enough to be in a relationship. Or if he even felt anything for me at all."

"That's stupid," Noya declared. "Who could be that--" Realization struck as Asahi gave him an "are you an idiot?" look. "Oh. It was me, wasn't it?"

Asahi laughed. "Of course it was." He pulled Noya into his chest, hugging him close before kissing him. "It's always been you."

Noya almost blushed, it was so cheesy. But he loved it anyway. He kissed the stubble along Asahi’s chin, nipping lightly as his jaw, making Asahi laugh as he pulled away. Hands smooth down Noya’s back, slipping beneath his shirt to rest on the top of his shorts. He knew were this was all going, but he couldn’t shake the thought of Asahi doing this with another person—someone delicate and beautiful, with honey-colored hair and trusting eyes.

“I don’t get it,” Noya said, startling Asahi as he broke the kiss. “Your ex-boyfriend is gorgeous, and you just let him go? Because of me?”

Asahi gaped for a moment, looking perplexed. “You think Haruki is gorgeous?”

“Well, yeah.” Was that not something he was supposed to say? He hadn’t actually done anything inappropriate with Haruki. Just looked at him. “You think so too, don’t you?”

“He’s…pretty.” Asahi allowed. He sighed, then opened the flap of the envelope he’d carried in with him. “Look. This is what took me so long tonight. I had to wait for this to get printed on the good machine at work. Look at these and tell me you still think Haruki is gorgeous.”

The folder had several large glossy photos, all of Noya from the climbing gym, and in all of them he was shirtless. The background had been filled in to make it look as if he were really on a mountainside, rather than hanging from a gym wall and the logos on the equipment had been shopped out. The water on his chest and back looked like a thin sheen of sweat, highlighting the contrast of the light and shadows on his abs. Noya’s grin was wide, his eyes bright, looking like a rock-climbing natural.

Or, in at least one photo, like a stripper on a pole, with his hands gripping the climbing rope above him.

Noya laughed at the last one. “You know I look ridiculous here, right?”

“No, you don’t.” Asahi nuzzled the back of Noya’s neck, arms wrapped around Noya’s middle as he looked over Noya’s shoulder at the photo. “You look gorgeous. You always do and you always have. To me, at least.”

This time, Noya really did blush. He dropped the photos on the table, twisting around to loop his arms around Asahi’s shoulders, pressing his lips to Asahi’s.

Though he'd never admit it, the pretty and vibrant Haruki had made him feel a little insecure; Noya knew he was short and loud and direct to the point of being rude. If someone as delicate as Haruki hadn't been able to keep Asahi, then what chance did Noya have? But he should have known; should have suspected from the start. Asahi was his, the same way he was Asahi's.

Because even though Noya had had other partners himself, he'd only ever loved Asahi.

It took a while for them to move to the bed, complicated by the fact that they each still had clothing to remove, but over an hour later Noya was feeling pretty reassured, his body roused and exhausted twice and Asahi catching his breath beside him, an arm thrown over his waist as they both came down from their exertions. But even though his body was sated, Noya's mind just couldn't quiet down. He wasn't concerned--not really. The fact that they'd loved each other for years before they ever gotten together was incredibly comforting, but Noya still couldn't shake the feeling they had to do something...more. He didn't want their busy lives to dictate their entire relationship; they needed to make time for each other, too.

He didn't want them falling apart over something as controllable as time.

"Asahi?"

A sleepy grunt accompanied by a tightening of the arm around his waist, pulling Noya in to Asahi's chest.

"Asahi."

Noya felt the scrape of Asahi's stubble against his shoulder as he was nuzzled.

"Asahi!" Noya dug his elbow between them, finally getting Asahi to lift his head.

"Huh? Wuzzat?"

"We should do something together."

"We just did something together," Asahi yawned, slumping back down to the pillow. "Twice. Isn't that enough?"

Noya snorted. "No, I mean, we should go somewhere together. Like a vacation."

"Aren't we going back home soon?" Asahi murmured, words half obstructed by his pillow.

"Yeah, for a few days," Noya pointed out. "And we'll be hanging out with all our old friends to play volleyball. It'll be fun, but not, you know, romantic."

"Romantic?" That got Asahi to lift his head from the pillow. Noya felt Asahi's fingers flex and stroke his stomach beneath the blankets. "You want to go somewhere romantic with me?"

"No, I want to go somewhere romantic with Ryu." Noya chuckled and reached for his phone on the night stand. He crunched a pillow beneath his chest as he woke his phone up and started tapping on it. "Where would you want to go on vacation, Asahi?"

"Hm." Asahi rubbed sleep from his eyes, then turned over to see Noya's phone. "Maybe Okinawa? Or Nara?"

Noya tipped his head to the side, giving Asahi an exasperated look. "Really? Of all the places in the world, you want to go on vacation in Nara?"

Asahi must have been too tired to blush because all he did was stare back. "What's wrong with Nara? I went with my family once. It was nice."

"Yeah, it's fine for a family vacation." Noya waved a hand impatiently. "But if you could go on a romantic vacation anywhere in the world, are you really going to pick Nara?"

Asahi's thoughtful hum turned into a yawn before too long. "I don't know, Noya. Nara is close. It's achievable. It's not like, you know, Paris."

"Paris." Noya seized the idea, quickly bringing up flights, hotels and travel plans for Paris. After a moment of comparing prices (during which he suspected Asahi fell asleep) Noya nudged him and asked: "Do you want to go to Paris?"

Asahi snorted. "Sure, doesn't everyone? All the history and fashion and the...the cheese..."

"Asahi, I'm really asking. Come on, wake up."

"Noya, we only just get by here. We're not just going to fly off on a holiday to Paris."

Noya frowned and stared. "What do you mean we just get by? We're doing pretty well."

Asahi groaned, rolling onto his back, ticking off his fingers as he spoke. "We live in a very small apartment. We don't even have a TV. We don't eat out often. When we do go out, we rely on friends to get us free tickets to volleyball games and shows. Every time we do go out, we have to count our cash on hand because neither of us has any savings. You work two jobs just to get by, Noya."

"No, I don't," Noya protested. "I work a second job so I don't get bored. And I don't keep a lot of cash on hand because I put all the rest of my money into my portfolio."

"Portfolio?" Asahi repeated. "You're getting professional headshots done like I recommended? I could help you with that."

"No. I mean, yeah, I could do that and I'd like your help with it, but that's not what I mean." Noya leaned into Asahi, forcing him to roll over as he clicked into an app on his phone. "Look. My investment portfolio."

Asahi gave him a grumpy look, then stared blankly at the phone. "I have no idea what any of that is."

Noya huffed, irritated. "My investments. Look, there's stocks, there's my trust, there's my small business loans--"

"You have a small business loan?" Asahi asked, mystified.

"No, I loan to small businesses," Noya explained. "Through a money manager. Look, I'm trying to say I can cash some of this out anytime and we could go on a nice vacation. Paris or wherever." He made a face. "Not Nara, though."

"Okay, I'm not even going to pretend I understand any of this," Asahi said, pushing Noya’s phone away. "But if these are your investments, that makes this your money. It's not fair for me to just let you take me on vacation; we each pay half the rent, we should each pay half of any vacation we go on."

"Asahi!" Noya sat up, casting the blankets back. "This is not just my money! This is our money!"

Asahi looked shocked and surprised as he reached for the blankets. "But--"

"No, listen!" Noya held the phone in front of his face. "This is the result of living below our means in a tiny apartment, without TV and going on cheap dates. This is the result of all our work, all our time we can't spend with each other, all the little extras we _could_ have, if we wanted, but instead we're putting that money to work for us so that we _can_ take a really nice vacation. And we should go, Asahi! Don't you want to?"

"If you're asking if I want to go to Paris, the answer is yes," Asahi replied. "But this is...I don't--People don't just pick up go to places like Paris!"

"I do!" Noya insisted. "I have! Why not, Asahi? You've been working hard for years and all it's ever gotten you is this apartment and some nice clothes, maybe some extra time to visit home when you feel like it. Don't you ever want anything more? Even if it's just for a week?"

Asahi stared, looking dumbfounded. "I...I do."

"Then let's go!"

"I...I’ve never flown before."

Noya rolled his eyes. "Gotta be a first time for everything. Seriously, I can't believe you're fighting with me over a trip to Paris."

Asahi laughed sharply. "I can't believe it either." He covered his face, eyes going wide. "Is this real? We're not really going to Paris, are we?"

"Of course we are." Noya clicked around his investment app, sending a request to his account manager. "We'll figure out when and for how long and how much, but yeah. It's real." Noya paused, concerned. "You do want to go, right?"

"Yes, but..." Asahi squeezed his eyes shut and dug the heel of his hand between his eyebrows. When he looked up, his eyes were clear of sleep, but deep with concern. "Noya, how do you know about investments and loans and all of that? When did you start investing? I just thought you were tapping out your paychecks every month, like I do. You never told me about any of this."

Noya winced. "Was I supposed to tell you? Is that one of those things boyfriends tell each other? I didn't meant to hide it, I just didn't think it was important."

"No. Well, maybe? I mean, I get that you weren't hiding it and money is kind of a sensitive subject, so it's not like you have to tell me, but..." Asahi looked confused. "Just...can you tell me a little about it?"

"About my portfolio?" Asahi nodded. "I don't know, I've just always had one. I thought everyone did. Don't you have some kind of investment through your job?"

"There's a retirement fund," Asahi agreed. "But it's not like I can just use that to go to Paris."

"Yeah, I guess that's different." Noya frowned, wondering how to explain it. It was just something he'd always done. And talking about his family was...uncomfortable. Even to Asahi. "My parents gave me control of my portfolio when I graduated high school, but even before that I could trade stocks or choose bonds and stuff like that. This is mostly how I funded my travels, so it's easy for me now."

"I thought you worked everywhere you went?" Asahi asked.

"Yeah, but for, like, pocket money." Noya shrugged. "Odd jobs don't pay for air travel or extended stays and investments can't be cashed out for every single meal. I mean, we'll have enough for a short stay in Paris, we won't have to work on vacation or anything. But a lot of the places I went, I was there for six months or more, so it just made sense to take a job." Noya hesitated. "Does that make sense?"

"I guess so." Asahi still looked confused. He took the phone from Noya's hand and turned it off, kissing the back of Noya's hand before tugging him back down to the bed. "Are you really sure, Noya? You want to use all your money to take us on a vacation?"

"It's not all my money," Noya replied. "I'm only cashing out a portion of it. And I still think it's more like our money, because we're both living below our means and working our asses off."

"If that's how you see it," Asahi sighed, breath ruffling Noya's hair.

Silence descended over the room. It was well past midnight and Noya knew he should feel tired, but he didn't. He wanted to go somewhere nice with Asahi, spend some actual time together and get away from work for a while. But their talk had come too close to a subject he'd rather avoid, and it buzzed around his head like a fly that just wouldn't go away. He could tell Asahi hadn't fallen back to sleep either, instead just lying silently beside him, arm thrown over his waist. Did he realize Noya had side-stepped the question about how he'd learned to invest in a portfolio? Was it bothering him? Was he going to ask about...

"Yuu?"

"Yeah?

"You know I never want to pressure you, right?"

Noya held perfectly still, refusing to cringe at the question. "Yeah?"

Asahi shifted against Noya's back, drawing the blankets up snugly. "When we go back home to see everyone, do you think...will it be alright for me to introduce you to my parents? If you're not ready, it's fine, I just wanted to ask."

Noya swallowed hard. He had no problem meeting Asahi's parents; he'd probably charm them the way he charmed most everyone. It was the flip side of that arrangement that made him wish he was walking over hot coals in Fiji again. "Yeah, Asahi. If you want."

"Great." Noya felt Asahi's smile nuzzle into his shoulder as his fingers threaded through Noya's and squeezed comfortingly. "I can't wait to tell them we're going to Paris."

Noya chuckled at that. "Yeah. We're going to Paris."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you’re all still enjoying this work! I wish I could put out chapters faster, but I’m seriously ignoring other things (like real work, haha!!) to put this much out. I hope I have an update for you all soon!


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Don't you have anyone you want to see while you're here? Anywhere you want to visit?"
> 
> "Not really." Everyone Asahi would have wanted to visit was going to be at the volleyball game that evening.
> 
> "What about your parents?" Noya asked.
> 
> "Well, we're meeting up with them for dinner, so I'll just see them then." Then, because Noya had brought it up: "What about your parents?"
> 
> "Ha!" Noya barked a laugh. "I didn't even tell them I was coming. With any luck, they'll never know I was here."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for how slowly these updates are coming out! I love writing this story every chance I get.

"Asahi! Noya! Welcome!" Daichi held open the apartment door, ostensibly for Asahi and Noya to come inside, but Suga burst through it in his house slippers, throwing his arms around Noya in an exuberant hug.

"Noya! I missed you so much while you were traveling!" Suga linked arms with Noya, dragging him inside. "I need to hear everything about you two finally getting together! I'm so happy you both came to visit, even if it's just to make us all play a game we've all gotten rusty at. Come in, come in! Oh!" He paused and glanced back over his shoulder. "I missed you too, Asahi!"

Asahi laughed, following Suga and Noya inside as the two began chatting animatedly. Asahi paused to exchange a quick one-armed hug with Daichi before kicking his shoes off in the entryway.

"Thanks so much for letting us stay with you guys while we're in town," Asahi said gratefully.

"It's no trouble," Daichi said, grinning. "It's only fair: we make you host us when we're in Tokyo for volleyball games and your place is much smaller than ours. Er, sorry about the accommodations, by the way."

Asahi fended off the apology with upraised hands. "We don't mind at all! Please, it's my fault for--"

"Are you two finished apologizing yet?" Suga called from the kitchen. "I've got snacks! Come in and sit down!"

Asahi and Daichi exchanged sheepish looks before stepping meekly into the kitchen. Noya was already seated, chatting cheerfully with Suga as he created a plate of snack foods set out in the middle of the table. He paused his story to smile brightly at Asahi, making Asahi's chest feel warm. It felt surreal, coming back home with Noya and seeing all their old friends, meeting each other's families. It made everything feel more real, somehow.

And, of course, it was nice to be off work for a few days.

"So you had to confess first?" Suga said, clicking his tongue as if he was annoyed. He swatted Asahi with a dishtowel. "I told you he liked you back in high school! You both could have been together all this time!"

Asahi ducked his chin, blushing. "I never would have made it through a confession back then, Suga. Noya would have thought I was being weird."

Noya laughed loudly. "He's right! I probably would have thought he was asking about extra practice, or getting an icepop or something! Besides, even if we had started dating in high school, I still would have wanted to go traveling. And I think it worked out okay." His smile was brilliant and Asahi couldn't help but grin back.

"And I told you not to give them that 'I told you so' speech," Daichi chided Suga gently. "Not everyone moves at your pace, Koushi."

"Well, they should," Suga said, obviously teasing. "All I want is for everyone to be as happy as we are."

Daichi chuckled. "No, you just like being able to play puppet-master behind the scenes and you're upset you can't take credit for them finally getting together."

Suga pouted briefly, then turned a radiant smile on Asahi and Noya. "Guess what!"

"What?" Asahi asked, startled. Noya's mouth was full, so he merely raised his eyebrows.

"Koushi--"

"I want to tell them!"

"We said we'd wait."

"Until the team was here, and they're here!"

"Until the _whole_ team was here. This is not the whole team."

"Well, the whole team can't make it this week anyway, so we're going to have to tell everyone piecemeal anyway." Suga put his fists on his hips, looking determined. Daichi sighed and made a "get on with it" gesture with his hand. Suga beamed. "We're engaged!"

"Congratulations!" Asahi said, instantly excited for his two best friends. Noya coughed on a mouthful of food, saying something that sounded congratulatory. He waited until he was certain Noya could breathe again before turning to Daichi. "How did you ask?"

"Oh, please." Suga plopped into Daichi's lap at the table, smooshing his face between his palms. "Daichi didn't ask, I did."

"I would have, if you could have been patient," Daichi said, moving Suga's hands off his face.

"Sawamura, I have been waiting six years!" Suga said imperiously. "Tanaka and Kiyoko had a child already and Tanaka is a year younger than us!"

Daichi gave a suffering sigh. "Sometimes, Koushi, I wonder why I ever said yes."

Noya barked a laugh and Asahi hid his face as Suga play-slapped Daichi on the cheek. Daichi dumped Suga on the floor, making him pout and whine.

"We had planned to tell everyone when the team got here," Daichi explained. "But I guess we're not getting everyone like we'd hoped."

"We were never gonna get Kageyama," Noya pointed out. "He's the new darling of the league; he's not going to just be able to slip away, even during off-season. Tadashi's in the middle of final exams at school and because he's not coming, Tsukki won't come either."

"Tch. Problem children first-years," Suga muttered, standing up and rubbing his backside while shooting Daichi a dirty look.

"Hinata confirmed, though," Asahi pointed out, defending the first-years' honor. "And most of the second years are confirmed, right Noya?"

"Yeah, Ryu's coming!" Noya said excitedly.

"Tanaka had better come, he only lives three blocks down," Suga pointed out.

"Chikara could only get one day off work while we're here, but Kazu and Hisashi will come," Noya finished, counting everyone off on his fingers. "That's enough for a pretty good game."

"Oh no!" Suga groaned.

"What is it?" Daichi and Asahi both asked in mild alarm.

"I just realized I'm going to have to set to Hinata, the monster-spiker!" Suga hid his face in his palms. "This is going to be a disaster!"

Noya laughed. "You don’t have toss to Shoyo! Toss to Asahi, instead. You know he can hit your tosses."

"Ah, well, I mean..." Asahi scratched his nose. "I'm sure Hinata has gotten better at hitting all kinds of tosses since he's a pro now. So maybe just...skip tossing to me."

"What do you mean, Asahi?" Noya asked, slamming a palm on the table. "You're our ace!"

"I _was_ the ace," Asahi clarified, embarrassed. "But, Noya, you've seen me play lately. I'm just not as fit as I used to be."

"That's just because those community team setters didn't know how to set to you," Noya replied dismissively. "Suga's got your set down perfect."

"Eh, I mean..." Suga rubbed the back of his neck. "It's probably been a while since I set to...anybody."

Daichi laughed. "It'll come back. Once we're on the old court, muscle memory will kick in and we'll all be fine."

Asahi wished he shared Daichi's confidence. The truth was, he'd gotten a lot slower since high school and put on some weight in addition to losing his muscle mass. He doubted he could even jump as high as he used to, never mind maintain his form long enough to aim a spike. He'd be surprised if Karasuno's latest crop of athletes weren't about to be greatly disappointed in their seniors.

Still, playing volleyball wasn't the only reason he was back in Miyagi.

A ping from Noya's phone drew Asahi's gaze across the table. He couldn't help but smile. Everything had been so wonderful between them lately. They'd actually set a date for their trip to Paris and booked the flights! Paris!! Asahi felt like he woke up most mornings in a dream.

Noya jumped up alarmingly fast, sending his chair skidding into the wall behind him.

"Alright! Ryu and Chikara and the other are getting together at Ryu's family restaurant! I'm totally going!" He started to bolt out of the room, then forcibly stopped himself. "D'you wanna come, Asahi? We're probably just gonna catch up over beers, but you're welcome to join us."

"No," Asahi said, smiling. "Go catch up with your classmates. I'll catch up with mine."

"Cool!" Noya leaned in for a quick kiss, then ran for the door, barely stopping to jam his feet into his shoes. "You know where the restaurant is, right Asahi?"

"I remember." Asahi frowned. "Why?"

"Because if I drink too much, you might have to come get me!" Noya cackled. "I'll text you if I start getting fuzzy. Love you! See you later!"

"Love you, too," Asahi called after him as Noya banged the door shut behind him. Asahi chuckled as Daichi and Suga stared in mild shock. "He was really hoping to see his old friends. I guess Ennoshita is hard to get ahold of these days."

"I hear he's doing really well," Suga commented with a sigh. "I should have gone into medicine instead of teaching."

"You got frustrated by all the science," Daichi reminded him. "Besides, you like kids."

"I go back and forth on whether or not I like kids," Suga replied. He drew out a chair across from Asahi and nudged his foot under the table. "But enough about us. What's been going on with you and Noya, hm?"

"Well, we work a lot, so we don't do very much together." Asahi ducked his head. He would have been happier if Suga and Daichi kept talking about themselves; he never liked being the center of attention. "We try to get to every volleyball game, but sometimes I have shows that run late, so it's not always possible. Noya's doing really well with his modeling career. Oh! And we're going to Paris later this year."

Suga choked on an almond.

Daichi's jaw dropped. "Paris? In France?"

"Asahi, don't take this the wrong way, but your apartment is the size of our kitchen." Suga pointed and Asahi had to agree; his apartment in Tokyo was a postage stamp when compared to Daichi and Suga's one-bedroom apartment. "How can you afford a trip to Paris? Does Noya really make that much as a model?"

"Well, we save more because we live in such a small apartment," Asahi said, shrugging uncomfortably, knowing that wasn't the whole story. "Noya set the whole trip up, he's done it enough times that going to a big city like Paris is easy. For him, I mean. I'm terrified." He laughed. It was true: he did find the travel intimidating. But he was also excited as hell to be going on such a romantic vacation with the man he loved. Then remembering he still hadn't told the whole truth, he added: "This may sound like a weird question, but do either of have investment portfolios, or trade stocks and bonds and stuff?"

Daichi stared, dumbfounded.

Suga burst out laughing. "Asahi, I am going to be in debt for the next ten years! I don't have any extra money to just through away on the stock market."

"And my salary just barely covers rent and utilities," Daichi put in, still mystified. "Where is this coming from, Asahi? Did you hit it big on the stock market or something?"

"Ah, no, it's just..." He actually felt relieved that stocks were just as strange and mysterious to his friend as they were to him. "I guess Noya's been trading for...years? He puts almost half his pay into a portfolio and then, somehow he cashes it out to cover travel expenses? I don't understand it at all. He's tried explaining it, but I think I must be stupid or something because it doesn't make any sense to me."

Suga blinked, then turned to stare at Daichi. "I thought Noya was one of the ones who almost couldn't make a training camp for failing a class?"

"I think that was literature," Daichi said, shaking his head.

"He was still kind of an idiot," Suga pointed out.

"He was just...motivated by things other than academics," Asahi said, defending his lover.

"I'm not saying he was stupid, I just thought he wasn't that great a student," Suga said, holding his hands up in surrender. "You know I love him, I just didn't think he understood high level concepts like return on investments and capital gains and all that."

"It actually does make a little sense though," Daichi mused.

Asahi and Suga both stared at him. "How?"

Daichi looked distinctly uncomfortable, then shrugged. "I guess it can't hurt to tell you now. But I used to write thank you letters to all the donors who contributed to the volleyball team. And Noya's parents were always really generous supporters."

"Really?" Asahi asked, eyes wide. Noya had never told him that.

"You never told me!" Suga said swatting Daichi's arm.

"You didn't need to know," Daichi said with a shrug. "Donations are confidential, anyway. But every time we took up a collection to travel or for accommodations or new equipment, Noya's parents were quick to send a check."

"But all our parents donated, didn't they?" Asahi asked. "I remember my parents teasing me about going pro with all the money they sent to the team."

"Yeah, but Noya's parents were..." Daichi hesitated as if afraid to break confidence over a six-year-old secret. "They were _really_ generous. And the one time they responded to my thank you letter...it was a little weird."

"Weird how?" Suga asked, curious.

Daichi rubbed the back of his neck. "They sent back a letter...look, I don't remember the wording exactly, but the tone was kind of like 'We'll keep sending you donations as long as our son stays a regular on the team,' or something like that."

Asahi felt his mouth drop open in horror. Suga's hand jumped up to cover his mouth, eyes wide.

"But it's not like that played any part in Noya being a regular!" Daichi was quick to point out. "I mean you both know--"

"Noya was a genius player," Suga said quickly. "He could have gone pro if he wanted."

"I just can't believe..." Asahi trailed off. "Do you think Noya knew about it?"

Daichi shrugged. "I don't know. I don't remember Noya ever talking about his home life and I don't think I ever saw his parents at a game."

"That's not too strange," Suga pointed out. "We know Tanaka's parents were supportive, too, but they never made it to a game. They had to run the restaurant."

"I know. I didn't think anything of it until I got that letter." Daichi looked to Asahi with an apology in his eyes. "Do you know what Noya's parents do?"

Asahi shook his head, shamefaced. "He never talks about them. I guess now I think they must be high-powered investors or something, for Noya to have picked it up and if they were giving the team so much money, it makes sense." He rubbed the back of his head anxiously. "I guess I'll have to ask him about them before I meet them."

"Oh?" Suga asked, intrigued. "Are you guys doing the whole 'meet the parents' thing this week?"

Asahi shrugged. "I figured that since we were here, we might as well. I really want him to meet my parents and it only makes sense to meet his, too." He tugged on a lock of hair. "I mean, we're going to France...that means it's serious, right?"

Suga patted Asahi's hand comfortingly. "Oh, Asahi. You know we can't answer that for you, right?"

"Yeah, we've never been to France," Daichi put in. "But I'm still marrying this guy. Somehow."

"Hey!" Suga swatted his fiance again. He rolled his eyes as Daichi laughed, then gave Asahi a serious look. "But you're happy? Both of you?"

"Yeah." Asahi felt his cheeks color as he dropped his eyes to the tabletop. "Yeah, we are. We really are."

They stayed talking around the table until well past dark, talking about everything that had happened in their lives since they'd last seen each other. A little after eleven, Asahi got a garbled text message from Noya and excused himself to go escort his boyfriend home. Suga promised to have the futon laid out in the living room for them when they got back.

It was only ten-thirty, but that made it pretty late by Noya's usual standards. Asahi liked to joke that Noya set with the sun and while Noya protested, it wasn't too far off from the truth. Once Noya stopped moving for the day, he was done. He could always note the vestiges of Noya's attempts to stay awake in the scattered dumbbells around the apartment, water bottles and sweat towels. It was sweet to know Noya tried waiting up for him, but he always felt bad when he found Noya asleep on the floor, the upper half of his body draped over the low table, or sitting back against the bed as if he'd planned to do another set, but instead had fallen asleep where he was. A few times, Asahi had tried rousing Noya with kisses and gentle touches, but only rarely had Noya woken up to reciprocate. More often, Asahi just put him to bed, then spent a few hours reading next to him or streaming videos on his laptop until he grew tired. It was enough that he got to share a bed with his boyfriend, his long-time crush, his first love.

Asahi found the Tanaka family restaurant closed for business, but when he knocked a familiar--if grumpier than usual--face unlocked the door from the inside.

"Hey, Kiyoko-san." Asahi ducked his head to his former classmate. "I came to pick up Noya."

"You'll have to pick him up," she grumbled, closing the door behind him. "I don't think he can stand anymore. Ryu certainly can't."

"Ah, sorry about that!"

"It's not your fault." Her smile was so small he almost missed it. "But the next time we let our SO's out to play, invite me to your gathering instead, okay?"

"Sorry!" Asahi clapped the palms of his hands together in apology. "I should have thought to call you over! It would have been nice to catch up."

"You'll just owe me for next time." Kiyoko moved a screen aside, revealing the mess of bodies in the dining area. "Here. One of these must be yours. Take two, if you like."

Asahi couldn't help but laugh. Plates of half eaten food were scattered around the table, on chairs and on the floor. One of the dining tables had been flipped over and a tablecloth spread over its legs so that it looked like a tent. Someone--Asahi guessed it had to be either Narita or Kinoshita--was huddled half under the draped tablecloth, only their legs sticking out from underneath. He heard retching sounds from the direction of the bathroom. Tanaka was splayed out on the floor eyes hazy as he hummed a song and Noya was loudly trying to convince Ennoshita to give him back his beer.

"Asahi-san! Thank God," Ennoshita pushed Noya away from him with his foot. The poor former team captain looked exhausted and entirely sober. "Noya! Your boyfriend's here! Time for you to go home!"

"Asahi!" Noya staggered to his feet, a messy smile beneath tired, unfocused eyes. "Make drink gimme back him!"

Asahi lunged when Noya stumbled, catching him around the waist to keep him from falling on top of Tanaka. He held him steady for a moment when Noya made a thick sound, reminiscent of the noises so recently issuing from the bathroom. When Noya finally hiccupped and laughed, Asahi levered his arm over his shoulders, thankful for Noya's growth spurt after high school.

"What happened here, Ennoshita?" Asahi asked, surveying the destroyed restaurant. "I thought you could handle these four."

"I did handle them." Ennoshita looked annoyed as he gave Noya's beer a considering look. "I kept them from leaving the restaurant and terrorizing the villagers. Anything more than that, and I would have had to call Daichi-san."

Asahi laughed as he hitched Noya's arm up higher over his shoulder. "Um, I'll...come back in the morning. Help clean some of this up."

"Oh, don't bother." Kiyoko had a wicked gleam in her eye as she toed her husband in the ribs. "I'm going to make sure Ryu puts this all back in order first thing in the morning."

Asahi cringed. "Remind me never to make you mad, Kiyoko-san."

"Ha!" She patted the side of his face affectionately. "You never needed the reminder. See you tomorrow, Asahi."

"See you tomorrow." Asahi ducked his head again and half-carried Noya out of the restaurant with him. The cool air made Asahi shiver and seemed to rouse Noya somewhat. At least he blinked his eyes open and tried walking on his own.

"Had so much fun," Noya murmured, voice wobbly. "Didjyu know Chikara is like a doctor now?"

Asahi chuckled. "I did know."

"Yeah, 'n he's like ten times more bossy now." Noya leaned heavily into Asahi's side. "D'you wanna go make out somewhere?"

"Uh, no." But it was amusing that Noya had asked. "Let's just get back to--"

"Why not?" Noya stopped, unsteady on his feet, but he resolved that by grabbing Asahi's sweater vest in both hands. His eyes were bloodshot and squinting as they stared up at him. "C'mon it'll be fun. I really want you right now."

"Um, uh..." It turned out that even drunk Noya was both stubborn and strong. Asahi couldn't move him without fear of hurting him. "Okay, okay, Noya. We'll go make out. Come with me, I know a place."

"Why not here?" Noya asked, his grip and stance already loosening agreeably. 

"Because...because anyone could see us here." Asahi got an arm around his waist, putting Noya's feet back into motion.

"I don't care who sees," Noya muttered rebelliously.

"Well, I'm shy."

Noya laughed loudly, making Asahi cringe and try to shush him. "You are shy! You're always so shy! Dunno why though, you've got such a nice body."

Asahi blushed fiercely and tried to focus on leading Noya back to Suga and Daichi's place. Even back in high school, Asahi had found fault with himself, never thinking of himself as good-looking or desirable. And now...now he hid under layers of clothes to hide the bulge around his waistline, the lost definition of his arms and thighs. It was embarrassing, knowing what he'd once looked like and comparing it to how he looked now. He definitely didn't think himself attractive.

But if Noya said it while drunk, that meant he really believed it. Right?

That thought was enough to send Asahi's heart beating into overtime.

I wonder what else he might say while drunk, Asahi found himself wondering as Noya began telling a story that made no sense. Would he tell me if he was ever scared while he was traveling? If he really wants to go to Paris, or if he's just going because I want to go? Or how many partners he's had?

Would he tell me about his parents if I asked?

The thought was tempting, but Asahi shook it out of his head. He'd be meeting Noya's parents soon enough and Noya deserved the courtesy of being sober when he told Asahi about them. And Noya always tried so hard to be upfront about everything; Asahi would feel like a rat if he used Noya's inebriation against him.

Really, the thought had only occurred because Asahi had never seen Noya this drunk before. At their apartment, Noya only ever drank beer when Asahi was home for dinner, and then only ever one. He said it had something to do with his diet and whenever he drank, he added an extra mile onto his morning run. Asahi wondered how badly this binge was going to mess with him, but it in the long run, it was probably fine. They had three days of volleyball games planned, which was more activity than normal, even for Noya

"Neh, Asahi." Noya stopped moving, covering his mouth with his hand as he belched. "Where are we going?"

"To a quiet place to make out," Asahi said, silently apologizing to Noya for lying to drunk-Noya.

"Eh," Noya sounded doubtful. "You know I love you, Asahi, but I'm really just feeling tired right now. Maybe some other time?"

Thank God, Asahi prayed fervently. "That's okay. I love you too, Noya. Do you want to go to bed?"

"Yeah, bed sounds good." They were at Suga and Diachi's apartment complex, all they had to do was negotiate a few sets of stairs. "But, uh, actually..."

"Hm?" Asahi was looking doubtfully at the stairs, wondering if there might be an elevator instead.

"I think..."

If there was an elevator, did it need a resident's code or key card to work?

"I think I need..."

Were Daichi and Suga still awake? Or maybe he could text Daichi to come down and help Noya get up the stairs...

"Asahi!"

"Ah! Yes, Noya?"

"I think...I'm gonna--"

The green look on Noya's face said it all. Asahi turned him around, pointed him at a trashcan and silently apologized to any neighbors who might overhear. And for the future, he promised that the next time Noya said he was going out drinking with friends, Asahi would be there to help moderate. Because as good as a time Noya may have had earlier, he didn't sound like he was having a good time now.

Around the corner from the stairs was a vending machine and while keeping an anxious eye on Noya, Asahi went and bought a bottle of water. He searched his pockets and found an almost clean napkin from lunch on the train earlier. Noya was just staggering away from the trashcan when Asahi offered him the bottle of water, then used it to clean off Noya's face.

"Sorry, Asahi," Noya said in a moment of unfocused clarity. "Guess I overdid it."

"It's no trouble," Asahi assured him. And strangely, it wasn't. Asahi felt like Noya spent so much time taking care of him, that it was actually nice to be able to return the favor. "Are you feeling up to the stairs now?"

"Yea--" As Noya raised his head, his eyes slid out of focus and he cupped his hand to his mouth again. A moment later, he let out a shaky breath. "Nah. Just lemme sleep down here, I'll be fine."

Heart full of compassion, Asahi refused. "I'm not letting you sleep outside, Noya."

"Nah, s'okay, look." Noya stretched and yawned, cupping the bottle of water close as he looked for a spot to lie down.

With a sigh, Asahi took one of Noya's hands, then turned and crouched down, pulling Noya flush against his back. When he felt Noya's other hand curl over his shoulder, he lifted, grunting and straining, bearing all of Noya's weight on his back.

"Mm." Noya's legs clenched around his waist, powerful arms holding each other at the wrists. "This is kinda nice. You carrying me."

"Would have...been easier...in high school," Asahi panted on a landing. Luckily, Daichi and Suga only lived in the third floor, so it wasn't too far. Asahi would have been stymied if this had happened back in Tokyo, where they lived on the eighth floor.

Asahi nearly dropped Noya as warm lips nuzzled the back of his neck. "You ever think about it? If we got together in high school?"

Asahi blushed as he readjusted his grip. "Of course. I loved you back then, too."

"Me too," Noya admitted, his exhaled breath smelling like sour beer.

Asahi staggered to the apartment door, wondering if he needed to knock first or if he could just enter. The lights inside were dim and it was late; he'd hate to wake either of his friends up. Testing the doorknob, he found it unlocked and let himself inside with a softly spoken: "Pardon the intrusion."

"But I think it was actually better this way," Noya blurted out loudly and for a minute Asahi tried to hush him while groping for context. The struggle was real as Asahi stepped out of his own shoes before removing Noya's in the entryway, still bearing the former-libero on his back.

"Think what's better which way?" Asahi asked in a whisper. The light in the bathroom was on, giving him just enough illumination to see that a futon had been rolled out where the coffee table had stood earlier.

"That we--that we got together later," Noya said, volume lower, but still not what Asahi would call quiet.

As gently as possible, Asahi rolled Noya off his back and onto the futon. A glance down the hallway showed that Daichi and Suga's bedroom door was shut, no light showing beneath the door.

"You think so?" Asahi whispered, helping Noya take his clothes off for bed.

"Yeah," Noya said sleepily, trying to lie down even as Asahi tugged at his shirt, which, in the light, appeared to have food spilled over it. At least Asahi hoped it was food. "Because...because it would have been too hard to say goodbye to you."

Asahi froze, icy dread gripping his heart.

"'Cause I still would have wanted to travel." Noya yawned widely. "An' I don't think you would have wanted to come."

Slowly, Asahi's heart resumed beating. He ran a hand through Noya's hair before placing an affectionate kiss on his temple. "You would have come back for me eventually, wouldn't you?"

"Yeah," Noya agreed, eyes blinking shut. "But I wouldn't have wanted to make you wait."

"I would have waited," Asahi promised, smoothing back Noya's hair. "I'd have waited a lifetime for you, if I knew you were coming back."

He wasn't sure Noya heard it, because the deep, even breathing of sleep overtook him suddenly and thoroughly. Asahi chuckled softly, then stripped down to his boxers and an undershirt before settling into the futon beside Noya. Rather than check his phone or his emails, Asahi lay staring at his lover long into the night, until sleep took him.

~*~^~*~

Asahi woke up alone in the futon, but that was normal enough that he wasn't concerned. What was concerning was the low rumble of voices speaking nearby and though he could have easily rolled over and gone back to sleep, he roused himself enough to pull on a real shirt and a pair of gym shorts from his overnight bag.

"My bad," Asahi muttered, following the scent of coffee brewing into the kitchen. "Didn't mean to sleep in."

"This isn't even sleeping in for you," Suga pointed out, teasing. He moved around the kitchen rapidly, dodging Asahi on his shambling path to the coffee maker. "I'll see you both later. Don't tear the apartment down while I'm gone, you wild men!" He gave Daichi a peck on the cheek before stepping into a pair of shoes at the door and leaving. Asahi squinted after him, an indecipherable question in his brain, then set to making coffee because that would help.

When he sat down at the table across from Daichi, he realized what was missing. "Where's Noya?"

"I was going to ask you that," Daichi chuckled. "Koushi said some Gatorade was missing from the fridge. I think he went out for a run."

"Ugh!" Asahi dropped his head into the hand not curled around his life-giving coffee. "How does he do it? I wasn't even the one drinking last night and I'm barely alive."

"Was he really drunk?" Daichi asked, amused.

Asahi gave A Look over his fingertips. "I had to carry him up the stairs. I've never seen him so drunk."

Daichi laughed. "It was probably good for him to cut loose with his friends. It can't have been that bad if he was still able to get up and go running."

Asahi glared across the table. "You didn't see the wreckage at the restaurant. Kiyoko-san may never forgive us for not inviting her over yesterday."

"Oh, we should have invited her," Daichi admitted ruefully. He sipped his coffee, looking entirely too unconcerned for Asahi's taste. "Koushi is going to meet us at the gym after he gets off work. I have the next few days free. We'll find some time to catch up with Kiyoko-san after one of the games."

"Is Suga still working?" Asahi asked. "I thought school was on break this week."

"He has some paperwork to catch up on," Daichi replied. "He'll have most of the time--"

A rapid knock at the door, followed swiftly by and overly cheerful: "Pardon the intrusion!" Daichi and Asahi leaned around the kitchen archway to see Noya taking off his shoes in the entryway.

"Good morning!" he called, waving to the both of them. "Asahi, I never see you up this early! I thought I'd finish my run early and sneak back into bed with you."

"Uh..." Asahi hadn't finished his first cup of coffee yet and was still trying to load a response when Daichi cut in.

"Oi, Noya! Did you and the others have fun last night?"

Noya laughed uproariously. "Apparently too much fun! Ryu called while I was out, begging me to come help clean up the restaurant. You mind if I use your shower before I go to help him out?"

"Yeah, go ahead. Take whatever you need while you're here," Daichi waved the question away. "Asahi can tell you that Koushi and I make ourselves at home in his apartment whenever we're visiting."

"Thanks!" Noya scooped up his satchel by the strap, then ducked into the kitchen to kiss Asahi on the cheek, rubbing his hand over Asahi's morning scruff. "Sorry if I was any trouble last night. If it helps at all, I doubt I'll ever drink that much in a single night ever again."

"Were you really drunk, Noya?" Daichi asked, amused.

"I guess so." Noya lifted his shoulders, looking a proud approximation of sheepish. "I don't remember half the night. I don't even remember how I got back here!"

"I carried you up the stairs," Asahi muttered miserably.

"I'll make it up to you," Noya declared with a second kiss before ducking inside the bathroom to shower.

Daichi covered his mouth, trying to hide the laughter bubbling up. Asahi ignored him grumpily as he drained his coffee, then went back for a second cup.

"There is no way he was that drunk last night and perfectly normal today," Daichi said, his stifled laughter finally subsiding. "No one drinks so much that they can't manage stairs, and then goes out to run before anyone else wakes up."

"Noya does," Asahi grumbled, inhaling the steam from his coffee as he sat down again. "He's always had a fast metabolism. And he threw up a lot of it just before we got to the stairs."

"Well, may he one day know the pain of a hangover like the rest of us," Daichi said, mock solemn as he raised his coffee mug. Asahi clinked it in solidarity. Not that he really wished the pain of a hangover on his boyfriend, but...there were some rights of passage everyone had to experience eventually. For Asahi, that night had been the New Years Eve that Suga and Daichi spent in Tokyo, saying they were going to drink until it was Asahi's birthday. All three of them woke up sick and in such pain, they'd vowed never to drink that much again. Since then, Asahi had always limited himself to two beers with a meal, never more. It simply wasn't worth it.

In fact, he was just a little jealous of Noya, waking up and running just as if he were still a high school athlete.

When Noya finished his shower and was styling his hair in the mirror, Asahi passed through to take his shower, delaying just a bit to mess around before cleaning off. It felt naughty and wild to get dirty in someone else's house, but at least they were behind a locked door; Suga and Daichi weren't always as considerate at Asahi's one-room apartment. After dressing, shaving and toweling his hair mostly dry, Asahi finally felt awake and mostly refreshed. He yielded the bathroom to Daichi and found Noya in the kitchen, table loaded up with breakfast foods.

"Count on Daichi to keep a full pantry!" Noya said approvingly, talking through a full mouth. "Hey, what are you going to do today, Asahi? Until practice, I mean."

"Hm, I don't know." Asahi grabbed a banana off the table, probably the only thing he'd eat until lunch time. "Maybe help you clean up with Tanaka."

"Nah, that's no fun! You didn't help make the mess, you shouldn't have to clean it," Noya chided him. "Don't you have anyone you want to see while you're here? Anywhere you want to visit?"

"Not really." Everyone Asahi would have wanted to visit was going to be at the volleyball game that evening and he'd moved to Tokyo because, well, there really wasn't anything worth doing back home. He was already checking all his boxes for this visit, so there was no need to go out of his way at all.

"What about your parents?" Noya asked, eating something that Asahi thought was yogurt.

"Well, we're meeting up with them for dinner, so I'll just see them then." Then, because Noya had brought it up: "What about your parents?"

"Ha!" Noya barked a laugh. "I didn't even tell them I was coming. With any luck, they'll never know I was here."

The struck a cord of dissonance within Asahi. Even if he didn't have a great relationship with his parents, shouldn't he at least want to see them? Just a little? Asahi had been tracking Noya's trip around the globe for year and unless Noya's parents had visited him somewhere abroad, it had to have been years since he'd seen them. Why wouldn't he want to pop in just to say hi? They were his parents, after all.

Before he could try voicing any of that, Noya's phone beeped. He read it while drinking down a tall glass of milk, gasping once he'd drained the whole thing. "Shit, Ryu really needs me. And an entire bottle of aspirin, apparently. I'm gonna run. You gonna be okay, Asahi?"

"Um..."

"Don't worry, Noya," Daichi called, steam pouring through the bathroom door as it opened. "I'll keep him busy until the game tonight."

"Sounds good! See you guys later!" Noya kissed Asahi thoroughly, grabbed a piece of toast smothered in butter and jam, then ran out the door like a kid late for school. When Asahi recovered from the whirlwind that was his boyfriend, he noticed Daichi lounging in the doorway of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist.

"So..." Daichi asked, almost sheepish. "When was the last time you played a full volleyball match?"

Asahi flushed, ducking his head. "Probably about as long as the last time you did."

Daichi laughed. "Want to spend some time warming up? Gently?"

"I like the sound of gentle." Asahi groaned as he levered himself up out of the kitchen chair to change into a loose t-shirt and gym shorts. He and Daichi walked to a community basketball court that was empty and just practiced simple receiving drills with frequent breaks for water and for catching up. Asahi asked about wedding planning, Daichi admitted they hadn't really gotten that far yet. Daichi asked about living with Noya in the city, and Asahi blushed as he admitted he was really happy. He probably wouldn't have ever considered having a live-in boyfriend before, but Noya wasn't just anyone and that made it different. When Asahi started talking about their plans for Paris, Daichi made them both get up and keep practicing. Asahi was moderately sore by the time they went back to the apartment to shower, change, then head out to the school.

Noya was already there, along with Tanaka, who looked as if he was not yet entirely over his hangover. Suga arrived later, looking harried from his paperwork, but grateful he'd finished it. He used the old team room to change from his work clothes into his gym clothes. When Asahi asked about Kiyoko, Tanaka admitted she was upset with him and wasn't coming until later. He needled Noya about his "secret" to avoiding hangovers and Noya only laughed.

The old team congregated outside of the gym as the current Karasuno team warmed up on the court. Karasuno was once again considered a powerhouse school, but the team had some weaknesses. That was fine; that was why they were there, wasn't it? Narita and Kinoshita arrived together, both looking weary for having drunk all night and worked all day, but overall they seemed cheerful. Ennoshita wasn't going to be able to play tonight, but he could make tomorrow's game. Hinata popped up, as exuberant and full of childish enthusiasm as ever, but unfortunately he was the only former first-year who could make it. Still, the new team seemed in awe of him, breaking away from practice to stare out the window at the pro player who had helped Karasuno resume its former status as a powerhouse school. Eventually Coach Ukai officially called for everyone to stop practicing and just go ahead and meet Hinata, who reveled good-naturedly under the attention.

"Let's go warm up!" Noya cheered, leaping into the gym as soon as the court was clear. "C'mon, spiking practice, let's go! I'll receive."

"Hey! Who died and made you captain?" Daichi ordered playfully. Noya only waved and ducked under the net, running to the opposite side of the court. Resignedly, Asahi lined up with the others for spiking drills. Daichi tossed balls to Suga at the net, who set them up for each player as they ran up for the spike.

It was a disaster. And it wasn't just Asahi who was well out of practice. Suga's tosses weren't consistent, sometimes too high or, often, not high enough. It was impossible to tell whether Tanaka was out of shape or just out of sorts due to his headache, but he couldn't even hit the ball, no matter how many times Suga tossed it. Hinata and Noya were the only two who looked like they were going to be a credit to the old Karasuno team and that, Asahi thought, was just a little shameful. He used to be the ace, for crying out loud!

Despite the awful practice, Coach Ukai sent everyone in to take their positions and called for the current team to start off serving. After a brief discussion, Daichi appointed Asahi and Narita as the middle blockers, much to Asahi's relief. He didn't think he had to energy to run for spikes the way that he used to. Noya protested, saying Asahi should be one of the wing spikers, subsiding only when Asahi promised he'd play wing spiker on a different day. He thought warming up as a blocker would be easier on his body then jumping right back into spiking. Noya wasn't happy about it, but he grumpily accepted Asahi's logic.

The game was embarrassingly terrible, but it didn't matter at all. Suga laughed at his terrible tosses, Daichi never raised his voice accept in laughter. Hinata chased after every toss relentlessly, hitting more balls out of bounds than he'd ever hit in a single game before. Tanaka didn't last long as a player, switching out with Kinoshita only halfway through the first match. He sat on the bench with a towel over his head and to all appearances, went to sleep. Noya played admirably, of course, but it had little effect on the game; what good was a solid defense if the team couldn't score? By the time they played three matches, Asahi could tell the new Karasuno team was thoroughly unimpressed with them. And that, somehow, made the whole thing even funnier.

"This was just a practice match," Daichi said bracingly as the official team gathered around their coach for criticism. "We worked the kinks out and we'll do better tomorrow."

"That's right!" Hinata declared cheerfully. "Don't mind! Karasuno always comes in at the clutch!"

"Uh, I think _they're_ Karasuno now," Suga said, hooking a thumb over his shoulder at the new team. "We are only sad former athletes who haven't touched a volleyball since high school. Except for you, Hinata, and Noya."

"Yeah, Noya do you still play?" Kinoshita asked, winded from filling in for Tanaka. "I mean, you obviously stayed fit, but I would have thought you'd be rusty."

"Sometimes I play pick-up community team games," Noya said, grinning. "But I have to play carefully, 'cause my job doesn't like bruises. It's nice to actually be able to dive for a ball!"

“Hey, since we have most of the team here…” Suga trailed off as he grabbed Daichi’s hand and gave him a look. Daichi gave him a look of pointed exasperation, then nodded. “We’re getting married!”

Asahi’s heart felt warm for his friends as they were congratulated and teased by former teammates. Unwittingly, his eyes sought out Noya, thinking of the day when they could make their own nuptial announcement to the former team. It seemed Noya wasn’t thinking the same just then as he waved to someone at the gym’s doorway.

“Kiyoko-san!” Noya shouted, waving exuberantly. “We just finished, so—Oh.”

Asahi turned, confused as to what had turned Noya’s enthusiasm off like a faucet. With the light of the setting sun behind her, at first it looked like Kiyoko was carrying something like a gym bag, as she used to when she was the team manager. But as she stepped into the gym, Asahi realized it wasn’t a bag, but a baby settled on her hip.

“There’s my girls,” Tanaka said, grinning and looking more alive than he had the entire game. He trotted over to Kiyoko, relieving her of her burden and carrying the wide-eyed one-year-old over to meet the team.

“She’s beautiful,” Asahi said, in awe of the child that gripped his finger with her entire hand. He’d gotten the birth announcement and seen pictures, but he hadn’t yet met the baby in person. He laughed and backed away when she reached for his glasses.

“Yeah, she’s got her mother’s looks,” Ryu crowed. Then, he grew serious. “She better get her mother’s brains, too, or else I don’t know what I’m going to do.”

Asahi and the others laughed loudly, which inadvertently set the baby to crying. Ryu bounced her gently on his hip, murmuring soft words as the others backed away, giving him space. Asahi looked around for Noya, suddenly overcome with the urge to be near him, and was surprised to find Noya on the backline of the court, going through a series of cooldown stretches. It struck Asahi as strange, but then perhaps Noya had met the baby last night before getting drunk with his friends and he wanted to give other people the chance to meet her. And Noya had always been fastidious about stretching after a game.

Asahi started over towards Noya to ask him about it when a familiar voice calling his name caught his ear. He turned with a smile, surprised and delighted to see his parents framed in the gym's doorway. He'd told them he would be playing at the high school, but he hadn't expected them to actually show up!

His mother had more gray in her hair, but her smile was just as warm and homey as ever. His father's bald spot had gotten bigger and shinier, too, but both of their hugs were warm and welcoming. He hadn't been home since last year's Christmas and it was startling to find how much he'd missed them both. As they started giving the embarrassing praise parents always heaped on their undeserving children, Asahi looked around for Noya to introduce him.

Noya, surprisingly, was hanging out at the bench with Narita and Kinoshita, sipping from a water bottle. Asahi tried to beckoning him forward, eager for him to meet his parents. He knew Noya saw, but what he'd expected to be an excited bolt across the gym (he'd seen Noya meet new people before) was actually a tepid shamble, as if Noya were having thoughts about sidling off and bypassing Asahi's parents entirely.

Suga must have seen the whole thing, because he linked arms with Noya and trotted him forcibly to the gym door, smiling brightly.

"Hi, Azumane family! Long time, no see!" Suga grinned brightly. Noya hung back, an obviously forced smile on his face.

"Suga, how good to see you!" Asahi's mother said brightly. "Asahi says you're a teacher now."

"I am, and unfortunately, I still have a little work to catch up on tonight." Suga hauled Noya forward a step. "Asahi and Noya are staying with us while they're in town, though. Have you met Nishinoya?"

"Not officially." Asahi's mother beamed brightly. "But we certainly recall seeing you play. Don't we, dear?"

"Yes, of course!" Asahi's dad chuckled. "It looks as if you haven't lost your touch. Eh, son?"

Asahi laughed as his dad poked him in the side, taking the good-natured ribbing for his lost athleticism. "Nishinoya was our guardian deity back then. Unlike most of us, he actually stayed in shape."

"Ah, well." Noya actually looked uncomfortably, as if trying to smile through nerves. "It's tough when you work such long hours at a desk, and the city isn't great for running, not like here with all the hills and everything. It's nice to finally meet you both. I remember seeing you at our games."

Asahi cast a quizzical look over at Noya, turning his palm up at his side, an invitation and a question. He wanted to tell his parents about them but if Noya was reluctant, he wasn't going to force it. Finally, Noya swallowed hard, then took Asahi's hand. Asahi's whole body tingled with warmth.

"Mom, Dad. Noya's my boyfriend. We've been dating for a few months now."

"Oh, that's wonderful news!" Asahi's mom clasped her hands to her chest. "Why don't we go out to dinner? We'd love to hear all about how you two finally got together! Do you know, Nishinoya-kun, that while you were traveling, Asahi used to show us pictures of you on his phone? What was the one you liked so much, darling?"

"The ice fishing one in shorts." Asahi's dad laughed. "Wasn't that cold?"

Noya's laugh rattled like a tab inside a soda can. "It can actually get pretty warm inside those fishing huts. And I run hot anyway."

"Do you have time for dinner?" Asahi's mom asked, looking up at Asahi. "We could go to that ramen place you used to love?"

"Ah, well." Asahi hesitated. Of course he wanted to go, it had been far too long since he'd had dinner with his parents. But Noya's hand was a rictus in his grip and he wasn't the cheerful ball of energy he'd been just minutes ago. As much as he wanted to see his parents, he wouldn't force it on Noya.

"Sure, why not?" Noya said finally. He ducked his head apologetically to Asahi's parents. "Sorry. Asahi knows I'm usually tired after a game, but ramen sounds pretty good right now. I might not last very long, though, I had a rough night with some friends last night."

Asahi felt his concern ease, just a little. Later, he'd ask Noya what had shaken him. For now, he'd enjoy a nice dinner with his parents and his boyfriend.

Later that night, Asahi stretched out wide on the futon in Daichi and Suga's living room, full of ramen and sore from volleyball practice, relaxing to the soothing sound of rushing water from the bathroom. When the water stopped and the door creaked open, Noya toed Asahi over on the futon, his hair wet and down, his skin still steaming faintly from the shower.

"I thought you took cold showers?" Asahi asked, moving over so Noya could settle next to him.

"In the morning, yeah." Noya yawned, blinking sleepily as he curled into Asahi's side. "If I shower at night, it's usually hot."

"Ah." Asahi rolled on his side, wrapping an arm around Noya's waist, pulling him close. "Yuu?"

"Hm?"

"Was tonight...okay?" Asahi asked, hesitant. "With my parents?"

"Yeah, they were cool." Noya shifted beneath the blankets. "I mean, I wasn't expecting them just then, so I was kinda surprised. But they were nice. Felt bad about them picking up the tab."

Asahi laughed. "They'll always do that. Even when they visit me in Tokyo, they insist on paying for meals."

"Oh." Noya yawned again, this time sparking a yawn in Asahi, but he wasn't ready to fall asleep just yet.

"Hey, can I ask about...your parents?" Asahi asked gently. "Are you...should we...tell them? About us?"

Noya was quiet for a long time. Just as Asahi began to suspect he'd fallen asleep, he just said: "We don't get along. I'd rather not see them while we're here."

"Okay, but..." But what? It was Noya's call, wasn't it? Still though, it made Asahi uncomfortable, as if Noya was hiding something from him. Or, perhaps, hiding Asahi from his parents? He wasn't sure which was worse. "Never mind. Goodnight, Yuu."

"Night, Asahi."

The next day, the old Karasuno team performed much better. It seemed they had shaken off the cobwebs and remembered their old moves, their old signals and plays. They put up much more of a fight against the teenaged team, pulling off a few of their old favorite plays. Hinata ran for his freak quick, pulling a classic feint, but Suga tossed to Asahi for a backrow attack. And Asahi found his old form to complete a spike, remembering that moment of crystallization right before he slammed the ball down on the other side of the net. The way Noya yelled and ran onto the court for a hug made it feel like the game winning shot, when really, they were actually down a few points. But it was still an amazing time, connecting with old friends, former coaches and the volleyball.

Afterwards, everyone met up at a local bar, a place they never could have hung out back when they were students. Few of the former second-year team members drank anything except for Noya, who indulged in a single beer. It seemed he was the only one to fully escape a hangover and laughed at the others as they turned green at the thought of drinking. Tanaka looked as if he might want to rise to Noya's challenge, but a stiff glare from Kiyoko set his straight. With Noya staying sober, Asahi let loose (a little) and drank with Daichi and Suga. When he went to bed that night, his thoughts were pleasantly fuzzy, enabling him to make out with Noya on the futon in their friends' apartment. They didn't go farther than making out--Asahi wasn't that drunk--but he still felt bold for going even that far.

The next day, instead of a practice game, Coach Ukai paired up current team members with former team members, having them practice together and talk about everything from strategies to pre-game rituals. Asahi was asked to help three players work on their jump serves, which he was happy to do. His body had remembered that much, at least. And from where Asahi helped the teens practice, he could look across the gym to see Noya teaching a pair of liberos (imagine that--having enough players to have a back-up libero!) his rolling thunder technique. A few of the teens asked about stories from their competition days, how they had overcome such powerhouse teams with such a fledgling team. Asahi still wondered about that himself sometimes, considering how easily his confidence could be shaken back then. Then Noya flashed a cocky grin at him across the gym and Asahi suddenly remembered where he'd gotten his confidence to play the bigger and better teams from.

Lunch was catered by Tanaka's family, although not without a fair amount of good-natured ribbing over the trouble he and his friends had caused on their first night in town. After lunch it was game time again, and this time Asahi was feeling properly warmed up. Suga was on his game with the tosses and Daichi was back in the swing of barking orders and keeping everyone's heads and spirits up. Noya, as always, was phenomenal, keeping the ball connected and the team alive. Asahi caught Noya's competitive spirit, grinning fiercely as he thought about what it would feel like to win every set and then take Noya home in triumph for a long session of love-making.

That was a fantasy, of course. He wouldn't actually have sex in Daichi and Suga's living room.

Well, maybe if Daichi and Suga went out to dinner...

As the team gathered around a bench set with bottles of water, laughing and jostling each other about the just finished game, a sharp voice cracked like a whip through the gymnasium.

"Yuu!"

The effect was instantaneous. The gym fell eerily silent as a bottle of water slipped from Noya's hand, bouncing and rolling as it hit the floor. An impeccably dressed couple, both wearing strict suits and shiny shoes, stood in the doorway of the gym, each directing a frown at Noya. Asahi's jaw dropped as he looked from the couple to Noya, then back again. These couldn't be Noya's parents. Could they?

"You didn't call to say you would be visiting?" the little woman snapped, ignoring the audience she'd made of both teams. "You don't call to say you're even back in the country? When were you going to call?"

Asahi expected a retort, a challenge, or even a laugh. But Noya had just gone still, scarcely breathing as he stared wide-eyed at his parents.

"Go and get changed," the man said, taking off a pair of glasses and cleaning them with a cloth from his pocket, not even deigning to look at his son. "There is much we need to discuss with you."

And to Asahi's great surprise, Noya actually walked away from the team, a nervous set in his shoulders as he approached his parents, not giving Asahi so much as a look to tell him what he should do.

As Asahi panicked internally, he felt a shove at his shoulder. He looked back to find both Daichi and Suga waving at him to go. He nodded shakily, then trotted after Noya, stopping when he did in front of his imperious-looking parents. The woman looked him over once, sniffed dismissively, then turned her focus on her son.

"Well, at least you've grown some while you were away," she said, as if she were one to talk. She had to be at least a head shorter than Noya was. "Your hair is too long, though and you smell like a vagrant. Hurry and get cleaned up. We have a lunch to go to."

"I already ate," Noya said in a shockingly small voice that made Asahi stare.

"No matter," his father said airily. "It took a lot of work on such short notice, but we were able to talk the Ohtori family into letting you have lunch with their daughter. If you can manage to convince her you're not a total buffoon, we can have an arrangement drawn up by dinnertime."

Asahi nearly swooned. They weren't saying what he thought they were saying...were they?

"I'm busy," Noya said quietly. "I'm not going out to lunch with someone you've arranged for me to meet."

"Yuu, you had the option to make this sport your career. You declined that option," his mother said sharply. "And then your refused school as well. What else are we to do with you? Ohtori is a good match. Now clean yourself up and let's go."

"I don't need you to do anything for me," Noya said, staring down at the ground, voice soft. "I don't want anything from you."

"Stop being such a child." His father set his glasses on his nose. "We don't have the time for this right now. Go and get changed and we'll fill you in in the car."

"Yuu?" Asahi couldn't remain silent anymore. He wasn't sure what was going on, but whatever it was, Noya didn't have to face it alone. He knew better than to reach for him, but he turned his palm out, inviting Noya to take it.

Noya drew a shaky breath, fingers twitching, about to reach out, when his mother smacked Asahi's hand away with her clutch.

"Who are you, addressing my son in such a familiar way?" She demanded to know, somehow managing to look down her nose at Asahi, despite their massive height difference. "I remember you. The Azumane boy. It's a surprise to see you still trying to play. You were never very good, even when your team finally made it to nationals."

Asahi felt as stunned as if he'd been slapped. He had never been a genius like Noya or Kageyama, but he hadn't been bad, either. He heard something behind him like a rustling, sneakers squeaking, the bench squealing as it scraped against the gym floor. But before their teammates could do or say anything in their defense, Noya's head jerked up, his eyes hard as he grasped Asahi's hand in a deathgrip.

"Asahi is my boyfriend," he declared loudly, his voice echoing in the near silence of the gym. "I'm bisexual. And I am not meeting with anyone's daughter for lunch."

"Yuu, you are making a scene," his mother hissed.

"What will the Ohtori's think?" His father grumbled.

"I don't care!" Noya charged between them, shoving his father aside with his shoulder, towing Asahi along behind him. "That's your problem, not mine."

"Yuu!" His mother shouted. "You get back here right now or-"

"Or what?" Noya barreled straight through, turning to put himself between Asahi and his parents. "You cut me off years ago. You think anything you do now scares me?" Noya laughed bitterly, turning his back on his parents. "Leave me alone. I don't want anything to do with either of you."

"That is no way to speak to your parents!" His father blustered.

Asahi felt Noya's hand tremble in his before his grip tightened. "C'mon, Asahi. I don't feel like playing anymore today."

"Okay," Asahi agreed, keeping step with Noya. Wishing to be polite, but wanting to support Noya more, he looked back once, ducking his head in acknowledgement of Noya's parents. The look of fury they returned was almost comical.

Noya tugged Asahi with him around the perimeter of the school, then down the hill the team used to sprint up during cardio training. He didn't speak and Asahi didn't ask any questions. Didn't even protest the fact that they hadn't changed out of their gym shoes. He stayed at Noya's side, waiting for Noya to calm down enough to explain.

They walked for maybe half an hour before arriving at a small city park. It was crowded for the school break, but Noya pushed through a few bushes to a quiet spot beside a koi pond. There, he finally released Asahi's hand before falling heavily to the ground, leaning back on his hands as he squeezed his eyes shut. 

Asahi was at a loss. He'd never seen Noya so vulnerable before, so deferential, so meek. And...he hated it. The more he thought about it, the more angry he became about the whole thing. Parents were supposed to create a safe and supportive environment for their children. They shouldn't be the cause of so much inner turmoil and insecurity. 

How had Noya become the person he was with such terrible people as parents?

No, that was a disrespectful thought. They might be terrible, but they were still Noya's parents.

Unsure of what to do, Asahi sat down beside Noya, setting his hand down beside Noya's so that their pinkies touched. He saw Noya draw a shuddery breath, then Noya's hand covered Asahi's. They still sat in silence a few moments longer until Noya relaxed enough to speak.

"I didn't want to see them," he said finally.

"I'm sorry, Yuu. I didn't know."

"I know." Noya shook his head. "I didn't want you to know. I'm sorry they said that. They're wrong, by the way. You were always my favorite player to watch on the court."

Asahi chuckled. "I preferred watching you when I could."

Noya's smile flickered and died. "They're just...really traditional. I knew they'd never be accepting. Not like your parents. I didn't want you to have to deal with that. It wasn't fair to you."

"Fair to me?" Asahi asked, choking on air. "It isn't fair to you! You should have felt safe coming out to them, they should be supportive of your decisions. Were they...Yuu, were they talking about arranging a marriage for you?"

Noya let out a breath that almost sounded like a laugh. "Yeah. See, after high school, they gave me a choice." He spat the word choice like it had a bitter taste. "I could try out for the national league and play professionally, because it made the family look good, you know? Or, they'd pick out a school for me so I could become a venture capitalist like they are. Either way, it was about what they wanted, not what I wanted. So I fucked off and traveled, using my own investments to fund it, working when I had to. They cut me off entirely when I left, but sometimes they'd call or email, asking when I was going to grow up." Noya smirked. "Guess I still haven't grown up yet."

"Yuu, that's... I'm so sorry." Asahi had no idea what to say. "Those weren't fair choices at all. Your parents should care more about you than about the family's image. You shouldn't have had to run away."

"Yeah, well, it's probably what I would have done anyway," Noya said, looking out over the pond. "Going to school would have sucked. And I'd have gotten bored playing volleyball. I'm glad I got to see the world." He didn't turn his head, but his hand tensed over Asahi's. "And I'm glad I came back when I did. I'm really happy with you, Asahi."

Having no idea of what to say to that, Asahi tugged Noya into his lap, sitting with Noya's back to his chest, curled over to rest his chin on Noya's shoulder, arms wrapped around Noya's chest. Noya felt tense at first, but then slowly, slowly, Asahi felt him relax. They sat like that for long moments, staring out over the pond, watching kids play on a playground.

"We won't be like that when we're married," Asahi said, breaking the silence.

Noya tensed again, making Asahi wonder if he'd been drifting off. "What?"

"We'll be more like my parents," Asahi explained. "Open and supportive. More casual, less formal."

Noya leaned away from Asahi, pulling out of his arms. "Asahi?"

"Ah! I'm not asking now!" Asahi blushed, ducking his head. "Sorry, I didn't mean for that to sound like a proposal or anything. I thought, maybe in a year or two, though. If we're both ready."

"Asahi!" Noya was on his feet, back to the pond, stance defensive. "I don't want to get married."

Asahi blinked, stunned.

"Ever," Noya reiterated, voice hard.

"But..." Asahi's mind scrambled for a response. "But I've read children do better when their parents are married."

"Children?" Noya swayed on his feet. "Kids? You want kids, Asahi?"

"Yeah?" Why was that a surprise? Why was Noya making Asahi feel like he was the one being weird? "I mean, I know we need a house first, but...doesn't everyone want kids?"

"No!" Noya shook his head violently. "No, Asahi. I don't want a house or kids or marriage or any of that. I just...I just want you and me. Isn't that enough?"

Asahi couldn't speak. Couldn't find an answer. His world as he knew it was cracking under his feet.

"Asahi?" Noya took a step closer, brows knit tightly together as he peered into Asahi's eyes. "Isn't that enough?"

Asahi wanted to say it was.

But he also didn't want to lie.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You really don't want to marry me? Or raise children?" Asahi asked, anxiety clenching in his gut. 
> 
> Noya sighed heavily before turning around to face Asahi. "No. I really don't."
> 
> "Why not?" Asahi asked, feeling strangely empty. He thought he'd be sad, or angry, or...anything. Instead, he just felt...hollow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Cheer up (a little), guys! Asahi and Noya make it to Paris! Full Disclaimer: I have never been to Paris, so if I get some details wrong, please forgive me!

The rest of the trip back home ended after a series of volleyball games, nightly reminiscences with friends, and an awkward tension with Nishinoya. Somehow, for the remainder of their time in Miyagi, they managed to speak only superficially to each other, carefully polite in both word and affectionate gestures. They still slept pressed against each other in the borrowed futon, but hands didn't roam and no more than goodnight kisses were exchanged once the lights went out. Even on the train ride back to Tokyo, they said little, preferring to maintain silence rather than tempt the fight they each seemed to sense on the horizon.

It was with mounting dread that Asahi ascended the stairway to his apartment, trudging dutifully along behind Noya's light, quick steps. What would happen when they closed the door behind them? Would they finally have it out? Yell, cry, maybe throw things at each other? Asahi had never been in a serious fight with a partner before. What should he say? What should he do? What if Noya wanted to break up? The thought brought a sick feeling into his gut, but...

The thought of never marrying, of never having children--that thought terrified him, too. It was the future he'd always pictured for himself: a simple, suburban home, a husband, two children. It was the reason he worked as hard as he did: one day, he wanted to afford that dream.

And if he was honest, he'd always pictured Noya as the man at his side in his perfect future.

But if Noya didn't want the same things...

Then what?

So wrapped up in melancholy thoughts, Asahu barely realized he'd stepped inside his apartment, shutting the door behind him and locking it on instinct. He turned, quaking with fear, to find Noya only inches away.

Noya darted forward, curling his fingers around the collar of Asahi's shirt and pulling his face down until they were level. His eyes were dark, restless and glittering.

Then Noya's lips were on Asahi's, hard and insistent as he pulled Asahi further into the apartment.

"Need you," Noya said, voice raspy as he broke the kiss. "Been too long. C'mon."

Asahi sputtered, hardly able to believe it. Were they just going to ignore it? Asahi's hopes for the future? Noya's stalwart rejection if said hopes? Was that the better option?

Asahi's brain said no, but his body was saying yes.

In short order, they were naked and tearing back the blankets on Asahi's bed. Noya was insistent, tugging on Asahi's hair, kissing and sucking on sensitive skin. Asahi was on fire in moments, coherent thought forgotten as Noya's hips ground against his. He fit their lengths against each other, cupping Asahi's erection in his hand and stroking them together even as Asahi prepared Noya with lubricant. It wasn't at all a surprise when Noya pushed Asahi down to the bed and straddled him, grinning as he sat back to take Asahi's length inside him.

Asahi groaned, setting his hands on Noya's hips as the delicious feelings of pressure, heat and slide overtook his senses. His hips rolled beneath Noya, taking a rhythm they'd both become familiar with. He couldn't take his eyes off his lover, seeing the moment when his eyes fell half closed, the arch of his back as he found the perfect angle to thrust against, the beads of sweat dripping from his hairline, his neck, his chest.

Everything about Noya was beauty and perfection. 

Did anything else really have to matter?

"Ah, Asahi." Noya moaned, fingers digging into Asahi's forearms as he rode, hard and fast. "A-A-sahi, shit! It's-- I'm--"

"I'm with you," Asahi gasped, feeling it too. It really had been too long for it to be this quick for both of them. Asahi moved a hand to stroke Noya's length in time with the motions. "I'm close, Yuu."

Noya ground down harder every time he came down, adding a little hip-slide to the motion that drove Asahi absolutely wild. His hips bucked without rhythm, his hand on Noya's hip kept him steady and by the time he felt the pressure clamp down around him, he was already spending himself deep, deep inside. His vision swam for a moment, everything hot and hazy and ultra sensitive. He felt it when Noya slipped off of him, a hand sweeping sweat-stuck hair off his forehead before a cool-lipped kiss against his temple. Then the weight shifted off the bed and Asahi took a moment to simply revel.

Sounds from the bathroom kept Asahi from falling asleep completely, though it was a near thing. It wasn't even all that late, but he was always tired after a long train ride and it really had been too long since they'd had sex. He tried rousing himself when he heard the water turn off in the bathroom, but it was a losing battle.

"Heh." Noya laughed as he returned to the bed. "Falling asleep already? You know that's my thing."

Asahi grunted, then hissed as a cool, wet washcloth dragged over the sensitive region of his lower abdomen. He blinked his eyes open, taking the washcloth from Noya's hand to finish cleaning up. They kissed once and smiled softly at each other, then Noya curled up in Asahi's warm spot as Asahi finished cleaning up in the bathroom. When he returned, Noya was already breathing slow and steady, eyes shut, body curled in on itself.

We should talk, Asahi thought, now that the euphoria of sex was out of his system. These are important issues in a relationship. We can't just ignore them. We need to talk it out and see if we can reach a middle ground.

Because if we can't...

If we can't...

Asahi wrapped himself around Noya's dozing form like a shell, brushing the blond bangs off his forehead.

If we can't find a middle ground, then what are we both doing? Asahi wondered.

Asahi didn't sleep well, despite how tired he felt. It had been a long time since his anxiety had kept him up, making him twitch right before drifting off, giving him dreams of waking up to find Noya gone. He found himself reaching out far more than he should have just to assure himself that Noya was still curled up right beside him. So hours later, when Noya began waking up for his run, Asahi was still awake.

The light through the curtains turned the room a hazy gray, giving just enough light to see by. Noya stretched long on the bed, groaning loudly as he rolled over and sat up, feet on the floor as he rubbed his eyes, coming awake all at once as he usually did. Asahi watched him for a moment, a soft smile on his face, then reached out and placed a hand on Noya's back.

Noya jumped, then turned back with a smile. "You're awake? That's weird for you."

"Yeah." Asahi didn't feel awake; he felt like he could brew all the coffee in his apartment, drink it steaming-hot and still not feel awake. "Yuu, we should--"

Noya swept low, pressing a kiss on Asahi's lips before bouncing out of the bed. "I ate so much while we were back at home! I feel so bloated. Can you tell? I've gotta get back to running every morning. Was thinking of adding an extra mile or two this morning."

Asahi frowned as Noya darted around the room, grabbing clean running shorts and a headband, talking loudly as he dressed for his run. Was he...trying to avoid talking about it?

"Yuu," Asahi said, sitting up in the bed. "We really need to talk about what you said when we were visiting home."

"We can," Noya said, not meeting Asahi's eyes. "Just, you know, maybe later. Until after you've had your coffee or something."

He is avoiding it, Asahi realized. He doesn't want to talk about it, which means...

"You meant it, didn't you?" Asahi asked, anxiety clenching in his gut. "You really don't want to marry me. Or raise children."

Noya, nearly out the door, let his hand slip off the door knob. He sighed heavily before turning around to face Asahi. "No. I really don't."

"Why not?" Asahi asked, feeling strangely empty. He thought he'd be sad, or angry, or...anything. Instead, he just felt...hollow. 

"Come on, Asahi, it's not like that," Noya insisted, taking a few steps back to the middle of the tiny apartment. "I really want to be with you. Like, in the forever way. I mean it. I just...my parents were always so insistent on a good marriage that it just kinda felt like...a trap? And I just...I never wanted to feel trapped, you know?"

"Is that what you think being married to me would feel like?" Asahi asked, throat tight.

Noya shuffled, obviously uncomfortable. "Look, I'm not saying it right. It's just...argh! Asahi, you know I love you, right?"

"Yes." That wasn't what they were debating, though.

"And I know that you love me and for me, that's just enough." Noya shrugged. "Marriage is for telling other people who you're in love with, and, like, marking your partner like they're a piece of your property. It's fine for people who want to do it, like Suga and Daichi, but I just never thought it was necessary. I love you and you love me. Who else needs to know, really?"

Asahi could understand the argument even if he didn't agree with it. Still, though... "What about children?"

Another unmistakable nervous shuffle. Noya rubbed the back of his neck, eyes down. "I don't know, I just never really thought about having them. It's like, there's still so much I want to do, I feel like having kids would just be in the way."

"How do you mean?" Asahi asked, carefully keeping his voice soft.

"Like...like..." It looked like Noya was in physical pain as he thought about his argument. It was strange: Asahi still just felt numb. "Look, you want to go to Paris, right?"

Asahi nodded; they'd been planning for it for months now.

"Yeah, so, we're gonna go to Paris and climb the Eiffel Tower and visit museums and little cafes and tourist traps, all that." Noya gestured wildly. "Can you imagine trying to do something like that with a kid? Children are miserable on a plane even when they _aren't_ yours. And then you've gotta watch over them while you're on vacation and it's like: No! This is my _vacation_ and I’d wanna enjoy myself, not take care of pesky kids. I mean...does that make any sense?"

Asahi hadn't thought that far ahead. Not really. He'd pictured late-night feedings with an infant, taking a video of first steps, exulting over first words. If he thought ahead to taking children on a foreign vacation, he pictured a well-mannered child nodding as a tour guide explained the symbolism behind a renaissance artist's use of color and shape. Although, following Noya's logic, he could just as easily see himself chasing after a wild child who insisted on ducking under velvet ropes and hanging from the arms of marble statues.

"We can take different vacations," Asahi said. "Or leave the kids with family."

"That just feels like a lot of extra steps," Noya argued. "I know we put a lot of planning into Paris, but maybe next time we just decide we want to go to--I don't know, Guatemala. And climb a volcano. And if it's just the two of us, we can just pick up and _go,_ you know? You can't do that with kids. Hell, you can barely do that with a houseplant. I like the way we live now, Asahi. I don't need anything to change."

Asahi felt something crumple and wither inside him. His shoulders slumped, his gaze dropped. It wasn't fair. How could they both have wanted this relationship so much only to find they didn't want any of the same things? How was there no middle ground for them to stand on?

How was it over when neither of them wanted it to be over?

"Asahi?" Noya stood directly in front of him, hands cupping Asahi's chin to raise it, eyes warm but smile tremulous. "I'm happy with the way things are now. Aren't you?"

Asahi cupped Noya's hand. Leaned into it. Took a breath. "I am happy, Yuu. Now. But in five years, or ten...I'll want different things. Won't you?"

There was a long moment where they searched each other's eyes. Then, slowly Noya drew his hand away.

"I have to run," he said, backing away a step. "I've got a shoot tomorrow and I need to drop this vacation weight."

"Okay," Asahi said dully.

"I'll pick up groceries after, okay?" Noya asked, backing up another step. "Text me if you're gonna be late for dinner?"

"Okay."

A rustle of movement as Noya stepped into his running shoes, then the soft click of the door behind him. Asahi's gaze was locked on the floor again, feeling hollow and empty and drained.

He didn't want it to be over--how could he? He was in love with Noya and they were happy, just as Noya pointed out.

So why, then, did he already feel like it was over?

Asahi honestly wasn't certain how they were going to move on after such a discussion, but that night when he got home late (partially because he had to catch up on work after vacation and partially because he was scared to see Noya again after their talk) Noya was still awake and had cooked dinner for the both of them. It wasn't anything fancy, just simple somen, but it was more than they usually had together. And maybe Noya talked too loud and laughed too hard during the meal, but gradually Asahi remembered what it felt like to simply live and love together. It was comforting and close and oh so familiar. And he loved Noya, truly, madly, deeply.

It was easier to simply not think of the future and just focus on their lives as they were now.

They fell back into the rhythm of work and life, with the occasional volleyball game night thrown in. Noya continued his work as a model, running every morning and watching his weight at most meals. He invited Asahi to join him at community pick-up games and events, but Asahi begged off, because even if he could get off early enough from work, he'd rather spend that time with Noya than playing volleyball with strangers. 

A clothing line that Asahi had played a major role in developing was picked for a runway show during a weekend-long festival and Noya pitched in to help out. While Asahi was busy fitting the models for their outfits, Noya helped build sets and string lights, joking with other volunteers about trying to get with one of the models. During the actual show, Noya stayed backstage with Asahi, helping soothe his nerves as the models took turns on the catwalk. Asahi would never forget the obvious look of amazement and wonder on Noya's face when one model came running to him to fix a major wardrobe malfunction. He'd behaved properly at the time, with only minimal staring as Asahi stitched a shoulder strap back into place, but once they got back home, Noya had been relentless in bed. It was actually more amusing than anything; Asahi found he didn't care where Noya got his motor running, so long as he brought it back home.

Life continued on, as it always had.

But there were small differences.

Every now and then, Noya would throw out a small comment disparaging either marriage or children. It was never direct, never bait for a fight, more like a supporting bit of data added to their first and only major disagreement. If the news reported a celebrity divorce, Noya would laugh and say "Can't get divorced if you were never married in the first place." And if they happened to see a child throwing a tantrum at a park, or in a store, or at a volleyball stadium, Noya would coldly remark: "So glad we don't have that problem."

Asahi tried not to ever rise to Noya's bait, but it was difficult. As someone who frequently struggled with self-love, Asahi wanted someone who wanted him, and to him, marriage was the ultimate symbol of that. As for kids, well...sometimes he could see Noya's point. But other times, he would see a parent coaching a child to play catch or soccer and he'd say something like "Can you imagine teaching our kids to play volleyball one day?"

Noya only ever scowled in response, but it was a dream Asahi couldn't let go. Noya would be great with kids, he was sure of it. The man was practically still a kid himself! What was not to love?

So they lived with the echoes of their argument, never bringing it up directly, but neither caving in to the other's view. It was as if they had mutually agreed to disagree, but Asahi couldn't help but wonder: How long could that last? Was he just waiting for Noya to give in and give up so they could be married? Or was Noya secretly hoping that one day, Asahi would forget he ever wanted marriage and kids and they'd continue on as they were now, never growing, never becoming anything more?

Asahi knew he should bring it up again, that they should have it out again, decide something definitively. But the thought of doing so made him sick to his stomach. If they hashed it out again, the only logical conclusion was a break up. And Asahi didn't want that. It didn't seem that Noya did either.

So he learned to live with Noya's quips. Even came up with a few of his own. Nothing as biting as Noya's, perhaps, but gentler, more chiding. They never seemed to have any effect on Noya, but they made Asahi feel better. As if he were standing his ground without having to fight.

The best of both worlds. 

Right?

Because of course, the biggest reason not to pick a fight was because he loved Noya. Didn't want to lose him, ever, at all.

But the secondary reason for not picking a fight was a little more selfish: Their scheduled and paid-for trip to Paris was right around the corner. It would be Asahi's first trip out of the country ever and even with the silent undercurrent of tension between him and Noya, he was still excited. Paris was beautiful in movies and pictures, it had so much history and art and fashion and the closer their travel date got, the more Asahi forgot about the distant future of a possible husband and children and more about the opportunity right in front of him.

Packing for an overseas trip had him as anxious as his final volleyball tournament in high school, so ultimately Noya packed for him, teasing lightly that Asahi was trying to bring his entire apartment for a ten-day trip. Noya himself was only bringing a backpack, and a small one at that. He upgraded their cellphone plans for international travel, called their credit card companies so they would be aware of foreign currency exchanges, and double-checked necessary vaccinations, just in case. Things Asahi never would have thought about had he planned the trip on his own.

The train ride to the airport had Asahi shaking. Noya held his hand and smiled warmly, talking instead about work, about volleyball, about the French food he'd eaten when he passed through on a bike trip through Europe. He talked about anything other than the upcoming air travel.

He's deliberately trying to put me at ease, Asahi realized about halfway through the ride. He knows I'm nervous and he's actually picking topics that make me feel secure. And...it's working.

He was still nervous, but not as much as he had been.

Truth to tell, when Asahi thought back over the past few weeks leading up to the trip, Noya had been just a bit...softer. He didn't bring up arguments against marriage or children and merely changed the subject whenever Asahi did. It was like he had mellowed recently, so subtly that Asahi had barely noticed it. As he did, he squeezed Noya's hand in gratitude.

How did one person get to be so perfect?

The airport was streamlined chaos, but Noya knew exactly what he was doing. He coached Asahi through the security checkpoint, grabbed a pamphlet on customs, hurried him to the terminal and even slipped him medication for motion sickness and a bottle of water. While he wasn't certain he needed it, he took the meds anyway. Better safe than sitting with a full airsick bag for the entire flight.

Noya held his hand during take-off, smiling as every new whine, hum and whir from the engine made Asahi twitch and jump. A child started screaming unceasingly somewhere on the flight and Asahi cringed, knowing this was precisely one of Noya's arguments against children. But Noya only grimaced, pulled out a set of earphones, and picked a playlist from his phone. Then his hand was back in Asahi's, comforting smile in place.

Asahi's heart grew warm enough for hope.

The motion sickness medication must have made him sleepy because the next thing Asahi knew, Noya was nudging him awake, telling him to look out the window. Asahi's breath caught at the sight of sunlight in the Seine, the tiny boxes of buildings beneath them and then as the plane banked--

"That's the Eiffel Tower!" Asahi exclaimed. Then blushed, remembering some secondhand embarrassment when his high school teammates misidentified a radio tower as Tokyo Tower. "It is, isn't it?"

Noya laughed. "It was the last time I was here. Pretty iconic, don't you think?"

"You said you only passed through, though." Asahi couldn't help but look for more famous landmarks. "Why didn't you stay? See some of the sights."

Noysa shrugged. "Cities are kind of boring. They all just look like Tokyo to me. I don't want to see the same boring city everywhere I go, I wanted to see the stuff outside the cities, the stuff no one puts in movies or books. That was more important to me."

"This isn't going to be boring," Asahi promised. "Paris is nothing like Tokyo."

Noya smiled. "I know. I believe you, Asahi."

Customs was a new form of torture, but one Asahi was expecting thanks to Noya's experience. When they were finally set free, Asahi's jitters were more from excitement than nerves. He'd finally gotten his passport stamped! He was finally somewhere in the world that wasn't the country of his birth. He was thrilled and terrified in turns and despite all their careful planning, he had no idea what to do next.

"I think those signs lead to the hotel shuttles," Noya said pointing to a sign that looked vaguely like a bus. "Let's go that way."

"You think?" Alarm bells of panic immediately went off in Asahi's head. "Can't you be sure? What does the sign say?"

Noya hitched up his back as he shrugged. "I don't know. The signs are all in French."

"You can't read French?" Asahi felt his stomach lurch unpleasantly.

Noya grinned brightly. "Nope!"

"But...but you can speak it, right?" Asahi asked, stomach sinking a little lower.

"Not at all!"

Oh, Asahi was going to be sick. No motion sickness pills to save him this time. "But...but you've been to France before. How did you get by?"

"I just followed the bicyclist in front of me," Noya said nonchalantly. "I traveled all across Europe on a bike; you didn't really think I'd learned a dozen different languages, did you?"

"No, but..." How had he not thought to ask this question before they'd arrived in France? "Noya, this is--I'm--"

"Hey." Noya set a hand on Asahi's shoulder. "Look at me, Asahi. Take a breath and just look right here." Noya waited until Asahi met his eyes. "You're with me. Nothing can go wrong. We know the hotel we're staying at and our phones can GPS and act as translators. We're going to be okay."

"But--but what if--" Asahi couldn't help but jump to the worst possible scenario. "What if we get separated and my phone dies?"

Noya gave him a patient look. "Look, it's not that scary. Everyone speaks English, and you got good grades in English, didn't you? Just speak that."

"Noya, this isn't the UK, or the USA, or Australia or--"

Noya gave Asahi's shoulder a squeeze before he turned and waved to a person wearing a uniform. He spoke in quick English phrases, almost too fast for Asahi to translate. The uniformed airport employee seemed to understand, pointing to the sign Noya had indicated earlier for the shuttle buses. Noya thanked him for his help and then turned to raise an eyebrow at Asahi.

"And you did much better in English in high school than I did, so it shouldn't be a problem for you."

Asahi felt heat rise in his cheeks. "It's different in an academic setting. And it's been years since I used it."

"You'll pick it up quick," Noya promised, grinning up at him. "I mean, I figured it out and you're way smarter than I am. C'mon, let's get to the hotel. I could really use a meal!"

Asahi just about panicked again at the shuttle buses--which was the right one?!--but then he realized he could match the logo on the shuttle to the hotel logo and it wasn't all that scary. Once on the bus, he couldn't help but gape out the window. So much gorgeous, old architecture! Bridges and churches and museums and cafes--how could Noya think every city looked the same? Paris looked nothing like Tokyo! And when he forgot about the language barrier, the strange currency and the fact that he was far, far from home, he could simply appreciate the beauty and wonder of the city. So despite all his fears, Asahi was glad to finally, at long last, travel.

Their hotel was nothing fancy--no adorable little B&B, nor a conglomerate chain, just a mid-range room in the heart of the city. They'd made that choice together, deciding to save money on accommodations in order to be close to all the sights Asahi wanted to see. After all, they weren't planning on spending their vacation in the hotel room, so why drop a lot of money on one? Although, after they finally got all checked in and dropped their bags int heir room, Asahi had to admit: he was feeling a little worn out already.

"Is this time right?" Asahi asked, frowning at his phone. "It feels a lot later than this."

Noya laughed. "That's the time zone difference. And the jet lag. Best thing to do is go to bed early and be refreshed for the next day." He stretched, groaning as several bones popped in his spine. "But I'm starving! Want to go find a bistro for dinner?"

"Yes!" He was tired, but he was also excited to see the city. After checking to make sure he had the hotel's address saved into his phone and after checking to make sure he had his room key about five times, Asahi followed Noya downstairs to the lobby.

"Do you want to ask where a good place to eat is?" Noya asked Asahi, nodding to the concierge desk.

Asahi blanched. "Uh, don't you just...look for outdoor seating areas or something?"

Noya chuckled. "We can. But the locals always know where the best food is, and where you won't get price-gouged for being a tourist."

"Oh." Asahi still hesitated. "Maybe you should do it."

"Okay." Noya approached the concierge desk and this time Asahi was just barely able to follow along as Noya asked (in English) for a dinner recommendation. Asahi didn't really understand the response beyond a series of directions, but Noya nodded and thanked him, then led Asahi out into the city.

Asahi's first real breath of Parisian air was thick, wet and warm, laden with centuries of history. The buildings weren't nearly as tall as they were in Tokyo, so everything simply seemed brighter. Well-tended trees lined the boulevard and around every corner was a carved stone gargoyle or a work of art that Asahi just had to stop and take a picture of. Noya smiled indulgently, then took his hand and led on.

"We'll see it all," Noya promised. "But if you try to see it today, you'll just wear yourself out for tomorrow. Here, look, this is the place."

Asahi had expected a cute little outdoor seating area with iron worked into tables like lace, but this place was like any diner in the world: formica tabletops and plastic booths. The menus didn't come with pictures, so Noya didn't bother looking at one. Instead, he asked for two plates of their most popular dish, whatever it was. The server responded with something that clearly was not English, but sounded very pretty. Lyrical, almost.

"What did she say?" Asahi asked after the server left.

"Dunno," Noya said, shrugging. "It sounded like the name of the dish. I'm pretty sure one of the words was cheese."

Asahi struggled with his anxiety for a moment, then realized that if he spent the whole trip worrying about every little thing, he wasn't going to be able to enjoy a moment of it. He took a breath and focused his attention on the moment directly in front of him. "I'm glad you feel so comfortable with all of this. I'm sure that if I came here on my own, I wouldn't have been able to find my way out of the airport."

Noya laughed. "You would have. It takes a bit of getting used to, but most places treat tourists all the same. And all I did was travel for years, so I guess I'm just used to it by now."

Asahi hesitated, then said something that would have made him blush if he thought anyone but Noya would understand him. "I think it's very sexy, hearing you speak English."

"What?" Noya laughed, his cheeks turning a very faint pink. "I've been told my English isn't very good. It just gets the point across, really. It's not a big deal, we all learned it in school, didn't we?"

"Yes, but I've never used it," Asahi explained. "I can read English alright, but hearing it and speaking it...it's very different from the classroom."

"You just get used to it," Noya said with an embarrassed-looking shrug. "Once you get the hang of it, you'll be better than me. You just need to sleep. This won’t feel so strange in the morning when we actually start exploring."

Asahi didn't understand how finding a bistro and eating unknown food wasn't already "exploring" but Noya seemed perfectly in his element, so Asahi put his faith in his boyfriend. When the food arrived, Asahi was a little surprised by the big, messy burgers, but Noya dug right in. Asahi thought about asking what type of meat was in the burger, then decided to throw caution to the wind. If this was what the locals ate, it had to be good. Right?

The burger was messy, drenched in sauces and cheeses that Asahi couldn't begin to identify, but it was good, as were the stringy fries that accompanied it. It was a heavy meal, though, and feeling exhausted from the air travel, Asahi found he couldn't finish his. It didn't matter, though, because Noya was ravenous and ate both his portion and Asahi's.

"I always feel better after a meal," Noya admitted after they paid for their food and left. "Is there anything you want to do before we head back to the hotel? I'm probably going to sleep until noon tomorrow."

Asahi laughed at the thought of Noya staying in bed past sunrise. Even when they'd trained late at volleyball camps, Noya was always the first one up, fresh and bright and already training. And sleeping in a bed after over twelve hours of being cramped in an airplane seat did sound tempting, but with the meal sitting heavy in his stomach, Asahi asked: "Could we just take the scenic route back to the hotel? I don't need to do anything, I just want to take some pictures."

"Hm." Noya looked around. "Yeah, let's wander. I don't know where anything is from here, but if we get lost, we can GPS back to the hotel."

"What do you normally do your first day somewhere new?" Asahi asked, following as Noya picked a random direction.

"Eat and sleep," Noya said simply. "It helps me settle in. Jet lag is a time-sink, but I always end up getting really confused when I try to push through it, so it isn't worth it."

Asahi couldn't stop staring at everything as they walked. From the shop fronts to the decorative plants, from the stonework to the street lamps, everything looked entirely foreign and completely new. "All the pictures you sent were always of you _doing_ something. Did you ever go anywhere just to _be_ there?"

Noya hummed thoughtfully, barely glancing around at the scenery as they walked. "Not really. I like doing things and being busy. I like learning new skills or new games or new sports. I can't learn anything from watching or reading. I have to get my hands on it, you know?"

"I know." Asahi smiled as he linked his fingers through Noya's. "I know this isn't the type of place you normally travel to, but I'm really happy to be here with you, Noya."

Noya grinned and squeezed Asahi's hand. "Me too, Asahi. Me too."

The next morning, Noya really did sleep in. It was so surprising that Asahi was tempted to take a picture. In a startling revelation, Asahi realized that in the six months they'd been dating, he'd never actually woken up beside Noya--he was always up so early that Asahi often didn't wake up until after Noya returned from his morning run. Even more surprising, Asahi woke up first: Noya was still curled into his chest, breathing deep and even, hair an adorable splay across Asahi's arm. He was tempted to close his eyes and go back to sleep, but sunlight was spilling through the windows, giving the room a rich, golden glow and the fact that this was his first time waking up in a foreign city made Asahi too excited to sleep any more. He woke Noya with kisses and light touches, gently and slowly, wishing only to start the day, but as Noya roused, he returned Asahi's gentle nudges with insistence and need. He slung a leg over Asahi's body and slithered on top of him, kissing his throat, his ear, his nose, his stubble. With their bodies still sleep-warm and pliable, the sex began almost surprisingly quickly and Asahi found himself experiencing yet another first in a foreign city. It was almost dreamlike, watching Noya ride him, surrounded by golden light, his hair soft and spilling around his face, head thrown back in rapture. It was beautiful in a familiar, homelike way, soothing away any jitters Asahi felt about being so far from home.

He had all the comforts of home right there in bed with him.

Each day seemed both unending and over all too soon. Asahi's feet were sore from walking every night, his camera full of images and his stomach full of amazing foods--most of which he'd be hard pressed to guess what they were. He also bought an embarrassing amount of food, too: Cheese and bread and butter and chocolate. Noya laughed at him, mostly because they'd hardly finish it all before they had to fly back home. He did remember to get souvenirs for his friends and family, as well as a rather expensive bottle of champagne he intended to give Daichi and Suga as a wedding present. He didn't think about getting everything home; he didn't want to think about leaving Paris until the time was upon him.

Despite the ache in Asahi's feet, legs, and lower back each night, he always returned to the hotel room feeling energized and aroused. The first night, he'd taken Noya insistently to bed, and when Noya made no attempt to get up from his back, Asahi took him that way, stretching him carefully, tenderly, until they were both shouting their pleasure, then falling asleep in sudden, all-consuming exhaustion. And to his utter delight, he awoke once again with Noya still by his side, warm and calyx and roused with a kiss. Their sex set a delightful rhythmic backdrop to each day: Asahi taking the lead at night, Noya sitting astride in the mornings. Once, Asahi was fairly certain he hadn't been fully awake yet when Noya started and quickly decided it was his favorite way to wake up. Noya laughed when he told him so.

Each day was a wonder of new sights, new tastes, music and discovery and love. And Noya was right: the more Asahi heard English spoken, the more it came back to him. He understood a little more each day and even got the courage to ask a few timid questions of the tour guides. They took pictures at all the famous and historical sites, Asahi's favorite being the one they took in the Jardins du Trocadero with the Eiffel Tower behind them. He planned on framing it when they got back home. He wanted a visual reminder of this trip every day for the rest of his life. And maybe--just maybe--this would be the photo they framed for the reception hall at their wedding.

But who could say? Hopefully this wouldn't be the last trip Asahi took with Noya; maybe they'd find a more romantic picture one day.

While Asahi stared agape at every new thing, Noya seemed to take it all in stride. He wore a preoccupied smile most of the time, his hands in his pockets, his eyes a little distant unless Asahi called his attention to something. Asahi thought he understood: Noya had never been a great lover of art, history or literature and hitting tourist destination after tourist destination probably seemed a little boring for someone who had been spear fishing in Italy, scuba diving in Australia, and base jumping in America. It warmed Asahi's heart to know that Noya was being so patient with him, a first-time traveler too nervous to do anything more than stick to the well-trodden path. And Noya didn't seem completely disinterested in any event: half the time, Asahi would look over at him and find Noya looking right back at him, something soft and warm and deep in his eyes. Asahi would smile, usually they would kiss, then the next wonder would catch Asahi's eye.

The best day of the trip had to be near the end, where they spent the entire day at the Louvre, then ended the day with an elevator ride to the top of the Eiffel Tower. The view was romantic and perfect and Asahi didn't care who saw them kissing at the top of the most iconic structure in the world; if they never went to another exotic locale ever, at least he'd have this. He would remember the boats passing on the Seine, the stars in the sky, and the lights of Paris glittering in Noya's eyes.

It was everything Asahi had ever hoped it could be.

And then, of course, all too soon, their time in Paris was coming to an end.

It was frustrating and disappointing in a way Asahi couldn't have imagined, like standing by the sickbed of a family member, waiting for the grief to begin. For the first time ever, he understood why a person might just up and leave everything they knew behind to live somewhere new, or to just keep traveling forever. He wished they could take more time. He wished they didn't have to leave.

When Asahi grew frustrated in trying to pack all the things he'd bought, Noya suggested they take a walk. The city around their hotel was familiar to them now, so even though it was late, Asahi wasn't at all nervous about getting lost. No, he was actually far more melancholy about having to leave at all. He thought one last walk in the city he loved would be cathartic, at least. For once, Asahi didn't take pictures, just walked hand in hand with Noya, trying to take in all the sights. He was aware of Noya leading, but not really caring where they were going. He'd take any moment longer here that he could and put off thinking about that flight until the last possible second.

They came to a stop on a bridge over the Seine, the lights of the Eiffel Tower flashing and dancing in the distance. Asahi wrapped his arms around Noya's shoulders, curling around him as he sighed. He couldn't make himself accept that this was the last time he'd ever see those lights. They would have to come back one day: this would be the perfect spot to propose.

"Asahi?"

"I don't want to leave," Asahi said, nuzzling Noya's hair from behind. "It's so beautiful here."

Noya twisted in his arms, peering up at Asahi. "Yeah. It is."

Asahi felt Noya's hands on his arms, clutching him close for a moment before gently pulling away. Asahi smiled ruefully, ducking his head. "I guess we have to go finish packing, huh?"

"Yeah, I guess." Something about the light made Noya look apprehensive, nervous even. "I need to tell you something, Asahi."

"You can tell me anything, Yuu." Asahi reached for Noya's hand. "I'm so happy we came here together. This has been the most amazing trip of my life."

"Yeah. Me too." Noya squeezed Asahi's hand, then let it go, backing up a step as he took a deep breath. "Listen, Asahi. We're breaking up."

It took long moments for Asahi's brain to register Noya's words. When it did, he dismissed them as having misheard. "Sorry, Yuu, I didn't catch that."

Noya's jaw trembled slightly, his hands curling into fists as his sides, then: "I'm breaking you with you, Asahi."

Asahi blinked. Shook his head. "That isn't funny, Yuu."

"It's not a joke, Asahi." Noya leaned back against bridge, bracing his hands on the stonework. "I put a down payment on an apartment before we left Tokyo. When we get back, I'll pick up my stuff and go. I promise not to make this super awkward for you or anything, so if you want to wait while I gather my things, I'll--"

"Yuu." Asahi's head was spinning, his stomach beginning to churn sickly. "Stop. Just--stop. We're not breaking up, you're not moving out. Why would you even say something like that after such an amazing vacation? We just...we just had a wonderful time together, didn't we? So why would you--why would you--"

Noya sighed, his gaze dropping and skittering away. "I wanted this vacation to be perfect for you. You deserved a perfect vacation, Asahi. You deserve everything. Especially...especially the future you want."

Asahi's insides turned cold. Was that what this was about? The argument neither of them had brought up since they'd left Tokyo? "I don't care about that. How can you think that matters right now?"

Noya lifted his eyes to Asahi's. He read pain there, lots of it--but he also saw determination that chilled him to the bone. "Tell me you weren't just thinking about how this would be the perfect spot to get engaged?"

Asahi rocked back a step. "How...?"

Noya grimaced and looked away again. "Look, I get it, Asahi. I'm not mad. You want someone into all that romantic stuff. You want a house in the suburbs and kids and, just, normal stuff. You should have all of that. I'm just...getting out of the way. So you can have all that."

"I don't want it!" Asahi grabbed Noya by the shoulders, desperate for contact, for touch. "I don't care about any of that stuff, Yuu, I just want you!"

"You're saying that now," Noya said gently. "But, Asahi...I couldn't bear it if in two years, or five, or ten, you realized you made a mistake. You should go after what you really want, not just settle for what's easy."

"I want you," Asahi insisted, eyes burning. Why wouldn't Noya look at him? "I've always wanted you. Who really knows about the future, right? It could change, people change, and I'm fine with that as long as I'm with you."

Noya met his eyes then and Asahi wished he hadn't. He could see the end there and it was dark, dreadful and full of pain. "I'm not going to change my mind, Asahi. And I don’t want to wait around hoping that you change yours. I'd rather you be happy, even if it's with someone else."

Asahi's heart didn't break--it shattered. No. No! He didn't want this, couldn't accept this! These had been the most perfect days of his entire life, their relationship couldn't just be over! He couldn't accept it--he wouldn't! If he could only show Noya how much he cared, the depth of his emotion, the aching, desperate recesses of his soul--

But Noya eased out of Asahi's grip, avoiding the kiss even before Asahi could lean in for it. "Let's go back, Asahi. You still have to pack and our flight leaves early tomorrow."

"I don't want to go back," Asahi whispered, feeling as if broken glass lined his throat.

Noya's lips quirked in a failure of a smile. "I know. Me neither."

But he reached back and took Asahi's hand, leading him away from the bridge of heartbreak and into a city that was no longer colored with romance and wonder, but instead with dashed dreams and thick, cloying air like smoke. Asahi couldn't breathe without pain, without panic. Every step back to the hotel was agony; he didn't want to go back. He wanted to rewind to the bridge, wanted to skip the moment Noya said anything. He wished he'd just taken him in his arms and kissed him into silence. Maybe then, Noya wouldn't have broken up with him. Maybe then, this wouldn't be the new reality.

Maybe it still didn't have to be. They'd be alone in their hotel room; they had a full day of travel ahead of them. There was time--plenty of time! They would talk and Noya would see--Asahi would make him understand! There was no reason for them to-- They shouldn't have to-- Why did they have to...

The thing was, in spite of everything, Asahi had been nursing a small and distant hope that Noya would come around to wanting marriage and a home and children. It wasn't right, no, but people's dreams did change over time, so was it wrong for Asahi to want the man he loved to want the same things as himself? He'd never been more sure of anything before: He wanted Noya in his life, for the rest of his life. And he was willing to wait for years and years if that's what it took for Noya to come around.

But if he never did...

Could Asahi be satisfied with that?

Asahi was startled to find himself inside the hotel room with no memory as to how he'd gotten there. He stepped out of his shoes, trying desperately to organize his thoughts. He couldn't fall to pieces, not now. Not when he had such a limited time to convince Noya that they could fix this; that there was no reason to end it. His heart might be no more than ground glass, but that didn't mean it couldn't be put back together. They could fix it.

All they had to do was get past this.

Noya set his phone down inside the doorway, one hand on the doorknob. He didn't meet Asahi's eyes. "I'm going for a run."

"Yuu--"

"I'll be back before our flight." He stepped back through the open door, slipping away. "Try not to worry about it, okay, Asahi? I'll be back."

"Yuu, wait!"

But the door closed behind him, stirring the broken glass within Asahi's chest.

He wanted to follow, but he couldn't see for the tears in his eyes.

He wanted to shout, but couldn't for the knot in his throat.

He wanted to chase, but couldn't for the all-consuming pain in his heart.

Asahi crumpled to his knees and wept, alone in the city of love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry!! This ending’s not any better than the last one… In fact, it’s worse. If you don’t hate me, please follow me on [Twitter](%E2%80%9D) for chapter updates.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> What was the point of marriage, anyway? People acted like it proved something, like it forged a link or a bond, but really, it didn't. The bond was either there or it wasn't, a ceremony and a ring didn't make it any more real than it already was. People who were married still cheated, still lied, still left. All marriage did was say to other people "Hey, this one's taken," and Noya didn't feel he needed that kind of a sign on someone he loved, much less on himself. It was stupid. The love they felt for each other should be enough on its own.
> 
> At least, it was for Noya.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got a minute to work on this fic! Thanks for all the wonderful comments, guys, it's super motivating to me!

The break up was not going well. How could Noya tell? Well, the fact that he'd just woken up in Asahi's bed for the third day in a row was a bit of an indicator. And the fact that Noya was in no hurry to escape it was another.

On their return to Tokyo, Noya gathered his things, as promised. He'd had to endure Asahi's silent, sullen stare all the way back from Paris, and then again while he gathered his bags. He'd thought Asahi would fight, argue, plead. Instead, Asahi, red-eyed and tremulous, had simply pointed out the late hour and wouldn't it better if Noya stayed the night and left in the morning? It hadn't taken any more convincing than that: Noya had stayed the night, wrapped in Asahi's embrace for what he'd thought would be the last time. He'd left his key behind on Asahi's table, Asahi's accusatory stare at his back as he left with all his belongings.

He'd endured about a week of inquisitive and angry texts and phone calls from their mutual friends, which helped get him through the initial move-in process of buying furniture and appliances while settling into a new place. Hinata and Yamaguchi had been alarmed and offered distant support. Ennoshita told him he was being stupid. Ryu called once to commiserate and said he'd be there if Noya needed anything, but then had fallen eerily silent, reminding him that even though Ryu was Noya's best friend, his wife was Asahi's friend and thus his alliance had likely been forcibly shifted. It hurt to think he'd lost a friend over the break-up, but Noya had been prepared for it.

Far worse was the lengthy accusatory diatribe from Suga over the phone and Daichi's stony silence. Noya understood, though. In fact, he rather welcomed it: if they were mad at him, that meant they were there for Asahi. And Asahi needed support more than Noya did. Noya would be fine on his own.

He always had been before.

The one person Noya had expected to hear from--Asahi--had been strangely silent. Again, he'd expected phone calls, texts, e-mails, messages passed through mutual coworkers. The silence bothered him, like an itch out of reach. He knew Asahi would be okay but...still, he worried.

Asahi didn't reach out until nearly two weeks later and the text only asked if Noya still wanted to go to the Adler game with him, since he still had an extra ticket. Noya told himself he only agreed because he wanted to make sure Asahi was okay, but even then he knew he was lying to himself. They spent the game sitting next to each other as far away from one another as possible. Despite comments on the weather, they didn't speak. A few times when Noya looked over, he could see Asahi's eyes were red. The game went into overtime and for the life of him, Noya couldn't say who won. It was late and he was tired and his apartment was way across town, nowhere near as local as Asahi's tiny studio was.

And Asahi had asked Noya if he wanted to stay over.

And Noya had said yes.

It became a habit, going to games that ended with Noya sleeping over. And then it expanded to calls that went a little something like: "I'm in the area, did you want to go to dinner?" And then: "If we have the same day off work, do you want to do something?" And every time Noya said yes. Because habits were hard to break. Because being with Asahi was comfortable, familiar and warm.

Because he was still so, so in love.

The break up wasn't working.

Neither of them were ready to move on.

With deepest regret, Noya shifted out from beneath Asahi's arm, easing out of the bed to find his clothes. There hadn't even been an excuse this time: Asahi had simply said he had a few early nights off work and Noya had offered to come over and make dinner. That was all it took to break his resolve.

Every time.

"Yuu?" The soft, groggy voice from the bed stopped Noya in the middle of pulling on his shirt.

"Yeah, Asahi?"

A thick yawn. "Are you coming back tonight?"

The note of hope sent a pang through his chest. "I dunno."

A rustle of blankets. When Noya turned around, Asahi was sitting on the edge of the bed, rubbing his eyes. He looked pale lately, as if he weren't sleeping well. Or enough. He woke up most mornings as Noya was leaving. Or maybe he never slept in the first place. "You should take your key," Asahi suggested. "I might be late tonight."

Noya's eye fell on his key, still sitting on the corner of the table right where he'd left it. "I shouldn't. I have an early shoot tomorrow. It'd be better if I stayed at my place so I don't wake you up."

Asahi's look of disappointment cut Noya to the bone. "Okay."

"Okay," Noya echoed, pulling on yesterday's socks. He had just enough resolve not to leave any clothes in Asahi's apartment.

"I'll...see you later. Yuu."

"See you later, Asahi."

Noya always felt like a rat for leaving Asahi again and again, every time they slept together. He shouldn't keep saying yes to every invitation.

But saying no felt so much worse.

Noya ran all the way back to his apartment rather than taking the train. It took longer, but the workout was good for him. He had a shoot later and after three nights of heavy eating at Asahi's place, he needed the extra conditioning. His apartment cost nearly twice as much as Asahi's place did, but then it was also nearly three times the size, with two bedrooms and a large bathroom, full kitchen and a living room. The problem was that it wasn't close to anything: not his work, not the sports stadiums, nothing. He'd thought that would keep him from running into Asahi after their break up. He hadn't counted on continually going out of his way to keep seeing his ex-boyfriend.

He knew they both needed to move on.

He also knew neither of them really wanted to.

Noya's apartment didn't have the lived-in feel of Asahi's place. Truth to tell, he spent as little time there as possible. He picked up as many modeling gigs as he could find and to fill the extra hours, he worked as a delivery boy around town. Any additional time was devoted to working out, running, or finding community teams to play with. Not just volleyball, but basketball, soccer and baseball, too. The point was just to stay active, not to play hard enough to bruise or injure himself. Keep busy. Keep himself from missing his best friend, his first and only boyfriend, the man he wanted more than any other.

But not enough to marry him, Noya thought chidingly to himself as he showered off after his long run. What was the point of marriage, anyway? People acted like it proved something, like it forged a link or a bond, but really, it didn't. The bond was either there or it wasn't, a ceremony and a ring didn't make it any more real than it already was. People who were married still cheated, still lied, still left. All marriage did was say to other people "Hey, this one's taken," and Noya didn't feel he needed that kind of a sign on someone he loved, much less on himself. It was stupid. The love they felt for each other should be enough on its own.

At least, it was for Noya.

But Asahi wanted what Asahi wanted, and Noya was in the way of that. Come to that, Noya was in the way of Asahi moving on, too. Kinda hard to date when you kept waking up next to your ex, secretly hoping to get back together with them. He needed to find a way to stay away from Asahi, to help him move on. But the only way Noya thought he could do that would be to take up with someone else and really...there just wasn't anyone as good as Asahi. And why settle for someone not as good when he could still see Asahi a few times a week?

I have to get over this, Noya thought, glaring darkly at himself as he spiked his hair in the fogged-up mirror. We both do. Or else we'll have to keep breaking up again and again and I hate being the one who has to break his heart.

When he checked his phone, a message was waiting for him from Asahi: Might get off work earlier than expected, just in case you want to come for dinner.

Noya set his phone aside without replying. He still had a few hours before he had to leave for the studio, so Noya spent the time working out in his living room. He found a show about extreme sports on TV and worked himself through a series of stretches before grabbing his free weights and counting out a series of reps. The show was documenting snowboarders and the training that went into navigating mountain slopes as well as jumps.

I never did snowboarding, Noya mused as he switched the weight between his hands. Maybe next time I travel, I'll go somewhere cold.

He entertained half a thought of taking Asahi to Switzerland before shaking his head to clear it. He _had_ to stop thinking about Asahi.

Noya's phone chirped with a message, making him scowl because of course it was from Asahi: Let me know if I can pick you up anything for dinner.

Fuck. The only good thing about that text was that it reminded him of the time. He checked his hair in the mirror, made sure his clothes weren't too sweaty and grabbed a frozen protein-pop on his way out the door. Lately he'd been losing track of time for his work; the hours were usually sporadic and he'd even missed a session. If he showed up too late, they'd drop his spot and give it to someone else. He wasn't exactly hurting for money, but he'd cashed in a few of his investments in order to put the down payment on his apartment. And without someone helping him pay the rent, he was feeling just a bit of a squeeze to keep the bills paid.

Noya's agency didn't deal with too many high-end clients--no superstars or popstars--but even so, a few hopeful paparazzi were stationed near the entrance of the building. Noya never paid them any attention, just as they never paid him any, either. He wouldn't have noticed them at all if it weren't for someone in a sleek polo shirt that clung to broad shoulders breaking away from a clutch of photographers in order to stand between Noya and the entrance of the building.

"Hey, Nishinoya Yuu, isn't it?" The man flashed a wide smile full of perfectly white, straight teeth. "My name's Tokuda, I work for Extreme Travel Blogs. Maybe you've heard of us?"

"Uh." Noya leaned away from the over-eagerly presented business card. "No. I'm not really into reading about places other people have been to."

"No, you're more about _going_ places and _doing_ extreme things, aren't you?" Tokuda's smile was too wide and too white; it was seriously creeping Noya out. "I happened to see your online portfolio. My company is very interested in getting you on the blog-sphere. Your travel would be paid for and you could have your own pick of places to go and extreme activities to try!"

"You saw my...oh, that picture portfolio thing." Noya always thought of his investment portfolio first before he thought of the stupid photos Asahi made him upload onto a digital portfolio. Most of the photos were professional headshots or pictures Asahi selected from his modeling shoots, but a few where from Noya's travels abroad. He'd always objected to the idea of a photo portfolio. He already had a job: why did he need to keep his "options open?" But Asahi had been insistent. "Uh, I'm not really interested right now."

Noya tried stepping around the blog-person, but he stayed in his way. "Not interested in free worldwide travel and the freedom to choose what you want to do? Our bloggers earn fame, fortune and..."

Noya tuned the blogger out, pushing past him to get to the doorway. There'd be a guard there, although Noya was fairly certain he was more fit than any of the guards the building hired. Still, the presence of a person in uniform usually deterred even the most stubborn paparazzi, so Noya pressed forward. The blogger stayed at his shoulder, yapping away, but what drew Noya up short wasn't anything the blogger said.

It was the person standing at the front door arguing with the guard.

"I'm trying to tell you that I made an appointment," he insisted, a whiny inflection in his voice. "Don't you know who I am? It's going to look very bad for you if I'm late to my interview."

"Just tell me who you made the interview with and I'll call them," the guard said, his patience worn thin. "I'll let you through as soon as someone confirms your identity."

"Here! This is my identity!" He waved his phone around in an exasperated gesture. "Everyone knows who I am! Frankly, I'm embarrassed for you. Clearly you don't get out much."

"...and brand opportunities available through sponsors." The blogger, Tokuda was still buzzing around Noya like a fly. Just to get rid of him, Noya took the business card from his hand.

"I'll call you," he said, pocketing the card without thinking.

"Of course! You need some time to think." The blogger made finger-guns at him and a clicking noise. "We look forward to hearing from you!"

Freed from the annoyance of the blogger, Noya stepped up to the entrance of the building, affecting a smirk and lifting his chin in a challenge. "Oikawa. Doesn't look like you've changed much."

Oikawa smirked at the building's guard without looking Noya's way. He had a large duffel bag over one shoulder and--thanks to Asahi and his interest in the fashion industry--Noya noted that his clothes were all designer label, new off the rack. His hair was a bit lighter, his skin just as pale as ever, his smile just as sharp. "You see that?" Oikawa asked the door guard. "One of my many fans just recognized me. I'm sorry, I'm not signing autogra--Oh." Oikawa frowned as he turned to face Noya. "I know you. I played against you in high school, didn't I?"

"Your senior year," Noya reminded him, trying not to gloat. "I was Karasuno's libero."

"Karasuno." Oikawa spit the word like a curse. He eyed Noya up and down. "I remember you. Was it...Mishimoto?"

"Nishinoya. Nishinoya Yuu."

"That's right." Oikawa shot a look at the guard, then back at Noya. He quickly smoothed away his annoyed expression and smiled brightly. "So good to see you again after all this time! What have you been up to?" As he spoke, he slung an arm around Noya's shoulders and tugged him away from the door, just far enough so the guard couldn't hear him when he lowered his voice. "Do you work here? Or do you know someone that does?"

"Yeah, my modeling agency works out of here." Noya started to pull away, then stopped. He'd always noticed Oikawa, despite his repulsive arrogance. The man was beautiful, almost as tall as Asahi and still just as fit as he'd been in high school. Noya could feel the hard muscle beneath Oikawa's clothes as he pulled him in close as if they were old friends.

"Listen, I need a favor," Oikawa said, talking fast and low. "I need to pick up some work, but I can't get anyone to answer my emails. Can you get me an introduction to your agent?"

Noya gave Oikawa another once-over, this time assessing him as a fellow model rather than rating him on the hotness scale in his head. There was no doubt that Oikawa was gorgeous; he'd even been featured on TV a few times back in high school, so Noya knew he could play to a camera. And he definitely had a sense of style and poise that would translate well through a lens.

But...

Did he really want to put up with Oikawa a coworker? A lot of the models he worked with were already divas and Noya barely had the patience for them. Oikawa would likely be worse. And it wasn't like he owed Oikawa anything; they'd barely spoken even when their teams played each other in high school and they certainly hadn't kept in touch afterwards. Noya thought he remembered hearing something about Oikawa going to play professionally in a foreign league, but he wasn't too certain how correct that was. If he was a professional volleyball player, why was he so desperate to meet a modeling agent?

Just before Noya could refuse, his phone beeped again. He glanced at it quickly, only catching the name of the sender: Asahi. He grimaced and came up with a spur-of-the-moment plan.

"I'll introduce you to my agent if you'll let me take you dinner tonight," Noya said, all in a rush. "I'll even give you a recommendation."

Oikawa blinked, surprised, then gave Noya a very obvious once over. He shrugged. "I've done worse for less. Alright, I agree. Lead on, little libero."

"I'm not a libero anymore," Noya said, irritated by Oikawa's presence already. He clicked his phone on, ignoring the unread text message and called up to his agent. When he had permission, he handed his phone to the security guard, proving that Oikawa was entering with permission. Oikawa gave the guard a smug look as he passed through the doorway. Noya made a note to buy the guard an energy drink for his next shift.

"When did you start modeling?" Oikawa asked conversationally as they waited for an elevator. "Was it after you trialed for the Japanese volleyball league?"

"I didn't try out," Noya said. "I guess I started here a little over six months ago? I don't know, I don't really keep track."

Oikawa narrowed his eyes at him. "Weren't you the libero prodigy from Chidoriyama Middle School? Aoba Josai and Shiratorizawa both wanted to recruit you, but you went to Karasuno instead and went all the way to nationals. And then you didn't get an invitation to try out for the league?"

"I did," Noya admitted. "I just didn't want to play professionally."

"Ah." Oikawa nodded in understanding. "So you're stupid."

"Tch." Noya smirked. "There's more to life than volleyball. Didn't I hear you're playing somewhere? But you're here begging for a job?"

"Reconstructive knee surgery." Oikawa grimaced. "I finished the rehab, but I'm benched for the season. Thought I could make some money close to home for a year."

"Ah, that sucks," Noya said, honestly sympathizing. He was no stranger to injury, though he'd never had to get anything as intense as reconstructive surgery on anything. Broken bones were usually the worst of it and he was much easier on his body lately, even when he played community games. He couldn't imagine the patience it took to get over a long-term injury. Especially to stay as fit as Oikawa obviously was. As he caught himself eyeing Oikawa in the elevator, he realized he'd forgotten to ask an important question: "Ah, are you seeing anyone right now? If you are, I'll still make the introduction, but I'll let you off the hook for dinner."

Oikawa laughed. "How generous of you! But no, I'm not seeing anyone. And I don't think I'd mind a free meal."

The leer Noya gave him told him was expecting more than a meal, but Noya wasn't certain he'd let it get that far. He'd certainly gotten naked with people he'd just met before and Oikawa wasn't exactly a stranger, but all Noya wanted was an excuse not to meet up with Asahi after work. He wasn't ready to jump into bed with anybody new just yet--especially not someone as full of themselves as Oikawa.

After Noya introduced Oikawa to his agent, he sent a brief message back to Asahi: Can't make it tonight, got plans. Then he went to go change and get into makeup for his shoot.

It was school uniforms today, something Noya got invited to shoots for a lot because of his height. Just as he finished pulling on the uniform jacket, he noticed Oikawa on one of the distant sets, going through the practice shots Noya had done during his interview. Just as he'd thought, Oikawa had a way of playing to the camera, although his smoldering stare wouldn't quite work for school uniforms. Maybe they'd bump him over to formal wear and work uniforms: he certainly had the height for it.

During his first shoot, Noya lost track of Oikawa and forgot to look for him after his second and third uniform of the day. When he was changing into his fourth uniform--a blazer and vest, his least favorite combination--he realized he'd never gotten Oikawa's number. If he'd left right after his interview, he could totally skate on their deal and Noya would have no recourse.

And no willpower to avoid Asahi's invitation for dinner.

He glanced around the studio and saw Oikawa sitting in a chair near the door, his duffel bag at his side as he stared at his phone. As if feeling Noya's eyes on him, Oikawa looked up and waved, a falsely cheerful grin on his face.

Huh, Noya thought, shrugging on the jacket. Maybe they let him stay and wait for me. Guess that means he got the job.

It was hours later when Noya was finally allowed to change back into street clothes and wash the makeup from his face. A few of his coworkers asked him about the stranger he'd brought to the studio, but all Noya would say was Oikawa was an old acquaintance from high school. Someone thought to ask the all-important question of whether or not he was gay and Noya realized he didn't know. Oh well. A meal was a meal. Nothing more than that.

"Hey." Noya nudged Oikawa's foot, making him look up from his phone. "I didn't mean to make you wait all day. I should have thought to get your number earlier."

"I didn't have anywhere else to go," Oikawa said easily. "Here, give me your number now. I'll text you mine."

Numbers exchanged, they headed out of the studio to the elevators.

"Should I say congratulations on the new job?" Noya asked, feeling somewhat awkward. That was new; he almost never felt awkward when picking someone up.

Oikawa shrugged. "I got a 'We'll call you after we look at the photos' response. It didn't sound hopeful."

Noya made a face; he wasn't all that certain how these things usually went, but he'd been hired on the spot. "Why don't you look for runway work? You're tall enough and the attitude's right."

Oikawa laughed. "I wanted to, but the catwalk is bad for my knee. I thought catalog work would be less strenuous."

"Ah."

They rode down the elevator in silence. The glass doors of the lobby showed that it wasn't dark yet, but the sun had set during the photo shoot.

"Is sushi alright?" Noya asked, thinking of the nearby dinner options. There were a lot, but he wanted something light after so many nights of take-out and instant dinners with Asahi.

"That sounds good to me." Oikawa favored Noya with a smile he likely considered attractive. And dammit, it was. "I'm looking forward to picking your brain on getting into the modeling business."

"Ah, I don't really know anything," Noya replied, nodding to the night guard on their way out. "Asa--A friend got me this job. I still don't really know what I'm doing."

"You looked really good doing it," Oikawa said with a smile. "And did I see you applying your own makeup? I always thought someone else did that."

"They have makeup artists there to help, but its better manners to learn to do your own," Noya explained. "Usually they help with touch-up work or adjust for the lighting. More minor stuff instead of wasting time doing everyone's face individually, you know?"

"I hadn't realized." Oikawa sounded thoughtful. "Perhaps I'll watch a few makeup tutorials online later."

"I have a few I can send you," Noya offered. "One of the makeup artists has her own channel; it's really easy to understand."

"I'd appreciate that." Oikawa paused outside the sushi shop, looking up at the sign. His lips twisted in a moue, then he turned to Noya. "This isn't normal for me, but I feel I should at least offer to pay for dinner for you, as you're the one who helped me get the interview and you're now giving me a lot of helpful advice. Would you allow me to treat as thanks?"

"Nah, I got this," Noya insisted. "It doesn't sound like my introduction worked for you, so you might as well let me pay."

Oikawa shrugged, not bothering to argue further. Once seated, Oikawa asked if they could order a sashimi platter, indicating that he was trying to watch his weight while injured; he said he could really only exercise so much, and had to watch every single item of food that passed his lips. In sympathy as a former athlete, Noya agreed. They drank green tea and chatted about little things, meaningless things, empty things. Why had Oikawa decided to play for a team in Argentina? What had Noya been doing since high school? The usual catching up, the same old song and dance.

"Weren't you with someone on your team?" Oikawa asked about halfway through the sashimi platter. "I'll be honest, I couldn't name half your team outside of Tobio-chan and Shouyo, but I thought you were dating someone. Was it the bald wing spiker? Or maybe that really cute team manager you had?"

Noya gave a short laugh. "Actually, Ryu and Kiyoko are married now. I didn't date anyone on the team back in high school. But I guess I thought you were dating someone on yours. The ace you sent that amazing toss to at the very end of the match--what was his name?"

"Iwa-chan," Oikawa said softly, an uncharacteristically soft expression on his face for just a moment. Then he cleared his throat, seeming to remember where he was. "Iwaizumi Hajime. Yeah, we were dating. Off and on back then. Now it's..."

Oikawa trailed off. He looked uncomfortable, which made Noya want to push for details, but something made him hold back. He didn't want Oikawa digging into Noya's own teammates too much, or the reason he was even in Tokyo to begin with. Instead, Noya snatched up the last bit of tuna from the shared sashimi platter. Whatever happened between Oikawa and Iwaizumi didn't matter to him in the slightest.

When Oikawa glanced across the table again, his gaze was steady, evaluating. Noya was about to ask him what was wrong when Oikawa waved a server over.

"Would you mind getting my friend and I some sake?" he asked, manner suddenly charming and polite all at once. "We haven't seen each other in a long time and sake is perfect for reunions."

"Tch." Noya drained his green tea. "You really go all out when someone else is paying, don't you?"

Oikawa shrugged carelessly. "I'll help with the bill if you need it, but you look to be doing alright for yourself. Tell me: Did you ever make it out to Argentina while you were traveling?"

"No, in South America, I only ever got to Venezuela." Noya paused as the server returned with a bottle of sake and two traditional sake cups, one for each of them. Oikawa insisted on pouring. "I hiked up to the waterfall there. What's it called? Silly Angel?"

"Salto Angel," Oikawa said, looking impressed despite the poor pronunciation. "Venezuela is hardly south for South America, though. If you like hiking, you should visit Chile. Lots of beautiful national parks and crazy animals. Orcas, penguins, whatever. You should go."

"Yeah, maybe." The idea of traveling just didn't excite Noya anymore--not the way it used to. He'd lived that life already, gotten tired of it, too. He'd been hoping for something...different when he'd decided to settle in Tokyo. And now he just felt...stuck. Unsure of what to do next. Wishing he could be with someone who ultimately didn't want the same things out of life that he did. Feeling a little down, he tossed back the sake and let Oikawa fill his cup again.

"Got any tips on landing my next job interview?" Oikawa asked conversationally. "Since I clearly didn't land this one."

Noya snorted. He knocked back the next cup, then nodded. "You should model formal clothes. They like the tall guys for that. Show up in a suit tomorrow, I bet the photographer starts drooling."

Oikawa frowned down at the duffel bag he'd stuffed beneath their table. "I'm afraid I didn't bring a suit with me."

Noya laughed, feeling the first bit of warmth from the sake fill his chest. "I'd lend you mine, but it wouldn't fit. Maybe you could rent one. Or, hey! Maybe call Asahi. You guys are close to the same size and he can fit it for you if you need it."

Oikawa's eyes sharpened as Noya let Asahi's name slip. "Asahi? That sounds familiar. Let me think...he wasn't that setter that Tobio-chan replaced, was he? Mr. Refreshing?"

_Fuck._ Noya tried to play it cool as Oikawa refilled his sake cup. "Azumane Asahi, the ace on the team that beat yours."

"Ace?" Oikawa tapped a finger on the table. "Somehow, I always want to think that was Shouyo, but he was just a first-year back then. Not your captain or the megane..." He frowned thoughtfully. "The long-haired one with the goatee? So he lives nearby?" Oikawa smirked. "I bet there's a story there."

Noya groaned, down his cup and called for the check. "Don't worry about it. It's boring."

"Oh?" Oikawa interlaced his fingers beneath his chin, smiling cheekily. "Maybe I like boring stories."

Noya rolled his eyes. "He's a fashion designer now. He introduced me to my agent. See? Boring story."

"Hm." If Oikawa realized it was an abbreviated story, he didn't say anything. He finished the sake off while Noya paid the check, then fished his duffel bag out from under the table. "So where to now?"

"Shit, I only promised dinner," Noya said, shoving his way through the restaurant door. "Did you need a movie, too? Or a place that rents tuxedos?"

"Oh?" Oikawa took a quick step, putting himself in front of Noya, grinning like a Cheshire cat. "Does that mean we're not going back to your place? It isn't often that I fail to earn a gig twice in one day."

"What?" Noya backed up a step, surprised. Oikawa set a hand on the wall behind him, leaning low and close. His aftershave smelled lightly earthy with a touch of jasmine in it. His teeth were incredibly straight and white when he smiled.

"You should let me pay you back," Oikawa offered in a silky voice. "For dinner and the advice. I'll make it worth your while."

Noya grabbed the front of Oikawa's shirt, intending to shove him away. Guys like Oikawa--who thought the world owed them something just for being talented and good-looking--really got under Noya's skin. He'd only wanted a reason to avoid Asahi; he hadn't been looking for a hook-up.

But as he gripped the shirt in his hand, he felt the perfectly sculpted pectorals of a professional athlete. Oikawa's collar bones stood out in sharp relief against his skin, the gap of his shirt showing round, taut shoulder muscles. The arm boxing Noya in was thick with muscle, though Oikawa remained lean, rather than stocky: all slim lines from the perfect V of his torso to the slender hips supported by thick thighs. Oikawa had always been so very pretty.

It was just a shame that he knew it.

An idea occurred to Noya--something he didn't think he'd consider had he not been drinking. There was a way to move on past Asahi.

And, maybe...a way to force Asahi to move on, too.

"Yeah," Noya finally said, smoothing out Oikawa's shirt with a hand pressed to his chest. "Fine. Let's go."

Oikawa frowned, looking confused, but he let Noya push him away to take the lead. "I usually run home, but I can walk if that's easier for your knee. Unless you need to take the train?"

"No, I can walk," Oikawa replied, adjusting his duffel bag. He looked like he had a question, but he held it. They walked the first few blocks in silence, then Oikawa asked about Noya's travels, filling the pent expectation with mild conversation.

Noya's apartment was up ten flights of stairs--of course there was an elevator, but he used the stairs for conditioning. He was pleased to note that Oikawa didn't need to catch his breath at the top, though he did wince and rub his knee. Noya felt a twinge of sympathy; an injury like that had to suck. He pushed his door open and kicked his shoes off in the entryway, turning on lights in the apartment to illuminate the clutter of his weights and training equipment in the living room.

"I wasn't expecting company," Noya said to explain the general mess; he didn't often bother cleaning up---it was just him, after all. "You can drop your stuff anywhere."

He heard the soft thump of Oikawa's bag hitting the floor, then felt Oikawa's hands on his shoulders. He turned around to find Oikawa stooping for a kiss.

Noya's heart hammered in his chest, but it wasn't the warm, tingling excitement that filled him when Asahi he kissed him. It wasn't even the thrill of conquest he used to feel whenever he picked up a partner during his travels. No, this was sheer adrenaline and Noya didn't know how to categorize it; it didn't exactly feel good...in fact, it was kind of...just a little...wrong.

I'm just out of practice with people who aren't Asahi, Noya told himself, arching up to meet Oikawa's kiss. And I never really liked Oikawa in the first place, that's probably part of it, too. But it's fine, he doesn't really like me, either. It's just sex. That's all. I've done this before.

Oikawa's hands skimmed down Noya's back, pulling him in close before letting him go, a playful smile on his face. "Did you want to give me the tour?"

"Yeah. Why not." Noya wasn't really into it--the games people played as they were hooking up. He used to tease and flirt with the best of them; now there was just a sense of "getting it over with" that he carried with him as he led the way back to the bedrooms. "Bathroom is there if you need it." He flicked a hand at the door as they passed it. "Bedroom's here." He flicked the light on and went inside, pulling off his shirt as he walked.

"What about the last room?" Oikawa asked. "Do you have a roommate we're going to disturb?"

"No roommate," Noya confirmed. "Just an empty room."

When Oikawa lingered in the doorway, Noya grabbed his belt and tugged him into the room, stripping it away and pulling it through the loops with practiced efficiency. Oikawa laughed and pulled his shirt off, then artfully tussled his hair before giving Noya a smoldering look.

Yeah, I get it, you're hot, Noya thought, irritated, though he lifted his chin for another kiss, letting Oikawa crowd his body into Noya's. Oikawa's skin was smooth, unblemished, perfect and warm. His hands slid down Noya's arms and back, kiss insistent until Noya was forced to take a step back. Then another and another. When the backs of his legs hit his bed, Noya realized Oikawa had gotten it wrong. _Noya_ wasn't going to be the one on his back--that honor would be all Oikawa's.

Noya grabbed Oikawa by the front of his pants and pivoted, tossing Oikawa onto the bed and sweeping his legs up after him. Oikawa broke the show of his seduction with a confused blink, as if wondering how he'd ended up on the bed first, then smirked and gave a lazy half-shrug as if saying it didn't really matter to him. Noya skinned out of his pants, leaving them in a puddle on the floor before leaning over Oikawa, turning his head to the side to kiss his neck. Oikawa made no move to regain the upper hand, instead moaning and writhing beneath Noya, eyes lidded, hands gripping Noya's forearms where they were braced against the bed.

Noya lowered his hips over Oikawa's, grinding lightly before working his way down Oikawa's chest. Fuck, but the man _was_ beautiful. His pecs, shoulders and arms were just the right amount of swole, his stomach flat and ridged with muscle, the shadows of his hips peaking above the top of his pants. Noya nipped at a mole near Oikawa's belly button, drawing out a sharp yelp and a sudden jut of his hips. Noya had bedded some very beautiful people in his travels, and Oikawa definitely made it somewhere into the top ten of that list. But even so...

There really wasn't a list, anymore. Not as far as sex was concerned.

No, for a long time now...there had been only Asahi.

Noya hid the clench of his jaw as his hands worked the button free of Oikawa's pants. Oikawa lifted his hips obligingly as Noya slid the pants down over slim hips and thick thighs, pausing when he revealed the knee brace he should have been expecting. Thick and made of a rubbery material, it framed Oikawa's knee, allowing both movement and protection. Curious, Noya leaned down a little closer, looking for the surgical scar he knew had to be there.

"Hey," Oikawa called, propping himself up on an elbow. "You can ignore that. The real show's up here." He gestured lewdly.

Noya smirked as he tossed Oikawa's pants aside. "Really? I must have missed that."

"If you need me to show you, I'd be glad to take over."

Noya laughed. "Nah, I got this. You just lie back."

Oikawa shrugged, then tucked his hands behind his head, arms bulging on either side. "Let me know if you need help or anything."

Noya rolled his eyes before scaling Oikawa's body again, this time reaching past him to the nightstand where he kept the usual supplies. Condoms, lube, tissues and towels. The box of condoms was unopened, the lube still brand new. That was weird, though. Hadn't he noted that the lube was nearly empty just last night?

An unexpected pang in Noya's chest made him realize he was thinking about the lube back at Asahi's apartment. And that just that morning, he'd woken up in Asahi's bed.

I can't think of that now, Noya told himself as he tore the box of condoms open. I'm doing this for Asahi. So he can move on. Find someone who wants the whole married-with-kids thing. So he won't call me anymore, and I won't--I won't--

"We don't have to do this if you don't want to." Noya startled; how had he basically forgotten the fact that he was practically laying on top of another guy in his bed?

He painted on a cocksure smirk in a second. "What makes you think I don't want to do this?"

"Well, for one thing, your face looked kind of murder-y for a second," Oikawa pointed out. "For another, _this_ is a bit of an indicator."

He slid a leg up along Noya's thigh, knee gently rubbing up against his groin. Noya hissed and pulled back--then realized what Oikawa was pointing out.

He wasn't hard.

Not even semi-hard.

His body didn't want this.

_He_ didn't want this.

"Fuck." Noya pushed himself up, swung his legs over the side of the bed and sat with his back to Oikawa. He put his head in his hands and swore again: " _Fuck._ "

"Eh. I hear it's normal." The mattress shifted as Oikawa rolled up onto an elbow. "I mean, it's never happened to _me,_ but it's a thing that happens to some guys."

"I'm not--it's not--" Triple fuck, but Oikawa had to be the **last** person Noya wanted to have this conversation with. "Look, it's whatever. You can just go."

"I don't have anywhere to go," Oikawa said, tone light. "I mean, I could have caught a train home if I had to, but that wasn't really the plan. I need to keep job-searching and it's just easier to stay in the city instead of coming back tomorrow. Probably can't catch a train this late."

Noya turned his head enough to see the clock by his bed. Trains were still running, but only just. If Oikawa ran all the way to the station, he had a chance...but running was likely out for his bad knee. He could call a car, but that wasn't likely to arrive in time to catch the last train out of the city.

"Tch." Noya looked back over his shoulder. "You've been using me all day, haven't you? Job interview, dinner, now a room for the night."

"Eh?" Oikawa looked just a touch smug. "Dinner was your idea. And based on your lack of interest in sex, I have a feeling you were using me for something, too." Noya looked away again, but he could feel Oikawa's eyes on him. "Bet you just went through a break-up, didn't you?"

Noya twitched. "Is that obvious?"

"Not at first." Oikawa shrugged. "But the empty apartment full of new stuff screams 'I just moved here.' And, not to brag but, I don't get kicked out of bed often." The bed shifted. Noya jumped as Oikawa pressed against his back, still laying across the bed. "So? Bad break-up? They hurt you? Cheat on your?"

"No!" Noya leapt off the bed, spinning around to face Oikawa sprawled on his bed. "Asahi would never hurt anyone and he'd definitely never cheat! And not that it matters, but _I_ broke up with _him,_ so I moved out. For space. To give him...space."

Oikawa's eyes narrowed as Noya wound down. He didn't want to spill the whole story--didn't want to look weak in front of someone he still considered an adversary--but it hurt that he'd been seen through. And it sucked to be accused of using someone and knowing they were right.

"So...you care about this person--Asahi, the former ace on your team--but you're the one who broke up with him?" Oikawa asked, as if trying to get the whole story from fragmented pieces. "And you tried to sleep with me because...you want to hurt him for some reason?"

"No!" Fuck, that hit like one of Ushijima's spikes straight to the chest. "I don't want to hurt him. Ever! I just...I..."

Oikawa waited, silent and still, like a lion prepared to pounce. Noya ran a hand through his hair. Why the fuck did he owe _Oikawa,_ of all people, an explanation?

"I just want him to get over me and move on," Noya said in a rush, the words falling like dumbbells to the floor. His stomach churned as if he'd gone running after a full meal. "He just... We keep...getting together. And it's over. Really. Or...it should be."

"Uh huh." Oikawa looked doubtful. He squinted for a moment, then rolled onto his back, stretching long on Noya's bed. "Alright, I think I get it. For whatever reason, you want him to think you've moved on so that _he_ moves on. Is that right?"

"Yeah," Noya muttered, eyes on the floor.

"Well, then, I'm the answer to all your prayers." Oikawa tossed a smirk over at Noya. "You don't need a hook-up, you need someone to play 'boyfriend' for a little while so you've got an excuse not to see him. Maybe sauce up your social media with some pics, that kind of think." Oikawa winked. "You've got the connections I need to get into modeling _and_ you've got a spare bedroom. It's a win-win."

Noya startled, taken aback. "You want to move in here?"

"Why not?" Oikawa shrugged. "You're not some weirdo I just met. Or, well, kind of, but at least we sort of know each other. In passing. I need a job and a place to stay. And I make a pretty convincing fake-boyfriend."

Noya glared hard. "But I kind of hate you."

"Ha!" Oikawa laughed loudly. "Does that really matter? I'm not asking you to actually sleep with me--even if you could. Just to put up with me for a little while. Maybe help me with some agents. You'll hardly know I'm here."

Noya didn't believe that for a second. But...it actually didn't sound like that bad of an idea. He didn't need to actually sleep with anyone or really move on, he just had to make Asahi _think_ he had, so Asahi could move on and find that perfect person who wanted all the same things he did.

"You're paying rent," Noya said bluntly. "Don't think I'll make it cheap for you."

"Fine, fine," Oikawa said carelessly, waving a hand dismissively. "Just cut me some slack on the deposit. Until I start work, I'm a little short on cash."

Noya thought about it, then nodded. He supposed he owed Oikawa that much at least; he really had been intending to use him, just as Oikawa pointed out. "Why, though?" Noya asked.

"Why what?"

"You don't have to work. You could just go home to your parents' place in Miyagi, couldn't you? Live at home and just keep up with your physical therapy. Hell, I bet the new Seijoh team would love you to coach their setters."

"Ah." A shadow passed over Oikawa's face, darkening his eyes, putting a tremble in his smirk. "Home is...it's not a place I want to be."

It was Noya's turn to wait. He crossed his arms and glared down at Oikawa's prone form. He didn't normally press anyone about family matters--Noya had his own issues there--but Oikawa came from a supportive, if competitive--family. He'd seen them at competitions and even on TV interviews with Oikawa; this man did not have the same family issues Noya had in returning home.

"Ah--it's..." Oikawa's face twisted. He sat up, swinging his legs over the edge of the bed as he ruffled his hair. "Remember earlier? We talked about Iwa-chan?"

"Your old boyfriend who was on the team," Noya recalled.

"Yeah." Oikawa took a deep breath: the bracing of a man about to rip off a bandage. "We didn't get serious until after high school. We dated for real for about a year and then...I found out he was cheating on me."

Noya grimaced; that must have been why Oikawa's first guess that Noya's own break up had been over cheating.

"Iwa-chan moved back to Miyagi after he finished college. He’s still close to my parents' house. He even helps out with the new Seijoh team as an assistant coach. I...really didn't want to have to go home and face him after that. You know?"

"That sucks," Noya sympathized. "Sorry man."

"Yeah, it happens." Oikawa shrugged, but he still looked morose about having to share his story. "It was a long time ago now. I don't even think about it anymore." He fixed a grin on his face. "So how about it? We have a deal?"

Noya sighed. Itched the back of his leg with a foot. Rubbed his neck. "Yeah, I guess. Can't promise you I'll be any help with the agent thing, and you _will_ pay rent or I'll kick you out on the street. But...yeah. It's a help. Thanks, Oikawa."

"Don't mention it." Oikawa leaned back on his hands and rolled his head back in invitation. "So, you coming to bed or what, sweetheart?"

"Ha." Noya turned on his heel and left the room. "I have a futon. You're on your own for bedroom furniture."

"So nice of you to offer to sleep on the futon for me!" Oikawa called after him.

Noya just rolled his eyes. He was _not_ giving up his bed Oikawa. He didn't feel _that_ bad about trying to use him.

Oikawa whined about being ousted from the bed--he even offered to share it without the prerequisite of sex or any touching at all--but Noya remained firm. It was late, he was missing Asahi and he was irritated at himself for striking a deal with someone who might actually be the literal devil, but all the same, it felt good to have some sort of plan.

Even if he knew it to be a bad one.

The following morning found Noya awake before the sun, but in a strange turn of events, so was Oikawa, alert and already dressed in sweat clothes. Noya found him in the kitchen, raiding the fridge.

"Did I wake you up?" Noya asked skeptically. He hadn't bothered being quiet, but he wasn't used to people just getting up at the same time as he usually did.

"No, I was already awake. My physical therapist says it okay for me to take walks, but I'm not supposed to run yet." Oikawa made a face at his therapist's recommendation. "You've only got eggs and milk and three different kinds of protein powder here. Are you sure you're not a professional athlete?"

Noya chuckled; that was an exaggeration, he actually kept plenty of food in the house. But eggs and milk were the majority of what he ate most days. "I gotta stay fit for work. And I play in the local pick-up leagues sometimes, just to stay sharp."

"Lucky." Oikawa rubbed his knee, gaze distant. "The only sport I'm allowed to play is golf."

"You'll get better," Noya said without much conviction; it was bad enough that lately had had to watch what he ate: he couldn't imagine the horror of living an action-restricted life. "I'm gonna run. Do you need me to leave the place unlocked?"

"I'll probably be out for about two hours." Oikawa shrugged. "Will you be back before then?"

"Yeah." His morning run usually lasted for about an hour--more if he'd been indulgent with take-out. Or Asahi. "I'll be back before you."

"Great."

They left together, Noya hopping down the stairs that Oikawa took slowly. He didn't move gingerly, but instead with a slow grace, as if admiring the world, or letting the world admire him. Noya wondered about the extent of Oikawa's injury and if he really would be good for the next season of pro volleyball. But, well, that was Oikawa's business. Not Noya's. At the base of the stairs, he took off running on his usual hilly circuit, thinking he'd add in a few extra miles to make up for last night's sashimi platter. His head was always blissfully blank when he pushed himself to the limit, no thoughts beyond the next turn, no complications other than traffic lights. Running was easy. Life was hard.

Oikawa was waiting for him outside the apartment complex, making Noya check his time.

"I'm not late," Noya protested.

"No, I quit early." Oikawa smiled, but Noya wondered if he'd tweaked his knee. "I didn't want to get lost. C'mere! I have an idea."

That didn't sound good. Regardless, Noya crept forward, wary of Oikawa as he had been when they faced each other across a volleyball court. Oikawa had managed to work up a bit of a sweat, despite the cool morning air and the fact that he had only been walking. His shirt stuck to his chest and his skin shone in the morning light. "Come on! I don't bite. Hard."

Noya smirked. "Bet I bite harder."

"Bet you do." Oikawa chuckled. "Come on." He grabbed Noya's wrist and pulled him in close, his free hand holding up his cellphone in front of them. "Try to look cute."

Noya frowned.

Oikawa rolled his eyes. "Consider it a down payment for my room. You need some pictures to sell this fake boyfriend act, don't you?"

Noya sighed. "Fine."

"Good, but try not to look like a convicted felon," Oikawa said, pressing his jaw against Noya's temple. With the arm wrapped around Noya's shoulders, he flashed the camera a peace sign and grinned cheerfully. "You're a model, aren't you? Smile for the stupid camera."

Resigned, Noya painted his face with a cheeky grin, leaning in to Oikawa to sell the pose. As soon as Oikawa dubbed it "good enough" Noya peeled away, plucking his sweat-soaked shirt free of his chest. Oikawa clicked away on his phone as he followed Noya up the stairs.

"I'll caption it 'Look who I ran into while running this morning,'" Oikawa declared as he posted the photo. "You should probably friend me or follow me or whatever. If we're going to sell this."

"Yeah, yeah." Noya opened his own app, followed Oikawa and then, with a sick sense of dread filling his stomach, he shared the picture, knowing not only would Asahi see it, but all of his former teammates and friends. It was lucky he hadn't eaten yet: he felt a little sick.

"God, you look like you just kicked a puppy," Oikawa said, giving Noya a light shove. "C'mon, I'll make breakfast. I'm not the worst roommate to have, you know."

"Yeah. Maybe not." Noya trudged up the stairs to his apartment without his usual bounce.

"Thanks for that vote of confidence." Oikawa rolled his eyes as he waited for Noya to unlock the front door. "Hey, you mind making a few calls? See if you can find me an interview today?"

"It's too early," Noya replied, kicking off his shoes inside the door. "But I'll think it over while I shower."

"Oh, I love it when guys think of me in the shower." Oikawa winked. Noya couldn't even summon a grin. Oikawa quirked his head to the side. "Damn. You're still hung up on this guy, aren't you? Why'd you break up, then?"

"Wanted different things," Noya muttered. "Doesn't matter. It's done now." He scrubbed at his hair with a sweaty towel, watching Oikawa move around the kitchen, searching for pans and utensils and everything else required to cook eggs. "You actually look like you're moving pretty well. Does your knee hurt?"

"Only when I push myself. I'm at about seventy-five percent fully healed, I just need to keep from setting myself back, so I'm taking it easy."

"Huh." Noya stared a minute longer. The knee brace was visible beneath Oikawa's gym shorts. "Think you could do a set of receive-practice throws?"

"Maybe." Oikawa shot Noya a confused look. "Why?"

"Just an idea." Noya shrugged and went to the bathroom to wash up after his run.

From what he'd seen, Oikawa's modeling try-out had been a simple standard shoot: basic poses and headshots, nothing more. When Noya had tried out, Asahi had requested the photographer shoot action shots, specifically sports-related poses. Given the same opportunity, Oikawa would probably be picked up as quickly as Noya had been. He was still an athlete in his prime, after all.

After breakfast (which wasn't at all bad, really) Noya called his agent and got permission to bring Oikawa back for a second interview. He had Oikawa dress in sportswear, sweat-wicking clothes and clingy basketball shorts. He even helped a bit with the makeup, but only the basics. Oikawa would have to figure out the rest on his own. They got to the studio early and after Oikawa stretched out his knee, Noya grabbed a volleyball. They claimed a bit of free space in the studio and found their rhythm of bumping the ball back and forth--gently, of course. They'd both lose their opportunities to work if they wrecked a set or a photographer's camera. After only a few minutes or warming up, one of Noya's favorite photographers came over to take some photos, getting a few action shots of Oikawa. For his part, Oikawa kept his face smooth and pleasant, not the conniving smirk he wore in actual games. After a few shots, Noya returned the ball a little high. Oikawa adjusted immediately and caught it for an overhand toss, his form a study in perfection, as always. Noya smirked as he heard more than one bystander gasp.

In the end, Oikawa left with a job offer, as well as a few of the models’ telephone numbers. When Noya finished up his shoot for the day, Oikawa offered to treat him for dinner as thanks. Feeling he was somewhat owed anyway, Noya agreed, so long as they went for Korean barbecue. Oikawa agreed, but remained distracted as he tapped at his phone.

"I'll start watching those makeup videos tonight," Oikawa said as they were seated at a table. "I've got a little money set aside, so I'll have some bedroom furniture delivered this week. That fine with you?"

"It's your room," Noya said with a shrug. "I'll write up the rent agreement tonight."

Oikawa made bedroom eyes across the table. "Any chance you'll let me share your bed until mine arrives? Sleeping on the floor is terrible for my knee."

"There's a couch," Noya said mercilessly. "Stay out of my bed."

"Ouch. Fine." Oikawa rolled his eyes. "Anyone say anything about that photo we took this morning?"

Noya had been trying not to think about that all day. He had some messages on his phone, but he hadn't looked too hard at them. He imagined more than a few were from Suga, yelling at him again. It was getting harder and harder to face as the day went on.

"Let's really get them talking." Oikawa switched sides at the table, pressing against Noya as he held his phone up for a photo.

"What are you--"

"Making it official." Oikawa fixed his hair in the screen on his phone, then leaned against Noya's shoulder. "What do you want to do? Heart hands? Kiss? Want to sit in my lap?"

Ugh, Noya hated all of this. Yes, it was what he asked for, but it wasn't what he wanted. He wanted Asahi. No. He shook that thought away. He wanted Asahi to be happy. And somehow, this was the plan he had settled on to achieve that.

"Let's just smile, okay?" Noya said, easing his arm over Oikawa's shoulders. "Don't overdo it."

"I don't know how to do anything without overdoing it," Oikawa retorted, smiling at his phone.

"It shows." Noya leaned his head against Oikawa's, giving the camera a practiced look: smiling eyes, open-mouthed grin. He pulled away as soon as Oikawa decided the photo was good enough. Oikawa posted the photo as Noya began picking through his suddenly unappetizing meal. In seconds, Noya's phone was beeping with incoming messages, then singing a cheerful tune for a call. Noya stared at it in trepidation.

"What, exactly, did you post on that photo?" Noya asked.

Oikawa beamed as he turned his phone around. A sparkling banner had been pasted onto the picture: #NewBoyfriend!!!

Noya put his head down on the table; no way was he going to be able to eat tonight.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I promised to make it hurt, didn’t I? Don’t stress too much, I plan on resolving this particular mess in the next chapter. (Whenever I can get around to it…) If you want to know when the next chapter is dropping, follow me on Twitter!


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "You know, you look better when you smile like that," Oikawa commented.
> 
> "Like what?" Noya asked, surprised. "You see me smile all the time; half our shoots are together."
> 
> "Not like that." Oikawa said "You know, I didn't really recognize you at first because your face looked so different. It was only later that I really remembered you. Even when your team was down, you were always smiling."
> 
> “I don't know what you're talking about. I'm always smiling."
> 
> "So am I, but that doesn't mean I'm happy," Oikawa replied. "Did that guy you were with really mess you up that bad, to make you not smile anymore?"
> 
> Noya snarled. "Asahi didn't do anything to me, so don’t talk about him like you know anything."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finally got a chance to update! Sorry it’s taken this long.

Shortly after that first dinner and Oikawa's announcement, Noya had to endure another long and angry phone call from Suga, which only ended when Daichi took the phone away from him, uttered a terse apology, then hung up. Everyone else sent messages asking for confirmation, or if Noya had lost his mind. Ennoshita, once again, told him he was stupid. Ryu's message was somewhat rambling and pointless, trying to offer support while at the same time questioning Noya's supposed decision to date Oikawa. Most surprising of all was the call Noya got from Kageyama, of all people, but that was more a warning about Oikawa's personality in general, rather than anything admonishing. Noya soldiered on through it all, helping Oikawa get moved in and settled into the modeling business. In about a week, the calls and texts tapered off and Noya was able to pretend they'd never happened.

He dreaded hearing from Asahi. There was no way he couldn't have heard the news by now, but he remained stoically silent, distant, painfully out of reach. It was over two weeks later when Noya finally got a single message from Asahi, asking simply if Noya wanted to go to a game with him. Noya felt wretched inside as he replied that he was going with someone else.

Asahi hadn't texted back after that.

That's good, Noya told himself, ignoring a pang of regret. That was the whole point. Maybe he'll ask someone else to go with him. Maybe he'll fall in love. Maybe that person will want a house and a ring and a few dozen children. Maybe Asahi will get everything he ever wanted.

Noya added an extra mile of sprints onto his cardio after that.

Oikawa continued waking up around the same time as Noya every day. While at first all he did was walk, he eventually began interspersing periods of jogging into his routine, until finally he was running Noya's circuit alongside him for at least the first hour. Though they didn't exactly "hang out" together, Noya found he didn’t hate spending time with Oikawa. As it turned out they both had a lot in common: whenever they were both at home, they helped each other with workout routines and though Oikawa’s knee prevented him from joining Noya in pick-up games, he still liked to attend, to cheer and jeer as appropriate. They both ate really carefully, more vegetables and fish than anything else. Oikawa scoffed at Noya's protein pops at first, but after a few weeks he picked up a few icepop molds for himself. Oikawa used different vitamin supplements than Noya--many that weren't available in Japan, but he got specially shipped to him from Argentina--and eventually converted Noya over to a new vitamin regimen. Noya shared tips on action poses and Oikawa made suggestions for better facial expressions in photos. And even though it felt traitorous in Noya's heart, they went to volleyball games together, cheering on old friends from the crowded stadium bleachers. It certainly wasn't anything like dating, but, slowly, over time, Noya realized he counted Oikawa as more of a friend, instead of just a roommate.

The biggest annoyance in having Oikawa as a roommate, though, was the fact that he kept bringing partners home for the night. Not that Noya particularly cared or was judgmental at all, but sometimes it got loud and sometimes it got awkward. He was pretty sure Oikawa had slept with most of the models they worked with, as well as many of their other coworkers. If Oikawa wasn't bisexual, then he was pans or omni or some other orientation Noya didn't know the word for. It didn't help that in the backdrop of all of Oikawa's conquests, he and Noya were still "pretend dating" by posting couple-y photos online every so often. Sometimes coworkers would shoot Noya apologetic looks, as they felt ashamed for getting between him and Oikawa. Noya never responded; some of the models worked for Asahi's agency, too, and he didn't want a denial to get back to Asahi. It was hard enough not asking anyone if they knew whether Asahi was dating yet or not.

One of the best fake dates Oikawa and Noya went on was paddleboarding. Though Oikawa's knee was better every day, he continued to be careful of it, but after a rafting equipment photo shoot, Oikawa pitched the idea of going paddleboarding and Noya agreed. Their next day off found them in a placid stretch of water, roaring with laughter as they each lost their balance and tumbled into the water with a splash.

"I didn't think it would be hard!" Noya said, clinging to his board as it bobbed along. "It's just a core workout, isn't it?"

"People do yoga on these things," Oikawa said, sounding miffed. "I can barely move without sliding off."

Noya laughed, then hauled himself back onto the board, standing carefully. "It's probably just practice, like anything. I’ve done wakeboarding, but for some reason, that's a lot easier."

"I would think wakeboarding uses a lot more muscle," Oikawa grunted as he crawled back onto his board. Rather than stand up, he sat straddling it, holding the paddle across his knees. "This is a lot more independent balance training. You can't brute force your way through it."

"Still, it's a pretty good--Whoa!" Noya shifted his weight too far to the right and tumbled down into the water again. He surfaced laughing and spitting out water. He threw his arms across his board and clung to it, his own wake rocking him back and forth. "We should do this again! It's the perfect weather for swimming and long walks and icepops!"

"Yeah," Oikawa said absently. He'd drawn one leg up straight on his paddleboard, his hand massaging his knee. He wasn't wearing his brace for once, but even in the bright light, Noya could barely make out the thin, white scar against his pale skin. Before becoming a model, Noya wouldn't have thought about going to the expense of hiring a plastic surgeon to hide a scar in such a place as the knee, but perhaps a professional sports player who picked up side gigs with sports drinks and local advertising had accepted it as a cost from the beginning. Even now, though, Noya figured a scar or two wasn't bad: cover-up makeup worked pretty good when needed. "You know, you look better when you smile like that."

"Like what?" Noya asked, surprised. Had he been smiling? Probably. His neutral expression was usually a grin of some sort. "You see me smile all the time; half our shoots are together."

"Not like that." Oikawa grin was almost wistful. "You know, I didn't really recognize you at first because your face looked so different. It was only later that I really remembered you. Even when your team was down, you were always smiling."

Noya felt an irritated itch range along his skin like bug bites. "I don't know what you're talking about. I'm always smiling."

"So am I, but that doesn't mean I'm happy," Oikawa said with a smile that looked sad. "Did that guy you were with really mess you up that bad, to make you not smile anymore?"

Noya swept and arm through the water, sending a wave over Oikawa and rocking his board. "Asahi didn't do anything to me, so don’t talk about him like you know anything."

"So it's guilt that's made you like that?" Oikawa mused, brushing water out of his eyes. "Did you mess it up, then? I bet you could have him back for an apology; he seemed like the forgiving type."

"I don't want him back," Noya growled, lifting himself up onto his paddle board. "And I'm done here, okay? I'm heading back."

It took a few wobbly attempts, but Noya eventually found his balance well enough to begin paddling back towards shore. He nearly fell again when he saw Oikawa following along behind him.

"Why are you following me?" Noya snapped.

"I'm not staying out here by myself." Oikawa rolled his eyes. "And you're far more interesting, anyway. Are you ever going to tell me why you broke up with someone you're obviously still in love with?"

"No."

"Has he moved on and started dating other people yet?"

"I don't know."

"Is that still what you want for him?"

No. "...Yeah." Noya kept his eyes ahead. No looking back. "He's a great guy. He deserves someone who can give him everything he wants."

"Hmm. Okay."

Noya looked back at that. It usually wasn't so easy to get Oikawa to agree to something. "That's it? Okay?"

Oikawa was both smiling and not smiling at the same time. "I wanted that for someone too, once. But then when he got it, it was…it actually hurt a lot worse. For me. But I guess he was better off for it in the end, so maybe it'll be the same with your guy."

"Yeah." Noya didn't want to think too much about Asahi eventually moving on. He certainly wanted it to happen, he just didn't like thinking of someone else making Asahi happy. "It'll be good. One day."

"One day," Oikawa echoed. Then he laughed. "Maybe one day sooner if we step up our game a little."

Noya didn't agree or disagree. While it sucked that Asahi was likely still pining, Noya still harbored a tiny flame of hope that somehow a magical solution would appear and they could just get back together and no one would be forced to give up their dreams for the future. But for now, every day was one of fresh misery for Noya; he could only hope it was better for Asahi, though he doubted it. And he was committed to his fake relationship with Oikawa now; how much worse could that get?

Except, it didn't get worse after that. It actually got a lot better. Or, at least it looked that way to anyone following either of them on social media. Oikawa began seeking out the tiny moments when Noya laughed for real, or was caught up in some physical activity that took all his concentration and began posting more and more photos of him. When he could, Oikawa took pictures of Noya playing on community sports teams, or sucking absently on an icepop, eyes distant and soft. One even popped up that Noya hadn't been aware of at all: apparently he'd fallen asleep on the couch after working out shirtless in front of the TV. Oikawa had slid in next to him on the couch, also shirtless for some reason, and made it look like they’d fallen asleep together. _That_ photo generated quite a bit of buzz, not just among Noya's high school friends, but among his coworkers as well. He was actually kind of pissed to see the photo posted without his permission, but shrugged off his anger. What did it matter, ultimately? Oikawa was just following their initial deal: a job and a room for a fake boyfriend. Although Noya hoped the day that Asahi started dating someone new would come soon, so he could end this digital farce that much sooner.

Hell, maybe Noya would give dating an honest try. He was getting tired of Oikawa being the only one having any sex in his apartment. And it had been so nice being in a relationship with Asahi. Even if he didn't really think he'd ever feel the same way about anyone else as he did about Asahi. He'd grown comfortable with Oikawa, though--they shared a lot of common interests, they ran in the mornings, ate a lot of the same foods in order to watch their weight, knew a lot of the same people. If he could find someone else like Oikawa--someone he didn't mind sleeping with--maybe another relationship wouldn't be so bad. Maybe someone who would travel with him on occasion, and go to volleyball games and play in pick-up games...

Even as his mind wandered, Noya could only picture Asahi.

Noya shook his head and focused again on the curry he was making for dinner.

Oikawa was in the living room, stretching his long legs in an almost-split as he walked forward on his elbows before holding the position. The TV was on, but neither of them were watching it. Their normal routine was for one to make dinner while the other used the workout space in the living room, then they'd switch so the other could clean up dinner while the former got to work out.

You know, Argentina wouldn't be a bad place to visit, Noya thought, watching Oikawa's loose shirt gap as he stretched. Ever since that first disastrous night, the two of them had kept their hands off each other--well, except for helping with makeup, or helping each other with stretches, but that went without saying--but Noya looked, sometimes. It was impossible not to: Oikawa was a study in perfection. Especially when those abs were on display.

There's a lot of South America I never saw, Noya considered. Chile, Brazil, Ecuador…there were a million things he hadn't done yet. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to arrange an extended stay for a while. After all, his investment portfolio had recovered--thanks in part to Oikawa paying rent regularly. And the modeling agency would let him come back so long as he kept his current level of fitness. Maybe after Asahi moved on, a month or two of traveling South America would be in order. That way, he could miss the majority of the overly sweet "new couple" relationship photos that were bound to pop up on his timeline. Asahi deserved that special time all to himself; he didn't need any ex-boyfriends lingering around thinking spiteful thoughts at his new lover.

"What is there to do in Argentina?" Noya asked from the kitchen. "Anything really unique there?"

Oikawa grunted as he pushed himself up from his stretch. "I don't know about unique. There's base jumping and zip-lining and rafting, like anywhere else. But the glacier hikes are different from anything I've seen anywhere else. And the waterfalls, too, there's--"

A knock at the door of their apartment made them both jump and stare.

"Did you order dinner?" Oikawa asked, staring at the door.

"No, I'm cooking dinner," Noya retorted, lifting a pan from the stove. "Were you expecting one of your partners tonight?"

"No, but I don't mind surprises." Oikawa grinned wolfishly as he jumped to his feet. "I've always wanted someone to show up outside my door in nothing but a trenchcoat. Wouldn't that be sexy?"

"Just get them to your room before the trenchcoat comes off," Noya quipped. "And if you miss dinner, I will eat your portion."

"So mean," Oikawa said, turning the lock and pulling the door open. He fixed a bright smile on his face and started to say "Hello" when a backpack was unceremoniously thrust into his arms, knocking him backwards a step. Noya looked over in alarm that quickly turned into a cold panic.

"Noya!" Suga was on their doorstep, kicking out of his shoes before bolting across the room to wrap Noya up in an enthusiastic hug. "It's been far too long! You look as gorgeous as you always have! I'm so jealous."

"Suga!" Noya clasped his friend to him instinctively, but inside he felt mildly panicked. He searched the dark of the doorframe. Was Daichi out there? And if he was...was Asahi with him, too? "What are you doing here?"

"You knew I was coming!" Suga pulled just far enough away to beam at Noya. "The Adler and Jackal game is this weekend, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember you and Daichi were going to be staying with Asahi." That was a particularly painful text message group to be a part of. "We were going to go out for dinner one of the nights you were in town."

"Well, now we can do multiple dinners!" Suga said exultantly. "Wow, your place really is much bigger than Asahi's. It's going to be so much nicer staying here instead."

"Wuh--what?" Noya was staggered, vaguely wondering if he was dreaming. What the hell was Suga talking about? He certainly would have remembered this from the text conversation!

Oikawa was still standing in the doorway, looking dumbstruck as he held the over-laden backpack. "Mr. Refreshing?" He came to awareness all at once, dropping the backpack unceremoniously to the floor and slamming the front door shut. "Ah, excuse me, Mr. Uninvited Guest, but that's my boyfriend that you're hanging all over. Kindly remove your hands or else I'll have to--"

"Back!" Suga released Noya with one hand and jabbed two fingers into Oikawa's ribs with almost violent force behind them. "This is my Noya and I don't want you anywhere near him. Come close again if you want another."

Oikawa held his ribs, looking confused and angry. A familiar shadow fell over his face, but before he could start spitting venom, Noya waved him off.

"It's fine, Oikawa. Just--leave it alone." Noya struggled to pull away from Suga. "Dinner's burning! Let me go."

Suga did let go, but stayed obstinately between Oikawa and Noya, his bright smile doing nothing to ease the air of cheerful malevolence. "You live way too far away from the train station, Noya. My feet hurt from walking and then all those stairs to get up to your floor. What are you making for dinner?"

"My boyfriend is making _us_ curry," Oikawa said, fists on his hips. "There's only enough for two portions, so if you wanted to eat--"

"I guess that means you'll have to go out for dinner," Suga said cheerfully, making a shooing motion with his fingers. "Go on. Go have fun. Noya and I have a lot of catching up to do. You'd really just be in the way."

Oikawa looked fit to burst a blood vessel; Noya didn't think he'd seen him that angry since their final match against each other in high school. And even though Suga was in the wrong and this was really was Oikawa's home as much as it was Noya's...he still found the whole scene just a little bit funny.

"Why don't you go out tonight?" Noya suggested. "You don't like my curry anyway."

"That's because you refuse to put onions in it," Oikawa said bitterly. He wanted to fight, but he also wanted to be lazy: Noya knew him well enough by now to see him teetering between the two extremes. The trouble was that Suga had already stolen the role of the cheerful antagonist, which was Oikawa's favorite part to play. It was easier for him to declare himself the winner by simply leaving on a cutting remark. "I suppose I don't mind letting such a rude guest eat terrible curry. Make sure to set him up in the guest room, babe, because we're going to be loud tonight." He shot a wink over his shoulder as he grabbed his jacket and shoes on his way out. Noya wondered if he'd even thought to grab his wallet, but then again, Oikawa was pretty enough to never have to pay for food.

"Ah!" Suga grinned widely as he stretched. "I thought he'd never leave. Where can I put my bag, Noya?"

"Suga, why are you here?" Noya asked, pulling down plates for dinner. "You and Daichi always stay with Asahi. I didn't see anything about you coming here."

"You weren't being very talkative in the group chat, were you, Noya?" Suga pinched Noya's cheek playfully. "I didn't think you were even reading it, so why bother telling you I was coming to stay with you?"

"Where is Daichi, then?" Noya asked, pulling his face free of Suga's grip. "Is he coming over later, or--"

"No, Daichi is staying with Asahi," Suga said, looking just a twinge wistful. "But that place really is too small for all three of us. So I'll stay here while we're visiting."

Noya had to laugh; it was just like Suga to invite himself over. Although how he was going to keep up the ruse of dating Oikawa... He shuddered to think it, but he could set Suga up in his own room and maybe lay out the futon in Oikawa's room. They'd both hate it, but maybe Noya could knock a little off Oikawa's rent this month if he went along with it. "Well, if you'd told me you were coming, I would have set up the guest room for you. It's a bit of a mess. And I would have bought more food. Oikawa and I keep a lean pantry."

"Hm." Suga hummed thoughtfully as Noya placed a plate of curry in his hands. "That's fine. I was planning on curling up with you, anyway."

"Ah, but, um--" Noya nearly dropped his plate. He forced a laugh. "Sure, but it'll be crowded! With you and me and Oi--"

Suga raised his arm and swung down, thumping the crown of Noya's head with edge of his hand. It didn't hurt, but he definitely struck hard. "Stop it! I don't believe for a second that you and Oikawa were ever dating, much less believe the two of you are still dating now. I'm actually disappointed to find out you two really live together. I owe Daichi ten bucks now. Thanks for that."

"Uh, what?" Noya laughed again. "Yeah, we are going out. We went paddleboarding just last week. Didn't you see the pictures?"

"Of the two of you both looking gorgeous, fit and wet?" Suga pouted as he glanced down the length of his own body. He hadn't gained a lot of weight since high school, but just like Asahi, he had gotten softer. It was hard to tell beneath his clothes, but his cheeks were rounded, his hugs cozier. He still looked good to Noya, and Daichi must still think the world of him. Why else would they be getting married? "I bet Oikawa makes a good buddy to go out and do things with, but that's not the same thing as dating someone."

"But..." Noya felt his heart begin to race. "But all the pictures we posted--"

"Were all a little too staged," Suga said, waving the argument away dismissively. "You haven't fooled anyone, you know. Well, maybe Tanaka. You know he's always on your side. But you haven't fooled Daichi or Ennoshita or Kiyoko or anyone else. Not even--" Suga's eyes glinted maliciously, "--Asahi."

Noya felt his heart plummet into his stomach. He pushed his dinner away from himself; he'd only been playing with it, anyway. His appetite had long since disappeared. He didn't really know what to do. Planning had never really been his forte. His only strength, really, was in keeping the ball connected.

So he had to play the one strategy he already had in motion. That was all there was to it.

"You can believe what you want to believe, but the truth is that Oikawa and I are happy together," Noya said defensively. "Just because it doesn't look the same as your relationship with Daichi doesn't mean you get to judge--"

"What's his given name?" Suga asked suddenly.

"What?"

"Oikawa." Suga grinned over his half-eaten plate of curry. "What's his given name?"

Noya knew Oikawa's given name. Of course he did. It was written on the rental agreement. He'd heard it before. It was... It was...

"Tooru," Noya replied after too-long a pause.

"Uh huh." Suga smirked, looking triumphant. "So why don't you call him that, then?"

"Uh..." Because it had honestly crossed Noya's mind. Normally, he was quick to jump into familiarity with people, either to drop honorifics, use nicknames or given names. But somehow, he'd completely forgotten that when he made the deal with Oikawa. "I don't call you by your given name," Noya finally said.

"Yes, but only because I've asked you not to use it," Suga pointed out. "Instead, you call me a nickname without an honorific, like you do for almost everyone whom you don't call by their given name." Suga looked incredibly smug as he smirked. "But if you were dating Oikawa, you'd use his given name, wouldn't you?"

Fuck. Noya didn't have a good response. He had a lame one, though, so he tried it. "Asahi still calls me Noya most of the time."

"That's because you, like me, dislike hearing your given name." Suga flicked Noya's forehead lightly. "But I’ve heard him use your given name a few times and you didn't protest it. C'mon, Noya. Admit it. You were never dating Oikawa."

"No," Noya said miserably. He toyed with his curry, making a mess of it without eating any of it.

"Did you sleep with him?" Suga pressed.

Noya lifted a shoulder, not looking up to meet Suga's eyes. "Almost."

"Almost?" Suga's voice sharpened. "What does almost mean?"

"It means we almost slept together but then...we didn't." Noya _really_ didn't want to elaborate on that. It was bad enough Oikawa knew he'd failed to get it up; he didn't want his entire circle of friends to know. "Just that first night he stayed here. After that, he's been just like a roommate. Or a coworker. Sometimes we workout together."

"Mmhmm." Suga sounded doubtful. He sighed heavily as he looked around the apartment. "It is nice you guys have all this space. Compared to Asahi's apartment, this is practically palatial."

"Asahi's place is close to everything," Noya pointed out. "We're way out the way here."

"I thought that was the point," Suga said, not making it a question. He pushed his empty plate towards Noya, then hefted up the backpack Oikawa had left near the door. "Which room is yours? I can probably figure it out, but it'd be embarrassing to get it wrong."

"First on the left," Noya told him. "I'll set the futon out, don't worry about the mess."

"Don't mind," Suga called back, disappearing into Noya's room.

Ugh, fuck, Noya thought. Stuck cooking and cleaning _and_ caught in a lie. Fuck my entire life right now.

He wrapped up his cold, uneaten dinner and put it in the fridge, then gave everything the cursory kind of wash that he knew would get him yelled at by his roommate later. He didn't care; his secret was out and now Suga was going to tell him just how bad it was. He wasn't looking forward to the chat.

Suga had made himself quite at home in Noya's room. He'd already changed into to a t-shirt and boxers, his backpack resting against the far bedpost. He'd thrown a sweater over the back of Noya's desk chair and was examining the stack of books on Noya's desk.

"These are all fitness training manuals," Suga said, frowning. "And some dietary guides. Except this one. This one's about makeup."

"Yeah, it's for work." Noya shrugged. He didn't mind Suga poking around his desk, but there were a few things he'd prefer to hide. He scooped up a magazine from the floor and tossed it to Suga while surreptitiously trying to kick a few things under the bed. "One of the shots from the climbing gym made it into that magazine. Did you see?"

Suga sighed, a concerned and loving expression on his face. "Noya, honey. Asahi sent us the picture from this magazine a week ago."

Noya's stomach flip-flopped hard enough to make him lose his balance. Asahi was still keeping an eye on his work? After all this time? Why? But then...in a way he understood.

"What's this?" Suga swooped low, grabbing a glossy magazine that Noya had been trying to sweep under the bed. It only took him a second to recognize it. "This is the first magazine to feature Asahi's original line. Daichi and I have a copy at home."

"Yeah, I know, okay?" Noya snatched the magazine back. He held it for a moment before setting it neatly on top of his desk. "I know."

Noya felt Suga studying him for long minutes. Then a heavy sigh followed by the creak of bedsprings. Noya looked up, about to say something about clearing a space for the futon, but Suga was sitting in the middle of Noya's bed, his arms held wide for a hug.

It was stupid, really. Noya had been on his own for years after high school. No plans, no parents, no pocket money outside of what he earned, no friends except the ones in his phone. Even through all of that, he'd never felt alone, never lonely, never longing.

But he did now.

Emotion choking his throat, Noya rushed into Suga's arms, tumbling into the bed as Suga wrapped him in a hug, murmuring softly and rubbing his back. Noya buried his face in Suga's shoulder. He wasn't crying, exactly, just...leaking, a little. How was this something he missed? A person who loved him and just wanted to hold him--someone he wanted to hold and love back, too? He and Asahi hadn't even been dating all that long; how had this become Noya's normal after so much time of being on his own?

He _wanted_ to be in a relationship. It was the whole reason he'd come back from traveling. He wanted someone waiting for him in bed--no, not just someone. He wanted _Asahi_ holding him in bed night after night.

Why couldn't life just be that simple?

"There, there." Suga combed his fingers through Noya's hair, taking deep, even breaths, setting a rhythm for Noya to match his own breathing too. When he could finally move without crying, he readjusted, leaning his head on Suga's shoulder, Suga's arms wrapped loosely around him. It felt good, sharing warmth, sharing comfort. "Noya, I'm sorry but I have to ask: What happened? You and Asahi spent all of high school pining for each other and then you finally get together and you both seemed so incredibly happy! And now...you're both just miserable. Why?"

Noya turned his head, giving in to a single sniffle. "You're not gonna get it, Suga."

"Try me?"

Noya ran a hand through his bangs, crushed the gel out of his hair and tugged his fingers through it. His hair was coming out of its spikes by now anyway. "You're marrying Daichi. You _want_ to marry Daichi. You guys will probably live by the school your whole lives and maybe have kids one day and maybe sometimes you'll go places, like Tokyo or Okinawa, or maybe even like, Hawaii, but, I mean...that's it, isn't it? Or did you picture something else for married life?"

Suga was quiet for a minute, musing. "We haven't decided if we're having kids or not. I think Daichi would like to, but right now I'm exhausted from working with children every day and I'm not sure if I want to come home to more children. And we never really talk about trips or anything, but I suppose I do have a vague hope that we'll be able to go places." His laugh shook Noya. "We were both pretty jealous of your trip to Paris with Asahi. Well, until..."

Until the end. Noya was grateful Suga didn't say it.

"Is that it, Noya?" Suga asked gently. "You just don't want to get married? Or is it something else?"

"I mean, that's most of it." Noya turned his face away as much as he could. "You saw my parents back at Karasuno. They've been like that my whole life. Marriage and money and kids, it's just like this trap that closes around you slowly so you don't notice it at first, and when you do, it's too late. But it's...it was Asahi, too."

"Asahi?" Suga sounded confused. "Did Asahi do something?"

"No." Because Asahi could never do anything wrong. Then: "Yeah." Because Asahi could never understand.

Suga held still and silent, offering support without speaking.

Noya blew out a frustrated breath all at once. "When he just said it, like 'One day we'll be married' or whatever, it was like--like he'd already planned everything out. Like he'd already picked out matching rings for us, like he already knew which block he wanted to buy our house on, like he'd already named our kids. And it was like...like I _wanted_ that for him, you know? I want him to have all that stuff because it obviously means something to him--means a **lot** to him. But...it doesn't to me. Not that it doesn't mean anything to me, but...I don't want it. Like, I really _really_ don't want it. But Asahi deserves it. So I thought...I thought..."

"You though he'd find someone else?"

Noya nodded, not trusting himself to speak.

"Oh, Noya." Suga's arms tightened in a hug. "Why didn't you just try talking this out with him? Even if you couldn't find a middle ground, you could have come to the same conclusions together and then maybe you could at least still be friends."

Noya shook his head. "You've known Asahi longer than I have, Suga. Do you think he would have accepted a mutual break up? Or do you think he'd just go along with whatever I wanted, just to avoid breaking up?"

Suga sighed. "He does tend to prefer appeasing people to speaking up for himself. But what if he genuinely did change his mind? Over time, maybe."

Noya shifted, rolling to put his back against Suga's chest. "I don't think it's right for me to just hope he comes around to wanting the same things I want. And what if he was just hoping I'd end up changing my mind? What if we went on for years like that, neither of us changing but both hoping the other would change? We'd both end up resentful and unhappy in the end and I don't want to do that to Asahi. I don't want to be the reason he misses his chance with someone who can give him all of that, either. So, I...I thought this was better."

"You thought pretending to date Oikawa was better than talking all this out with Asahi?" Suga asked, voice dry.

Noya shrugged, defensive. "I've never done any of this stuff before and it's not like I could talk to anyone. _You_ were the one who called me up to yell at me and tell me I was being stupid and that I should just get back together with Asahi, whatever the problem was. I don't make plans, Suga, I just make decisions. If I let the ball drop, that's because it was out of bounds to begin with."

Suga's breath ruffled Noya's hair. "To be fair, I called Asahi and told him he was being stupid, too. You're both so stupid." His arms tightened again before relaxing. "That's probably what makes you perfect for each other."

Noya tried to laugh, but it just hurt. After a moment of silence, he asked: "Did you see Asahi? Is he alright?"

Suga hesitated, adjusting his position on the pillows. "He's still working. Seems like he's doing a pretty good job, from what I can tell. But he's lonely. He misses you. A lot."

Noya braced himself, made his voice as steady as possible: "Has he dated anyone? Since...?"

"No," Suga breathed. "At least, he's never said anything about it. Daichi and I are pretty sure he hasn't."

"Can you talk to him?" Noya asked, voice small. "Let him know I don't...I don't want to get back together and that he should--he should--"

"I think _you_ need to talk to him," Suga coached softly. "You're both still stuck in this post-break-up depression and neither of you are making healthy decisions. The best thing you can do is talk it out. As kindly as possible."

"I never wanted to hurt him," Noya said, scrubbing impatiently at his cheeks.

"I know." Suga nuzzled Noya's hair. "We never want to hurt the ones we love. Sometimes we have to, in order to heal."

Silence reigned for long moments. Noya felt Suga's breathing even out, becoming deeper, slower, lulling. Noya squirmed, reaching for the edge of the bed.

Suga's arms tightened around his middle. "Where you going?"

"I was gonna get the futon," Noya explained. "You can have the bed, Suga, I'll just--"

Suga tugged Noya against his chest, one hand smoothing Noya's hair. "Uh uh. You stay right here. I'm not used to sleeping alone anymore and I'm comfy. Besides, you need to be cuddled right now."

Noya's sigh was almost a laugh. Almost. "Alright, Suga. And...thanks."

~*~^~*~

"So he's staying here with us?" Oikawa asked, shoulder braced against Noya's door frame.

"Yep." Noya was on the floor of his bedroom, cleaning up the clutter he'd never minded on his own, but now that he was sharing his room with Suga--however temporarily--he felt like it should be a little neater.

"Mr. Refreshing is _staying_ with us," Oikawa repeated.

"Just until Sunday, then he's going back home with Daichi," Noya clarified. It was just three days. And it wasn't even the whole time: Suga had left fairly early to meet Daichi at a local museum. They had made a holiday weekend of their trip to Tokyo, but for everyone else, it was business as usual. Up until the Adler/Jackal game, of course. "Just go stay with someone else for a few days if he bothers you. Oh, and we can quit the fake dating thing. But you can still live here unless you find someplace else."

"Someplace else." Oikawa rolled his eyes. "I'm going back to Argentina in a few weeks. It's not worth it to sign a lease somewhere else."

"That's true," Noya allowed, stacking up several magazines neatly. He'd never bought magazines before, but now he liked finding himself in the ads and he could always tell when a model was wearing clothes Asahi had designed. "Look, I don't care if you stay, but leave Suga alone. He'll be gone in a few days, so just be nice."

"I'm always nice," Oikawa sneered. "He's the one who smiles as he beats people."

Noya snorted. "He's protective. And he doesn't like you. It'd probably be better if you did find somewhere to shack up for a few days."

"Hmph." Oikawa examined his nails. "Does this mean you're getting back with your ex?"

Noya's hand jerked, knocking over a basketful of dirty laundry he'd been collecting as he cleaned. "Uh, no. No. We're just...going to the game as a group."

"Uh huh." Oikawa glowered down at him as Noya scraped his clothes back into the basket. "So you two are just going to talk? Think you'll come back here after the game, or go back to his place?"

Noya felt his cheeks flame. He ignored Oikawa for a minute, distracted by a business card he found in a pocket of a pair of jeans. He'd completely forgotten about it, but it was the travel blog business card he'd gotten the day he'd run into Oikawa. He reached up and placed it on the bedside table--no reason to mix it in with his laundry. "Daichi is staying with Asahi, and maybe Suga will go back after the game, too. Even if we did end up talking, there's no way I could go back to his place after."

And honestly, Noya was really hoping to get away with not-talking to Asahi. If forced, they could talk about the weather and about work, but that was about as deep as Noya wanted to get with Asahi. Suga might think talking would help them, but the only outcome Noya could see was the two of them falling back together again while the core of their problems remained the same. Nothing good would come of talking.

Still. It would be nice to be among friends again. Even for just one night.

Fingers drummed against the door frame. Noya looked up in annoyance. "Do you actually need something?"

"No." Oikawa pushed away from the door, turned his back on the room, then slowly turned back, face twisted in a distasteful grimace. "Look, not that it matters, but did you ever give Beard-kun the chance to tell you his side of the story?"

"His side?" Noya narrowed his eyes. "There's no story, Oikawa. We both want different things in life. There's no overlap between what he wants and what I want. That's it."

"Yeah but." Oikawa folded his arms across his chest. Looked away sharply. "It just sounds like you made the decision to break it off on your own. And after, just to avoid the possibility of having to talk about it with him, you were willing to hook up with me. Even I can tell this guy is someone important to you. Did you ever give him the chance to tell you what he wants?"

"I know what he wants," Noya snapped. A husband. A house. A small horde of children. A humdrum life in a tiny corner of the world.

"You can't know if you're not listening," Oikawa retorted. "What if the story you got wasn't the whole story? What if he's willing to meet you in the middle somewhere? What if your idea of what he wants isn't what he wants at all?"

"And what if he just straight up lies because he's more comfortable being with me than finding someone who actually makes him happy?" Noya asked angrily. "What if five years from now, or ten, or twenty, he hates me for never changing my mind, for costing him time he could have spent searching for the right person? What the hell do you know about any of it, Oikawa? When was the last time you wanted something for someone else more than you wanted something for yourself?"

"Every day of my goddamn life!" Oikawa slammed his hand against Noya's door, making it bang off the wall. Noya stared, open mouthed, as Oikawa's face scrunched up, either in pain or disgust or both. "Do you know what it's like, not being given the chance to say what you need to say? What it's like when the other person won't give you the chance to speak your piece? When they ignore you and your calls and your messages all because they think it's better that way? Like they're doing you some sort of favor? Fuck that! The merciful thing to do would be to just let them get it all off their chest, say what they need to say and let a little venom out. You're tough enough for that, aren't you? Maybe an apology isn't good enough, but you should at least give him the chance to say it!"

"What--what are you talking about?" Noya asked, shocked. "I don't need an apology for anything, Asahi never did--" He stopped suddenly, the air freezing in his lungs. "This isn't about me and Asahi."

Oikawa bared his teeth in a silent snarl. He turned away, but he didn't leave the doorway.

"You're talking about Iwaizumi?" Noya asked, tentative. "The guy who cheated on you?"

Oikawa's eyes flashed with a promise of violence over his shoulder, but then, just as quickly, Oikawa slumped against the door frame, all the fight going out of him at once. "Iwa-chan never cheated on me. He caught me cheating on him."

"Oh." What did anyone say to that? Noya couldn't find it in himself to be sympathetic; if that's what happened, Oikawa probably deserved whatever personal hell he was going through.

Oikawa made a derisive noise under his breath. "Yeah, I get it, okay? I'm the bad guy. Iwa-chan is probably doing a lot better without me in his life. Probably even better when I'm half the fucking world away. Fine. It's whatever. Good for him."

Noya held still and silent. What could he say?

"All I wanted was to talk to him," Oikawa said, eyes flashing up, just once, but they were angry and red. "I wanted the chance to apologize, I wanted to tell him it wouldn't happen again, even if we both knew it would. We'd known each other since we were kids, we'd dated all through high school and into college, it's not like he didn't know who I was! If I could just talk to him... I know it'll never work out between us. He'll never trust me again and I have to live with that. But he'll always be the most important person in my life and losing him was like...it was like losing a limb. And after all these years, it still hurts. I'm still not over it." Oikawa's hands were tightly curled fists at his sides. "If he's important to you, you owe it to him to let him speak his piece. It isn't fair, you just deciding how everything goes between the two of you from now on."

Noya blinked, surprised to find his face wet. "He's afraid," Noya said softly. "He's afraid to let you apologize, to hear your side of it. Because if you said all the right things--if you made the right promises--he'd give in. And then you'd just hurt him again. Wouldn't you?"

"I never meant to hurt him." Oikawa hunched his shoulders, the picture of misery. "I loved Iwa-chan. If there was anyone I could be faithful to, it would have been him. But I couldn't. I can't. I wanted to, it was just..." He tried for an approximation of his usual cocksure smile. "It's hard to say no, you know?"

"No." Noya shook his head. Yes, he'd had his time mixing it up with various partners all over the world. No, there had been no commitments, no promises, no heartache. But after Asahi, there had been no temptation, no desire, nothing he wanted more than exactly what he already had. Oh, sure, he'd _noticed_ people; he worked in an industry full of beautiful people from all walks of life. But he'd never wanted to take any of them to bed, or even buy them a coffee. At the end of the day, he wanted to go home to Asahi. "And it's not the same. Asahi knows he didn't do anything wrong."

"Does he?" Oikawa pivoted against the door frame as if on a hinge, stepping back into the hallway. "Guy like that--former ace, used to carrying the hopes of the team--probably carries the weight of the world on his shoulders. Probably thinks high crime rates, late trains and starving puppies are all his fault. Bet you he's holding on to this break-up like it's his fault, too."

Noya stood in the center of his half-clean bedroom feeling like he was falling. Like the supports of his world had been ripped away. Like he didn't know up from down anymore. When Oikawa finally slunk away, Noya chased him into the hall.

"If that's how you saw it, why wait until now to say anything?" Noya demanded to know. "The whole fake-dating thing was _your_ idea! Why didn't you just tell me to talk to him back then?"

Oikawa shrugged, a pained smirk on his face. "Maybe I just needed a job and a place to live. Or maybe I liked seeing someone as miserable as I am.” He sneered. “Have fun at the game!"

When Oikawa pulled the door to his room shut, Noya grabbed a book off his desk and hurled it, making the door jump in its frame. Then he slammed his own door shut. Sat down on the floor and put his head into his hands.

What was he going to do?

~*~^~*~

Suga spent most of his time each day out with Daichi, exploring the city and then returning back to Noya's apartment in the evening. On the second night, Daichi came with him and the three of them went out for ramen. Though Daichi seemed a bit stiff, there was no mention of Asahi and once dinner was over, Daichi left to go back to Asahi's while Suga followed Noya home. Noya felt bad about that. This was Suga and Daichi's mini-vacation--they should be able to spend it together! But Suga refused to go back with Daichi, asking what was the point when all his stuff was already at Noya's. He seemed determined in any case, so Noya let it drop.

The next day was the day of the volleyball game and Noya didn't have a photo shoot. Still, after he finished his morning run, he expected to find Suga gone for the day, out doing whatever couples did when visiting a city together. Instead, Suga was in the kitchen, making them both a hearty breakfast. Noya gratefully dug in, ignoring the sour look Oikawa shot both of them when Suga cheerfully informed him that he hadn't made enough for three people.

"So what do you do on your days off?" Suga asked as Noya helped him clean up after breakfast. "Don't tell me you're going to spend the whole day just doing push-ups."

Noya laughed. "Usually I pick up some odd jobs, but I'm good right now. Sometimes Oikawa and I will go down to the beach and look for a game to join but..." Noya trailed off, glaring down the hallway at Oikawa's closed door.

"Ah." Suga nodded pedantically. "Lover's quarrel?"

Noya balled up a dish towel and threw it at him. "Why don't you come down to the beach with me, Suga? You still remember how to play, right?"

"Play?" Suga looked confused as he draped the towel over a hook to dry. "Play what?"

Noya gave him a playful shove. "Volleyball! What else? We can play twos or we can join a game. C'mon, it'll be fun! You can invite Daichi."

"Daichi is helping Asahi look at a possible runway venue," Suga explained. "I don't know, Noya. I haven't really played volleyball on sand before and you saw how I was a few months ago when we played the new Karasuno team."

"Aw, but this is beach volleyball. Everyone's an amateur! C'mon, it'll be fun!"

Suga sighed. "Okay, fine. Let's go."

Out of mercy for Suga's sake, Noya let them take the train to the beach, rather than run there as he normally would. A few games were already going but a few people recognized Noya and waved him in. Suga was a mess at first, but he found his rhythm before too long. He stumbled a few times and complained about the sand, but he smiled when he got a toss just right. Noya had always thought there was something cathartic about team sports and as they played, it seemed a bit of Suga's adulthood weariness faded just a bit, letting him remember his glory days as a champion competing at nationals.

The team game broke up around lunch time and Noya and Suga took a break at a snack stand, Suga complaining about sore muscles while Noya teased him about wanting to lose weight before his wedding. With a remorseful grunt, Suga agreed to play another game.

They only found paired matches after that, playing two against two with Suga and Noya always on the same team. As the sun beat down, Noya discarded his shirt, playing in nothing more than his board shorts. Suga had trouble moving too much on the sand, so Noya busted out all his old skills as well as some new ones, moving back to receive the ball and send it to the setter, then bolting to the front of the net, jumping for a spike. After only a few games, Suga begged off for exhaustion and the two returned to the snack stand for icepops and bottled water.

"We should be heading back anyway," Suga suggested, checking the time after he'd caught his breath. "We both need to shower and change for the game tonight."

Noya hid a wince; he'd been trying not to think of the game. "Yeah, we can go. Are we picking up Asahi and Daichi, or are they meeting us there?"

"They'll meet us there." Suga glowered for a moment. "Oikawa isn't coming, is he?"

"Ah, he's got his own tickets." Noya shrugged. He and Oikawa had been planning on going together, after all. "But he'll probably bring someone else. The seats aren't close or anything."

"Good." Suga linked arms with Noya as they started back towards the train station. "We're going to do dinner with Hinata and Kageyama afterwards! It'll almost be like getting the team back together!"

Not really, though, Noya thought as they waited for their train to arrive. Just the third years and half the first years, with Noya as the sole representative of the second years. Not that he generally minded being the odd man out, but Suga would pair up with Daichi and Hinata and Kageyama naturally fell together when given the option. Which left Noya making conversation with...

Maybe he could skip out on dinner. It would be a late night anyway and he could claim he was tired from playing beach volleyball. He'd stay long enough to say hi to everyone and then bail. That was easier. It was going to be bad enough, sitting through the entire game with Asahi. Noya didn't think he'd make it through an after-party with him.

Back at the apartment, Noya let Suga shower first, then cleaned up after, taking his time in spiking his hair. He'd rather they arrive a little late at the stadium in order to minimize his time with Asahi, but Suga wasn't about to let that happen. He hurried Noya along, tossing clothes at him and practically chasing him out the door, much to Noya's chagrin. Even on the way there, Noya tried to drag his heels, stopping for an energy drink at a convenience store and searching through a newly printed magazine for an ad that might have featured him. Suga handled it with good patience, but when Noya tried to suggest a detour through a street fair, Suga hooked his arm through Noya's and dragged him the rest of the way to the stadium. Even then, Noya was considering a plan to offer to get food for everyone so he could avoid the pre-game small talk, but that plan was shot when Suga waved down Daichi and Asahi standing just outside the main entrance, waiting on them.

"Hey!" Suga ran into Daichi's arms, giving him a quick kiss. "Sorry we're late. Noya said he wasn't going to be up for the after-party without an energy drink."

"We only just got here," Daichi assured him.

He said something else, too, but whatever it was, it was lost on Noya. Asahi had caught his eye and wouldn't let go. All he did was smile shyly and give a small wave, but that was all it took. It was too warm for Asahi's usual sweater-vest combo, so instead he wore a loose-fitting short-sleeve button down over cargo shorts and boots that came up to his ankles. He looked ruggedly urban-chic, especially with his hair down and his glasses perched on the end of his nose. He smelled like coffee and aftershave and home. Noya barely suppressed the urge to run into Asahi's arms the way Suga had fallen into Daichi's.

"Hey," Noya said, voice a little rough as he tore his eyes away.

"Hey." God, but how he'd missed Asahi's voice! Fuck, why did this hurt so much? "You doing alright?"

"Yeah." Noya swallowed hard. "You?"

"Yeah."

It took a long moment of heavy, pressurized silence for Noya to realize Daichi and Suga were staring at the both of them as if waiting for something. He hated both of them just then, realizing this was something they'd worked out in order to force Noya and Asahi to interact. But what he hated more was the fact that it was working.

"Let's go," Noya said, shouldering past Suga to the stadium entrance. "Maybe we can see Shouyo before the game starts."

They didn't find Shouyo, but they did see Bokuto in the lobby of the stadium, a team jacket on over his jersey and a personal assistant-slash-bodyguard keeping an eye on him as he signed volleyballs and t-shirts for fans. His face lit up when he saw them and waved them over, chatting cheerfully until his assistant told him it was time to get ready for the game. By then, it was time to take their seats for the game and though Noya found himself seated next to Asahi, they didn't have any time or reason to talk.

At first, Noya found it difficult to get into the game: he was too acutely aware of Asahi sitting beside him. Every time Asahi moved, Noya caught the scent of his aftershave and his body was reacting in strongly suggestive ways. He had to bite his lower lip and push back his arousal--now was NOT an appropriate time, even if all he wanted to do was throw his arms around Asahi's neck as he straddled him over the seat. He wanted to bury his nose in Asahi's hair, he wanted to taste Asahi’s dinner on his tongue, he wanted to grind himself down on Asahi's--

But there was a volleyball game going on! And they were surrounded by hundreds of people! And, last but not least, they were broken up! There was no reason to be feeling any of those things.

It felt like an eternity passed, but Noya eventually got caught up in the game. It was impossible not to get excited seeing old teammates playing against each other, as Kageyama and Hinata were. It was even fun to watch old rivals dominate the court and dictate the pace of the game. The end of the first match was fraught with tension as the teams reached twenty-three points at the same time. Noya was on the edge of his seat, hands gripping the armrests, as the serve went up. It was going in. No, out. It was going to be on the line, it was--!

Noya was on his feet, like the rest of the crowd, when the line ref called it in. It was honestly too close to call, but Noya had been _sure_ it was out. When Noya plopped back into his seat, his hand fell over Asahi's on the armrest. He whipped it away as quickly as if he'd been burned.

"Sorry," Asahi said, drawing his hand back, red coloring his cheeks.

"No, my bad," Noya said, setting his hands in his lap.

They didn't say another word until after the game ended.

Whatever dinner plans Daichi and Suga had thought were going to happen, well, they got crashed. Hinata told Bokuto, who invited Akaashi, and Atsumu overheard and dragged Sakusa along as well. And Noya never found out if Kageyama invited Hoshiumi or if he just decided to tag along, but whatever the reason he was grateful. The bar they all went to was near the stadium and way over-crowded, making it impossible to do more than shout at anyone. Noya nursed a mug of beer until he felt like he'd stayed long enough that he could duck out. Unfortunately for him, when he tried to beg off, Suga reminded him that they had to go home together. Suga was more than a little drunk, acting extra clingy and very happy--not a great state of mind for finding one's way back through a vaguely familiar city.

"Let's get some air," Daichi decided, shouting over the live entertainment. "I'm sure this place is over the fire marshal code and it's bothering me."

Noya laughed as he followed the couple out, forgetting, for a minute, that if they were leaving, it meant Asahi was leaving, too. He caught the scent of Asahi's aftershave before he turned and saw him, so he stepped well out of the way, carefully maintaining his distance. Asahi put his hands in his pockets, saying nothing as he waited for someone else to come up with the plan for the evening.

"Well, I was up really early," Noya said, unnecessarily, because all three of them had to remember what an early riser he was from their training camp days. "Think I'm gonna head home. You ready, Suga?"

"I need a minute." Damn it all, he looked like he was being honest, too. Suga's hair was disheveled, his face pale as if he'd been sick once already. He'd gotten caught up in some fun-sounding shots that Bokuto was ordering and it didn't look as if they were sitting well with him. "Can we just walk for a little bit? Slowly?"

"There's a garden promenade," Asahi said helpfully. "Just two blocks away. It's usually quiet this time of night."

Noya knew the one he meant. Usually after late games Noya was too tired to want to do anything, but the few times he'd gotten amped on energy drinks beforehand and needed to burn off the excess energy, Asahi had taken him walking through the gardens. Shoulder-high hedges were cut in rigid rectangles with flowerbeds tended behind white-stone barriers. Fountains and benches decorated the walkways, making it a really pretty spot to walk through during the day. And, with colored mood lighting behind the bushes and under the fountain waters, it was an incredibly romantic place to walk through at night. Noya cursed his luck and followed far behind. Asahi led the way with Daichi supporting Suga while speaking soft admonishments for drinking too much.

The gardens were in full bloom, and though the colors were muted by the late hour, the scent was heavy in the air. After only a bit of walking, Suga was looking a bit more himself. Still slow, perhaps, and a little green, but his step was steadier and he wasn't holding onto Daichi for balance quite so tightly. He asked for a minute to sit by the central fountain, claiming sore muscles due to the earlier pick-up games rather than the shots he'd taken at the party. Noya laughed, then walked a circuit around the central square, giving Daichi and Suga some space at the fountain in the middle. He was just considering calling a car service to come pick up both him and Suga when he nearly walked directly into Asahi.

"Uh, sorry." Asahi ducked his head. Touched the back of his neck with his hand. Eyes darting away. "I was wondering if...if we could talk? Please?"

Every word hurt, but it was the please that broke him. Noya nodded, tucking his hands into his pockets and keeping his eyes down as he fell into step beside Asahi.

"I was hoping we'd get a chance," Asahi said, following a well-lit pathway away from the fountain. "But I didn't expect Suga to make himself sick."

Noya shrugged. "He'll be fine in a bit."

"Yeah, he will." Asahi agreed easily. They walked a little further, taking turns around trellises of roses, bushes of hyacinth and fully flowered gardenias. Noya's skin itched with every second of silence; didn't Asahi know he had zero willpower to resist? If he asked him to go back to his place, he'd go. Wouldn't even care if they were sharing the place with Daichi and Suga. The past few nights of sleeping beside Suga had reminded him of what it felt to fell asleep against someone, to wake up beside someone, to trust and love someone. But at the end of the day, Suga wasn't Asahi. And that was what Noya was ravenous for.

Asahi finally stopped as they crossed a low stone bridge over a koi pond. He turned and slouched, hands tucked deep in his pockets. Noya braced himself.

Asahi took a breath. Held it for a second. Then let it go with a nervous laugh. "Sorry. I've been thinking about this all day, but now I don't know what to say."

"Just talk," Noya told him, leaning his elbows over the side of the stone bridge. "It's just me, Asahi. You don't need to be nervous."

"It's...because it's you." Out of the corner of his eye, Noya saw Asahi reach up and play with his hair. "I guess...I guess I wanted to start by apologizing."

Noya spun halfway around, surprised. "What for? You didn't do anything wrong."

"Um, I did, actually." Asahi's chocolate eyes only met Noya's for a second before they were skittering off again. "I...made some assumptions. Harmful ones. Not everyone wants the same things from the future that I want and I...I didn't stop to consider your feelings. I'm sorry."

"Well, yeah, but, isn't it normal to want what you want?" Noya asked, feeling a prickling sensation between his shoulder blades. "I mean, half our old team is either married or about to get married. Seems like a normal thing that normal people want."

"That doesn't give me the right to assume you want it, too," Asahi insisted. "It's..." He took a deep breath, then let it out again. "We've known each other so long that, I think, maybe we thought we already know everything about each other? When, really, we don't."

That made sense. Marriage and kids versus investing and traveling were two very different outlooks on the future, yet it had never come up as a topic of conversation before.

"And since Daichi's been staying with me, he, um, he pointed out that we...sort of skipped some steps?" Asahi shuffled, looking uncomfortable.

"Skipped steps?" Noya asked, confused. "I don't get it."

"We...we moved in together right away," Asahi pointed out. "And...we started sleeping together kind of, um--"

"Like maybe ten minutes inside the door," Noya supplied. "After we got our confessions out of the way."

"Yeah." It was hard to tell with the lighting, but Noya was certain Asahi was blushing. "Daichi pointed out that most couples start slower to, ah, ask those sorts of questions. About the future and children and stuff like that. And, um, to find out more about each other's families."

Noya cringed. The last thing he wanted Asahi to learn more about was his family. Hell, he wanted as little to do with his own family as possible; no way was he subjecting Asahi to another confrontation like they'd suffered when they'd visited home together.

"So I was hoping..." Asahi trailed off. Cleared his throat. Scuffled his feet. "I wanted to ask you. If you want. If you...think it's a good idea. If we... If we could..."

"You want to start dating again?" Noya asked, the bottom dropping out of his stomach.

"Yes." The relief on Asahi's face just about killed him. "But, I mean, slower this time. I'm not asking you to move back in, or even to--to sleep with me. But I'd like to take you out for dinner sometime, or maybe see you if our days off line up. We can--we could do it right this time. Find out if...if we work or not."

This was it. This had to be what Noya had been hoping for: a new start, a fresh chance. A good, solid reason to start up again. To have what he wanted, to feel happy and whole again.

To feel home again.

Asahi smiled, perhaps reading the hope in Noya's eyes. "I've really missed you. Please say we can take this chance. Yuu."

Everything Noya wanted, there for the taking. And yet, he still knew it was the wrong decision. And he knew, without a doubt, that if they took this chance, he’d end up having to break Asahi’s heart all over again.

"Can I ask you something first?" Noya heard himself ask, as if from a distance. Like he was at the bottom of the koi pond, looking up, barely able to discern his own words.

"Anything." That beautiful smile. Noya wished he could protect it.

Instead, he had to break it.

"What you said you wanted--marriage, kids, all that--is that still what you want?"

Asahi's sudden hesitance answered the question before he did.

Noya turned away. "If that's what you want, I don't see a reason to get back together. There's a lot of people who want the same things as you, Asahi. You should be dating them."

"But I want you!" Asahi protested, reaching out but catching himself before they could touch. "Being with you is better than any hypothetical family somewhere down the road! I'd rather find a compromise than give up. Please, Yuu, can't we at least try?"

Noya felt the cracks in his resolve. Fuck, but he wanted this. Why did doing the right thing have to hurt so damn much?

He turned on his heel, facing Asahi head-on and lifting his chin obstinately. "So you'd just settle for me now when you could be using this time to find someone else? Someone who loves you enough to marry you? Someone who wants to raise kids with you? To live in the same boring town doing the same boring things over and over, day after day? That's what you want, isn't it? Then go find that person! Because that's not me."

Asahi just looked stunned, eyes searching Noya's as he scrambled for something to say.

"It's not that difficult," Noya insisted. "You're beautiful and you're kind and I bet you could have any model's phone number just for asking, so just forget about me, okay? Find someone else."

"But I..." Asahi's heart was breaking and it was all Noya's fault once again. "I love you, Yuu."

"I--" Noya choked. He'd been about to say it back. Not just on reflex, no, but because he meant it. And because he was afraid he'd never mean it to anyone else ever again. "I have to go."

"Please, Yuu, don't--"

Noya turned and _bolted,_ a dead, blind sprint that took him out of the gardens and into the quasi-quiet of the city scarcely an hour before midnight. His breath ran out after the first block, but he hadn't continued conditioning himself every day to lose now: he ran another mile on heart alone and when that failed him, he ran on pain. He was halfway home when he finally slowed, catching his breath at a jog, refusing to stop entirely because if his heartrate dropped too quickly, he'd probably black out.

It was only then that he realized he'd left Suga behind. The whole reason Asahi had been able to corner him in the garden, the only reason Noya hadn't left directly after the game. He couldn't go back now. Maybe Suga would decide to go back to Asahi's place with Daichi, or maybe he'd call a cab. Either way, it was quicker now for Noya to just go home, rather than wait around for Suga.

Oikawa jumped when Noya shoved open the apartment door, slamming it shut behind him before storming to his room.

"I didn't expect you back tonight," Oikawa said, tossing aside his cellphone, as if he’d been caught doing something he shouldn’t. The living room was dark, quiet, with dumbbells and kettlebells scattered about haphazardly, but Noya paid it no heed. "I thought your friends were setting you up with your ex. How'd that go?"

Noya ignored him even as Oikawa followed him to his bedroom. He was out of breath still, but his mind was racing. Suga could be here any minute and then Noya would be vulnerable again--susceptible to wanting warmth and comfort from a source that should have been lost to him months ago. He needed...something. An excuse, a reason, something to do, some place to go.

Someplace not here.

Noya's eyes seized on the business card he'd left on his nightstand. The adventure-travel blog. Hadn't they wanted to recruit him? Pay him to travel the world while doing extreme sports? That was a good enough excuse, right? Then he wouldn't be running away, no.

He'd be pursuing an opportunity.

With Oikawa still leaning inside his doorway, Noya whipped out his phone, ignored the dozens of unread text messages and the handful of missed calls in order to call the number on the business card. He waited as a musical tone sang in his ear. It was minutes to midnight, but when a voice answered the phone, it sounded alert and congenial.

"This is Nishinoya Yuu," he started, not entirely sure what he was doing. "Are you still interested in hiring me?"

"Ah, Nishinoya." In the blank space that followed, Noya got the impression that his name was being checked in whatever database the company had found him on. "Why yes! We certainly are. When can you start?"

Noya hesitated, then bulled through it: "Is tomorrow too soon?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I know, it hurts. But I told you it would, right? It’s okay, drink some tea, eat some cookies and then follow me on Twitter so you know when the next update is dropping. Stay safe and stay healthy, everyone!


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noya had given up traveling nearly a year ago in exchange for a relationship. A person and a place to return to.
> 
> A home.
> 
> But not the same kind of home Asahi wanted. He’d wanted a break, something new, something fresh. And if the itch to journey again ever took him, he wanted someone to go with him this time.
> 
> No, not just someone.
> 
> He wanted Asahi.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yay, an update! Hopefully this chapter begins stitching these two back together…or maybe just creates new issues for the both of them. Who can say? Please do note the new tags warning of sports-related injuries.

Noya woke up asking himself a question he had become increasingly familiar with over the past eight weeks: Where am I?

A hotel room, obviously, par for the course these days. He stretched, kicked his legs over the side of the bed, then went to the window, peeling back the curtain to remind himself, once again, where he was in the world.

Tokuda and his extreme sports travel blog had wasted no time in gathering a film and photography crew and setting out for the wide open world. The first stop had been Italy, which was as familiar as a second home to Noya, so he'd had no trouble settling in. Unfortunately, "settling in" wasn't something one did with a crew that had to be paid every day. Tokuda had decided that windsurfing was the best debut for Noya's sports and travel blog, and every day had been a gamut of training, techniques, posing and--most often--falling. Noya had attempted windsurfing in the past, which was really the only thing that saved him. He could have gotten the knack for it better if they stayed longer, but Tokuda was impatient, settling for a few good jumps and then insisting they move on to the next sport and country.

Next had been motocross in the UK, but not racing so much as aerial stunts. Noya worked with a trainer who showed him how to go over jumps, how to shift his weight for flips and how to take the bad falls as well as possible. Again, he'd had a little experience going into it--he'd at least ridden a bike off-road before--but kicks, flips and big-air jumps were all new. Once again, Noya felt like he spent more time falling than actually completing any of the jumps, earning a few bruises and one nasty road rash on his arm, but on the bright side, his new employers didn't frown on visible injuries. In fact, one of the photos Tokuda was most excited about was one with Noya standing next to his bike, helmet in hand as he laughed uproariously at a forgotten joke, dust coating his face, his scraped and raw arm in clear view. Apparently the fans of extreme sports liked the "realism" of injuries and the apparent ease at which most athletes laughed them off. Not that Noya ever intended to get injured, but he wasn’t exactly put out when it did happen. Right when he felt he was getting the hang of trick riding and jumping enough to really start enjoying it, Tokuda declared they had enough footage and moved on again.

Most recently, they had been in the US, base jumping off a bridge over a thin, silver strip of river far below. Base jumping had been right in Noya's wheelhouse and Tokuda declared it the best shoot yet--wrapping up in under a week. And as Noya pulled back the curtain, blinded by the shocking glare of bright sun on fresh snow, he remembered that he was in Canada for a snowboarding shoot.

The job wasn't exactly what Noya had expected at the outset: rather than having free reign to decide where to go and what to do, Noya and the crew decided from a list of activities and places, sponsored by certain sports retailers who provided the equipment and trainers and a portion of the crew's travel expenses. All the rest of the team's budget came from subscribers to Noya's travel blog through Tokuda's company website. They were still operating at a loss as only the first blog entry--the one in Italy--had gone live yet, but so far, the projections were good. It seemed Noya had a bit of a fanbase as a model who had followed his career as it moved into sports-blogging and he was actually beginning to trend. There was even one person on the crew who managed Noya's social media accounts, tweeting comments about travel and local food and uploading photos of scenery to Instagram. Noya was glad he didn't have to handle the social media himself: he'd been avoiding his phone ever since up and disappearing from Japan.

It was fine, though. If anyone was worried about him, they could just check out the blog.

Noya stretched in front of the window as he took the measure of the snow-covered landscape around him. Snowboarding was entirely new to him, but he figured it couldn't be too different from surfing. He'd warm up as always, work with an instructor, take some pictures in the sponsored gear, then hit the slopes. That was what they said, right? Hit the slopes?

I should go warm up, Noya thought, recalling the fitness center within the lodge. There was no way he'd be able to run outside, not with all that snow.

He turned with the intent of kicking open his luggage, but instead found himself perched on the end of his bed instead, elbows resting on his knees as he gazed out the window.

"I don't want to get warmed up," Noya murmured to himself. Instead of looking at the snow, he tipped his chin up, looking at the crystal blue sky. And allowed himself to think of where he'd rather be. Or, at least, who he'd rather be with.

I’m so tired, Noya thought. I'm tired of constant air travel and hotels, foreign languages and foreign currency. I wanted...I wish that...

He’d given up traveling nearly a year ago in exchange for a relationship. A person and a place to return to.

A home.

But not the same kind of home Asahi wanted. He’d wanted a break, something new, something fresh. And if the itch to journey again ever took him, he wanted someone to go with him this time.

No, not just someone.

He wanted Asahi.

In that sense, he'd been just as selfish as Asahi had been in assuming Noya wanted a wedding and a little house and a few kids. Noya hadn’t considered what Asahi might want in a relationship, or what he’d want in five years, or ten or twenty. They’d both been short-sighted.

And now they were both paying for it.

The landscape blurred. Noya tipped his head forward and scrubbed at his cheeks. Reminiscing did no good: he was here now and here was where he needed to be. And in less than an hour, he had a meeting with his snowboarding instructor, so he might as well get himself together and go get warmed up.

~*~^~*~

"Another round of your usual?" asked the familiar voice as Asahi bellied up to the bar.

"Make it strong," Asahi requested with as much of a smile as he could conjure.

"Ouch," came the playful voice. "Need a double shot today?"

Asahi chuckled. "Sure, hit me." He scrolled through his phone until a tall mug of expertly prepared coffee was set down in front of him. His ex-boyfriend Haruki braced one hip against the bar as he cleaned his hands on a cloth. "Thanks."

"Work keeping you up late?" Haruki asked kindly.

"Ah, something like that," Asahi admitted, sipping carefully from the rim. The coffee was still too hot to gulp, but he didn't mind the burn so much these days. "Just trouble sleeping lately and the coffee helps me stay productive."

"You know, tea would be healthier for you," Haruki admonished, setting one hand on his hip. "Especially since you've started hitting up the coffee shop twice a day now. Don't think I don't hear about the sexy, brooding fashion designer stopping by during the early shift from the other baristas."

Asahi tried a laugh but it got stuck somewhere in his throat. "Sorry. I like the coffee here." No, it wasn't the coffee he liked. It was the company. Haruki's specifically because it was nice to have a friend in the city to talk to. Since Noya had left, Asahi had felt...adrift. He spent more and more of his days off taking the train all the way back home just to be close to his old friends for a day or two before riding all the way back into the city. Some days, he seriously considered moving back to the Miyagi prefecture. He loved the city, really but lately...it had just started feeling empty. Lonely.

"I'm not telling you not to stop by, I'm just telling you to order a tea every once in a while." Haruki beamed at him. "And maybe try talking to one of the other patrons now and then. I'm sure more than one of our regulars would love to get your number."

Asahi ducked his head, disappearing into his coffee.

"Don't do that." Haruki swatted Asahi lightly with the cloth in his hands. "You are dating again. Aren't you?"

Asahi blushed, curling defensively around his coffee mug. "Ah, well, it's not, like, um, ah..."

Actually, he had been on a few sort-of dates, but none had gone beyond the initial meeting. He hadn't even realized he was going on a date when a coworker of his asked him out for coffee and when he did realize it, he'd spilled coffee on his pants and hurriedly left, sending his coworker an apologetic text later. On one of his visits home, Suga had set him up with a fellow teacher, using the "Hey, join my friend and I for a drink" hook and then pulling the "Oh no, Daichi needs me at home right away! You two stay and have fun, though!" excuse. That had been awkward, mostly because Asahi hadn't wanted to offend someone Suga would have to work with. At least the teacher hadn't seemed interested enough to follow up, for which Asahi had been grateful. Even Haruki had tried to set Asahi up with someone when he finally attended one of the band's live shows. He wasn't sure that one counted, though. He'd had a good conversation with the person, but at the end of the night they both left the show without exchanging information. That was all that passed as Asahi's dating life since Noya had skipped town.

"Ugh. Really." Haruki shook his head as if wondering what to do with Asahi. He flipped the cloth over his shoulder with a sigh. "You know you're happier when you're in a relationship, don't you? At least, you were happy when we were together. And I'd never seen you as happy as you were with--"

Haruki bit his lower lip, cutting himself off. Asahi hunkered down over his coffee. It was actually worse when his friends tried to not talk about Noya. He supposed they viewed it like an addiction, something he needed to be kept away from at all costs. But really, he didn't mind talking about Noya. He followed all the social media accounts opened by his new company, saved the photos to his phone and read the windsurfing blog so many times he'd practically memorized it.

Hell, maybe it _was_ an addiction.

Haruki gave Asahi an apologetic look. "Sorry."

"I don't mind," Asahi said truthfully. "He's traveling again, which is what makes him happy. It was probably selfish of me to think he was staying in Tokyo because of me."

Haruki's honey-colored eyes were full of comfort, but mixed with a touch of pity. "Did you say he was jumping off of bridges in the US?"

"He's in Canada now." Asahi tapped on his phone, opening up a picture he'd saved. He turned the phone around to show Haruki a mountain lodge made of wooden logs, white snow glistening all around. "I guess he's skiing or snowboarding or maybe something else I've never even heard of." The image blurred, making Asahi blink rapidly. "I don't know if it's even winter there, or if it's always cold there or if this is fake snow. Ski resorts make fake snow, don't they?"

"Asahi." Haruki's voice was gentle, but the pain slid in alongside it. Asahi gulped and turned his face away, trying to recover. "Here. Have a scone. It's too old to sell anyway, so don't worry about it."

"You don't have to--" But the scone was already on a plate and Haruki was getting called away by another patron. Asahi glanced at the image on his phone again, then turned his phone off. It didn't do any good to get worked up over where Noya was and what he was doing. He could read about it all soon, when the next blog post was released.

It wasn't that Asahi didn't want to move on. He just figured it would happen naturally, eventually, in due time. For now, thinking about the time he got to spend with Noya was something he treasured. It wasn't likely he'd ever fall for someone as close to him as Noya was. And he doubted anyone else would ever take him to Paris.

He kept a stack of photos in a box next to his bed, photos from Noya's modeling career as well as printed out photos from his earlier journeys around the world. He also had their pictures from Paris there, and even the sporadic few they'd taken together while dating: pictures at sports stadiums, or pick-up games, pictures from playing volleyball back at Karasuno and even dumb photos of the two of them lounging around the apartment. Except for their trip to Paris, they'd taken so few pictures together. Asahi had always thought they'd have so much more time together, he hadn't thought of taking any back then. Now he'd leaf through the photos almost nightly, remembering what it had been like: That short period of time when he called Noya his.

Lost in thought as he was, Asahi didn't realize that the shrill noise interrupting his thoughts was the ring of his own phone. When he did realize it, he frowned at the unknown foreign-looking number on the display.

"Is that your phone making all that noise?" Haruki asked, gently chiding. "Hurry up and answer it."

Though he'd been considering letting it go, at Haruki's urging Asahi accepted the call. "Uh, hello?"

It took a minute to identify the language as English, though perhaps with an accent. Still, there was no reason anyone should be calling him and speaking English, so Asahi muttered an apology and an excuse, preparing to hang up.

Then came the word he would have understood in any language.

"What was that?" Asahi asked, his blood running cold. "What did you say about Nishinoya?"

Haruki froze, mouth falling open as he stared openly.

There was some shuffling on the other end of the phone, some rushed side conversations, then the sound of the phone changing hands.

"Hello?" came a native Japanese speaker. "Is this, um, Azumane Asahi?"

"Yes, it's me," Asahi said, panic rising within him. "What's going on? Is Noya okay?"

"Listen, I hate to be the one telling you this." The voice on the other end of the phone hesitated. "I'm Tokuda, by the way, Noya's manager for his--"

"I know," Asahi said, dangerously close to snapping. "Just tell me. Is. Noya. Okay."

"It...it doesn't look good." Asahi's heart stopped. "Listen, I can't understand all the medical jargon, but he's got you listed as his emergency contact. You should probably get here as fast as--"

"Where?" Asahi knocked over his coffee, ignoring the spill as he grabbed a pen from Haruki's apron pocket. He looked around desperately before Haruki placed a clean napkin down for him to write on. "How do I get there from the airport? What phone number do I call when I get there?"

He took notes frantically, his hand shaking, his throat tight around a lump he couldn't seem to swallow. He hoped he'd written down everything he needed to know. His brain couldn't focus on any specific thing, couldn't think of what other information he might need for a sudden, desperate trip halfway around the world. All he knew was that when he hung up, Haruki was staring at him with wide eyes.

"I have to go," Asahi said, throat raw.

Haruki nodded. "Just go."

~*~^~*~

Asahi didn't remember packing. Didn't remember the hours he spent on the phone trying to buy a last-minute flight out of the country with an open return date. Didn't remember how much he spent on that flight. Didn't even remember eating until he nearly blacked out. Then he made himself a cup of instant noodles and went right back to worrying.

He did remember calling Daichi and Suga, but only because he was panicked and had time to kill before his flight. Both had been shocked and worried. Daichi had offered to let Ennoshita know, so he could be on stand-by to translate any doctor-lingo. Then Suga asked the all-important question: Why was Asahi still Noya's emergency contact?

It was the question that plagued Asahi throughout the flight he remembered very little of. Perhaps he slept, but mostly he just remembered the feelings of paralyzing terror and helplessness. Noya's agent had been vague: Noya had fallen during a stunt. Badly. He'd tumbled off the cultivated path, he'd rolled several times, either hit a rock or a tree, no one seemed certain. He'd been airlifted to the hospital and was currently in a medically induced coma against the pain. The agent didn't even know what was broken, or if Noya had sustained any internal injuries or cranial damage. All he knew was that someone had to make decisions on Noya's behalf. And apparently, for some unknown reason, that person was Asahi.

Years and years ago, back when Noya first left Japan, he’d asked Asahi about being his emergency contact. It had seemed a little off-handed at the time, almost as if Asahi had simply been the closest person when to him when Noya got to that portion of the insurance form. Asahi remembered being nervous—wouldn’t Noya’s parents have been the better option?—but Noya had been laughing, invulnerable and infallible, and Asahi had agreed because they were both young and mortality seemed such a distant prospect.

But why leave me as the emergency contact? He could have picked Tanaka, Asahi thought as he awaited his turn at customs. No, Tanaka is a good friend, but a bit of an idiot. He should have picked Ennoshita. Ennoshita was a licensed physical therapist. He would have known what to do. Noya could have picked Daichi, or Suga, or Kiyoko, any one of them would have made the trip the same as Asahi had. So why? Why was Asahi's the name still listed to call in case of emergency?

Even as he wondered, Asahi knew he would have been irrationally upset if Noya had chosen any of the others; in all honesty, he probably would have dropped everything to be here right now anyway, even if Noya had picked somebody else. But he'd picked Asahi. As terrified and unprepared as he was.

After customs, Asahi called the number Tokuda had given him and someone from the crew came and picked him up from the airport. He tried asking about Noya's condition, but the crew member looked both upset and ill, which was exactly how Asahi felt and he didn't want to throw up in what was obviously a rental car.

Tokudo met Asahi in the lobby of the hospital, talking rapidly as Asahi filled out a visitor badge, then leading him through several winding hospital corridors that all looked the same to Asahi. The smell of antiseptic and the endless beige color only fed his panic, making his ears ring and his vision go dark. Where was Noya? He had to see him. He had to be alright. He had to be.

"How's your English?" Tokuda asked, stopping at an empty nurse's station. Asahi wasn't sure what time it was, but aside from the medical staff and the travel blog crew, the hospital seemed fairly empty.

"Fair," Asahi admitted. It had been enough to get by in Paris, where the main language was French. He wasn't sure how much he'd understand in a country whose main language was English, though.

"Okay, well." Tokuda looked uncomfortable. "Just do your best, I guess. I never thought I'd have to understand medical-speak in a foreign language."

"Me neither," Asahi said, looking around nervously. "Where is he? Where is--"

"There, that's the one." Tokuda pointed, then waved, calling Someone-Sensei over to the nurse's station. In quick bursts of English, he explained that Asahi was Noya's emergency contact.

"Good. We have a lot to discuss." The doctor used small words and spoke clearly, for which Asahi was endlessly grateful. She beckoned for him to follow he, but Tokuda caught his sleeve.

"Give me a call later," Tokuda instructed. "I'll let you know the hotel my crew's staying at for now."

"For now?" Asahi asked, confused.

Tokuda shrugged. "We're hemorrhaging money over this and we're not going to make anything up for it, not with Noya as injured as he is. Now that you're here, we have to cut our losses and get out of town."

"But--" That was so cold! Wasn't this Noya's employer? Weren't these his team members? And they were just going to leave him?

"Look, most of it's taken care of. He has some pretty top-shelf health insurance, so you don't really have to worry about paying for much," Tokuda said, as if money mattered at all. "He just needs someone to tell the doctors what to do."

"How should I know that?" Asahi asked, shocked at how callus Tokuda was being.

"You're his friend, aren't you?" Tokuda looked Asahi up and down. "Cousin? Boyfriend? Whatever you are, he trusts you enough to make these decisions, otherwise he wouldn't have put your name down on his insurance."

"But--but--"

"Mr. Azumane," the doctor said gently. "We really need to speak."

"Okay, just--"

"Here." Tokuda scribbled down the name of the hotel. "If you finish up here, call me and I'll send someone to pick you up. Otherwise, this is a pretty cheap place to stay that's nearby. Good luck."

"Thanks." Thanks. He'd thanked the man who was abandoning Noya in his hour of need. Asahi could barely process anything that was happening right now and that wasn't good: he was about to make possibly life-altering decisions on Noya's behalf.

He must have looked ill because instead of taking Asahi to see Noya, the doctor took him to a break room instead, showing him the coffee maker and letting him make a cup for himself before sitting down at a little plastic table with him.

"Nishinoya is in stable condition right now." Asahi swooned, nearly fainting. The doctor pressed a cool hand to his forehead, obviously checking for a fever. When the blackness receded from his vision, Asahi sat back and asked the doctor to continue. "He's suffered some traumatic injuries almost all on the right side of his body, including several broken bones and some internal damage to his spleen. He did take a blow to the head, but at this time, we do not suspect any brain damage occurred. When he wakes up, we hope you'll be able to confirm that for us."

God, brain damage? _Several_ broken bones? Internal damage? What was Asahi supposed to **do** with that information? He designed clothes! The most medically sound thing he knew how to do was apply ice to a bruise.

"We expect he can recover fully in time," the doctor continued. "But we have to begin treating him right away in order to achieve that end, before his body starts putting itself back together the wrong way. We'll have to perform at least one surgery, possibly--"

"Wait, wait, please," Asahi begged, fumbling with his phone. His hands seemed to have gone numb. "A friend of ours--mine and Noya's--is a doctor. Please let me call him? He'll understand better than I will."

The doctor nodded and fixed herself a cup of coffee while she waited for the call to go through. Silently, Asahi thanked every god that might or might not exist for his one prior trip out of the country so he'd known to upgrade his phone plan and credit card for international travel.

Ennoshita answered on the second ring and told Asahi he could skip the introduction: it seemed Daichi and Suga really had called him to update him on the situation. Asahi put Ennoshita on speaker phone and set it in the middle of the table, so the doctor could slowly explain the treatment options to the both of them. Ennoshita asked several questions in well-spoken English, making Asahi wonder if he had brushed up on his English while he was waiting, or if he really just remembered his high school lessons all that well. When the doctor finished outlining all the options, Ennoshita translated for Asahi, who had really only gotten a little more than half of it.

"The good news is that they don't think he suffered a concussion and there wasn't a lot of bleeding," Ennoshita explained. "Which is good, because he's stable enough for surgery. The most important thing is to fix his spleen, so just go ahead and approve that, no problem. The broken bones are a little trickier. The quick and easy option is to put casts over his arm and leg and hope he stays still long enough for everything to heal properly."

Asahi winced, just picturing Noya being told to lie still for weeks and months while his bones healed. "I don't think he's going to like that option.

"Neither to do I," Ennoshita confirmed. "The second option is more expensive and not without risk, but it's going to be more effective for Noya. They can place surgical plates and screws directly on the bone to make sure it heals properly. There will still be significant recovery time, but he won't have to be immobilized entirely. This option will let him travel sooner, too, in order to come home."

Home. Asahi's heart twisted in his chest. Where was home for Noya anymore?

"Will he...will he still be able to run and play sports and everything?" Asahi asked tremulously.

"He should be able to," Ennoshita confirmed. "If he takes his rehab seriously and doesn't try to go too fast. It'll probably be a year or longer, but he should be able to get back to peak condition as long as he works at it. In my personal and professional opinion, surgical plates are the better option for our Noya."

Our Noya. Asahi covered a sob, incredibly grateful to know a doctor who knew Noya as well as he did.

"Asahi? You still there?"

"Yes. Sorry, I'm--I'm just--"

"Don't mind." Ennoshita's voice carried as much confidence as Daichi's right before a tournament game. "If you need anything, from any of us, just call. Don't worry about asking for money or anything like that. The team has your back. And Noya's."

He was going to cry. There was no hope for it. He hoped the doctor wouldn't think less of him from it.

"Asahi? You got it? Want me to stay on the line while you confirm treatment?"

"Yes." Asahi swiped as his cheeks with his sleeve. "Yes, but, um...about scars?"

"He'll have some, yeah."

"It's just...he's a model now, so..."

"Oh, got you. I hadn't thought of that. Good looking out, Asahi." Ennoshita switched over to speaking English, asking the doctor about surgical staff and if the procedures could be done with minimal scarring. As it turned out, Noya's health insurance really was top-tier and would cover the cost of a plastic surgeon to make the scars as minimal as possible. Asahi repeated all of Ennoshita's instructions to the doctor, who nodded and said she'd be right back with a treatment form for Asahi to sign. They'd be able to get started as soon as the ink was dry.

"Thank you, Ennoshita," Asahi said, bowing his head to the phone. "I wouldn't have known what to do."

"You would have figured it out," Ennoshita assured him. "I doubt you could have gotten it wrong. That's why he put your name down on the form."

"He should have put yours," Asahi said miserably. "You'd be the better person to be here right now."

"It's your name on the form, which means _you're_ the best person to be there," Ennoshita insisted. "You know what that means, don't you?"

Asahi shook his head, though Ennoshita wouldn't see it. "He filled out this insurance paperwork a long time ago. He probably just didn't update it, or--"

"No," Ennoshita said quite firmly. "He put your name down, which means that you are the first person he wants to see when he opens his eyes. Make sure you're there, Asahi."

"I will." Asahi choked.

"Good." Ennoshita's voice softened after that. "Listen, I don't know if I'm bound by doctor-patient confidentiality on this since I'm not actually Noya's doctor, but is it alright with you if I tell the team what's going on so far? Everyone's really worried."

"Yes, please," Asahi begged, knowing he couldn't suffer through a phone call with Daichi and Suga right now, never mind everyone else. "I'll let you know how it all goes."

"Make sure you do. Oh, and tell Noya when he wakes up: If he's looking for a rehab facility back in Japan, he's welcome to bring that beautiful insurance policy to my clinic."

Asahi actually laughed. "I'll tell him."

The doctor took a few minutes to return, leaving Asahi to nervously pace the small room after ending his call with Ennoshita. She showed him the document, explaining each part as it pertained to Noya's treatment. It all sounded just like what they'd agreed to on the phone, so Asahi signed, swallowing his fear as he did. The doctor whisked the form away, hurrying off to get started.

"Can I--" Asahi trembled from head to toe. "Can I see him now?"

The doctor hesitated. "He's getting prepped for surgery now. It really can't wait."

"Please?" Asahi was ready to get down on the floor and prostrate himself before her. "Please. I only need a minute."

The doctor made a face, then sighed. "Less than a minute. We need to get started right away."

Asahi agreed quickly, following closely as the doctor led him through an electronically locked door. He couldn't interpret any of the acronyms on the doors they passed; the bright red warning signs and electric yellow tape lines on the floor made him nervous. These had to be operating rooms they were passing. Was Noya about to be wheeled into one on a gurney? Were people scrubbing up and preparing for him right now? Asahi's vision went dark. He nearly ran directly into the doctor when she stopped outside a room.

"He's just there. See?" She pointed through the room's window.

Asahi trembled, his knees going weak, the sound of blood roaring loudly in his ears. He could barely see Noya for the circus of people around him, affixing tubes and wires, checking fluids and monitoring the sullen beep of a heart monitor. He gripped the sill of the shallow window for support. Not once had Asahi ever considered Noya as small: from the moment the libero burst in on his first day of volleyball practice, he had always appeared larger than life to Asahi. Noya would have been the same big personality even if he was as tall as Tsukishima--that was how he'd always seemed to Asahi.

But now, lying on that gurney, wearing no more than a thin, pale gown, his hair lank and down, bandages wrapped around his limbs and taped to his face, Noya looked downright delicate. Diminutive. Helpless.

Asahi's knees really did collapse from under him. He was scared, so scared. What if he made the wrong decisions? What if something went wrong and Noya didn't wake up? Or what if everything went fine, but Noya had suffered undetected brain damage? What if Noya didn't remember who Asahi was when he woke up?

"Mr. Azumane? Mr. Azumane!" The doctor was shaking his shoulder. "Put your head down and breathe. I'll have a wheelchair brought around in a moment."

"No, I--I'm fine." He wasn't fine. If he'd eaten anything other than a cup of noodles in the past forty-eight hours, he would probably feel sick right now. "I just...I need to know that he's going to be okay."

The doctor didn't smile, but even so, her face was kindly and determined. "We're all going to do the best we can. The rest is on him."

Asahi choked on a sob. "He'll be fine, then. He's--he's always been strong."

"Good." The doctor helped him to his feet. "I have to go prepare for the surgery. Should I have a nurse show you to the exit?"

"No!" Asahi's shout startled a few of the people inside Noya's room and he hurriedly covered his mouth. "No, I need to be here. I can wait, just tell me--"

"You just flew all the way here from Japan, didn't you, Mr. Azumane?" the doctor asked. At Asahi's nod, she continued. "This surgery is not going to be over quickly. We'll be at it for hours to fix all the damage and place the bone plates, not to mention the time it will take a plastic surgeon to stitch everything back together again. After that, he'll need to be kept in a medically induced coma for at least a day in order to get past the worst of the pain. The best thing you can do for him right now--and I mean this, sincerely--is to get some rest."

"But how will I know if--if--" Asahi couldn't complete the thought, much less the question.

"If anything changes, I'll call you," the doctor said firmly. "And I'll have someone let you know when he's out of surgery. But it will still be awhile before you can see him, and probably two days before he'll wake up. So the best thing you can do is rest up so you're ready to support him when he does wake up. Okay?"

"O-okay." He cast another look into Noya's crowded hospital room. He wished he could have a moment alone with Noya, or at least hold his hand, let him know he wasn't alone in this. But even he understood the effect of a single wasted moment; he didn't want to be in the way of Noya's recovery.

"Doctor?" A scrub-clad person leaned into the hallway. "We're ready to move the patient."

"Thank you." She took Asahi firmly by the arm. "This way."

As she towed him to the closest exit, Asahi heard the tinny clink of sterile hospital steel rattling against itself. He paused once and looked back, watching Noya's gurney get shuttled out to the operating room. The doctor allowed him a moment, then tugged him along.

"I know what I'm going to suggest is impossible," she said as she pushed him through a door. "But try not to worry about it. He's in good hands."

"Thank you, Sensei." Asahi ducked his head in a bow. As the door closed behind her, he wished there was more he could do. Maybe Noya needed a blood donor? Or a marrow transplant? That was a thing, right? Was there anything he could do that would enable him to stay by Noya's side until--

The world shuddered around him and Asahi staggered. He caught himself against the rough brick of the outer wall, breathing hard and fast. Almost three days of sleeplessness and stress with little food were finally catching up to him. Even if Noya did need something from him, he wasn't likely to be of much help like this. Though he hated to admit it, the doctor was right: he did need to rest.

Asahi pulled out his phone and called the number Noya's agent had given him. It felt like a long time before a car came cruising around to pick him up, but that could have been because Asahi was at a side exit, not the front entrance. The movement of the car nearly lulled him to sleep and he had no memory of arriving at the hotel. Motel. Hostel? He wasn't entirely sure. He did remember handing over his credit card without verifying how much the room would cost, and he remembered the driver of the car giving him the single knee-high rolling bag of luggage he'd packed for the trip--apparently he'd forgotten it in the car when he'd been picked up from the airport. When he finally stumbled into his room, Asahi had a vague thought that he should call Daichi and Suga, but the moment he sat on the edge of the bed, his body gave way to exhaustion. It was merciful, in a way. He didn't think he would have been able to sleep otherwise.

Asahi probably would have stayed asleep the entire next day, but a pounding on his door roused him. Rubbing sleep from his eyes and running a hand through his hair, Asahi squinted at his phone, but the digits showing the time were completely meaningless to him. The knocking remained insistent, so with a groan he pushed himself off the bed and answered it.

Brilliant sunlight stabbed at his eyes like pins. He staggered back into the darkness of his room, heels of his hands digging into his eyes.

"Sorry about that." A voice speaking Japanese. Tokuda? "But it's past our check out time and we need to go."

"Go?" Asahi asked, eyes still watering.

"Yeah, our flight leaves in a few hours. Me and the crew." Tokuda's form was slowly coming into view against the sunny outline of the doorway. "We packed up all of Noya's things. Thought we could leave them with you?"

"Yeah," Asahi muttered, fighting off the fog of exhaustion in his brain. "Um, he knows how to reach you?"

"Of course." The agent sounded confident in that. "Tell him that when he recovers, he can give us a call. People love a good rehabilitation story. You know, after the whole rehab thing is finished."

Asahi nearly growled at him. Noya was not a product that could be bought and sold; he wasn't only valuable when healthy and whole. If he were more awake, he'd be grateful that Noya's crew had stayed with him at least this long, but as tired and worn out as he was, he only felt a cool, flickering fury.

"Anyway." Tokuda looked uncomfortable. "Here's Noya's bags and some of the gear he was promised for the gig. The sponsor held back some of it, but, well, that's to be expected, really. Maybe you can use some of it if you're going to be here for a while." There was a shuffling and a rumbling as luggage, bags and boxes were moved from the outer walkway into the room. "Oh, and here. Some loose change that isn't really worth converting over. It's not much, but it might get a breakfast at the Tim Horton's at the corner."

"The...what?" Asahi asked as Tokuda dug into his pocket and placed a handful of foreign currency on a table inside the doorway.

"Call if you need anything!" Tokuda was backing through the doorway, hand on the knob. "Of course, we'll be in the air soon, so we might not get it until we land. Best of luck to you and Noya!"

The door clicked shut, leaving Asahi in relative darkness again. The weariness inside him suggested that the bed still looked mightily inviting, but he pushed past it to open the curtains on the window. The view was just a dismal parking lot, dirty snow scraped into mounds at the corners, but it let in enough light to illuminate the tiny room he barely remembered renting.

To say it wasn't much was an understatement: a closet, a thin desk, a bed, a bathroom and a TV. Oh, and a coffee maker. No minifridge. No microwave. Not even a proper entryway to kick off shoes or snow boots. If Asahi had anything like snow boots--he'd been lucky to think far enough ahead to pack a winter coat. It wasn't cold yet at all back in Tokyo, but he was much farther north here. For all he knew, it was always snowy here.

Asahi picked up his phone, checking for messages. Nothing from the hospital yet. He considered calling Daichi and Suga, then realized he didn't have anything to tell them that they wouldn't already know from Ennoshita. He thought about calling his parents, just for the comfort of hearing their voices, but decided against it. If he called his own parents, did that mean he should call Noya's parents, too? Could he even call them? It wasn't as if he knew their number. Maybe Tanaka did, though. Was it cowardly to hope that someone back in Miyagi would tell Noya's parents so Asahi didn't have to? Did Noya even care if his parents knew about his injuries?

Asahi pressed his palm against his forehead, letting the panicked and worried thoughts swirl around him like air currents. He needed a plan. No, not a plan. He needed...something. He needed to do at least one thing. After that, he could worry about the next thing. Then the thing after that. It was the only way he could get through this ordeal: one step at a time.

His stomach contracted itself painfully, giving an embarrassingly loud squeal. That settled that, then. If Asahi could only do one thing, he might as well go eat. He changed into fresh clothes, washed his face in the bathroom, and pulled his hair back, regretting the fact that he'd forgotten to pack his hair brush. And a toothbrush. And, well, almost everything, really. He had his laptop, but he didn't know how to get on the internet. Or if this place even had internet available. Maybe he'd find a convenience store while he was out.

He scooped up the handful of change Tokuda left for him, pausing in the doorway as his eye caught on Noya's familiar beat-up backpack, the one he used to travel. Before he could examine the pile of belongings too closely, Asahi made his way out of the room.

It was a motel, apparently, where he was staying. He was on the second floor, with the walkway outside his room looking out over a parking lot. The motel itself was U-shaped, so it circled the parking lot like a peninsula. The car that had picked him up from the airport and from the hospital was gone, most likely returned to the rental agency.

Asahi hoped he wouldn't have to rent a car. He'd gotten his driver's license, but he hadn't had much cause to use it. And it looked like the cars drove on the wrong side of the road here, anyway--it was a nightmare he'd rather avoid. Luckily, the person at the front desk told him he only had to walk to the end of the block to find a good breakfast place. The phrase "Tim Horton's" came up again with a promise of good coffee and donuts. It was closer to lunch time than breakfast, but eating anything at all would be a relief. Pushing his worry to the back of his mind, Asahi made his way to the dining establishment.

The diner was nearly empty, which only made sense as it was between normal meal times. Asahi wasn't sure how to order, or even how much money he had in his pocket. He apologized as he spilled the handful of change across the counter and tried asking what he could get for that much. The cashier was patient and friendly, helping him count it out before making a suggestion. The only word Asahi understood was "coffee" so he nodded and waited while his meal was assembled.

It turned out he'd ordered a black coffee, an egg and cheese sandwich, and a donut. A little heavy for the first meal of the day, but not at all bad. And for what Tokuda had called "pocket change," Asahi had to assume it was cheap, too. Lucky for him the motel was so close to such a nice little diner.

He was about to ask the nice cashier about a convenience store when his phone rang. His heart nearly beating out of his chest, Asahi fumbled the phone at first before answering the unknown number, frustrated with himself when he answered in Japanese rather than English.

"Mr. Azumane?"

"Yes, sorry. Is Noya okay?"

"The surgery went very well and he's resting comfortably now."

Asahi collapsed over the table, tension going out of every bone, every muscle, every tendon all at once. "That's good to hear. That's such a relief."

"Yes, we're all relieved here, too," the doctor assured him. "We're going to keep him under close observation today to make sure he begins healing well and then we'll be able to determine if we can take him off the morphine drip."

"When can I see him?"

"Perhaps tomorrow if all goes well today."

"Tomorrow?" Asahi hoped he'd misunderstood. "I know he won't wake up, but I could...I could sit with him."

"He's under close observation, not in a patient room," the doctor explained. "No one can see him until tomorrow, after he's been cleared. We have to be certain he doesn't catch an infection while the stitches are still raw. I could tell he was in good health before the accident, but we still don't want to take any unnecessary risks."

"Yes. No risks," Asahi echoed hollowly. "Then can I see him tomorrow?"

"As long as all goes well," the doctor repeated. "You can plan on coming in once visiting hours begin."

Asahi thanked her and hung up, running a hand through his hair in agitation. It was good to know that the surgery had gone well, but he wanted to do more than sign a form allowing the doctors to do their job. He wanted to be at Noya's side, offering encouragement and support and strength. He rested his head in his hands, staring blankly through the table.

"Here you go!" the friendly cashier set a donut down on a napkin next to Asahi's elbow.

"Ah, eh to..." Asahi stumbled over the words. Had he ordered another donut? "Um, I didn't--"

"On the house." The cashier winked. "Looks like you're going through some stuff and can use the sugar boost." Then, conspiratorially: "It's cream-filled! Enjoy!"

Not knowing what else to say, Asahi thanked him. The donut was cloyingly sweet, even without the cream filling, but the remainder of his coffee helped balance out the flavor. The diner sure did seem to have a lot of donuts on display. Asahi wondered what they served for dinner here.

After thanking the cashier again, Asahi asked for directions to a convenience store. The cashier walked outside with him, started pointing the way, then laughed and asked if he could put the address in Asahi's phone. He assured him it was close, but he didn't want Asahi getting lost. At the cashier's suggestion, Asahi punched in the address for the hotel and the diner as well, making sure he could find his way back. He didn't have the address of the hospital, but then, there was probably only one in the area anyway. He might have to hire a taxi to take him there, but he'd worry about that tomorrow.

A short, brisk walk and Asahi found the promised convenience store. He stocked up on the essentials he'd forgotten to pack, plus a few extras like instant ramen, tea and a few other food items. He was nervous as he waited for the clerk to run his card, but the transaction went smoothly. Thanks to Noya and their fateful trip to Paris, Asahi had known to call his credit card company prior to arriving in Canada. He probably wouldn't really understand how much he'd spent until he got the bill, but there wasn't anything to be done for it. He couldn't have left Noya alone and injured. The fact that they'd broken up didn't even matter; no way Asahi could ever have ignored Noya at a time like this.

Back at his hotel room, Asahi organized his room, settling in for a long stay. He had no idea how long it would take Noya to recover, but he guessed it wouldn't be quick. Once the tiny, grungy room looked halfway decent, Asahi began to pace. He couldn't see Noya until tomorrow--what was he supposed to do until then?

With the anxiety weighing heavy on him, Asahi decided to call Daichi and Suga. And then instantly regretted it when Daichi's voice came through groggy and almost incomprehensible with sleep.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Asahi said, covering his red face with a hand. "I didn't even think about the time zone difference."

There was a scuffle on the other end, almost like the phone had been dropped. Then: "Asahi?" Suga's voice. "Is everything okay?"

"Sorry, I didn't mean to call so--"

"Asahi." Suga's voice was a whipcrack, making Asahi jump. "Is Noya okay?"

"The doctor says he's fine," Asahi reported, trying to keep Suga from getting mad again. "I can't see him yet, but I guess the surgery went well. He...might wake up tomorrow? But it's not for sure yet."

"Okay." Suga spoke through a yawn. "That's good news, Asahi. Do you need anything? Can we send anything? Flowers to Noya? Or money for your stay?"

The offer of money was tempting--even if he didn't know how much he was spending, Asahi knew it was all going on his credit card. This was going to be painful when he got home, but even so, he wasn't about to take money from friends. "Ah, maybe just send Noya a card? He's not especially big on flowers."

"Too bad we can't send icepops," Suga said with another yawn. "I'm going back to sleep, but Asahi: Don't feel bad, okay? You can call us when you need to."

"Okay," Asahi said, still sorry to have woken them. "Goodnight."

"Goodnight." Before the phone clicked off, Asahi thought he heard a sleepy mutter repeat the sentiment. He smiled as he clicked off the phone.

Then sat and stared at the ceiling.

"What do I do now?" he wondered aloud.

After an entirely too restless afternoon and a night full of tossing and turning, Asahi gave up around dawn, dressed warmly, and went out for a walk. His phone was charged and the with location of the motel saved in it, he simply wandered aimlessly. The air was cold enough to freeze his breath, but after a few minutes of walking in his heavy coat over a sweater, he felt warm. He popped the top two buttons and kept on walking.

Canada was never a country that was on Asahi's radar to visit. Honestly, though he'd thought vaguely of traveling, he'd never really expected to leave Japan in the first place. What was there to do in Canada? Should he visit museums and monuments? Ski slopes and waterfalls? He didn't know if he was near any big tourist attractions, or if there were any local holidays or festivals coming up. Perhaps he should look into it. It was possible that he would be here for a while.

Asahi paused in his aimless wandering, frowning up at a building that looked familiar. Why would it look familiar? He'd only really been two places here yet, the Tim Horton's and the--

The hospital.

Well, that was a stroke of luck: it wasn't all that far away, then. After saving the address into his phone so he could find it again, Asahi stepped inside.

It was eerily quiet and just a little dark in the lobby. The reception desk was manned by one sleepy-eyed nurse. Asahi ducked his head and smiled as he approached, putting the English words together in his head before asking about Noya. The reception gave a bland answer about not just being able to give out patient information and that visiting hours wouldn't begin until after ten in the morning. Feeling a bit put out, Asahi slouched into the lounge, made himself a coffee and sat down to wait.

And wait.

And wait.

Waiting quietly had never been a problem for Asahi before. He never minded playing on his phone, or reading a book or visualizing new clothing designs in his head. But now, he couldn't seem to focus on anything. He shifted in his seat, counted the chairs in the waiting room, tried watching the muted news program on the TV, picked up a magazine, put down the magazine. He paced. He took his coat off. He put his coat on. He checked the time on his phone.

Only ten minutes had passed?

With a sigh, Asahi fixed up the buttons on his coat and went for another walk. A much longer one, this time.

By the time Asahi was circling back towards the hospital, his cellphone rang. His hands just a little numb, he nearly dropped it as he answered. "Hello?"

"Mr. Azumane." The doctor from the hospital. "I'm calling to update you on Mr. Nishinoya's condition."

Asahi gulped, making some kind of affirmative noise.

"It seems he is in stable enough condition to begin dialing back the morphine drip. He could be awake as soon as this afternoon. I'm hoping you'll agree to be here so we can assess his memory for any loss or inconsistencies?"

"Yes, of course," Asahi croaked. "I'm on my way."

"There's no hurry," the doctor assured him. "It'll take hours for the morphine to work its way out of his system, and even then he might not wake up immediately. If you wanted to wait until after lunch--"

"No, I'm on my way," Asahi insisted. "I really need to see him, even if he's asleep. Please?"

The doctor hummed for a moment, then agreed, promising to leave Asahi's name with the reception desk. His heart feeling lighter, Asahi lengthened his stride and quickened his pace. Finally, he was going to see Noya!

By the time he got back to the hospital, the receptionist had been replaced by someone who looked a little more awake, but they still tried insisting that visiting hours weren't until later. He had to try a few times to tell them the doctor should have left a note. In the end, the doctor herself came out and escorted him to Noya's room.

Now that he was no longer in critical condition, Noya had been moved to a recovery room upstairs. Asahi tried memorizing the floor number, the words on the nurse's station and the twists and turns to get to Noya's room, but his heart was thudding painfully in his chest and his hands were shaking. Noya would wake up soon. Would he hate Asahi for stepping in and making medical decisions that would impact him for the rest of his life? Would he regret forgetting to change Asahi's name on his emergency contact form? What if he hated the metal plates and would have preferred the longer healing method? What if, what if, what if...

"When he wakes up, be sure to press the call button," the doctor instructed, pulling aside the curtain around Noya's bed. "I'll want to look at him as soon as he's awake and assess his pain as well as his mental state. I'll check in on you when I can."

Asahi nodded, unable to speak. He didn't even notice when the doctor left the room. Machines hummed and beeped, many connected by tubes and wires to the small form lying as still as a corpse on the hospital bed. Noya's hair was lank, the blond forelock looking duller than usual, his skin pale. His right arm was folded across his chest, immobilized in a harness. His left leg was propped up on a shaped pillow, a long cast encased him from thigh to heel. An IV and a pulse ox were attached to his left arm, the one free of bandages. The dressing on Noya's face had been changed: instead of a large, wadded bandage, it was taped closed over a healing gash.

He usually looks so peaceful when he sleeps, Asahi thought, rounding the bed to the chair on the far side. But right now, he looks...he looks...

Helpless. Defeated. Weak.

Asahi hated himself for thinking those words. They were as ill-fitting on Noya as the cream-colored blankets he was wrapped in. None of this was right. Noya was fire and noise and action and passion. This was...this wasn't Noya.

Asahi scooted his chair closer to the bed, swallowing past the lump in his throat. He brushed the bangs off Noya's face then, with some hesitance, reached out and took Noya's hand. It didn't matter how long this took; Asahi was going to be the first person Noya saw when he woke up.

~*~^~*~

Noya came to consciousness slowly, like he was floating on a surfboard close to shore, but not close enough to scrape the sandy bottom. He felt the draw of the waves carrying him to wakefulness, but he also felt the gentle undercurrent lulling him back towards sleep. He didn't feel the usual urgency to wake as he did most mornings and that was unusual. His internal alarm clock wasn't even sure if it was morning. But if it wasn't morning, then why was he waking up?

He stirred restlessly, making the choice to reach for the shore rather than the waves. He surfaced asking himself the same question he asked himself most mornings these days: Where am I?

His eyes barely opened when light flooded in, blinding him and leaving light scars on the backs of his eyes. Noya tried to cover his face with a hand and panicked when he found he could barely move. Pain blossomed in almost every part of his body, growing from candleflames to infernos within seconds and irrationally, he thought the searing light was the cause at first. When he still couldn't move his right arm, he pulled his left away from slight, warm pressure, grateful to find he _could_ move it, unlike his right, which seemed to be bound somehow, as well as in a great deal of pain.

Noya blinked his eyes open as he shielded them. Swallowing had never been painful before, but then, his throat had never been quite this dry before. "Where..." he rasped, barely recognizing his own voice. "Where am I?"

"Yuu."

A sharp inhale of breath made Noya cough, his chest aching and restricted, making it extra painful, but he turned his head to the side all the same. Radiant light through a window behind him made Asahi appear almost luminescent. Noya would have doubted that Asahi was really there but for the creased expression of fear and concern on his face: surely if this was some sort of dream or hallucination, Asahi would be smiling. Which meant, wherever he was, Asahi was really there with him.

Noya smiled, reaching out for Asahi's hand as he struggled to force words through his scraped-raw throat, but as he did, the drape of an IV tube from his arm caught his eye. Noya frowned as he traced it back towards an array of stainless-steel instruments, beeping, humming and dripping away.

Ah, he realized as Asahi's warm hands clasped his outstretched one. I'm in a hospital.

"How are you feeling?" Asahi eyes, eyes deep with concern. "Do you need anything? I pressed the call button; the doctor should be here soon."

"Wuh--" He started to say "where" but then changed it halfway to "water." Asahi grabbed a bottle of water from the floor and reached out like he was going to help Noya drink. Embarrassed, Noya took the water bottle and sipped from it himself. He didn't miss the tremble in his own hand. As he swallowed, he evaluated his condition.

Definitely painful, he noted as he tried to move. His breathing was restricted, so perhaps he'd broken a few ribs. His arm was wrapped tautly across his chest, his right leg rigid and straight. His left leg moved with only a little pain and his left arm felt functional. All of it sucked--especially the pain--but worst of all was the guilt blooming within his chest.

He'd gotten hurt.

And Asahi had been forced to drop everything for him.

"I'm sorry, Asahi," Noya said, once his throat felt clear. He dropped the bottle over the edge of the bed to grab Asahi's hand again. "I'm really sorry."

"No, I'm sorry." Asahi's concern wasn't going away and that was concerning. "I...I don't know how to tell you everything, but I--they made me make medical decisions for you and I don't know if I got it right. Ennoshita helped over the phone, but it's--there was a lot, and--"

"Asahi," Noya interrupted gently. "It's fine. Really, it's fine. I'm sorry I put all that on you. I should have...I should have picked someone else, I just..." Ugh, laughing hurt. "I guess I didn't think I'd ever get hurt this bad."

Apparently, that wasn't the right thing to say. Asahi's lower lip trembled before he bit it, the knot between his brow deepening even further. Noya felt shame churning his gut, just as he felt the widespread pain throughout his body, but he also felt...what was that? Relief? Yes, relief. Asahi was here, and maybe it was for a shitty reason, but it was what Noya wanted more than anything. There was no way he'd be able to return to work like this so maybe--maybe--he could go home.

Although, Noya had no idea what how that would work.

"Asahi..." He wasn't sure what he wanted to ask, but he knew he was pissed off when he was cut off.

"Mr. Nishinoya." A woman wearing a white coat over scrubs stepped around the curtain encircling his bed. She took the clipboard off the end of his bed and started speaking. For a disorienting second, he thought she was speaking gibberish, then realized she was speaking English. And why wouldn't she be? He must still be in Canada, though Asahi's presence had somehow made him think he was already back in Japan. Come to that, just how long had he been out for? "It's good to finally meet you. Can you tell me about your level of pain?"

"It's fine," Noya was quick to answer. "When can I go home?"

Beside the bed, Asahi shuffled uncomfortably.

The doctor gave him a skeptical look over her clipboard. "Do you remember what happened to you?"

"Uh..." That was harder to remember. He took a second, ordering the last thoughts he'd had before waking up in a hospital bed. "I was snowboarding. I hit some loose powder around a turn and wiped out. I don't really remember much after that."

"That's normal," the doctor assured him. "And that lines up with what your agent told me. Mr. Azumane." It was shocking to hear Asahi addressed so formally. "Would you be able to ask him something about his past? We're testing you for any memory loss, Mr. Nishinoya."

"Ah," Asahi looked surprised to be put on the spot. "What position did you play on the team?"

Noya rolled his eyes. "Libero. I'm not gonna forget that."

"What sport?" the doctor asked, not sounding a bit interested.

"Volleyball," both Noya and Asahi answered at the same time.

The doctor cut Asahi with a glare. He winced and offered an apologetic smile. "What high school did you go to?"

"Shiratorizawa," Noya answered promptly. The look on Asahi's face was absolutely priceless, going from shock, to horror, to grim amusement in seconds. Noya laughed hard until he had to stop for the pain.

"He's fine," Asahi confirmed dryly. "He's always been like this."

"Good to know." The doctor glanced down at the clipboard. "Alright, Mr. Nishinoya, I'm certain you have many questions, but let's see if I can answer a few of them for you."

The doctor began listing a series of facts, the most startling of which was the fact that it was nearly five days after his accident snowboarding. It was weird to think he'd missed so many days. Almost unconsciously, he reached out for Asahi's hand, grateful to have something solid and reliable to hold onto.

Everything else was basically what he expected to hear: broken collarbone, broke arm, leg broken in two places with dislocation chipping in his hip. Some cracked ribs, internal damage to his spleen and a cut on his face. He tugged his hand away from Asahi to touch the taped-up wound on his face and glanced around for a mirror but couldn't find one. Annoyed, he reached for Asahi's hand again.

"In total, we placed four titanium plates in order to protect your bones as they heal," the doctor continued. "Depending on the equipment used, these plates may set off metal detectors, so you'll have to carry a medical allowance whenever you travel. You'll want to bring the copy I give you to your primary care physician back home to have one written in Japanese."

"Okay," Noya said impatiently. "But you still haven't told me when I get to go home."

The doctor stared at him. "I just told you how you are more broken than whole right now. Healing should be your first priority, not leaving."

"I feel fine," Noya lied. "And I can heal at home. I don't want to just be stuck here."

"I'm afraid you are stuck here," the doctor replied tartly. "You see the drip set up on the stand next to your IV?"

Noya turned very minimally, as craning his neck hurt his shoulder. "Yeah."

"That is a morphine drip," the doctor explained. "We lowered the dosage so you could wake up and be lucid enough to confirm your mental wellbeing, but you are still receiving a steady amount in order to keep your pain levels within a manageable level. Let me ask you again, Mr. Nishinoya: How much pain are you in?"

He wanted to lie again, but grimaced instead. He'd been hurt before, sure. This wasn't the first time he'd broken a bone or needed stitches or taken a bad fall. But it was the first time he'd done all three at once and the resulting pain was a little...difficult to ignore. The doctor only nodded as she made a note on her clipboard.

"I still want to leave as soon as possible," Noya insisted. "Bones take forever to heal and I don't want to be here for that entire time."

The doctor made a face. "As soon as you can manage an oral pain medication no more than four times a day, you could be deemed fit to travel. I do understand the desire to heal somewhere more comfortable, rather than in a hospital. It will still take a number of weeks, though, as we decrease the morphine drip gradually. The last thing anyone wants is for you to go into shock from the pain."

"But--" Noya started to argue, but a warm squeeze from Asahi's hand cut him off.

"Talk to Ennoshita," Asahi urged. "He helped me with your medical treatment and he wants to help in your recovery. He can probably give you advice on pain management."

Noya sighed. It hurt his ribs to sigh. "Alright. I'll call him." Noya looked around, frowning. "Where is my phone?"

The doctor pointed to a small cupboard, the top of which held the remains of a cafeteria-ordered lunch for Asahi. "The personal affects you were admitted with are in there. However, I warn you that most of your clothing had to be cut away to prevent further damage to your broken bones. I'll have some food sent in if you're hungry, but your best course of action would be to sleep. And." She looked to Asahi. "Visiting hours end at five."

"Wha--No!" Noya tightened his grip on Asahi's hand. "You can't make him leave, where would he--"

"Yuu." Asahi's smile was gentle and just a touch sad. "It's okay. I have a hotel room nearby. Your agent recommended it. I'll be here every day, so don't worry about it."

"But you--" Noya cut himself off, turning back to the doctor. "Thanks for telling me all of this and for taking care of me. Is there anything else?"

"Just rest easy," she advised him. "I know you sports-types like to stay active, but you'll heal quickest if you're still."

Still. Noya barely held back a groan. Did she have any idea who she was talking to? Noya wasn't still even in his sleep. Being forced to stay still for weeks and months on end was his nightmare.

"I'm sorry, Yuu," Asahi said, leaning closer to the bed once the doctor was gone. "I talked to Ennoshita before I made any decisions, but if you're mad about..." He gestured to Noya, to the bed, to the wrappings and dressings. "You can just be mad at me."

"Asahi." Noya towed him closer, forcing Asahi to scoot his chair closer to the bed. "You should be mad at me. Because I got injured, you had to drop everything and fly halfway around the world to be here. Ugh, that couldn't have been easy for you! What about your job? What about your rent?"

"It was easier than you'd think." Asahi raised Noya's knuckles to his lips. It wasn't a kiss, but Noya could feel the warm air of Asahi's breath on his skin. "Just focus on getting better, okay? Don't worry about me. I'll be here with you until we can get you back home."

Noya felt tears sting his eyes. He tried to move his right arm to swipe them away, but only got a burst of pain for his troubles. "Ah, fuck. Asahi, c'mere."

"Come--You shouldn't be moving!"

"I'm just making space. Sit here." Noya wormed his way sideways, clearing a tiny bit of space on the narrow bed. He didn't let go of Asahi's hand until he timidly approached, perching on the edge of the bed. That wasn't good enough. With a bit of tugging, Noya got Asahi to lean back against the pillows so Noya could rest his head on Asahi's shoulder. His aftershave smelled different, like he'd bought something local instead of bringing his usual brand with him. His sweater still smelled like home though: coffee and ink and fabric softener. Noya buried his nose in it, fingers still linked through Asahi's.

"Yuu." He felt gentle fingers brush his hair back, making him cringe. After four days in bed, he didn't want to think about what his hair looked like right now. "This isn't the time, but we should probably talk soon."

"Yeah. We need to talk," Noya agreed. I want to go home, he thought. I want to go back to Asahi's tiny apartment and just stay there. I don't want to go anywhere anymore without him.

But that meant giving something up, and Noya wasn't ready for that yet, either. So yes, they would have to talk.

"But no matter what, I'm here," Asahi vowed. "Every hour they'll let me be here, I'll be right by your side. Okay, Yuu?"

"Yeah." Had Noya been this sleepy moments ago? Or was it Asahi's comforting presence lulling him to sleep? "'M sorry, Asahi. Real sorry."

He felt a brush along his temple but as he was already drifting on the edge of dreams, he couldn't tell if it was the brush of fingertips or the brush of a kiss. "No more apologies, Yuu. Get some sleep."

Noya couldn't respond; he was already out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Noya is going to be okay, I promise! If you’d like to know when I get around to updating, please subscribe or follow me on [Twitter](%E2%80%9D).


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Are you..." Noya didn't often hesitate, but he did now. "If you wanted to just go back to Japan without me, you can."
> 
> Asahi's jaw dropped. "I'm not going anywhere, Yuu."
> 
> "Yeah, but it's not like you can actually _do_ anything here," Noya explained. "I can't travel until the doctor clears me and that could be a month from now. Or longer. And, I mean, I'll absolutely pay you back for everything--your flight, your hotel, whatever--just as soon as I can get to the bank, but...I mean, what about your work? And your rent? And...and everything else you left behind?"
> 
> "Work is letting me work remotely right now." At reduced pay, but he wasn't going to say that. "And I'm not worried about the money." He'd already filled out an application for a second credit card: the first was nearly full already. "I don't want to go home and leave you here on your own." He feared Noya would never heal if someone wasn't constantly distracting him from his pain and the need to remain still. "Please. Let me stay, Yuu."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It’s AsaNoya week and I am in heaven! Why can’t every week be AsaNoya week?

"Ah ha! Asahi, look! I did it, I--Ah, oops."

Noya laughed as the deck of cards sprayed outward from his hand, most of the cards dropping onto the bed, but a good number still managing to fly away, landing on the floor, on the breakfast tray and in Asahi's lap. Asahi smiled as he stood up to help gather up the cards once again.

"I think I'm getting the hang of it, though," Noya said, scooping up the cards on the bed with his left hand. "Watch, I'll get it this time."

"Maybe we should play another game of Go Fish," Asahi suggested. "Just to make sure we're not missing any cards."

"Another one?" Noya groaned. "Why not wait until I master the one-handed shuffle? Then we can search for any lost cards."

Asahi chuckled. "I'm afraid that by then, you'll be down to only two cards."

Noya laughed cheerfully. "If that happens, we should just buy a whole new deck."

Asahi laughed too as he plucked a card off of Noya's headboard. Noya still wasn't able to leave the hospital and likely wouldn't be fit to travel for a few weeks yet. Noya insisted on lowering his morphine dosage each day, but it was obvious even to Asahi that Noya was in pain. It made his heart ache to see Noya flinch every time he moved, or turn a grimace into a grin just to keep Asahi from worrying. It had only been two days since he'd awoken after his accident, but it was clear he wasn't sleeping well: bruises ringed his eyes and his skin was sallow. Privately, the doctor had told Asahi that Noya wasn't eating, but Asahi didn't think that was all pain-related: Noya had already said he was worried about gaining weight while he was on bedrest and Canada's rich foods weren't on Noya's usual diet even when he was active. He'd made some suggestions for foods Noya might eat, but the hospital's cafeteria wasn't really set up for sushi and sashimi, which only left him with basic fruits and vegetables, with the occasional side of jello. While healthy, it wasn't quite enough for a broken and healing body.

"Here. Let me shuffle." Asahi took the deck of cards, shuffling almost as clumsily with two hands as Noya could with one. He'd never really been one for card games, but it was one of the few activities Noya could tolerate for long periods of time. He bored too quickly of television and when Asahi had offered to bring him books, Noya had just given him A Look. Noya wanted workout equipment, like stretching bands and grippers, anything he could do with his limited mobility, but the doctor had nixed all of that. These early stages of mending were critical and any single wrong movement could set him back. She had also yelled at them for the first day, when Noya fell asleep on Asahi's shoulder. It seemed that even moving that much was a no-no.

In the end, it was Ennoshita who had suggested playing cards. Noya only needed one hand in order to play and he could challenge himself by learning the one-handed shuffle, or he could amuse himself by playing solitaire--though he was far more likely to try and build castles on his breakfast tray with the cards than play a game against himself. But as long as it was something that kept Noya still and busy, it was good enough. Asahi had taken to looking up new card games to learn and play together, as he suspected Noya would soon get bored with the same old, same old.

As Asahi dealt the cards for a game of Go Fish, he glanced up at the clock over the door. Visiting hours were almost over for the day. As always, he wanted to stay longer, but hoped that once he left, Noya would get some rest and maybe even sleep. It never worked out like that, though: the past few nights, Noya had stayed up texting Asahi until Asahi himself fell asleep. It had to be the pain keeping him up, but you wouldn't know it by the cheerful smile he kept in place while Asahi was there.

"Is there anything I can bring you tomorrow?" Asahi asked, setting the remainder of the deck on Noya's breakfast tray to serve as the lake for Go Fish.

Noya scowled as he rearranged the cards in his hand, setting down pairs and drawing up. "No. Wait. Maybe ice pops."

Asahi smiled as he set down a pair of nines. "I'll check with the doctor and make sure that's alright."

"No, don't. She'll probably just use them to make me eat the cafeteria food."

"I think the cafeteria food is pretty good," Asahi said mildly. After all, his lunch everyday so far had come from the hospital's cafeteria.

"Yeah, I mean, the food is fine, it's just...heavy. Got any jacks?"

Asahi handed over a card. "I don't mind it. It's a nice change. Although, I still don't know what poutine is. Any twos?"

Noya handed over the two of hearts. Asahi couldn't help but smile as he took it. Yeah, Go Fish was boring, but Noya was healing and neither of them were fighting. That counted for something, didn't it?

Noya shifted his position on the bed, making a face at some twinge of pain somewhere. Asahi pretended to ignore it; they'd only fight if he suggested Noya turn his morphine back up. "Think you could bring me a coffee tomorrow morning? The cafeteria never sends any, even when I ask for it."

"Ah..." Caffeine was probably not great for Noya; he needed the sleep far more than he needed the anxious energy. "I'll ask about that." Maybe he could slip Noya a decaf? Was that the same as lying to him? Was it okay if he had Noya's best interests at heart?

Did it matter if they weren't in a relationship? Or...were they? Even though they'd both agreed that they needed to talk, neither of them had taken the initiative. They had simply settled into the easy routine of saying nothing to each other while distracting themselves with updates from friends and learning new card games. It couldn't continue like that forever, surely, but it was quiet and restful and Asahi was cowardly: the last time he'd brought up their relationship, Noya had run away on a jaunt around the world. He hated to think what would happen if he brought it up now.

Noya shifted again, this time laying his hand over his opposite shoulder and stretching his neck to the side--a motion the doctor had warned against as his collarbone was healing. When he noticed Asahi's panic-stricken expression, he grinned sheepishly. "I was just adjusting the gown. I think I sat on it wrong."

"Ah." Asahi knew he was lying but was at a loss to call him out. Stretching couldn't be too bad, could it? "Do you have any...fives?"

They played for long, quiet minutes, asking each other for cards and either handing them over or saying "Go fish." Neither of them was keeping any kind of score: the only goal was to ensure that all fifty-two cards were accounted for. They were about halfway through the game when Asahi noticed Noya's long-lashed eyes flick up to him, then dart away.

"Ne, Asahi?"

Asahi felt his heart pounding in his ears. Was this it? After two days, were they going to talk? "Yeah?"

"Are you..." Noya didn't often hesitate, but he did now. He rearranged some cards in his hand, speaking without looking up. "If you want to... I know this is..." Noya's good foot twitched beneath the blankets, giving Asahi the impression that Noya wished he could pace. He saw the bob of Noya's Adam's apple before his amber eyes flicked up to Asahi's. "If you wanted to just go back to Japan without me, you can."

Asahi's jaw dropped. Not what he was expecting at all. "I'm not going anywhere, Yuu."

"Yeah, but it's not like you can actually _do_ anything here," Noya explained, fidgeting with his cards again. "I can't travel until the doctor clears me and that could be a month from now. Or longer. And, I mean, I'll absolutely pay you back for everything--your flight, your hotel, whatever--just as soon as I can get to a bank, but...I mean, what about your work? And your rent? And...and everything else you left behind?"

"Work is letting me work remotely right now." At reduced pay, but he wasn't going to say that. "And I'm not worried about the money." He'd already filled out an application for a second credit card: the first was nearly full already. "I don't want to go home and leave you here on your own." He feared Noya would never heal if someone wasn't constantly distracting him from his pain and the need to remain still. "Please. Let me stay, Yuu."

"Tch." Noya set his cards down to run a hand through his hair. "It's not like I _want_ you to go or anything. I just...I feel really bad about making you drop everything for this. It's really selfish of me to keep you here, especially when you might have someone--something else you need to do back at home."

Asahi reached out and covered Noya's hand with his own, waiting until Noya met his eyes. "There's nothing more important to me than being here for you right now, Yuu. Please don't ask me to leave while you're still healing."

Noya smiled, his hand turning palm-up to lace his fingers through Asahi's. He squeezed once before looking away and blinking rapidly. "I guess if you wanna stay, that's on you. It's stupid-boring here and the food is all too heavy, but if you don't mind that, you might as well stay." When Noya looked back, his eyes were bright and clear with determination. "I'm still paying you back for all of this. You better save your receipts."

"Ah, well, the money isn't important." It was Asahi's turn to avert his gaze, rubbing at his nose self-consciously. "But I guess I couldn't refuse if you wanted to make up some of it. We can work it out when you're feeling better." A thought occurred to him just then. "But, uh, it's fine if you can't. I know you probably didn't get paid for your last job, considering..."

"Considering I wiped out before they could even get the cameras rolling?" How Noya could grin at saying something so grim, Asahi would never understand. "That's no problem. The blog thing never really paid much, anyway. My portfolio is doing really well right now--better than usual now that I have time to micromanage it."

Ah. That was probably one way Noya was spending time when Asahi wasn't here. Buying stocks or bonds or whatever he did on that app on his phone. It actually made Asahi just a touch jealous: that even though Noya was laid up and couldn't work, he was still able to make money. Perhaps there was something to this "investment portfolio" thing.

"We don't have to worry about it now," Asahi said, glancing up at the clock again. "Visiting hours are almost over. Did you think of anything else I could bring for you tomorrow?"

"Hmm..." Noya glanced up at the ceiling thoughtfully, then practically bounced in the bed, making Asahi's heart clench with anxiety. "Oh, I know! How about some ice packs? You know, the soft kind with the blue stuff inside? That won't interfere with my medication or anything, right?"

Asahi blinked. "I...don't see how it could. How many do you want?"

"Four," Noya said with no hesitation. Then a pause and: "Actually, maybe eight? So four could be in the freezer while I'm using the other four?"

"I can manage that," Asahi promised. "I'll get them for you tomorrow. Do you have any--"

"Get what for him?" the doctor asked, stepping into the room and picking up Noya's chart. She eyed the machines beeping over Noya's bed and made a face at his morphine drip. "The nurses tell me that you only ate your salad for lunch today, Mr. Nishinoya. Is the pain affecting your appetite?"

"No." Noya sounded almost petulant. "If your cafeteria served Korean barbecue, I'd be all over it."

The doctor eyed him skeptically before turning her attention over to Asahi. "What did he ask for? Not Korean barbecue, I assume."

"Ah, ice packs," Asahi replied. "To help..." With the pain, but he didn't say that. "He used to use ice packs after every volleyball game we ever played."

They shared a grin as if it were a memory.

"Well, I'm afraid ice packs are out," the doctor said, marking something on Noya's chart.

"What?!" Noya started, his knee bumping the breakfast tray and sending the cards flying once again. Asahi half-rose from his chair, torn between picking up the cards or bracing Noya to keep him still. "Look, I get you're mad that I don't want to take more pain meds, but that doesn't give you the right to--"

"Let me explain," the doctor said calmly, holding up a hand. "Ice packs are a good way to ease pain without interfering with medication, but you have to consider the plates holding your bones together right now. Cold affects metal differently than bone and right now while you are healing, it will do more harm than good. Even once you are fully healed, you may still notice pain at the plate-sites in cold weather, or with the application of ice packs."

Noya sat frozen for a minute, then slumped back against the pillows. Asahi sat back hard. No one had mentioned this before, back when he was making medical decisions on Noya's behalf; he'd had no idea that a solution that sounded so good at the time would have such long-lasting repercussions. But if he had known...would that have changed anything?

Worse: now that Noya knew, would he hate Asahi for that choice?

The doctor made another note in the file before setting it int he holder at the end of the bed. "If you are in pain, Mr. Nishinoya, I would suggest--"

"No more drugs," Noya muttered rebelliously.

"Not even at night?" the doctor hedged. "It would help you sleep. We could always scale back the dosage during the day."

"No more drugs," Noya repeated, glaring up at the doctor.

She sighed and shrugged as if to say "Well, I tried." She gave Asahi a pointed look then glanced up at the clock.

"Ah, yes. Sorry. I'm on my way out." Asahi gathered up the dropped cards as the doctor left the room. It was only after he'd collected the deck that he realized Noya was still silent--usually he complained vociferously every time Asahi had to leave for the day. He glanced up cautiously, catching a dark expression on Noya's face. Was he really angry about the metal plates? Should Asahi say something, or just let it be?

Noya blinked, pasting on a smile when he noticed Asahi's gaze. "Ah ha, it's nothing! Don't worry about it, Asahi. It's not so bad I actually needed the ice packs anyway."

"Uh, I'm...I'm sorry, Yuu."

"Not your fault." Noya shrugged, then covered his shoulder with his hand, mouth pinching slightly before he broadened his smile. "Don't worry about it, okay, Asahi? I'm really fine."

He wasn't, but Noya would never say anything different. Asahi set the playing cards down on the bedside table and adjusted the breakfast tray from Noya's kick. "Is there...anything else I can bring you?"

"No. Coffee, maybe." He had to be in pain to speak so tersely. Asahi pulled on his jacket, glancing out the window he sat in front of all day. Night came early here, so even though it was barely dinnertime, it was already nearly full dark. At least it wasn't snowing, though. Asahi froze as Noya caught his coat sleeve. "Asahi, could I... Would you leave your sweater? It's like...the best I've slept since I woke up was that day I slept with you."

Asahi's heart melted in his chest and he had to blink back tears. From the beginning, he'd wished he could just stay by Noya's side, day and night, but the hospital hours simply didn't allow for it, and the doctor had been quite firm on insisting that Asahi couldn't slide into bed with Noya as he had that first day, or else he might not heal right. But this--this was something Asahi could do.

"Of course, Yuu." Asahi pulled off his jacket, then lifted his sweater over his head. Noya caught it greedily, holding it to his chest as Asahi pulled his jacket on once more.

"Thanks, Asahi." Noya's smile actually looked genuine for once. "Sorry. I know you'll be cold on your way back to the hotel, now."

"It's not so bad," Asahi assured him, catching a look from a disapproving nurse out in the hallway. He edged around the bed as he zipped up the front of the coat. "Try to get some sleep, Yuu."

"I will." Noya held Asahi's sweater to his nose, making Asahi blush. "Or I'll try, anyway."

The night air was bracing, as always, but at least the streets were well lit and, by now, familiar. Even as a chill made him shiver, Asahi hadn't been lying when he'd said he wouldn't be too cold heading back to the motel. At first, in order to avoid additional expenses, he'd started walking to and from the hospital each day, but to escape more quickly from the cold, he'd begun jogging. The movement kept his body warm and the more he did it, the more familiar the practice became. Once upon a time, he'd run nearly every day, in addition to weight lifting and volleyball practice. Taking up running again felt a little like slipping back inside his high school self's skin. And the exertion kept his mind from wandering and worrying about all the things he couldn't control: the cost of his motel room, his rent back home and all the expenses he'd incurred while living abroad. His work had been understanding, to a point--they hadn't fired him, but in allowing him to work remotely, they had cut his pay. The debt on his credit card was mounting, but he'd never breathe a word of that to Noya--being here for Noya was undeniably more important than anything else in Asahi's life.

But still, if he allowed himself to dwell on his financial situation too long, he'd likely have a panic attack.

Asahi kept up with his work overnight, adjusting fits and designs via his laptop--in between texting Noya, of course. Sometimes he'd call Daichi and Suga, just to keep them updated. He made sure to account for the difference in time zones so he didn't wake them up in the middle of the night again. Even though they always offered to help, Asahi could never bring himself to accept; Daichi and Suga were trying to save up for a wedding, after all. Asahi couldn't take their money.

It wasn't easy converting the shoddy motel room into a place that felt like home, but Asahi managed. He picked up a styrofoam cooler and stocked it with ice in lieu of a minifridge, so he could keep food cold. He bought a hotplate and a rice cooker and learned to use the coffeemaker for hot water. He tried not to eat out very often, with his midday meal at the hospital the one exception, but he wasn't always successful. If he had to live in Canada, he might as well enjoy a few Canadian foods, right?

Asahi made himself a cup of noodles, letting it sit while he changed into comfortable sweats to sleep in. He opened his laptop, then climbed into bed with both it and the noodles, skimming emails as he ate. By reflex, he sent a text to Noya after he set the empty cup down on the bedside table. He worked through his inbox, checked the time in both Canada and Japan, then, surprised, realized Noya hadn't texted him back. He worried for an instant, then took a breath to relax himself. If Noya wasn't texting back, he was either on the phone with someone back home, or he was sleeping.

Asahi hoped he was sleeping.

Setting thoughts of Noya and his finances aside, Asahi got back to work.

Life took on a steady, if new, rhythm. Asahi was dedicated to not missing a single moment of visiting hours with Noya, which meant he had to wake up earlier than he was used to in order to jog--or more often these days: run--to the hospital. Noya's smile when he showed up was always worth it and the doctor confided in him that Noya was more responsible with his treatment when Asahi was there. They'd spend hours chatting about nothing, playing card games and wistfully talking about "home" without ever mentioning what that meant for Noya's recovery. Noya spoke as if once he got back to Japan, his injuries would magically heal and he wouldn't have to worry about them. Not wishing to start a fight, Asahi didn't correct him.

After visiting hours, Asahi ran back to the motel, where he made a quick dinner before catching up on his work. But working late, along with earlier mornings and increased cardio left Asahi feeling drained and distracted, so he began breaking up his working hours with small bursts of sit-ups or push-ups. Before long, the old habits he'd developed in high school urged him to find a sporting goods store, where he bought a cheap set of dumbbells and added a few more sets to his routine. He'd thought the additional exercise would tire him out more quickly, when in fact, it actually made him feel energized. A few sets of weight training after his run back to the motel helped him get through a few hours of work before crashing in bed, only to rise in the morning and do it all again.

It only took a few days of actual strength training for Asahi's body to begin craving the foods he'd eaten in high school: chicken, fish, eggs, fruits, vegetables and sports drinks. He still enjoyed the occasional donut, but more and more he was finding himself almost as picky as Noya: opting for salads instead of sandwiches, carrot sticks instead of French fries. He figured out how to make stir fry on his hot plate and would make enough for leftovers to eat in the morning. The tiny motel room was slowly becoming as homey as his apartment, though it was a little sad to think that when he was finally ready to fly back home, he'd have to leave a lot of this stuff behind. He already had his own set of weights at home and airport security frowned on things like hot plates and rice cookers. Perhaps he could donate the items to the hospital so the next stranded caretaker could use them.

Noya started sleeping better almost immediately after requesting Asahi's sweater. Every few days, he would trade one sweater back to Asahi for another one, claiming the first had lost its scent. It always made Asahi smile to see his sweater folded up on Noya's pillow. It was a warm feeling in his chest, like he was able to be there for Noya even after visiting hours. When Noya began to complain about his hair growing out, Asahi found someone willing to come to the hospital and cut it for him. They even refreshed the dye: a bright red color, one of Asahi's favorites.

They still used playing cards to pass the time, though as the days passed they found fewer and fewer things to talk about. Asahi worried that they were getting close to finally having that discussion that had been looming over them ever since Noya first woke up, but then Noya received a box stuffed full of manga sent by Ryu and a few of his other friends and instead they spent their days reading or talking about their favorite series and characters. It was nice. Comfortable. Asahi was surprised to realize they had never really done anything like this when they'd been dating. He'd been happy when they were dating--thrilled, really--but every moment with Noya back then held the adrenaline-rush of a roller coaster. If they weren't having sex, then they were at a volleyball game, or a restaurant, or at a pick-up game. And all of that had been wonderful, because it was with Noya but...Asahi didn't hate these quiet moments, either. It was something he decided to keep in mind if...

If.

Asahi knew he should bring it up, but the longer he waited, the harder it became. Noya would bring it up eventually, wouldn't he? Noya had been the first one to confess, after all, and Noya knew how difficult it was for Asahi to start these types of conversations. Maybe Noya had a reason for waiting; if that was the case, then Asahi could wait, too. After all, it wasn't as if he were going anywhere.

About a month into this routine, Asahi arrived at Noya's room right at the beginning of visiting hours. He was still clipping on his visitor's badge as he crossed the threshold of the room, calling out a "Good morning" ahead of himself before stopping short.

"Mornin' Asahi!" Noya's grin was wide and mischievous as he waved his casted right arm.

Asahi was torn between rushing to Noya and gently lowering his arm to the bed, or running to find the doctor and tell her Noya had freed himself from the chest harness that immobilized his arm. In his moment of indecision, Noya laughed loudly.

"It's fine! The doctor took the straitjacket off me this morning. Look!" Noya wiggled his fingertips through the end of the cast. "That almost doesn't hurt!"

"That probably means you shouldn't be doing it yet," Asahi admonished him, finally unfreezing to cross the room to his usual seat by the window. "Does this mean your collarbone is healed?"

"Not completely." Noya rolled his right shoulder in a way that made Asahi cringe. "I'm not supposed to lift anything heavier than a pillow with this arm, but at least I can move it again."

"Maybe you should still keep it as still as possible?" Asahi suggested weakly. "You still have a lot of healing to do, don't you?"

Noya started to shake his head, but the doctor's voice cut over his assurance: "Yes, in fact, Mr. Nishinoya still does have quite a bit of healing ahead of him." She frowned at him as he promptly tucked his arm beneath the blankets. "And the fact that you're already waving your arm around does not fill me with confidence of removing the binding straps so soon."

"I was just showing Asahi," Noya said defensively. "I won't move it again. Promise."

The doctor looked as skeptical as Asahi felt: Noya fidgeted, twitched and tapped his two unbroken limbs almost constantly. Now that his right arm was free, Asahi was under no illusions that Noya would keep it still. But then, the doctor wouldn't have removed the restraints if he wasn't well on his way to recovery, right?

The doctor took a breath as she flipped open Noya's chart. "I reviewed your case this morning after your check-up. I can either go over it with you privately, or we can discuss it with your partner."

Asahi blushed over the word "partner," though in context he wasn't sure if it meant anything more "friend," so he didn't correct her. 

Noya reached out and grabbed Asahi's hand. "I don't care if Asahi hears. I got the pain meds down, didn't I? Can we go home now?"

Asahi felt his stomach twist: where was home again, exactly, for Noya?

The doctor frowned as she flipped a page over the back of the file. "Yes, you did manage to lower the pain medication down to an acceptable oral dosage, although I have doubts as to whether that accurately reflects your actual pain."

"I have a high tolerance," Noya assured her cheekily. "I feel fine."

Noya still twinged or gasped when he moved too quickly in the bed, although lately he'd begun saying he felt itchy, rather than pained. Asahi was pretty sure he was lying, but pain wasn't the only factor that the doctor would be considering before granting his discharge.

"That aside," the doctor said doubtfully. "The surgery to your abdomen has closed up well. Based on your ultrasound this morning, everything is functioning as well as may be expected."

"Great!" Noya's hand squeezed Asahi's tightly. "So when can--"

"However." The doctor cut over his enthusiasm. "Your bones are still a long way from being fully mended. Your collarbone still has at least two weeks on it and that's usually the quickest to heal."

Some of the hope drained from Noya's eyes, but he wasn't ready to stop fighting just yet. "I can't just stay here waiting for every single bone to get better. People still get around with broken bones--Hell, I broke my ankle once before and I got around just fine."

"On crutches?" the doctor asked, a single eyebrow arched. "Tell me, Mr. Nishinoya, how do you intend to support yourself on crutches when your collarbone can't support your weight and your right hand can't lift more than five pounds?"

Noya made a face and looked away.

"He'll have help," Asahi said, his heart breaking over the bad news. "He won't be alone when he goes back home. Isn't...isn't there anything that can be done?"

The doctor tapped the patient file with a finger. "I understand you are both anxious to get home; I'm sure this hasn't been a vacation for either of you. If Mr. Nishinoya will agree to a strict set of conditions, I can authorize him to travel."

"Yes!" Noya's eyes lit up again, his hand squeezing Asahi's almost painfully. "We get to go home, Asahi! I'll cover your ticket, I can--"

"Hold up," the doctor ordered. "You aren't fit to travel in a regular cabin, not with the care you'll need. I have to make a request to the airline for a medical cabin and a medically trained flight attendant to travel with you. These types of flights don't just leave every day, so you'll have to allow me to make the arrangements for you. You are allowed one personal aide to fly in the cabin with you." Her eyes flicked up to Asahi. "I assume that will be you?"

"Yes," Noya answered for him. He shot a grin over their clasped hands. Asahi felt a familiar twist of anxiety in the pit of his stomach, but smiled back. "Of course Asahi is coming with me."

"I'll need both of your passports to make the arrangements," the doctor said, scanning her notes again. "You’ll be travelling in a wheelchair, of course.”

“Wheelchair,” Noya groaned, as if it had been completely unexpected.

“You can either buy your own or select one covered by your insurance,” the doctor continued ruthlessly. “You will also require a special medical allowance for all air travel from now on, as the plates on your bones will set off metal detectors. I can provide a letter written in English, but you’ll want to have a doctor in Japan write another one for you.” She made a note in the file, then looked up as if a thought just occurred to her. “Oh, and in addition to the medical cabin, you will need to be completely sedated for the travel."

"Sedated?!" Noya squawked.

"Yes. The change in atmospheric pressure and the possibility of turbulence will be extremely painful for you. You'll be on a morphine drip for the entirety of the flight."

Noya groaned. Before he could argue, Asahi squeezed his hand and shook his head. Noya grimaced, then agreed.

"Finally, I will need to forward your medical information to your primary care physician back in Japan. If you provide me with that information, I can start sending your files over. I would be neglectful in my job if I didn't ensure that you were going to be taken care of once you return home."

"Ennoshita Chikara. I'll text him right now." Noya released Asahi's hand to reach for his phone.

"Ah, it might be awhile before we hear back from him, though," Asahi cautioned. "With the time zone difference."

"Give me the name of his practice and I'll reach out," the doctor advised. "It will likely be a week or longer before I can arrange a flight for you both, so don't think you'll be leaving tomorrow. And Mr. Nishinoya."

Noya cringed at the authoritative tone she evoked. "Yeah?"

"I expect you to take the pain medication I prescribe."

"Ah, yeah. Of course."

Asahi very nearly rolled his eyes; and Noya had the nerve to tell _him_ he couldn't tell a lie.

The doctor shifted her glare onto Asahi.

"Ah, I'll...help remind him," Asahi offered, cowering beneath her authority.

She nodded once, made a note in the chart, then left the room. Noya's excitement immediately bubbled over.

"We're going home, Asahi!" His grin was wide and wild, his eyes alive like they hadn't been for days.

"Ah, yeah."

"I'll finally be able to get to a bank and pay you back for everything."

"Yeah."

"I can start physical therapy and get back in shape."

"Yeah. Noya?"

"Ah! Back to real food and television I can actually understand!" Noya stretched his arms over his head, then flinched and eased a pain in his right shoulder.

"Noya."

"Hey, we should check the volleyball game schedule!" Noya lunged for his phone, making Asahi nervous with the jerky movement. "Maybe we can see some of our friends when we--"

"Noya." Asahi laid his hand over Noya's cellphone, pressing it down to the bed until Noya met his eyes. "We need--"

"Yuu."

"What?"

"You call me Yuu," Noya said, grinning. "What's with Noya all of a sudden?"

"Ah, sorry." Asahi felt his cheeks burn. He had been using Noya's given name this whole time, hadn't he? "We, um...What are you...Where...do you think you're going to stay when we get back home?"

"With you," Noya replied without hesitation. "Look, I know the wheelchair thing is going to get old fast, but I'll be on my feet in no time and we'll roll the whole thing right down the stairs." He laughed cheerily.

Asahi felt miserable. "Noya, you can't..."

"Yuu."

"Yuu," he corrected himself. "It's not about the space for the wheelchair--you know the elevator at my apartment is broken more often than it runs. And there's no other way to get up those stairs."

"I can get us a new place." Noya shook Asahi's hand off his phone. "You've been complaining about how small that one is for awhile, haven't you? Too bad I sold my place when Oikawa moved out, but that was really too far outside the city, anyway. I bet I can find something better closer to--"

"What about your rehab?" Asahi interrupted. "You can't be constantly traveling back and forth between Tokyo and Miyagi every day for your physical therapy."

Noya's face fell, but only for an instant. "Why don't we get a place back in Miyagi, then? If I clean out my portfolio, I could probably afford the down payment on a house. What neighborhood, do you think? Maybe somewhere close to--"

"A house?" Asahi was surprised. "Why not see if you can stay with any of our friends back in Miyagi? I know Daichi and Suga have the same problem with stairs that my place does, but maybe someone else could--"

"Nah, I don't want to bother anyone. Besides, we should have our own place."

Noya's little smile as he scrolled through his phone was a dagger in Asahi's heart. "Why not reach out to the Tanakas? They have a house so you wouldn't have to worry about stairs."

Noya made a dismissive noise. "Yeah, right. Don't they have, like, two kids now?"

He froze as soon as he realized what he'd said. Noya looked up slowly from his phone, eyes searching Asahi's. All Asahi could hear was the roar of blood in his ears as he swallowed tightly.

"Noya--"

"Yuu!" Noya tossed down his phone, eyes flashing with anger. "You've been calling me Yuu this whole time! Stop calling me Noya like you're trying to put distance between us already!"

Asahi's breath caught in his chest, making him choke. That's what he was doing, wasn't he? Preparing for the goodbye again. "Yuu. I can't...I can't move back to Miyagi with you. My work is in Tokyo. They've been holding my clothing line for me; I have to go back."

"Fine," Noya declared. "Then I'll just find a physical therapist in Tokyo. Chikara will understand."

"But the apartment--"

"Asahi." Noya grabbed Asahi's hand, jaw set stubbornly. "I want to go home."

"I-I know." Asahi's eyes burned with the effort of holding back tears. "We will go home. But it's not...we haven't...we're not..."

Noya gripped Asahi's hand hard and pulled him to the edge of his seat, bringing him close enough to smell the decaf coffee on Noya's breath. "I want to go home with you."

Noya's face tipped up, open and honest and silently asking to be kissed. Asahi ached to close the distance between them, to fall one more time, to hold and never let go.

But.

What had actually changed since the last time they tried? Or rather, the last time Asahi had tried? He'd reached out with open arms and an open heart and Noya...Noya had run away. Literally: he'd been in Italy almost by the very next day. And judging by his dismissal of staying with the Tanaka family because of their kids...Noya's feelings about the future hadn't changed. And neither had Asahi's.

So what had changed?

He's broken, Asahi realized morosely. He can't run away right now and he needs someone to get him through it. I don't mind being that person but...but...

What if, once he was better, Noya ran away again? Or, what if he'd just decided to settle? Perhaps these injuries had scared Noya off the extreme life he loved and he was willing to settle for something safe. Something bland. Something...something he didn't really love? Asahi didn't mind being the dependable friend to get Noya through whatever he was going through...but he didn't want to be Noya's back-up plan.

And he couldn't bear to have his heart crushed anymore.

Slowly, he leaned back from Noya's bedside. And avoided his eyes.

"Why not get your own place in Miyagi?" he asked gently. "I'd feel better if you stayed with friends, but I'm sure Suga and Daichi, at least, would help you out when you need it."

Silence was the only response.

Asahi's heart contracted painfully.

"You could...if you had an emergency or anything, you could call my parents."

More silence.

Asahi thought he might be sick.

"If you...if you want help talking to your parents, I could--"

"I'm not telling my parents about any of this!" Noya exploded violently, pulling his hand back from Asahi, his knee overturning his breakfast tray. Asahi jumped to his feet, reaching to catch the tray before it crashed to the floor. "I don't need their help! And I don't need your parents, or Daichi or Suga, or anyone else! I need you, Asahi! Isn't that why you're here?"

Asahi froze at the unfamiliar tone in Noya's voice. What was that? Pleading? Fear? Desperation?

"Isn't that why you asked to stay? Asahi?" Noya reached, but was drawn up short by the IV tube in his arm. He growled and sat back, attempting the tear at the line with his casted right arm.

"No, Noya, don't--"

"It's Yuu!" A thrash sent Noya's phone crashing from the bed to the floor. He ripped the pulse-ox from his fingertip with his teeth. Asahi's panic held him riveted in place, blanking his mind of any comforting words and keeping him from reaching out to quell Noya's rage. "You could have left weeks ago! I told you you could! But you wanted to stay--you said you wanted to stay! So why are you trying to leave me now?"

"I'm not--I'm not leaving!" Asahi protested weakly.

"You are!" Noya shouted, still fighting with his IV. "You want to drop me on someone's doorstep in Miyagi and leave--"

"Mr. Azumane." An authoritative voice cracked the air like a whip. "I have to ask that you leave until Mr. Nishinoya calms down."

"Yes, yes, of course." Asahi still stood rooted to the spot.

With a snarl, Noya gave up trying to pull out his IV line and swiped at the stand. The bag of fluid swung perilously, threatening to tip the stand over. Asahi lunged for it, catching it to keep it upright.

"Don't go!" Noya commanded, straining to reach Asahi as he fixed the IV stand. "Asahi, please!"

"If you cannot restrain yourself, Mr. Nishinoya, you will no longer be allowed to receive visitors." A security guard had joined the doctor in the doorway. "Mr. Azumane, if you please."

"Yes, I'm sorry, yes." Asahi backed away from the bed, grabbing his coat off the back of the chair. "I'll just--I'll get some coffee, I'll be right back. Please, Noya, just--"

"I'm fine! This isn't Asahi's fault! We're just--" Noya caught the edge of Asahi's coat and yanked at it, refusing to let go. "We're just talking!"

"You are disturbing the other patients and you are causing harm to yourself," the doctor said, struggling to keep her voice level. "Whatever this talk is about, it is not conducive to your overall state of well-being."

"Fuck my well-being," Noya snarled.

The security guard stepped into the room and Asahi dropped his coat, putting his hands up as he slunk around the end of the bed. The last thing he wanted was to cause an incident in a foreign country. As much as he wanted to help Noya, even he could see his presence was doing more harm than good.

"I'm sorry. I'm leaving," Asahi told the guard miserably. "I didn't mean for this to happen, I...I--"

"Asahi!" A hollow thud resounded off the cream-colored walls. Asahi felt dread rise from the pit of his stomach as he turned around. Noya was struggling to get out of bed, his casted leg braced on the floor tiles. The doctor rushed past Asahi as she shouted some medical code he didn't understand. She tried to wrestle Noya back into bed, but he fought, pushing her away as he struggled to stand. "Stop, Asahi! You don't just get to run away from this!"

Asahi flinched as the security guard set a hand on his shoulder. He ducked his head, trying to show that he wasn't putting up a fight, though more than anything he wanted to scoop Noya back up into his bed. He allowed himself to be led to the doorway, pausing there for only a moment to look back at Noya, still fighting the doctor.

"You're the one who ran away, Yuu."

The look of shock that filled Noya's eyes threatened to steal all of Asahi's air. His jaw dropped and he went suddenly limp. Nurses rushed past Asahi to help lift Noya into the bed. The guard gave Asahi's shoulder a light squeeze and Asahi nodded meekly. He accompanied Asahi all the way to the stairwell, which Asahi took to mean he wasn't welcome to linger in the patient's floor waiting room. He went down to the cafeteria and fixed himself a coffee with shaking hands. He drank without tasting it, then went to the front desk to ask if it was alright for him to return to Noya's room. The nurse at the station called up, then shook her head. It seemed Noya was being taken in for more x-rays and wouldn't be allowed visitors for the rest of the day. His heart beating sickly in his stomach, Asahi nodded, thanked the nurse, then left.

He shivered as he stepped outside. White clouds churned overhead, but the air below was still, as if frozen. Asahi could barely find enough to draw breath. His ears burned with the cold and if he hadn't just downed a cup of coffee, he likely would have jogged back to the motel. He didn't regret leaving his coat behind, not exactly. But he wished he hadn't had to leave it behind.

Noya's final look of shock and betrayal haunted him, making the long walk even longer, hiding behind his eyelids so every time he blinked, he saw it afresh. His chest felt tight and pained, his vision blurred until all he could see was Noya. He hadn't wanted to hurt him--no, the whole point of all of this was for Noya to get better. To heal. He only wanted Noya to get back into bed, to calm down, be rational. There were many good reasons why Noya couldn't just return to Tokyo. Going back to Miyagi was by far the better option for him. Noya had to see that.

Didn't he?

And it wasn't as if they had...

Neither of them had said that they...

They weren't together.

And maybe...just maybe...

Asahi tried to swallow past the lump in his throat that was choking him.

Maybe he had meant to hurt Noya, just a little.

After all, Noya had broken up with him at the end of Asahi's first trip abroad, turning what should have been a beautiful memory into bitter heartbreak. Noya had moved out and even gone so far as to fake a relationship with Oikawa, of all people, just to have an excuse not to see him. And then when Asahi had put everything on the line that last time--when he dared to hope they could find a middle ground together--Noya had run away. Far away, and quickly, too. As much as Asahi wanted to put all of that aside, it wasn't so easy. Sure, he loved Noya. Would probably take him back if he asked.

But Noya hadn't asked.

And Asahi couldn't.

Not now. Not while Noya was weak and likely to accept simply for lack of any better options. Asahi had his pride, too: he wasn't going to be anyone's second-best. Not even Noya's.

He'd been ready to let go, back when Noya was living with Oikawa. Asahi couldn't help but see the pictures posted online, couldn't help but feel the sting in his chest every time one popped up unbidden. He'd seen the shadow behind Noya's smiles and understood what it meant--but he also got the message Noya was trying to send. Move on. Find someone else. Be happy.

And he'd thought he was ready. He thought he might start looking for someone else. But then Daichi had come to stay with him for the Adler v Jackals game and lured him to the beach where Noya and Suga were playing beach volleyball. And there he'd seen Noya's real smile again, his true radiance, his joy at excelling in a sport he loved with a person he actually cared for. And Asahi realized right then that he wasn't quite ready to give up yet. He still hadn't been sure what he was willing to compromise, but he wanted the chance to find that middle ground. To close that space between them. He'd tortured over the right words, agonized through the entire game sitting next to Noya, and in the end it was all to have his heart dashed into shards again.

After all that, he should have felt foolish, running the instant Noya needed him.

After all this, Asahi knew he'd make that same choice over and over again.

Asahi nearly tripped on the stairs leading up to his room: his knees and ankles felt stiff from the cold, though his skin had long gone numb to it. He stamped his feet as he unlocked the door with numb fingers. Stepped inside, eyes noting the made bedspread and the empty trash bins: housekeeping had been by already. He had a thought to make himself some tea, or perhaps some soup. But it felt wrong to be back in his room so early in the day: it was barely noon. He usually stayed at the hospital until six, when the staff chased him out. What would he do with himself?

What could he do?

I can check on him, Asahi thought, patting down his pockets. If he's getting more x-rays, he could be hurt. He could have set his recovery back, he could--

Asahi froze, eyes falling shut as he leaned back against the door. His phone had been in his coat pocket. He'd left his coat in the room. He didn't even have his phone to check on Noya, or call anyone back home. He couldn't go back for it: the hospital staff would think he was making an excuse to see Noya. And Noya...would Noya even want to see him? That final look of hurt and betrayal, the way Noya went limp as if all the fight went out of him in an instant--Asahi wasn't even sure if he could bring himself to face Noya again after that. If it wouldn't be such a gutless thing to do, he might--he might--

He might run away.

Stomach acid surged, making Asahi cover his mouth with his hand. He was surprised to feel tears on his face. When had he started crying? Just now? Or had he been crying the whole way back to the motel? He slid down the door, sinking bonelessly to the floor, his body giving way to painful sobs.

He'd seen Noya's look of utter heartbreak once--once, that was all!--and it had him thinking about running away. No wonder Noya had finally run--it hurt too much to keep doing this to someone. Especially someone that you loved.

He ran away because he didn't want to go through this again, Asahi thought, misery weighing heavily on his heart. And I can't even blame him. If there isn't a way forward, why keep trying? Why keep hurting each other? Just...why?

He didn't get up from the entryway for hours, and when he did, it was as dark outside the windows as it was inside his heart. It wasn't a comfort at all, but at last he finally understood why Noya had done what he'd done--what he'd put himself through--all in the name of a doomed love. Asahi heaved himself into the bed and stared at the ceiling until a restless and broken sleep took him. He dreaded going back to the hospital tomorrow. He knew he couldn't run away...but he also knew he was facing the painful, bitter end.

~*~

Asahi crept through the hospital's main entrance uneasily, half expecting someone to shout that he was no longer welcome here. When no one protested his presence, he signed in as usual, smiling weakly at the desk staff. He pinned on the guest badge then trudged up the stairs. Aside from a few curious looks from the nursing staff on Noya's floor, no one said anything or tried to stop him. He swallowed hard outside Noya's door, trying to steel himself while knowing he'd never be prepared. He knocked lightly on the frame to announce his presence before stepping inside.

Noya was sitting on his bed, his good leg bent, one arm wrapped around it. His broken arm looked as if it was once again restrained across his chest in a harness. His hair was down, his face turned to look out the window. At Asahi's knock, he turned.

And smiled brightly.

"Hey, Asahi!"

"Ah, hi." Asahi's coat was draped over the back of his chair, waiting for him. He crossed the room slowly, trying not to show his nerves, though he wasn't sure who he was putting the show on for: surely Noya could read him just as well as he could read Noya. "Are you...okay?"

"Yeah, I'm fine, but the doctor is pissed." Noya rolled his eyes. "She wanted to up my morphine again, but nothing hurts, so why would I want to backtrack? They took a few new x-rays and everything's mostly fine. There’s something about my fibula, but I don’t know, my arm feels fine.” He shrugged. Asahi frowned. Where was the fibula, again? “The doctor took my deck of cards, though, so you might have to go buy a new one. That's probably better anyway, though, since we were missing the six of spades and the Jack of diamonds."

Asahi surprised himself with a bubble of pain-flavored laughter. He fell into his chair almost without thinking, so caught up in Noya's short monologue. The false cheer didn't last long, though. "Did you... Are we still going home soon?"

"Yeah, of course we are!" Noya's grin nearly cheered him. "The doctor can't wait to get rid of me: I could fall out the window and she'd still send me home."

That wasn't funny. Asahi reached into his coat pocket and withdrew his phone. Only one missed call from Noya. He'd likely heard the phone going off in Asahi's coat pocket and ended the call. Feeling guilty and not fully understanding why, Asahi looked up and found Noya's eyes trained on him. He looked serious for once, the morning's good cheer already wiped from his face as he watched Asahi study his phone.

"I called Ryu last night," Noya said abruptly. "He and Kiyoko have an extra room and they don't mind me staying a while. Did you know they haven't had their second kid yet? Sounds like they're getting close, from what Ryu said, but it's still just the one right now. Anyway, it's not too far from Chikara's place, but since they both work, he's not sure how often they can help me make my appointments. It's not a big deal, though, I mean, I know a lot of people there, so I can probably find someone." He grinned, but Asahi thought he saw a familiar glitter at the corners of each of his eyes. "If all else fails, I'm sure I can call Saeko-neesan for a ride!"

"Saeko...san?" Tanaka's older sister? Oh, that had disaster written all over it. Asahi wasn't a great driver by any means, mostly because he had little to no experience. But Saeko...with her driving, Asahi couldn't see how Noya's bones would ever completely heal.

"Yeah, but it probably wouldn't be for long." Noya absently scratched at his cast-covered arm, a gesture that made Asahi's heart ache. "I talked to Chikara, too. He thinks in another month I'll be able to get around on my own, so then maybe I'll...look for my own place. Or whatever. He says the rehab is gonna take a while. Maybe a year or something to get back to where I was before the accident. I guess I didn't really think it'd take all that long."

"What are you going to do?" Asahi asked gently. "While you're healing?"

"Hm? Oh, I don't know." Noya smiled and shrugged. "I guess there aren't many modeling gigs in Miyagi, are there? I'm not even sure if that's what I want to do, really. I mean, it was fun, sure, and I'm grateful that I still can, since you had a plastic surgeon do all my stitches and whatever. But I don't know. Maybe I'll take it easy and help out at Ryu's gym. Or help out at volleyball camps for local high school liberos. I haven't really thought about it yet."

He must have read something of concern on Asahi's face, because he quickly continued: "I'll do all the rehab, Asahi, honest. Chikara says it'll hurt, but I think he's just trying to scare me. I'm not a big fan of the pain meds, but, you know. I'll do what I have to." The little added shrug seemed to indicate he'd forget more often than he remembered to take said meds. "And I get that you have to do what you have to. Really. You've...done so much for me already. It's not really fair of me to ask anymore but." Noya fidgeted. Looked out the window. Bounced his foot. "It's just...it's easier for me when you're around, you know? I don't feel as...trapped, I guess. Like it's okay to just...do nothing."

An arrow through the chest would have hurt less. Asahi was supposed to go back to work when they returned to Japan. Sure, he'd planned on seeing Noya safely to Miyagi first. He didn't trust Noya alone in a wheelchair on the trains at all. But after that, he was turning right around and going back to his tiny apartment. Wasn't he? He had an entire line of clothing that was just waiting on his return; his company wouldn't wait forever. Besides, his time in Canada hadn't been for nothing: he had a whole new set of sketches and ideas, a new line just waiting for him to begin sample production. He had to go back to Tokyo and unpause his life.

Didn't he?

"Ah, but that doesn't mean you have to worry about me." Noya forced a smile. "You should start getting your receipts together so I can move some money around. I'll schedule a meeting with my banker in Tokyo and pay you back for everything--and I mean everything! Including that second deck of cards you’re going to get for us, right, Asahi?"

Asahi couldn't help it--whether it was the lack of sleep, or borderline hysteria due to anxiety, or just Noya's overall absurdity--he laughed. Hard. Covered his face with his hands and doubled over in his chair, letting wave after wave of laughter roll over him, through him, until there was nothing left. When he could finally catch his breath, he saw Noya watching him warily. He stood and smiled, cheeks still aching from laughter.

Asahi cupped the back of Noya's neck, tugging him forward to rest their foreheads against one another. "Like hell I'm letting you get in a car with Seako-san driving. I'll figure something out. I promise." And because he couldn’t help himself—could never help himself when it came to Noya—he left a kiss on Noya's temple before going down to the hospital gift shop to pick up a pack of playing cards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to look up? Maybe? At the very least, I think the next chapter will see them both back in Japan. That’s something, right?


	10. Chapter 10

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "What is it, Asahi?"
> 
> Asahi grimaced, eyes averted. "I talked to my boss this morning. My company knows I'm back in Japan."
> 
> "Okay."
> 
> "I... My debut line is scheduled for its first show next month."
> 
> "Okay."
> 
> "And, um..." Asahi drew a breath. Blew it out. Stared down at the table. "I can't be here all the time."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just beginning yet another rewatch of Haikyuu and I still cannot figure out the exact formula that makes this such a perfect anime, but I am jealous and I love it and AsaNoya for life!!

Every time Noya woke up, it was a struggle through terrifying paralysis and hallucination-like dreams. It got to the point that he leaned into the pain in order to free himself from sleep, using that as the one anchor he could himself up from. When he finally surfaced, he blinked hazily up at the unfamiliar ceiling.

Where...am I?

The room was dark--far darker than the hospital room had ever been. He flung his arm out sideways, finding the bed larger than his hospital bed, but empty, too. The past three days were a blur, with only a few sober pain-med-free moments stringing them all together. That was more than a little scary: traveling while completely unconscious, but the upside was that he was definitely back in Japan. Noya scrubbed at his eyes and tried to piece together the few memories he did have in between pain medication doses.

His final memory from the hospital was being loaded onto a gurney for an ambulance, Asahi holding his hand as the doctor began the morphine drip that would accompany him all throughout his final moments in Canada and up to his arrival in Japan. Asahi had arranged for an overnight stay in a hotel in Tokyo close to the airport, even though his apartment was right there--something about wheelchair accessibility, or whatever. Noya didn't even remember if they'd shared a room or not, but he remembered that he woke up alone in the hotel bed. Asahi had been nearby, sure, but that was really besides the point. They'd lingered long enough in Tokyo that Noya sobered up enough to remember that he needed to get to a bank to pay Asahi back for all his expenses. Getting a final number out of Asahi had been an exercise in patience Noya didn't really know he'd had. In the end, he'd had to threaten a number bordering of the down payment for a house before Asahi showed him his credit card statements and Noya paid them all off. It took a chunk out of his savings, but what did he really need those for right now? It wasn't as if anyone was going to be letting him live on his own for a while.

Soon after the bank, Asahi had insisted on another dose of pain medication. Really, he hadn't taken "no" for an answer. Noya had never seen Asahi be so forceful before. He had only the fuzziest memory of the frenzied rush within the Tokyo train station and then...after that, his memory was a blank canvas. They must have had to transfer at some point, but Noya remembered none of it. He would have been impressed that Asahi had managed all of that with luggage while guiding a wheelchair, but honestly he was just pissed. He could have been more useful if he'd been awake. He'd have to talk to Chikara about lowering the dosage of these stupid fucking pills.

He had come around at the train station in Miyagi, or at least he recalled Daichi and Suga meeting them with a car. Asahi had lifted Noya into the backseat and held him, rather than belting him in, which would have been awkward anyway. Noya remembered the others talking, but not what was said. More clear to him was the memory of a coffee stain on Asahi's sweater and the warmth of Asahi's arms around him. He only really started to come back to himself when they arrived at the Tanaka household and though he'd been excited to see Ryu, his friend begged them all to be as quiet as possible: apparently the baby and Kiyoko were asleep and Ryu was terrified of waking either of them. Asahi had carried Noya to the guest room and, once he was settled on the bed, forced yet one more pill on him. Noya resisted at first, but Asahi looked exhausted and it was late, anyway. He'd taken the pill, but he wasn't happy about it. The last thing he remembered was Asahi’s soft smile in the dark room, a warm hand holding his.

So I must be at Ryu's then, Noya thought, rolling over to hold himself up on his good arm. His phone was on the table beside the bed, showing the time to be still relatively early in the morning. Earlier than Asahi was usually up, anyway. So then, why wasn't Asahi here? The Tanakas only had the one guest room... Oh, right. Asahi had been worried about hurting Noya in his sleep, so he'd opted to stay with Daichi and Suga. Noya sighed and set his phone back down, rubbing his head to clear the cobwebs left by the medication. He hated pain medication; it was so hard to remember things, even after it faded away.

As Noya pushed himself up to sitting, something slid across his pillow, pooling in the dimple of the mattress where his hand held his weight. He looked down and smiled. After swinging his legs carefully over the side of the bed (that leg cast was heavy!) he grabbed Asahi’s sweater and held it to his nose. He didn’t even remember asking for it, but then it was possible he had. He often had trouble remembering the moments right before the drugs dragged him to sleep.

Still breathing in the scents of coffee and marker ink, Noya looked around for his wheelchair. His cast was shaped with a slight bend at the knee, which meant he really couldn’t try walking on it, even if he wanted to—and he did want to. But it was probably better not to. If he remembered correctly, he was supposed to have an appointment with Chikara later that day and he had no illusions that his friend would go easy on him.

Dammit—the wheelchair was folded and left against the far wall. Noya couldn’t reach it from the bed. He looked around for something long enough to reach it and when that search turned up empty, he considered using the bureau to hold himself up without putting any weight on his leg. But then, he didn’t want to pull the bureau down on top of himself and he wasn’t sure how sturdy it was. All hope seemed lost until Noya spotted his suitcase near the end of the bed. It had four swivel wheels and was relatively sturdy—he felt fairly certain he could sit on it like a rolling chair and push himself across the room to the wheelchair.

Just as Noya was reaching out to drag the suitcase over, the door to his room cracked open. He froze, prepared to defend himself to Asahi, who was strangely strict about the whole “moving” thing, when he realized it wasn’t Asahi in the doorway, but Ryu. Moreover, Ryu wasn’t even looking into the room, but instead backing in slowly, closing the door silently before holding his ear to it, as if listening intently. Noya remained silent for a moment, puzzled by his friend's behavior.

"What are you doing, Ryu?"

"Ee-Yaah!" Ryu jumped about ten feet up in the air and spun around with his hands up, like he expected an attack. When he saw it was only Noya, he put a hand over his chest, breathing hard. "Noya! Sorry man, I didn't know you were awake. Asahi said you'd sleep in pretty late."

"Well, this is pretty late. For me." Not to mention, his time zones were all fucked up, thanks to the international travel and the drugs. "What are you doing?"

"Ah, well, it's...complicated." Ryu scratched his nose.

Noya frowned. "You're hiding from Kiyoko, aren't you?"

"What? No." Ryu managed to project an air of false bravado as he leaned against the closed door. "I would never run away and hide when my pregnant wife needs help getting our daughter to sit still on the potty. I just wanted to make sure my injured best friend didn't need any help or anything."

"Actually." Noya grimaced, shifting uncomfortably. "I might need a little help with the potty myself."

Ryu stared at him in absolute horror.

Noya laughed. "Kidding! If you can help me into my chair, I can take care of the rest of it."

"Oh." It was comical how relieved Ryu looked at that. "I can help with that, no problem."

Ryu was another athletic survivor of the old Karasuno volleyball team. As a personal trainer, he'd kept his shape just as Noya had and lifting Noya from the bed to his chair was no problem. A little uncomfortable, perhaps, but not difficult. As Ryu opened the door to the hallway, a small, naked child went running past. Noya gaped: was that normal?

"Oh no," came a soft, unalarmed voice. "She ran away. Can't be helped, then." Noya looked around the door frame to see Kiyoko standing at the end of the hall, her hand resting on a rounded belly. "Her father's going to have to chase her down. I certainly can't do it."

"Hey, Kiyoko-san," Noya called, smiling as he waved.

"Good morning, Nishinoya." She smiled for Noya, but frowned at her husband. "Well? Are you going after her?"

"Uh, well, Noya needs a hand with--"

"I'll do it. If you don't get her soon, she'll end up--" There was the sound of a door sliding open, then a shrill giggle. "Outside."

"Dammit," Ryu growled. He pushed Noya into the hallway just enough to step around his chair. "Sorry, Noya! I gotta go catch my kid before the police pick her up for streaking."

"Uh..." Noya stared after Ryu. He turned back to find Kiyoko studying him. "He was supposed to take me to the bathroom."

Kiyoko held her silence for a moment. She still looked amazing: exactly as perfect as she had in high school, though perhaps she smiled a little more now. She even looked great pregnant, which was something Noya hadn't thought to expect. It made Noya happy to know that his best friend was able to make his former crush as happy as she was--even if she seemed annoyed by him just then.

"You really worked yourself over this time, didn't you?" she finally said with a small shake of her head. "Do you feel any better for it?"

"Any better for--" Before Noya could puzzle out the question, there was a knock at the front door, followed by a soft-spoken "Pardon the intrusion" in a voice that Noya would know anywhere. Kiyoko murmured an apology as she squeezed past Noya's wheelchair to get to the front door. Noya managed to pivot his chair just enough to see Asahi enter the living room, a squirming child tucked under one arm.

"I found this outside," he said, smiling at Kiyoko as he offered her the thrashing, naked child. "I thought you might want it back."

"That belongs to its father until further notice," Kiyoko said dryly, though she looked amused. "It's good to see you, Asahi."

"Good to see you, too, Kiyoko-san." They hugged awkwardly, Asahi still holding the rebellious child.

The sight of Asahi with a kid did something weird to Noya's guts. At first, it felt like they were sinking. This was what Asahi wanted, wasn't it? A partner and a child he could come home to. If they got back together, wasn't Noya selfishly taking all of that from Asahi? But then his guts firmed up and his heart softened. Asahi looked good like this. Comfortable. Happy. Just like Kiyoko.

It wouldn't be so bad, seeing Asahi happy like this every day, Noya thought. It wouldn't be so bad if I could make Asahi happy the same way Ryu makes Kiyoko happy.

Ryu ran in panting and distressed. He practically collapsed in relief as he took his daughter from Asahi. Asahi and Kiyoko laughed, but Ryu really did look as if he'd been afraid that his daughter had wandered off lost somewhere. After handing the child over, Asahi turned to look up the hallway, then froze. It seemed he hadn't noticed Noya until just then.

"Morning." Noya faked a grin. "I was headed to the bathroom, but there was a traffic jam in the hallway."

"Good morning." Asahi's smile was sunlight and warmth. "Let me help."

With Asahi's assistance, Noya finally got into the bathroom. Thankfully, he could take care of business on his own by now (no more bedpans, thank God!) and Asahi left him to it. When he finished, he dropped back into his chair and called Asahi in. While he could handle the toilet and a sponge bath on his own, his still couldn’t manage to fix his own hair or dress himself alone.

"Do you want me to spike your hair?" Asahi asked, stalling to make sure Noya hadn't splashed water on his cast. Asahi wasn't very good at being subtle, but he was amazingly good at being thorough.

"Do you mind?" Noya asked, toying with a strand that hung over his ear. "I feel better with it spiked, but I still can't manage it."

"I don't mind at all." Asahi smiled at his reflection. "Let me get your gel from the room."

Noya absolutely reveled at the feel of Asahi's hands in his hair. To his utter delight, Asahi didn't jump straight into spiking it, but instead drew his hand through it first, his fingernails dragging lightly at Noya's scalp. He brushed it all through with his fingers, massaging gently before using the gel to draw it up into the usual spikes. Noya would have called it peaceful except for the shrieks, bangs, thumps and pleading sounds all around them, as if they were the center of a miniature cyclone. Ryu's kid didn't seem to know many words yet, but she sure knew how to make her opinion known. By the time Asahi finished spiking Noya's hair, even he knew the child did NOT like potty training, but DEFINITELY liked juice. It was mostly annoying but it was also...kind of cute?

No, Noya decided. Just annoying.

"Did you add a little wave to my spikes?" Noya asked, checking his reflection.

"Is it bad?" Asahi asked, blushing. "I always like it with a little wind in it, so I styled it that way."

Noya grinned. "I love it. It's perfect. How are we getting to Chikara's office?"

"Daichi leant me his car," Asahi explained, wheeling Noya back to his borrowed room. There, he helped Noya dress. The only pants that fit over his cast were wide, loose-fitting gym pants and he couldn't put them on himself, much to his own dismay. Short-sleeved shirts were a bit more forgiving of the cast, but it was winter, so Noya had to pull an oversize sweater on over it. The sweater, of course, was one of Asahi's. "How did you sleep last night?"

"Like a junkie on pain medication," Noya retorted. "Look, Asahi, I know it was important for all the travel and everything, but I really don't need those meds every night. I can sleep just fine without them."

Asahi frowned. "The medication isn't just for pain. It keeps you from moving in your sleep, too. You're a pretty active sleeper, you know that, right?"

"I mean, not lately," Noya said with a smirk. Asahi only blushed lightly and glanced away.

"Do you need to bring anything with you? For Chikara?"

"Nah, I didn't exactly get around to doing any souvenir shopping." It was a bad joke, though, so Noya added: "The doctor should have sent him everything he needs."

"Okay. We should go, then."

Traveling, even by car, was a greater pain than Noya expected. He couldn't drive the wheelchair on his own, not while his arm cast still came up over his fingertips. He'd have to ask Chikara if he could put a shorter cast on so he could at least use part of his hand. But transferring from a wheelchair to a car seat wasn't as easy as transferring to a toilet seat (which, by the way, wasn't all that easy either, but since Noya went alone, he cheated and used his cast to help) which meant Asahi had to lift him. Noya had thought he'd feel weak, being lifted all the time and while it wasn't his favorite thing, so long as it was Asahi, he didn't really mind all that much. Asahi must have started working out again or something because everything about him just seemed a little firmer, a little tighter, a little more gorgeous (if that was even possible). Asahi lifted him like it was nothing and was always so careful when putting him down. Noya liked to play a little game, seeing how long he could hold onto Asahi's shoulders until he had to let go. He always managed to run his fingers through Asahi's hair and leaned to Asahi's neck, close enough to smell his aftershave. He didn't think Asahi minded, or even noticed, really, as Asahi was always being super careful not to bump Noya's cast against anything.

Once Asahi had Noya situated in the front seat of Daichi's car, he folded up the wheelchair and set it inside the trunk. Noya read the nerves on Asahi's face as he sat down behind the wheel.

"You don't drive much, do you, Asahi?"

"No, not really." He smiled nervously. "Don't worry, though. I'll get you to Ennoshita's practice in one piece."

Noya grinned. "I'm never worried. Not with you."

Asahi looked over at him, looking for all the world like he was going to say something. Then he bit his lip and turned away, starting the car. He checked each mirror about fifty times before finally easing out of the Tanaka's driveway. His lips were pinched so tight they appeared white against his face as he focused on driving. After long minutes, he finally drew a breath that looked somewhat relieved. Not that Noya was watching him or anything.

"Do you...do you want me to wait in the lobby for you?" Asahi asked, shooting the briefest of glances over at Noya. "I know Ennoshita's a friend, but he's also your doctor, which means this is kind of private--"

"Nah. Come in with me, Asahi." Noya wanted to reach across the car and take Asahi's hand, but he had both on the wheel in a white-knuckled grip, which, honestly, was kind of cute. "It's not like you don't already know everything that's wrong with me. And I need you to know I'm not lying when I get Chikara to take me off the pain meds."

Asahi opened his mouth, obviously to argue, then gave his head a little shake and closed it again. For some reason, Noya felt disappointed by that: he'd rather have the conversation than the silence.

"You stayed with Diachi and Suga, right?" Noya asked. "Anything new with them?"

"Ah, we didn't really stay up talking," Asahi replied. "We just worked out the schedule for the car. I have to pick Suga up after work today. Daichi is borrowing a squad car."

"Oh." Noya hadn't put much thought into the logistics: Daichi and Suga shared one car and they'd given it up for Noya's doctor appointment. "I'll have to tell them thanks when I see them."

"Mm." Asahi nodded.

Why were there suddenly so many uncomfortable silences between them? They used to be able to talk about anything. Everything. They use to laugh more, too. Was it just because they'd spent so much time cooped up inside the hospital? But no, even that had felt...tense, somehow. As if they were both just waiting for something. Noya wished he knew what it was: all this empty air just felt like waiting for the referee to decide whether the ball was in or out.

Asahi eased into the parking lot outside the clinic, seemingly debated between the handicap spaces right in front or the empty spaces a little further away, then chose one of the further spots. Noya himself was conflicted on the parking thing. Yes, it was easier to park close right now with the whole wheelchair thing, but that wouldn't be for too much longer, right? Soon he'd be on crutches and that wouldn't matter as much. He added it to the list of questions to ask Chikara.

"Ah, Noy--Yuu." Asahi flinched at his slip. Every time Asahi called him "Noya," he felt a little barb digging its way deeper into his heart. Why did things have to change? Why couldn't Asahi just keep calling him "Yuu" like he had been? "Can I...take you to lunch afterwards?"

"Yeah!" Noya practically jumped in his car seat. He'd go anywhere with Asahi, but out for food--out on a date--of course he'd go! "I totally skipped breakfast, so an early lunch sounds great! Want to get Korean barbecue? Ramen? Man, I'm dying for normal food again!"

Asahi looked over shyly as he turned the car off. "It's whatever you want. Let me know after."

It was irritating that all Noya could do was wait while Asahi went and got the wheelchair from the trunk. He wasn't used to waiting, he was used to _doing._ But when he threw open his door and attempted to swing his legs out, Asahi actually shouted for him to stay put. Not wanting to risk their lunch date on it, Noya did what he was told. Grudgingly.

Although, he sort of forgot about the "grudging" part when Asahi lifted him. Seriously, was he working out again? Noya had never wanted to tear someone else's clothes off so badly before.

Probably shouldn't be thinking like that before a doctor's appointment, Noya thought as Asahi set him down. Especially not when the doctor is a friend.

The practice Chikara worked at barely looked like a doctor's office on the inside: it looked a little more like a gym, really. Physical therapists were working with patients on balance balls, parallel bars, weights, steps, just about anything Noya could imagine. Some were even just helping their patients stretch out on padded flooring. Noya swallowed hard. He'd never wanted to stretch so much before in his life--although he'd rather it be Asahi helping him work through the stretches.

Chikara's office was a small room along one of the gym's walls. The floors were wide and easy to navigate in a wheelchair, which was a nice change. The door stood open, but Asahi still rapped his knuckles against the wood, making Chikara look up from a stack of paperwork on his desk.

"Asahi-san. Noya!" Chikara smiled as he stood, placing his glasses down on his desk. He came over to clasp each of them firmly on the shoulder, grinning widely. "I'm glad you both made it back home safely. Well." He frowned down at Noya. "Relatively."

"Hey!" Noya protested. "It's not like I meant to get injured."

"It's not as if you ever actively avoided injury, either," Chikara retorted, gesturing for them both to come in. He closed his office door after flipping a placard that said "Do Not Disturb." "I've been reviewing the files your doctor in Canada sent over, including your x-rays. Let me see your arm."

It was actually kind of weird seeing Chikara as a doctor. Not that it was all that surprising--Chikara had always been so smart--but he looked all grown up and professional. Noya couldn't help but think he must look like the runty teenager, out looking to stir up trouble. It wasn't really fair, how good Chikara made being a grown-up look.

Chikara set one hand on Noya's shoulder and grasped the wrist of his cast in the other. Slowly, he rotated Noya's arm, feeling for something in his shoulder. He was frowning, but hopefully that was just his "professional" face and not actually a bad sign. After setting Noya's arm down in his lap, Chikara traced Noya's collarbone until he found the metal plate, fingers rocking over it gently. "Does that hurt?"

"No."

"Uh." Asahi looked distinctly uncomfortable, sitting in one of the chairs in front of Chikara's desk. "He, um, doesn't exactly like admitting when he's in pain."

"That's because I'm not--"

"Don't worry, Asahi-san. I didn't spend three years on the same team as this guy to not know when he's lying." Chikara smirked as he leaned back against his desk, arms crossed loosely in front of him. "I know you're used to working through pain, Noya, and it was fine when you were a teenager. Your body is different now and if you try to work through it, you'll never heal completely."

"It really doesn't hurt," Noya insisted. "I know you're a doctor now and everything, but it's my body and I--"

"You're flexing under your cast, aren't you?"

Noya cringed. He knew he wasn't supposed to. The doctor at the hospital had said the same thing a thousand times. But no one could see him beneath the cast and he could feel himself losing _so much_ muscle mass every day that he couldn’t workout. How much harm could it really do, just flexing his muscles every so often? Just the tiniest bit of isometrics? He tried not to look guilty as he cast a glance sidelong at Asahi, but still caught Asahi's disappointed look. Noya hunched his shoulders; nothing was worse than disappointing Asahi.

Chikara clicked his tongue. "If you wanted a doctor you could lie to, you should have picked anyone but me. I'm going to give you a strict set of rules and if you follow them to the absolute letter--are you listening, Nishinoya?--if you follow every single one of these rules, then it might be possible--MIGHT!--to get that cast off your arm in two weeks."

"Really!" Noya almost jumped out of his chair. Asahi actually leapt up to brace his hands against the arms of the chair to keep it from tipping, forcing Noya to lean around him to see Chikara. "Two weeks and I can get out of this chair?"

"That is not what I said at all." Chikara rubbed his forehead. "Until your collarbone heals completely, you can't use crutches and your leg is going to take a little longer to heal. But without the arm cast, you could at least control your chair, rather than have someone push you all the time. And once we take the arm cast off, we can begin some of your physical therapy to help put that muscle back on."

"Just tell me what to do!" Noya insisted, pushing Asahi out of the way. "I'll do anything except--"

"Pain meds," Asahi finished for him, scowling slightly. "He refuses to take them whenever he can get away with it."

"I'm fine without them," Noya argued.

"You could hurt yourself in your sleep."

"Maybe you should sleep with me to make sure I don't."

Asahi sputtered and turned red. Chikara calmly reached behind himself and grabbed a file folder off his desk, flipping a page to read something.

"This dosage actually is fairly high for Noya," he admitted, making a mark. "Here's what I can do: if you'll take the meds at the appropriate times each day, I'll break this into two separate doses. One for the day so you're not loopy, and one at night so you're not thrashing around like you used to at the away-camps. But you have to take them, Noya."

"Oh, yeah! Sure thing!"

Noya realized he'd spoken too eagerly when Chikara exchanged a doubtful look with Asahi.

"I'll, uh, help," Asahi offered. Chikara nodded and wrote the prescription.

They went over a few more things after that, things like safe stretches Noya could perform, how many hours he should sleep in order to heal, what movements to avoid, that kind of stuff. All Noya could really think about was getting his cast off in two weeks. Well, that and lunch with Asahi right after they finished here.

Chikara handed Asahi a temporary handicap placard for parking and told Noya he'd be billing his insurance for the consultation, grinning wide as he said it. Noya laughed; he'd gotten that policy for a reason, after all. Might as well use it to its full extent now that he needed it. Their first stop after the meeting was to get Noya's new prescriptions filled--he was looking forward to drowning the old pills in the sink. There second stop...actually, that was a problem.

"It's still too early for most places to be open," Asahi admitted after driving around for a while. At least he looked more confident behind the wheel than he had that morning.

"Yeah, I didn't think about that," Noya admitted. "Wanna just do manju buns at the convenience store?"

Asahi actually smiled at the suggestion. "Yeah. That sounds nice."

"Great! I'm totally getting an ice pop!"

Asahi laughed. "Just like old times."

It really wasn't anything like old times. Not while Noya had to be wheeled into the shop in his chair. And especially as they didn't recognize the cashier, but then again, Coach Ukai probably had more important things to do these days than keep shop. Asahi moved a chair away from one of the shop's tables and wheeled Noya into the empty space. Asahi purchased a few buns and soft drinks for the both of them, then brought them back to the table.

"It's not really the lunch I promised you," Asahi said, divvying up the buns. "Sorry about that."

"Doesn't matter. I'm starving." The weird thing was: he wasn't. Noya used to be a big eater, even after he started watching his diet more carefully, he still liked to eat a lot--even if that meant carrot sticks and celery. The food in Canada had been way heavier than he was used to, though, and without being able to exercise at all, he'd had to drop his diet down to almost nothing. Now that he was back in Japan and on the cusp of being able to workout again (kind of, maybe, in a limited fashion) he wanted to eat, but his stomach just wasn't ready for it. He only got through one and a half curry manju buns before he felt full. He wasn't even sure he could eat a popsicle afterwards.

Asahi, on the other hand, put away four buns and was eyeing the half-eaten one leftover in front of Noya. He pushed it across the table, giving up on finishing it. Something looked a little different about Asahi, but Noya couldn't say what it was. Back in Canada, Asahi had grown out his facial hair, just a little, in order to cut down the windburn when walking to and from the hospital. It was back to its usual neat trim now and perhaps that's all Noya was noticing, but Asahi looked...almost younger, somehow. Or maybe it was just that he was happy to be home? Well, not home-home, that was his apartment in Tokyo now, of course. But at least Japan-home, and no longer living in a crappy motel in Canada.

Asahi finished off the last manju and sat back in his seat, hands toying with his soda bottle. His eyes flicked up and away only once before Noya realized this wasn't just a lunch.

"What is it, Asahi?"

Asahi grimaced, eyes still averted. "I talked to my boss this morning. My company knows I'm back in Japan."

"Okay."

"I... My debut line is scheduled for its first show next month."

"Okay."

"And, um..." Asahi drew a breath. Blew it out. Stared down at the table until he was able to look up and meet Noya's eyes. "I can't be here all the time."

Noya felt a stab of pain...somewhere. He froze, not wanting to give it away. If he did, Asahi would remember to make him take one of those pills.

"I'm going to try and work something out," Asahi continued, messing with his hair. "But there's...there isn't much I can do until you start physical therapy. It would be really good for me to go back to Tokyo for a while and make the finishing touches to my line before showtime."

"A while?" The words repeated dully in tandem with Noya's heartbeat. "What's a while?"

Asahi shrugged, somehow managing to look meek. "I've been gone a long time. Depending on this show's success, I...might not have much of a job to go back to. I've got to put some kind of effort in to show that time wasn't a loss to the company."

A part of Noya understood.

The rest of him just wanted to rage.

"What am I supposed to do while you're gone?" Noya asked, still fighting to keep the pain off his face.

"Heal," Asahi said sincerely. "Look, I'm hoping to cram in a bunch of work now so I can negotiate more work-from-home days by the time your cast comes off. I want to help with your rehab, I really do. But before I can do that, you have to get better. And that means--" With as much ruthlessness as a ref calling a ball that barely touched the line "in," Asahi set a bottle of pills on the table. "Taking your medicine as prescribed."

Fuck my whole life, Noya thought, staring down the bottle. Who fucking taught him to fight like this?

When Noya remained silent, Asahi portioned out two pills and handed them across the table. Noya accepted them, but squinted at the bottle before taking them.

"It's the day prescription," Asahi confirmed. "They shouldn't make you that tired."

Noya rattled the pills in his palm, considering. "When are you leaving?"

"Tomorrow." That kicked-puppy look was back on Asahi's face.

Noya dropped his gaze to the table, thinking. "Then...can you just stay with me? Until you have to go?"

Asahi's smile was small and just a touch sad. "Of course, Yuu. I'll stay as long as I can."

Noya nodded and swallowed down the bitter pills.

A little Asahi now would be worth a lot of Asahi later, during his rehab.

Asahi drove Noya home--or, at least, back to the Tanaka household. Kiyoko had made a house key for Noya, which he turned over to Asahi as Noya couldn’t easily manage doors just yet. The baby was down for a nap, so Kiyoko suggested tea and quiet conversation in the kitchen. It wasn't what Noya expected--he'd wanted some time alone with Asahi--but he would take what he could get. Kiyoko and Ryu were being the best of friends in letting him crash with them for a while and it was nice catching up with Kiyoko. She and Asahi had a lot to talk about as former classmates, but the conversation veered predictably towards children--not just the one that was sleeping, but also the one Kiyoko was currently carrying.

"Another two months," Kiyoko said in response to the question of a due date. "I know it looks further along; this one is riding so much lower than Reika did."

"You look beautiful as always," Asahi told her with his sweet smile. Noya agreed, of course, but felt Kiyoko wouldn't take it the same from him as she did from her former classmate. Asahi fidgeted nervously for a moment, then shyly: "Do you mind if I..."

"Oh, sure. Go ahead." Kiyoko scooted back from the table and took Asahi's hand. She held it to her expansive belly, looking just as cool and collected as she used to when she worked as the volleyball team's manager. "She's quiet right now, but after Reika wakes up, she'll start kicking again."

"She?" Noya asked. Kiyoko might be beautiful to the point of radiant, but his eyes were on Asahi, smiling sweetly as he held his hand to Kiyoko's side. Had he ever done anything that made Asahi look like that before?

"Well, we don't know for certain," Kiyoko admitted, but her tiny smile was wicked. "But it terrifies Ryu to think of having another girl, so I can't help but torment him."

Asahi laughed, finally withdrawing his hand. "Do you think you'll have any more after this one?"

"We'll see." Kiyoko shrugged. "Ryu used to joke about having enough to fill a volleyball roster, but now he can hardly keep up with the one we have."

Noya didn’t have much to add to the conversation and his pain meds had him seeing a faint halo around most of the solid objects on the table. He’d actually missed when trying to pick up his tea, so he was being extra careful with his movements. He wasn’t sleepy, exactly, but nor was he entirely himself. As much as he liked catching up with Kiyoko, he thought he’d feel better if he didn’t have to make conversation just then.

Asahi started to say something to Kiyoko, but just then the front door crashed open. Before anyone could react, Ryu was shouting "I'm home!" from the entryway and then came the distant wail of a child that was no longer sleeping.

Kiyoko's face went dark in an instant.

Asahi chuckled and leaned away from her. "We'll just...get out of your way a little bit."

Kiyoko nodded, her countenance still dark. "You can use the living room, if you like. Ryu isn't going to be playing his games on the TV until after dinner tonight. Please excuse me while I go inform him of this."

"Yes, Kiyoko," Asahi said, cowering back from her as she left the table.

Noya couldn't hear what Kiyoko said in the entryway, but he heard Ryu's feeble protests of "I didn't know!" and "I'm sorry!" Asahi took a moment to tidy up the kitchen like a good guest, then grabbed the handles of Noya's wheelchair.

"Kiyoko seems really happy," Noya said, hoping he wasn't speaking too loud. He was still in control of himself, just slightly faded at the edges.

"She does," Asahi agreed.

"You look really good, Asahi." Noya tipped his head back to see Asahi, but the motion made him dizzy.

"Thanks.” Asahi chuckled. “Sit still or you'll fall." When the wheelchair stopped, Noya felt as if he were still moving. Asahi crouched down in front of him. "Do you want to watch some TV for a bit? While you get used to the new medication?"

Not really but... "With you?"

"Yes, with me." Asahi smiled. "Do you want to stay in your chair or move to the couch?"

"Couch."

"Okay." Asahi barely had his arms around Noya before Noya had his locked behind Asahi's shoulders. He pressed his face against the side of Asahi's neck, breathing in the scents of his shampoo and aftershave. He scrubbed his nose along Asahi's jaw, traced the line of Asahi's throat up behind his ear with his lips. Asahi staggered, nearly missing his step. "Ah, stop, that's--that's ticklish."

"But I wanna." Noya caught the edge of Asahi's ear between his teeth.

Asahi shivered. Noya could actually feel the gooseflesh along his skin. "I know, Noya but...it's just the meds."

"It's not the meds," Noya insisted. It might partly be the meds. But Noya knew he wanted this even without the meds.

"I--I know. But...we can't." Asahi set Noya down on the couch and very carefully went about extricating himself from Noya's grasp. It was disappointing how easily he did it, too. Noya used to be strong enough to hold Asahi down; it seemed he'd lost more muscle mass that he'd thought.

"Why not?" Noya asked as Asahi found the TV remote control.

"Because we're guests," Asahi reasoned. "And there's a baby in the house."

"Oh." Right. He knew that. Still, though. If Asahi was leaving the next day, he wanted to spend as much time as possible with him. As close to him as possible. "Asahi?"

"Hm?"

"Sit next to me?"

"Of course." Asahi moved Noya’s chair out of the way, then sank down beside Noya on the couch, dropping an arm over Noya’s shoulders. “What do you feel like watching?”

"Anything." Noya curled into Asahi's side as much as possible, tucking his face into Asahi's chest. Why did his body feel so different lately? Was this just the drugs? No, Asahi felt good and firm even when Noya was sober. Maybe it was just because they hadn't really been this close in a long while.

As Asahi flipped through the channels, searching for something to watch, Noya drew his leg up onto the couch, folding it so it half fell over Asahi's lap. He turned into Asahi as much as possible, sneaking his hand over Asahi's chest. The arm over his shoulders slid down his back, curling around his side. Noya smiled to himself, letting his eyes fall closed.

Asahi must have found something on TV, but Noya wasn't paying any attention to it. He wished the Tanakas weren't home so he could try convincing Asahi to relocate to the guest bedroom. It had been ages since he'd been able to get off without the hospital machines telling the nursing staff that his heartrate was climbing, making for some awkward situations. And it felt like it had been a hundred years since he'd gotten off with anyone else. In fact, it had been since his last time with Asahi.

"Neh, Asahi." Noya's hand crept beneath the hem of Asahi's shirt. He felt those muscles contract with Asahi's sharply indrawn breath. "I'm tired. Maybe you should help me take a nap."

"Yuu, I--" Asahi froze. Noya looked up, confused. Why did Asahi suddenly look worried? "What time is it?"

"Um, I don't know. It's..." Noya groped around for his phone. He was sitting on it, which didn't make it easy to get to in this position.

Asahi gasped as he found his own phone. "I have to go pick up Suga from school."

"No, he graduated, remember? You guys were in the same class." And _that_ was the medication talking.

"His work. The school. He works at the school." Asahi struggled to get up from the couch, fixing his shirt and his hair. "I have to go. Do you want me to move you to your chair?"

Noya considered it, then decided he didn't want to do back in the stupid chair. "Will you come back?"

"Yes." Asahi spoke it like a vow. "I'll have Suga drop me off. I'm sorry. I'll tell Kiyoko I'm leaving for now."

"Okay." Noya probably could have told her--or, more likely, Ryu--from his phone, but Asahi seemed on the near side of frantic, so Noya didn't point that out. After Asahi left, Noya dug the TV remote out from between two cushions and flicked lazily through the channels. He never liked TV much--not unless it was background noise to a workout--so he couldn't settle on any single program to watch.

"Hey!" Ryu popped into the room, holding his daughter against his side.

"Hey." Noya grinned. "Was Kiyoko mad you woke the baby?"

"Yeah." Ryu beamed. "She's so pretty when she's angry."

Noya laughed. The baby clutched Ryu's shirt and leaned away from the noise. It didn't really help much as Ryu flopped down onto the couch beside Noya.

"What are you watching?"

"Nothing."

"Good. Let me show you this game I got." Ryu set the baby down on the floor and got back up, turning on a video game system and retrieving a controller. Noya couldn't help but watch the baby use the couch to stand up. She toddled unsteadily after her father, but got distracted by Noya's chair in the middle of the room. She clutched the seat with her hands, then leaned forward as if to bite it. When the chair rolled, she took several unsteady steps to follow it, eyes wide in surprise.

"Uh, Ryu?" Noya pointed to the baby. "Should you be letting it do that?"

"Yeah, she's fine." Ryu barely glanced at her. "The house is baby-proofed and she's just, like, discovering the world and stuff. They call that self-directed learning now, you believe that?"

Noya shrugged. What did he know about babies? "What game is it?"

"It's awesome! Look, it can be a competitive racing game, but there's also levels where you can ride around as a tank or a fighter jet and shoot things. I'm working on one of the secret levels right now. Wanna watch?"

"Sure." Because laughing with Ryu over a video game sounded better than idly flipping through channels. And the game actually did look fun once Ryu explained the targets and the point systems. Noya had never really been one for video games unless he was playing with friends. Back in high school, whenever Ryu hosted study groups, they used to take breaks by playing fighting games or racing games in between study sessions. That was how Noya liked video games: short bursts in between socializing with friends.

"Aw, man!" Ryu's vehicle blew up and he slouched in his seat on the couch. He brightened as he offered the controller to Noya. "You wanna try? I can change the level to beginner for you."

"I'd like to, but--" Noya held up his cast and wiggled his fingers. Ryu grimaced.

"Sorry, man. That blows."

"It's not so bad. Chikara says I can get this off in two weeks."

"Can I sign it?"

"Yeah, go for it!"

Ryu found a box of crayons that all looked as if they had been chewed on and wrote his name on Noya's cast. He was just adding a sketch of his own face and a rude hand gesture when Kiyoko peeked her head inside the living room.

"Where's Reika?"

Ryu didn't even pick his head up. "Right here, by my feet."

From the angle Kiyoko stood, she couldn't see, but Noya could: there was no baby down by Ryu's feet. Kiyoko held her silence a beat, then turned and walked away. The minute she was out of sight, Ryu dropped the crayon and went searching for the baby. He breathed a sigh of relief when he found her between the arm of the couch and the wall, dragging her out by an ankle. The baby squealed happily as he turned her right-side up and cradled her in his arms.

"Don't tell Kiyoko I lost her," Ryu begged, sitting back down on the couch.

Noya laughed. "You've gotten way better at lying, Ryu!"

"I had to. Kiyoko's too smart. Smart women are...well, they're amazing, don't get me wrong. But they're right about everything and it’s scary sometimes." Ryu tucked the baby in between himself and Noya, giving her a crayon to chew on while he started up a new round on his game. Noya found his attention split between the baby and the game. The baby seemed equally curious about him--or at least, his cast. She slapped it with her palm a few times, then took note of her father's half-finished doodle. It almost seemed as if Noya could see her thought process as she looked from the crayon in her hand to the doodle, then to the crayon again. Experimentally, she placed the crayon on the cast, then trilled in delight as she began to scribble. Not really knowing what else to do, Noya just let her go for it.

About a half hour later, Asahi returned, followed by Kiyoko. They were laughing about something together, but then Asahi stopped short in the doorway, causing Kiyoko to bump into him. The baby was still happily scrawling on Noya's cast, now two-handed and with multiple colors, a wide smile on her face as she worked. Asahi's face was completely unreadable, making Noya feel nervous. The baby couldn't actually cause any damage to his arm through the cast, could she? Or was it something about the child itself? Ryu hadn't seemed to mind the baby chewing on crayons, so Noya certainly hadn't stopped her.

Kiyoko leaned around Asahi to see into the room, then huffed. "Ryu!"

"What?" Ryu was smashing buttons on his controller. "She's been right here this whole time."

"Nishinoya is injured. You can't just let Reika climb all over him." Kiyoko strode across the room and swept the baby off the couch. It squalled, flailed, then began to cry. She shot a glare over at Ryu, who quickly ended his game and jumped off the couch, telling Kiyoko the baby had been fine until a moment ago.

"Sorry it took so long," Asahi said sheepishly. "I went back to the apartment to get my bag." He placed a hand over the messenger bag at his side.

Noya felt his heart trip and fall within his chest. That couldn't be an overnight bag...could it? Fuck, he’d follow whatever rules he had to in order to make Asahi spend the night with him. "You weren't too late getting Suga, were you?"

"Only a little." Asahi smiled as he sat down next to Noya. "He was going to lecture me either way, so it doesn't really matter." Asahi picked up Noya's cast gently, turning it to see the child's scribbles. Ryu's crayon signature was barely discernable anymore. "You turned your arm for her to scribble on both sides."

"She was kind of pushy about it," Noya admitted. "It's not a big deal, right? People draw on casts all the time."

"Yes, but..." Asahi shook his head and smiled. For no reason that Noya could understand, he leaned forward and pressed his forehead against Noya's. "You always impress me, Yuu."

Well, something had Asahi in a good mood. Noya was about to ask if Asahi was planning on spending the night when Asahi stood up abruptly. "I'm going to ask what Kiyoko has planned for dinner and to see if I can help at all."

"Then let me--" Go with you. But even as he thought it, Noya realized his chair would just be in the way. "Can't you just stay with me? You're leaving to go back to Tokyo tomorrow."

Asahi looked conflicted. "Let me try and be a good guest. I'm really grateful that Kiyoko is letting you stay here while you heal."

"Fine." It made sense, especially since there wasn't much Noya could do to be a good guest, but he still sulked about it. Without anything better to do, he grabbed up Ryu's controller and went to the system's main menu, scrolling through the list of games there. There wasn't much he could play one-handed, but maybe he'd find something he'd want to play once the cast came off.

"Dude, I didn't even realize she was coloring on you." Ryu returned, with the baby as well as a jar of food, a tiny spoon and a cloth draped over his shoulder. He sat down on the floor, arranged the baby on his lap, then popped open the baby food. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I guess it didn't really bother me," Noya replied. "I don't really know anything about babies."

"Dude." Ryu looked back, his face deadly serious. "Me neither."

For some reason, that was perfectly hilarious. Noya laughed until his stomach hurt. Ryu rolled onto his back, holding the baby against his chest as he laughed. It went on so long that Asahi and Kiyoko came in to check on them. Ryu had to swipe tears from his eyes.

Kiyoko glared at her husband for a moment, then seemed to think everything was okay and disappeared back to the kitchen. Asahi asked her to call out when she needed help, then sat down beside Noya on the couch.

"Curry for dinner," Asahi told him. "I told Kiyoko you don't like onions in yours."

"You didn't have to do that." He didn't want to put Kiyoko out at all, though he was grateful to Asahi for remembering. He leaned into Asahi, glad to have him back again. "Hey, what'd you have to pick up from Daichi and Suga's place?" And please say it was clothes so he could stay the night.

"Just my sketchpad." Asahi set his messenger bag on the floor and drew out an artbook, one Noya didn't remember seeing before. Actually, the writing on the cover was in English, so maybe this was something Asahi had picked up while he was in Canada. "I thought I'd work on a few of my new designs after dinner, so I have something to show my boss when I go back."

"I thought all the designs for your show were basically finished?"

"They are," Asahi agreed. He placed his hand over the cover of the sketchpad, looking a little nervous as he always did before he shared his ideas. "These are all new designs."

"Oh! From Canada? Like the last line was based on clothes you saw in Paris?"

"Wow, so Canada's just as awesome as Paris?" Ryu asked, currently in the process of putting more food on his child's face than in its mouth.

Asahi hesitated at that. "They both have their strengths," he finally said fairly.

"I only ever saw people wearing scrubs and doctor's coats," Noya said, trying to pry the book out of Asahi's hands. "When did you have time to observe fashion trends?"

"It's mostly just coats and boots and things." Asahi gave up the sketchpad, though he still looked nervous. "I'm still working on it. I was just going to pick a few designs and refine them a bit to show my boss."

Asahi's designs might have been centered around winter boots and fur-ruffed coats, but those were far from the only designs he'd sketched. There were sweaters and vests, scarves and hats. Winter-wear usually looked bulky, but these designs made the clothing look sleek. Beautiful.

"It's nothing groundbreaking," Asahi admitted, still adorably nervous. "But I've got a few color combinations in mind... I mean, this is probably nothing, but at least I'll have something to show for that time off..."

Noya turned his head and tagged Asahi's cheek with a kiss. "It's gonna be great. I'm sure of it."

Asahi was still blushing and stammering when Kiyoko called out from the kitchen. He took his sketchpad back and tucked it inside his messenger bag, then went to go help. Ryu gave up feeding his child and used the cloth first to clean its face, then to clean the mess that had gotten on himself. Judging by the amount of food scraped up by the cloth, Noya wasn't certain any had actually gotten into the baby at all.

"Hey." Ryu lowered his voice, speaking softly. "Are you two, like, back together?"

"Uh." Noya hesitated. "Yeah. I think so. Why?"

"Just." Ryu shrugged. "I guess I wasn't sure."

I'm not really sure either, Noya thought, though he didn't want to admit it out loud. If Asahi spent the night with him, it would clear up a lot of confusion. They hadn't kissed, not for real, not since...not since the last time they'd hooked up. But Asahi didn't mind touching or being touched. And he was here, which counted for something. Didn't it?

The baby was making a beeline for Asahi's messenger bag, sticky hands extended in front of it. Noya hooked his leg through the strap and pulled it up onto the couch, well out of reach. He didn't mind his cast covered in crayon, but he wasn't about to let Asahi's sketchpad get the same treatment.

Kiyoko and Asahi returned with plates of curry for everyone and Ryu found something kid-friendly to watch on TV. He ate sitting on the floor while Kiyoko sat on an overstuffed chair. Asahi sat next to Noya on the couch, setting a napkin over his knee. Was it Noya's imagination, or did Asahi's hand linger just a bit?

"Nishinoya, you'll have to let me know what types of food you want me to pick up for you," Kiyoko said, resting her plate on her belly as she ate. "When I asked Ryu, all he said was to buy icepops."

Noya and Asahi laughed while Ryu shrugged. "I wasn't wrong."

Kiyoko gave him a look that asked--quite lovingly--if he were stupid.

"If it's okay, I'll just eat whatever you guys are having," Noya said, not wanting to put them to any more trouble than he already was. "And I'll pay for my own food, just let me know how much you want."

"No, that's not--"

Ryu cut his wife off by quoting a number that sounded like the cost of a video game. Kiyoko scowled at him before turning back to Noya.

"Under no circumstances are you to give my husband any money."

"Aw, Kiyoko--"

"No, I told you not to buy that last game, and you bought it anyway. It's as if you don't realize we have a second child on the way."

"That's why I bought it. So I wouldn't be distracted by it after the new baby comes."

As the married couple devolved into a patient, roundabout argument, Asahi nudged Noya's shoulder. "I'll text you whenever I can. I'll let you know when I can come back to visit. Maybe over the weekend, depending on what the show needs."

Noya nodded, playing with his food. He didn't really want to be reminded that Asahi was leaving.

"Let me know if you want me to pick up anything for you in Tokyo."

The only thing Noya wanted from Tokyo was Asahi. "Do you think I'll be able to come see your show?"

Asahi hesitance spoke volumes. "Those venues aren’t really wheelchair friendly. Especially not the backstage areas. But it'll be filmed. I can find out where you can watch it."

That wasn't the same, but Noya couldn't say that. It was gonna suck, missing Asahi for so long.

Dinner wrapped up and Noya almost offered to help clean before remembering--duh, wheelchair. Once again, he was stuck behind in the living room while Asahi went to go help Kiyoko. Once the cast came off his arm, he might be able to help with a few things, but until then, Noya couldn't even move his chair on his own, much less wash dishes. The baby had fallen asleep across Ryu's lap, draped over his knee like a deflated ball. Ryu turned down the volume on the TV and switched the channel to an action movie.

"So you're gonna need help getting around, right?" Ryu asked, bouncing the knee his child lay sprawled over. "Do you need help, like, bathing and stuff?"

Noya made a face. "I can handle all that, I'll just need help getting my chair to the bathroom. And I don't want to be in your guys' way at all."

"Mornings are a little chaotic," Ryu admitted. "But just give me a shout--not when the baby's sleeping, I mean--and I'll help. Will you need to go anywhere? Like, the doctor or anything?"

"Not for another two weeks." Fuck, that sucked to say. "You work during the day, don't you?"

"My hours are a little weird, but yeah, mostly. And Kiyoko's still working, too. She wants to work right up until she has the baby." He smirked. "It's gonna be a boy this time. I made sure."

Noya both wanted to ask and didn't want to ask how Ryu had "made sure" but that was when Kiyoko and Asahi returned. Kiyoko announced that it was "family quiet time" while they put the baby down for bed. She advised that they could stay up and watch TV, but asked that they keep it quiet.

"Actually, I'm pretty tired," Noya admitted, though it was actually still fairly early. Really, he just wanted an excuse to get Asahi back to the bedroom. "Asahi, can you--"

He froze, scowling, as Asahi held out a pair of pills and a glass of water.

"You promised," Asahi said, stern-faced.

"Ugh, fine." Noya snapped up the pills and swallowed them, more than a little resentful. "Are these the night time pills?"

"Yes."

"Ugh." He'd only just noticed the last medication wearing off; the night time pills would knock him out soon. He only had a little bit of time to convince Asahi that he was recovered enough for at least a little fun. "Help me to my chair?"

Asahi had to retrieve the chair, first. The baby had walked it across the room until it bumped up against the wall. He made a face as he found sticky hand prints along the seat and went to go find something to clean it with. Unsurprisingly, the first thing he found was a baby wipe.

"Sorry about that," Asahi said as he cleaned the chair. "You could probably ask Ryu to fold your chair and put it out of the way next time so that doesn't happen."

"Eh." Noya shrugged. "It was kind of interesting to watch. The baby drives better than Ryu does in his video game."

He expected Asahi to at least chuckle. He wasn't expecting the startled look and the furrowed brow. Asahi's chocolate eyes studied him intently, as if searching for something. Noya looked away, unsure of what Asahi was looking for.

It was a short lift from the couch to the chair and Asahi did it so effortlessly that Noya forgot to tease him. Once settled, Asahi took the chair by the handles and steered it down the hall.

"You probably could move from the couch to the chair," Asahi said, careful to keep his voice down. Noya wasn't sure how much that mattered; they could both hear the baby crying in some distant corner of the house. "Just make sure to be careful of your arm."

"I think I could get from the chair to the couch, no problem," Noya replied. "But pushing off the cushions to get up, that's the harder part."

"Hm." Asahi hummed as he awkwardly reached past Noya to push open the door to his temporary room. "Well, whatever you need, Tanaka can help you." Asahi laughed as he lifted Noya from the chair to the edge of the bed. "He's one of the few of us who actually looks better than he did in high school."

"You too, Asahi." Noya kept hold of Asahi's arm when he started to pull away.

"Ah." Asahi blushed. "You still look the best of everyone. I mean, when you're not, um..."

"Broken, yeah." Noya could feel Asahi's arms beneath his sweater, the heavy cords of muscle just beneath the surface. He'd do just about anything to see Asahi take his shirts off, see if he was only imagining the change, or if Asahi really had started working out again. Although, just then he wasn't sure if it was better if Asahi had started working out just to help him get around, or if that actually made it worse. Rather than dwell on it, he tipped his head up, locking eyes with Asahi. "I'm actually fine, though. Really, Asahi."

For a moment, it seemed like Asahi was going to lean in. Like he was about to kiss him, like they were going to share that spark again. But then Asahi was pulling away, gently shaking Noya's hands off his arms. "We can't. I'll hurt you."

"You couldn't if you wanted to," Noya tried to tease.

"And you wouldn't tell me if I did," Asahi countered.

Noya felt something hot like shame well up in his stomach. He turned his head, looking away. Something was broken between them. There was some kind of disconnect. And Noya didn't know how to fix it. Because if he asked it directly--if he asked if Asahi still loved him, if they were still together or not--it was the same thing as bullying Asahi into saying yes, wasn't it? It didn't seem fair, not when so much of what he needed was physical strength and support; it wasn’t as if Asahi would deny him any of that. But if Asahi really was only here to help and not for any other reason… Well, knowing that would just ruin everything, wouldn’t it? Just make their forced interactions awkward, just drive that barb in his heart a little deeper. As long as he didn’t ask—as long as he didn’t know—it couldn’t hurt him.

Right?

"Here." Asahi tossed a t-shirt from Noya's luggage onto the bed. "I'll help you change."

Noya shrugged out of the sweater he was wearing, the first wave of medication hitting him just then so that when he lifted his arms over his head, he nearly pitched forward off the bed. Asahi caught him, though. Because Asahi was always there to catch him. After steadying Noya, Asahi diligently and carefully worked the sweater over the cast and pulled it away. Noya tossed his t-shirt off without trouble and changed into the fresh one. Changing pants was a little more difficult. As Asahi helped lift him so Noya could slide them down, Noya couldn't help but think how uncomfortable this would be with Ryu helping him. They would both probably find a way to laugh it off, but it would still be awkward. Noya shimmied into a pair of loose-fitting gym shorts to sleep in, with Asahi glancing shyly away.

As if he hadn't already seen everything there was to see.

Asahi backed away from the bed and grabbed the strap of his messenger bag, set down just inside the door.

"Asahi!" The urgency in Noya's voice must have startled Asahi because he just about jumped. "You're not just leaving, are you?"

"Ah, no, I wasn't...planning on it." Asahi smiled shyly. "I was going to work on my designs for a little while. If that's alright."

Noya swung his legs up onto the bed and inched over towards the wall. "Yeah, that's fine. Come sit with me."

"Ah..." Genuine regret fill Asahi's face as he eyed the empty space next to Noya. "I shouldn't. But I'll sit close. Here." He folded up the feet of the wheelchair and moved it right beside the bed. He sat down, folding one leg over the other to prop up his sketchpad. "I'll stay until you fall asleep."

"Why not just stay the night?" Noya demanded to know, already sliding over to get as close to Asahi as possible. "I took the meds, so I won't roll around in my sleep. It's fine if we're both sleeping."

"All it would take is one accidental kick in the middle of the night to set back all the progress your bones have made." Asahi shook his head, jaw firm. "I'm not going to risk it."

It wasn't fair. Noya had been looking forward to getting back to Japan almost with the sole intention of sleeping with Asahi again. And now, it was looking that wasn't going to be a possibility at least until the arm cast came off. He wouldn’t even see Asahi again for at least a week!

"Can I..." Kiss you? No, that sounded way too needy. "Can I at least have your sweater?"

Asahi smiled. "Of course."

Asahi stood up again as Noya fished the sweater he'd slept with last night out of his bed, slinging it over the back of the wheelchair. As Asahi pulled the sweater over his head, it pulled up the shirt beneath it, revealing taut abs Noya didn't remember seeing back when they were dating. Noya just about salivated. All he wanted was to drag Asahi into the bed with him, but when he tried, he only lost his balance. Stupid fucking drugs!

"Here." Asahi helped Noya lay back down, the sweater held close to his heart. Noya yawned reluctantly and Asahi sat down again with his sketchpad. He was using a marker to fill out the sketchy designs in his book, his manner calm, quiet and focused. As the drugs dragged him closer to sleep, Noya reached out and gripped the sleeve of Asahi’s shirt, holding tight until he couldn’t stay awake any longer.

When he woke up in the morning, it took him a few minutes to remember where he was.

And that Asahi was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’m not sure how many more chapters we have, but I think we’re approaching the “winding down” portion of this fic. If you’d like to know when the next chapter is posted, follow me on Twitter @ShiroKabocha1


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this very first scene, I’m considering relocating to the end of chapter 10, since that was all Noya POV and most of this chapter is Asahi POV, but I really liked the Kiyoko & Noya interaction in this scene and couldn’t bear to cut it. This scene might move later when I complete this fic and put it through another round of editing.

Of all Noya's aches and pains, the hole Asahi's absence left in his heart was the worst. If the medicine Chikara had prescribed would have fixed it, he might have seriously considered taking it. As it was, he doubted anyone would really notice if he took it or not--not with the general chaos of the Tanaka household. He could hear the baby howling above the clatter of breakfast being made. There was a minute where Noya just considered staying in bed and maybe texting Asahi all day, but his bladder soon made it clear that wasn't really an option. He managed to slide into his wheelchair right about the time Ryu knocked on his door, asking if he needed any help. Ryu already looked harried from taking his daughter to the bathroom, but he still managed to look cheerful as he wheeled Noya to the bathroom. A whirlwind of tears, tantrums and parental pleading later found Noya's chair pushed up to the edge of the breakfast table before Kiyoko set the baby in a high chair and Ryu set to the task of trying to feed her.

"Look, it's bananas!" Ryu told her. "You like bananas."

The baby rather devoutly insisted that it did not, in fact, like bananas.

"Here." Kiyoko set an omelet down in front of Noya. "I'm going shopping today, so if you need anything, please send it in a text."

"Thanks! I'll do that after breakfast." Noya forced a smile. It wasn't anyone's fault that he felt like shit this morning, least of all Kiyoko's.

"There, look, she ate a spoonful! Oh no..." Ryu moaned as the baby spit up everything he'd just put in her. He grabbed a cloth and cleaned her face before offering another spoon full of banana puree. However cute the baby had looked the night before when it was coloring on his cast, it lost those points now as it smeared a handful of spit-up baby food on Ryu's shirt.

Kiyoko set down a pair of pill bottles in front of Noya's plate. "Don't forget to take these."

"Ah, thanks." Noya's gaze skittered off the pills, landing on his phone. Was it too early to text Asahi? He was probably on a train right now, heading back to Tokyo. Perhaps he'd welcome the distraction from a long, boring trip.

"Nishinoya." Noya looked up at the sharp tone, surprised to see Kiyoko's arms crossed above her heavy belly. "Before he left, Asahi asked me to make sure you took your medicine, as he seems to be under the impression that you won't. But I hope you'll take into consideration the fact that I already have two children to keep an eye on as well as a third on the way. I don't have the time or the mental capacity to take care of another child. You're an adult, so I'm certain that you can take responsibility for your own pain medication."

Noya blinked in shock, incapable of speech. Did...did Kiyoko just tell him off? And why was that just a teeny bit arousing?

"Wait, how many kids do we have?" Ryu asked, sounding concerned.

Kiyoko smiled fondly at him. "Don't worry about it, darling." Her expression was slightly more severe when she glared down at Noya. "Well?"

"Yes, Kiyoko-san," Noya replied meekly. What else could he say? Kiyoko had always been strong, but becoming a mother had only increased the power she wielded. He only hoped she wouldn't use that power for evil too often.

"Good." Her expression softened. "I'll leave it to you, then. One word of advice though: If you leave those bottles where my daughter can get her hands on them, I will roll you into traffic."

Noya winced, making a noise that sounded like "Eep!" When Kiyoko turned away to finish making breakfast, he obediently swallowed a pill from the non-drowsy bottle, then picked up his phone to begin making a list of groceries for Kiyoko to pick up. He was a guest, after all. Might as well follow the rules.

A shout from Ryu made him look up from his phone. The baby had slammed its hands down on the highchair tray, splashing pureed baby food up over her father. Ryu muttered darkly while he ran a cloth over his head, scraping baby food out of his hair while his daughter squealed gleefully. Noya sighed: two weeks looked a lot longer now that Asahi was actually gone.

~*~^~*~

Compared to the slow, cold months spent in Canada, two weeks went by in no time at all. Or perhaps Asahi had just forgotten how fast things moved in Tokyo. His showcase based on the designs he'd come up with in Paris was almost ready for its debut show. He'd met the models, examined each article of clothing and approved color concepts for the venue, the lighting and even the models' makeup. It felt like he hadn't had a minute to simply breathe since the day he'd gotten back. In fact, he was still living mostly out of his suitcase.

"I have to do laundry," Asahi muttered wearily as he toed out of his shoes in the entryway. He rubbed his forehead and pushed a lock of hair behind his ear. It was well after midnight and he was only just getting home from yet another late night meeting with his boss.

At least this one had gone rather well, he reflected as he shoved clothes into his washing machine. He'd had to endure days of off-handed jibes from coworkers about his "sudden vacation," implying that he already felt himself a hot-shot in the world of fashion to simply take off like that prior to his show's premier. Of course, Asahi didn't feel that way at all and even though he would never tell Noya, he'd stressed the entire time over whether or not that sudden trip might have ended his career in fashion. Even if it had, it would have been worth it. He was grateful to return to a job and a debut show, so he merely ducked his head to his coworkers and tried to laugh at their jokes at his expense. They couldn't make him regret his decision.

And, even better, his boss had just approved of the designs Asahi had sketched while in Canada. He had a few adjustments to make, which was only to be expected, really, but depending on his first show's success, it was possible he already had his second line ready to go. Meaning his time in Canada hadn't been a complete waste of his professional time.

Asahi made himself a cup of tea, then flipped open his sketchpad at the low dining table. He reviewed his boss's notes, intending to keep himself up long enough to switch over his laundry before going to bed. When he caught himself nodding off at the table, he double-checked that the alarm was set on his phone: he had to be at the train station early in order to arrive in Miyagi in time for Noya to get his cast off. He was worried about how reckless Noya might be when he could finally control his own wheelchair, but he also couldn't help but smile as he pictured how happy Noya would be when the cast finally came off. Asahi was only going to be able to spend two days in Miyagi before he had to get back to work, but all the travel would be worth it to be there when Noya finally got his arm back. And, hopefully, putting in all these hours at work now meant he could take more time off when Noya actually needed his help for physical therapy.

It'll be good to see Noya again, Asahi thought, clicking into his photo gallery almost without thinking. He smiled softly to himself as he scrolled through old photos of Noya smiling, laughing, eating and even sleeping. They still needed to talk...but that could wait until Asahi had more than two days off. He didn't want to spend his only days with Noya worrying about a serious discussion or, worse, dealing with the fallout from an awkward discussion.

Asahi jumped at a sudden buzzing sound, indicating his laundry was finished. He groaned as he pushed himself up from the table, switched his laundry to the dryer, then walked heavily to his bed. He barely tossed his clothes off before wrapping the comforter around himself like a cocoon. Was it his imagination, or was it somehow colder in his apartment than that motel room in Canada had been?

Despite the heaviness of his eyelids, Asahi clicked over into a hidden browser on his phone, refreshing lists and checking prices. Not much had changed since the night prior, but he found the good ones got snapped up too quickly to wait, so he'd gotten in the habit of checking nightly. After checking his search parameters once more, Asahi fell asleep with his phone in his hand.

He found he regretted that when it woke him up with a phone call rather than the alarm. Asahi grumbled, wincing at the light through the windows, wondering why it was so bright outside before his alarm could go off. He groped through the blankets until he found his phone, frowning when he saw it was Daichi calling. He scrubbed a hand over his face before answering the call. Why would Daichi be calling so late? Even if there was a problem with picking him up at the train station, they could text about it in the morning.

"Asahi?" Daichi asked in response to Asahi's wordless grunt. "Hey, where are you? Did you stop to grab a coffee or something?"

"Huh?" Asahi asked, still one step behind comprehension. In all honesty, he was hoping to drop off to sleep again as soon as this conversation was over and therefore didn't want to wake all the way up.

There was a beat of confused silence from the other end of the phone, then: "Did you get on the first train of the morning? Or did you catch the second? You have to tell me, Asahi, because I'm using my break to pick you up."

"Yeah, I'll catch the first..." Dread mounted in the pit of Asahi's stomach before the clues clicked into place. He pulled the phone away from his ear to check the time. The light through the windows suddenly made more sense: he'd turned off his alarm in his sleep and missed his train!

"Asahi? Asahi!"

"Daichi, I'm sorry!" Asahi kicked off his blankets and swung his feet to the floor, the shock of cold helping to wake him up. "I overslept. I haven't left yet."

"You haven't--You mean you haven't left _Tokyo_ yet?"

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I'm sorry." Asahi stood up and promptly stumbled on his open suitcase on the floor, cursing mildly to himself as he fetched up against a wall. "I'll run to the station right now, I won't stop for coffee, or--"

The taut knots inside his stomach tightened even more, making him feel sick. Checking the time again, he realized he'd never make it in time for Noya's appointment to get the cast off. Not even if he rented a helicopter and flew there. He groaned and covered his eyes.

"Daichi, I'm so sorry!" He felt awful. He knew Daichi was using a break in his schedule to pick him up from the train station and now he'd wasted it. He wouldn't blame Daichi if he never wanted to do another favor for him ever again.

"Look, Asahi, don't worry about it," Daichi said, firm and unflappable. "Send me a text when you know you're going to arrive and I'll see if either Suga or I can come get you. But make sure you call Noya, okay? Don't wimp out just because you think it'll make him mad."

Asahi had to cover his mouth: he really did feel like throwing up. He swallowed hard before answering: "I will. And sorry."

"Don't mind." Daichi clicked off the call, most likely to hurry back to work.

Asahi stared down at the tiny object of betrayal in his hand. How could he have slept through his alarm? It shouldn't even be possible to turn off an alarm while still asleep. He could have been in Miyagi by now, but no--he was wasting one of his two days off just _sleeping_.

Shunting aside the thought that perhaps that meant he wasn't getting enough sleep, Asahi tried to come up with a plan. He needed to get to the train station right away, but he also had to call Noya. Calling Noya would slow down his departure... Was it too cowardly to text? It probably was, but at this point Asahi wanted to prioritize getting to the train station. Noya could yell at him all he wanted later. He felt a pang of guilt as he opened his text messages, but pushed through it in order to type out a quick message.

**Asahi** : I'm so sorry, Yuu. I slept through my alarm and missed the train. Just leaving now, I'll be there as soon as possible.

He sent it, then set his phone aside to dress. He panicked for a moment when he couldn't find his clothes, then remembered he'd run laundry last night. He grabbed an armload of clothes from the dryer, dropped them in a heap on his bed, then began pulling out various pieces to wear while setting others into a pile to take with him to Miyagi. Normally, he'd fold everything and put it away, but there was no time for that now.

His phone chirped and a pang of guilt straight to the heart nearly killed him. Asahi picked up the phone cautiously, swallowing once before reading Noya's reply.

**Noya** : Are you going to miss my dr appt?

Asahi cringed. He started a message three different times, erasing it over and over as everything just sounded like an excuse.

**Asahi** : Yeah. I'm really really sorry. It's my fault. I'll explain it all when I see you.

Before Asahi could set his phone down again, Noya had already texted back.

**Noya** : Are you still coming?

Asahi felt as if someone reached inside his chest and squeezed his heart.

**Asahi** : I'm on my way right now.

When the phone didn't immediately show a response, Asahi set it down and hastily shoved a few clothes into a satchel, along with his sketchpad and a charger for his phone--the battery was running a little low. Asahi hoped it would survive the trip to Miyagi so he could call someone to pick him up. He couldn't worry too much about that now, though, he just had to get moving.

He barely remembered to put on deodorant before tossing it into his travel-bag of toiletries. Rather than fix his hair, he ran a comb through it and tied it back in a messy bun. It was just a two-day trip--less than that, now--so he didn't need too much. And he could always borrow or buy anything he forgot. So with one last glance around his apartment for anything he forgot, Asahi shouldered his satchel, slipped into a pair of comfortable, worn-in sneakers, then locked up the apartment behind him. He took the stairs at a light jog while holding firm to his satchel. He was suddenly grateful that he'd stuck to the routine he'd picked up in Canada of running in the mornings, as it made his sprint to the train station that much easier. His hope had been to get there in between trains so he'd have a moment to buy a cup of coffee and maybe some breakfast, but as he swiped his pass, he saw the train had already arrived, doors open and waiting. A final sprint carried him through the just-closing doors. He caught an overhead bar and panted, catching his breath. He might have continued to jog, but sprints weren't something he'd worked into his moderate workout routine.

I didn't even lift last night, Asahi thought, berating himself for the slip-up. He'd just been so tired... Then again, if he had lifted last night, there was a possibility he might have slept right through Daichi's phone call as well as his alarm, so at least there was that.

Once he had his breath again, Asahi searched for an open seat on the train. It wasn't too crowded, but he liked to have enough space to take out his sketchpad and work on his designs. It was a long trip, after all--he couldn't spend all of it on his phone, not with the battery flagging already. He finally found an open stretch of seats in the third car he checked and sat down, setting his bag on the seat next to him. He hadn't checked his phone again since he left the apartment, so he checked it now, heart plummeting as he saw a text from Noya waiting.

**Noya** : I could ask Chikara to wait until tomorrow to take the cast off.

Asahi's heart contracted painfully. Noya had been waiting months to get the cast off; the fact that he was willing to wait even a single day longer was enough to send a pang longing through Asahi's entire being. He hadn't felt this guilty even when his team lost to Date Tech in his second year. He quickly sent a text back, hoping Noya hadn't already tried calling Ennoshita.

**Asahi** : Don't wait for me. I know how much you want that cast off. Just remember what exercises he tells you you can do once it's off.

He waited a few moments for the response.

**Noya** : Miss you.

Asahi choked on his heart. He dropped his face into his hand, trying to suppress the urge to cry. It had only been two weeks. Two weeks after _months_ spent together in a hospital in Canada. He hadn't known it was possible to feel this guilty until just now. He took several deep breaths, pushing back anxiety until he felt like he was able to answer the text.

**Asahi** : Miss you too. I'll be there soon.

"Soon" was relative, because it would still be hours. But at least now he had an ETA. He texted both Daichi and Suga, letting them know what train he was on and when he expected to arrive. With no return text from Noya, he set his phone aside and pulled out his sketchpad. He'd get as much work done as he could so he could spend the rest of his short weekend making up for lost time with Noya.

During one of his transfers, Asahi was able to pick up a coffee and a snack, which was likely the only reason he was alive when he finally stepped off the train in Miyagi. There had been a delay, so he was even later than he had expected to be, and neither Daichi nor Suga was able to pick him up. Luckily, Kiyoko was just ending her shift at work and was awaiting him at the station when he climbed off the platform.

"Sorry to make you do this," Asahi said, offering a small smile to his long-time friend. "I hope you weren't waiting long."

"Oh no, I'm so terribly upset at missing my daughter's afternoon tantrum about having to nap," Kiyoko said drily as she reversed out of her parking space. "Whatever will her father do without my help?"

Asahi laughed nervously. He smoothed back a lock hair that had struggled free from his bun. "Ah, do you know about...Noya's appointment this morning?"

Kiyoko shook her head. "I'm sorry, I've been at work most of the day. Ryu took him, but I don't know more than that."

Asahi shifted uncomfortably in his seat. With no offense to Tanaka, he still felt uncertain leaving Noya's care in his best friend's hands. The two of them together was usually a recipe for disaster, which was completely fine when Noya was healthy, but as broken as he currently was...Asahi worried.

Small talk was exchanged, but Asahi didn't remember most of it. His mind was too focused on Noya. He half-expected to arrive and find Noya attempting a handstand while Tanaka cheered him on. But certainly it wouldn't be that bad...right?

Asahi did have enough presence of mind to offer Kiyoko assistance getting out of the car, as her increased bulk made standing up a little difficult. At first, he thought she might refuse his hand, but then she took it with a tiny smile, counter-balancing his weight to help her up.

"I wish Ryu was as considerate," she admitted softly. "But it's also nice to know that he thinks of me as capable enough to stand on my own."

"I didn't mean to imply you weren't," Asahi amended quickly, dropping her hand once she was on her feet. "I just...I don't think it's bad to get help when you need it."

"I know." Kiyoko patted his arm as she passed him to unlock the front door. "That's why I'm never insulted when you offer."

Kiyoko led Asahi inside. He nervously tried to fix his hair after slipping out of his shoes in the entryway. The house seemed quiet, which made him nervous.

"Reika should be sleeping," Kiyoko whispered. "So try to keep it down."

Asahi nodded, his heartbeat overwhelmingly loud in his ears. He followed Kiyoko through the house, stopping when she barred him at the end of a hallway. Asahi stopped and looked past her into the TV room, where Tanaka was furiously playing a video game with the volume so low, it might as well have been muted--the buttons he smashed made more noise than the game. And Noya...

Asahi's heart melted, one hand jumping to cover his mouth. Noya was asleep on the couch next to Tanaka, looking somehow smaller without the cast on his arm. And there, deep asleep on his chest, was the baby Reika, one thumb stuck deep in her mouth as she sleep-suckled. Noya slept with his head turned to the side, his mouth open and his spiked hair crushed by the pillows on the couch. Another pillow rested on the floor, cradling the heel of his leg cast. His left arm was draped over the baby's legs, as if he'd been holding her when he'd fallen asleep. For Noya to be asleep in the middle of the day...that had to mean he was taking his meds, right? Or maybe it just meant Ennoshita had bullied him into taking one after his cast came off, it was hard to be certain without more information.

Tanaka made a sudden motion, as if he might hurl the controller to the floor, then stopped himself. His eyes widened as he finally noticed Kiyoko and Asahi in the hallway. He started to get up, then stopped as the motion rocked both Noya and the baby.

"Ugh, hey," he said, watching his wife nervously. "Sorry, I lost track of time. I can wake Noya up for you, just let me--"

"No." Kiyoko's voice was low but somehow still threatening. "If you wake up Reika right now, I'll make you sleep outside. Why didn't you put her down in her room?"

"She was being fussy," Tanaka replied with a defensive shrug. "And after she fell asleep, I didn't want to move her."

Kiyoko sighed. "That's probably for the best." She turned to face Asahi. "Sorry about that. Did you want me to take you to Daichi and Suga's apartment to settle in? Or were you planning on staying here tonight?"

"No, I'll stay at Daichi's." It would be _far_ too tempting to mess around with Noya if he stayed here. Even now, it felt physically painful to be this close to Noya and be unable to go and touch him. He was about to suggest that he go drop his bag in the guest room when his stomach made a sudden loud squelching sound, reminding him that he hadn't eaten since that one transfer over an hour ago.

"Do you want some tea?" Kiyoko offered smoothly. "You can join me in the kitchen."

"Yes, please," Asahi agreed, face flaming in embarrassment. He tossed his bag into Noya's room, then went to the kitchen, where Kiyoko was filling a pair of tea cups from an electric water heater. After setting them aside to steep, she collected a few foods from the fridge and set them out as snacks. Asahi tucked in gratefully; he hadn't even realized how hungry he was, thanks to his nerves and his guilt throughout the entire journey.

"Sorry to put you out like this," he said after a sip of cooled tea. "If I'd gotten here on time, I would have taken Noya out to lunch. I overslept my alarm this morning."

"Working late?" Kiyoko asked. Asahi nodded. She stirred her tea for a moment, looking thoughtful. "What's it like? Living in the city."

"Lonely," Asahi admitted, more honest with himself than he usually was. "I mean, it probably shouldn't be, there's people everywhere at all hours of the day, but I live alone so it just feels...kinda empty."

"Hmm." Kiyoko's gaze went distant. "That sounds nice."

Asahi blinked in surprise, not sure what to say. A moment later, Kiyoko blinked and shook her head.

"Sorry. That must sound odd out of context." She rested her hand on her belly. "I adore my family, don't get me wrong. But sometimes I wonder what it's like to live a more peaceful life."

Asahi chuckled awkwardly. "I don't know if I'd call it peaceful. I'm always running to work or to a show, or sometimes a volleyball game, and no matter where I go, I'm always thinking about work. The city is noisy all the time and it's always crowded to the point of claustrophobia. If I described any place as peaceful, I'd say that's here."

"I understand," Kiyoko said with a nod. "And please don't take this as a complaint, because I'm actually very happy. But I think it's healthy to wonder about the paths not traveled. Don't you?"

"I guess so." Asahi thought for a minute. Shortly after moving to Tokyo, he used to envision what it would have been like if he'd confessed his feelings to Noya in high school. He would picture them living together in Tokyo, or he'd fantasize about visiting exotic locales alongside Noya. He still pictured what a life with Noya might look like sometime in the future...but that was what had created the rift between them in the first place: his inability to appreciate what he had when he had it.

Didn't I appreciate it, though? Asahi wondered. I certainly wasn't complaining...but I guess I maybe thought it would have been...different, somehow.

He gave his head a small shake to clear it and smiled. "But sometimes I'm jealous of you, Kiyoko-san. You've already got such a beautiful family and you seem so settled."

Kiyoko's small smile held a hint of satisfaction. She rested her teacup on her belly--an adorably quaint gesture. "And I wouldn't trade it for anything. But sometimes I think I wasn't fully aware of everything I was giving up when I chose to become a mother."

"What do you mean?" Asahi asked inquisitively.

"Well, I understood some of what I was giving up. My body, for one." Asahi started to protest--Kiyoko still looked amazing!--but he stopped as he realized he'd never quite understand what it meant to carry a child. "I expected the stretch-marks and I knew I'd be tired a lot of the time. But it's one thing to know about nipple-chafing from breast feeding and quite another to actually experience it."

Asahi felt his face turn bright red. He looked away and hid his face behind his teacup. It was one thing to adjust a seamline over a model's bust. It was quite another to hear about his high school friend's nipples.

"Sorry. That's probably too much information."

"No, ah, I'm sorry." Asahi rubbed the back of his neck. "You can...tell me more if you need to talk about it. I want kids one day, so it's...it's good to know what it's like."

"I'm sure chafing isn't something you need to worry about," Kiyoko said with a smile. "It's very rewarding, and for what it's worth, I think you'll make a wonderful parent one day. Were you thinking of adopting or surrogacy?"

"Ah..." It felt strange to talk about it with someone who wasn't his partner. It felt strange to talk about it at all, given that he wasn't technically in a relationship at all. "I guess... I'd always pictured it being surrogacy."

Kiyoko nodded in her usual accepting way. "I'm sure you already expect many sleepless nights, so I don't have to tell you about that. I suppose I expected to be worried about the baby but..." She hedged a moment, eyes searching Asahi's deeply. "You know I was never one to panic overmuch?"

Asahi chuckled. "You were always the most steady of all of us, Kiyoko-san. Even when Daichi was panicking, you could stay calm."

Kiyoko nodded. "I don't consider myself an anxious person, so I really didn't expect to worry every time the baby was out of my sight, and yet I did. Still do." Her gaze shifted, as if she could see through the walls to where her baby was sleeping. "Ryu is an excellent father, I couldn't ask for more, really. And yet, whenever I can't see her, I feel this tightness in my chest. There's no logic to it. I know, beyond all reasonable doubt, that she is safe and asleep and very well protected. All the same, the next time I see her, I know I'll feel this release of pressure on my heart, even if she's screaming, even if she's drawing on the walls in crayon, even if she’s throwing food at the ceiling." Kiyoko traced her fingers lightly over her stomach. "I never knew what it was to give so much of myself to another person."

Asahi felt anxiety mounting in his own chest. If Kiyoko--steady, sturdy, unflappable Kiyoko--was nervous every time her child was out of sight, then what did that mean for someone who basically lived his entire life anticipating disaster after disaster? It was entirely one thing to worry about himself, it was another to worry about someone else. And yes, he'd worried every time Noya traveled to a new country, but even then, Noya was an adult who could (usually) take care of himself. What would it be like to worry about a tiny, helpless and completely dependent human being? And worse: what if his fear kept his child from experiencing life the way he or she wanted to? Children injured themselves all the time doing perfectly normal activities, like riding bikes or playing sports--if Asahi's child was even half as reckless as Noya...what would that do to him? And then what would his anxieties do to the child? This was all beginning to spiral too fast.

"And do you know what's worse than the anxiety?" Kiyoko asked, clearly blind to Asahi's inner turmoil. "Mothers will tell you all about the stretch-marks and the chafing and the first post-partum period, but they never talk about phantom crying. _That_ was a delight to discover."

"Phantom...crying?" Asahi was almost too scared to ask.

"Yes. It sounds insane, but I looked it up and apparently it's completely normal to hear your baby crying even when it isn't." Kiyoko looked annoyed, as if the parenting books had all failed her. "I'll hear her crying in another room and when I get there, Ryu just looks at me like I'm crazy. I'll hear her crying in the middle of the night, I even think I hear her crying when I'm at work. But the absolute worst is when I'm in the shower and I hear her crying." Kiyoko pressed her fingers to the center of her forehead. "And it's happened enough times that I think 'No, she's not really crying, I can finish my shower' but then I feel so guilty about _not_ checking on her and then what if this time she actually _is_ crying that I have to stop showering to go and check on her. And she's always fine, so it's just--" Kiyoko cut herself off with a big sigh. "I'm sorry, Asahi. You don't need to hear all of that. I suppose I just needed someone to talk to."

"Ah, well, I'm...always happy to listen." Although, all he wanted at that moment was to slink away. If Kiyoko couldn't handle parenthood, who could?

Kiyoko appeared to center herself, then reached across the table for Asahi's hand, smiling kindly. "It's still worth it, Asahi. The moments when your child smiles when you enter a room makes all the lows worthwhile. I promise you that."

"I believe you," Asahi assured her. But still, she'd given him a lot to think about.

She might have said more, but then a squall sounded from the other room, accompanied by two startled voices. Asahi felt his pulse quicken--one of those voices was Noya's.

Kiyoko sighed, pressing her hands against the table to lift herself out of her seat. "I know you'll want to spend the rest of your time here with Noya, but I really appreciate you listening to me complain for a little while."

"That's what friends are for, right?" Asahi meant it, but he was also glad to escape the conversation; it had illuminated future issues that he had been content to leave in the dark. He skirted around Kiyoko to get to the TV room faster. He thought he understood a bit of what Kiyoko meant about a smile of recognition making every other trial worthwhile. At least, that was how he felt when he saw Noya's smile from across the room.

"Asahi, look!" Noya held up his right arm, flourishing his right hand as if he'd never had one before. "My arm feels so weird without the cast! I'm actually kinda glad you missed it. Do you know how bad casts smell when they come off?"

"It was really rank!" Ryu crowed, bouncing his baby against his shoulder. "Not as rank as this little one, though! I'll go take her to her moth--I mean, I'll go change her." Ryu darted off, apparently having caught sight his wife glaring at him from the hallway. Asahi barely even noticed. He was already crossing the room to be by Noya's side.

"How does it feel?" he asked, taking hold of Noya's hand gingerly. "It looks swollen."

"Chikara said it might swell up, that's not weird or anything." Noya looked impish with his toothy grin and his messed-up hair. "I didn't mean to be asleep when you got here. Sorry about that."

"I'm so sorry I missed my alarm this morning." Asahi's guilt came rushing back full force. He sat down on the couch, hands curling closed around Noya's. "I was up really late, but I never thought I'd sleep through the alarm. I'll set two alarms next time, I swear I won't miss another appointment."

"It's fine, Asahi, don't worry about it!" Noya grinned brightly, but Asahi could see the shadow beneath it. Noya wasn't cruel enough to say he was disappointed, but he didn't have to; Asahi was disappointed enough in himself. "I'm glad you're here! Chikara said I could get some grippers to start working on my strength, but I have to start with the lowest resistance ones and Ryu doesn't have any weak ones. Wanna take me shopping?"

"Yes," Asahi breathed, relieved for something he could do, something that was just them, even if it was as mundane as shopping at a sports store. "Oh, wait." Asahi felt his heart sink. "I don't have a car. I'd have to ask--"

"You can take mine," Kiyoko said, passing through the room. "The keys are by the door. And if you take my work ID, you'll get a discount at my store. They know Noya there by now."

"Ah, okay. If you're sure?" Kiyoko nodded before disappearing down the hall. "Great. Do you need anything? The bathroom? Your medicine?"

"Ah..." Noya made a face. "Can I take my meds when I get back? I'll fall asleep in the car if I take them now."

"Are you in pain?" Asahi asked, concerned.

Noya frowned as he flexed his wrist. "A little, but Chikara said that would be normal. He said I shouldn't try to roll myself around for long distances yet, either. What time is it anyway?"

Asahi dug his phone out of a pocket, frowning when he found it dead. He really did need to charge it sometime. Noya answered his own question by checking his own phone.

"I'm not due for another dose for an hour, anyway. Probably why I was sleeping." Noya grimaced as he touched his hair, feeling the parts flattened from sleeping on the couch. He flipped his phone over into selfie mode and tried to fix it. Asahi couldn’t help but notice Noya only used his left hand to try and fix his hair; he left his phone propped against his right arm as if it were still in the cast. The little gesture made Asahi smile, though it also made him sad.

"It's probably alright to wait, then," Asahi admitted. "But let's bring it with us. I'd like to take you out to dinner to make up for being late today."

"Yeah!" Noya cheered. "That sounds great! Don't get me wrong, Kiyoko-san's cooking is great, but I miss eating out! Where do you want to go? You mind if I fix my hair first?"

"We can go wherever you want to go," Asahi assured him. He looked around the room until he found Noya's wheelchair, folded and tucked against the side of the couch. He unfolded it and helped move Noya into it. Warm shivers slid over his skin as Noya wrapped his arms around Asahi's neck. His heart beat louder than a drum when Noya's forehead pressed into his cheek. Noya held on even after Asahi placed him in the chair, one arm holding tight to his shoulders, the other coming away with his hair tie, loose locks spilling around Asahi's face. Noya peered up at him, amber eyes gleaming.

"I missed you."

"I missed you, too," Asahi confessed, letting Noya pull him down. He rested his forehead against Noya's, breathing in the scent of him, reveling in the feel of being touched again, even if it was innocent, even if it meant nothing. Going back to Tokyo had been the right call, of course it had. But staying here with Noya...that didn't feel wrong, either. "Do you need anything? Besides fixing your hair?"

Noya hesitated, looking like he was going to say something, but stopping himself. "Are you...still leaving tomorrow?"

"Ah, yeah." Asahi ducked out from under Noya's arm, moving to stand behind the chair. "I'm sorry. I still have work the next day."

"Oh." The disappointment in Noya's voice was thick. "You gonna stay the night tonight?"

"Ye--You mean, here?" Asahi shook his head, though Noya wouldn't be able to see it. He wheeled the chair to the bathroom, positioning it in front of the mirror. "I'll stay with Daichi and Suga tonight. I just haven't gotten there yet." He grabbed Noya's gel off the counter and handed it to him before sliding out from behind the chair. Noya's eyes tracked him in the mirror and he suddenly felt another pang of guilt for being late. "But I'll stay pretty late. Suga doesn't have school tomorrow, so he'll come pick me up whenever."

Noya shrugged, frowning as he focused on fixing his hair. Asahi stepped into the guest room and found Noya's medications on the top of the bureau. He wondered for a moment how Noya was getting them down in order to take them, but quickly forgot the question as he noted the number of pills in each vial--it was hard to be certain without counting them, but it definitely appeared as if Noya was taking his recommended dosage. Although, just because the pills were missing didn't necessarily mean Noya was swallowing them, but the last thing Asahi wanted to do was ask directly; he'd rather avoid a fight if at all possible.

Asahi pocketed the daytime prescription, leaving the evening one on top of the bureau. He found Noya attempting to angle his wheelchair within the tight space of the bathroom, his hair neatly spiked once more.

"Can I help?" Asahi asked, assisting only when Noya said he could. He turned the wheelchair to face the door, then pulled it forward by the armrests before taking the handles behind it to drive it to the door. "I grabbed your medicine. Do you know where Kiyoko leaves her ID?"

"It's by the door, near the keys," Noya answered. "Um...so the medicine..."

Asahi braced himself for the worst.

"Look, I try to remember, but sometimes I actually forget," Noya said in a rush. "And Chikara said not to double-up on any doses, so if I forget the last daytime dose, I'll just wait to take the nighttime one. It's not like it happens every day or anything, but sometimes it doesn't start to hurt until an hour after I've forgotten to take it. And it really doesn't even hurt that much!"

Asahi breathed a sigh of relief. He picked up Kiyoko's keys and work ID while Noya leaned forward in his chair, pulling the front door open. "It's okay to forget every once in a while. I'd rather you wait than accidentally double-up on a dose. Did Ennoshita change your prescription at all?"

"No, he said if anything, the pain is going to get worse." Asahi envisioned the eyeroll even if he could see it. "He gave me a list of things I can do with my arm and when I can move up to actual strength training." Noya went quiet for a minute as Asahi wheeled him to the car. "I forget what I did with that list. It’s in my email, too, though."

Asahi chuckled. "If you don't mind, can you email me a copy of that list?"

"Yeah, sure thing." Noya's arms wrapped around Asahi's neck again as Asahi stooped to lift him into the car. Fingers tugged lightly at his hair, making him struggle to hide a gasp. It shouldn't be so easy for Noya to tempt him, but it was. Or maybe Noya wasn't even trying to tempt him, maybe Asahi really was that weak. He pulled away with a bit of reluctance, then folded Noya's chair and placed it inside the trunk. Hopefully soon Noya wouldn't need it anymore.

"Did Ennoshita tell you when you might switch to crutches?" Asahi asked as he started the car.

"Next week, actually. He said he wants to put me in an aircast before I switch over to crutches," Noya explained. He still used his left hand to buckle his seat belt. Asahi wondered if it was because his right hand hurt, or if it was simply habit by now. "He says the aircast won't be as heavy as the cast, so it won't put so much strain on my collarbone. And!" Noya grinned brightly. "I'll be able to take the aircast on and off!"

Asahi grimaced. "Aren't you supposed to leave it on?"

"Yeah, but at least I can take it off at night. And in the shower." Noya breathed out a sigh as he smiled. "No more sponge baths. Seriously, I'd almost take a real shower over sex right about now."

Asahi hit the brakes a little too hard at a stop sign. He felt his face flush at the mention of sex. Did Noya really have to bring that up now?

"Ah, so, next week?" Asahi asked. "Do you know what day?"

"Yeah." Noya turned his face, looking out the window. "I don't think you can make it, though. It's fine. The cast smells too weird when it comes off, anyway, you don't want to be there."

"I want to," Asahi insisted, though he suspected Noya was right: his show was only weeks away. What little time off he did have was about to be consumed in a tempest of last-minute details, organizing craft services and panic attacks. He probably wouldn't get back to Miyagi until after his show was over. "I'll have some more time once the show is over. My boss just approved the designs I came up with while we were in Canada and after the show, I can take some work from home time. I'll be able to split my weeks between here and Tokyo."

Noya glanced over, eyes critical before glancing away again. "That'd be nice. I could use the help."

Asahi wasn't used to hearing that tone from Noya: careful and distant. What did that mean? Was it possible this was Noya...pulling away? Asahi focused on the road ahead, trying not to think on it too much. "Did Ennoshita go over your physical therapy with you?"

"Nah, he said we'll go over it when I get my aircast. He wants to watch me use my crutches for a bit, make sure I know what I'm doing. For now, it's just grippers and other little things. Like eating. And video games." Noya grinned suddenly. "Ryu's really excited that video games are actually part of my physical therapy. He's been after me to play with him since I moved in."

That seemed a safe enough topic. "What game is it?"

Asahi half-listened as Noya talked about war games, racing games, even one fantasy-adventure game he wouldn't have expected Noya or Tanaka to be into. It seemed Noya had been spending most of his time recovering by watching Tanaka play video games, though he admitted to falling asleep most of the time. He thought that was due mostly to his medication, but based on what Asahi knew of Noya when they were living together, he guessed it was more a symptom of inactivity. Noya had frequently fallen asleep during movies and TV shows, or almost anytime he wasn't actively moving. It had seemed endearing at the time, but then, it also meant they never talked about things like movies or books or even their future as a couple. Maybe that had been a sign--a symptom Asahi had missed.

They spent almost an hour in the sports store that Kiyoko worked at. Noya seemed genuinely enthused about being out of the house, leading Asahi to ask how often he did get out. With both Tanaka and Kiyoko working and with the baby to care for, the family spent more time juggling their schedules than planning outings. Hearing that twisted Asahi's heart--he knew how much Noya preferred to be out and about, not cooped up inside all the time. But at least twice since Asahi had been gone, Daichi and Suga had come by and both times they'd taken Noya on a short walk around the neighborhood. And once Noya and Tanaka's former classmates had come over for dinner at the Tanaka family restaurant, which apparently had been a good time. Asahi felt grateful that Noya's friends were helping him out as much as they were able, though he wished he could be doing more himself.

While Noya talked about the past two weeks, he trialed grippers, stretching bands, and wrist weights. Asahi insisted that Noya share the plan Ennoshita had come up with and devoutly refused to let Noya get anything that wasn't on the approved list. He did, however, allow Noya to buy a progressive set of hand grippers, a set of six that started with the lowest resistance and gradually increased as the user became stronger. Although, he fully intended to take the last three grippers back to Tokyo with him so Noya couldn't jump too far ahead too quickly; Ennoshita's plan had him working on the same resistance for nearly a month before moving up. Asahi doubted Noya was going to be that patient when left to his own devices.

"Where did you want to go to dinner?" Asahi asked after stowing Noya's purchases and his chair in Kiyoko's car.

"I don't know. Anywhere is good." Asahi tried not to watch as Noya fumbled to latch the seat belt with his right hand. He'd noticed that Noya had to remind himself to use it, as if he'd forgotten the appendage after it being trapped in a cast for so long. "There's a ramen place nearby. Want to go there?"

"Are you sure?" Asahi asked, frowning. "We could do sushi. Or barbecue."

Noya grimaced and shook his head. "Chikara says I lost too much weight in Canada. It's okay to eat heavier for a little while. At least until my training starts."

"Okay." Asahi always loved ramen--it was probably the reason he'd gained so much weight after high school--but it usually had to be a special occasion for Noya to eat ramen. Like Asahi's birthday, or something like that. Asahi was proud of the fact that he'd only eaten ramen once since returning to Japan: he was proud of the weight he'd lost in Canada and wanted to keep it off--but that certainly wouldn't stop him from enjoying a bowl of his favorite food with Noya.

Noya attempted to maneuver his own chair at the ramen restaurant, laughing when he bumped into the table where Asahi had pulled a chair away to make space. It was good to see Noya smile, better to hear him laugh. Asahi sat down across from him, brushing strands of hair out of his face.

"Do you still have my hair tie?" Asahi asked.

"Why?" Noya grinned rakishly. "I like you with your hair down."

Asahi was sure he blushed at that. "I ran out this morning without washing it, so it's a mess. It's a lot easier to eat with it tied back."

Noya weighed that answer before digging into a pocket and handing over Asahi's hair tie. "But later you have to take it down again."

Asahi laughed. He held the tie between his teeth as he pulled his hair back with his hands, wishing he had a comb. He felt Noya's eyes on him as he looped his hair into a messy bun once again. "Sure. Was there anything you wanted to do when we get back?"

The intensity of Noya's gaze sent a shiver down Asahi's spine. "Maybe one thing."

Asahi felt his face grow hot as fire and quickly buried himself in the menu. Noya couldn't mean... He didn't expect... With a _baby_ in the house???

After they put their orders in, Asahi cleared his throat, determinedly thinking of anything other than the implication he must have surely gotten wrong. "Did you want to go anywhere else tonight? We could go to a park and just walk around if you want."

To his surprise, Noya shook his head. "I'm always kinda dizzy for the first hour after I take my meds. I'd rather be back at Ryu's so I don't fall out of my chair or anything."

That was a surprise--Asahi had forgotten all about Noya's medicine. He dug the vial out of a pocket and handed it across the table to Noya. Noya tapped out a single pill, then handed the vial back to Asahi. He waited to take the medication until after his dinner arrived at the table, but he took it without prompting and without making a face.

"Is Kiyoko-san helping you remember to take your pain meds?" Asahi asked.

Noya shrugged. "Something like that." He looked uncomfortable. "Just don't get freaked out, okay? The first hour after taking it is always the worst. Everything goes fuzzy and usually I fall asleep. I'll try not to, though, since you're here."

"You should do whatever is going to help you heal the fastest," Asahi said kindly. "If you want to go home and sleep--"

"I don't _want_ to," Noya said fiercely. "I want to spend time with you, since this is all we're going to get. I'm already pissed off that we lost so much time earlier just because I was sleeping. I've missed you, Asahi. I don't want to lose any more time with you than I have to."

Noya probably didn't mean to, but his declaration ended up making Asahi feel even more like a rat for missing his doctor's appointment earlier that morning. He stirred his ramen a little, letting the intensity of the moment pass before he dared meeting Noya's eyes across the table. "I promise we won't lose any more time. I'll stay as late as I can tonight and I'll be there early tomorrow morning. If I can, I'll help you with your exercises, or we can practice letting you move your chair. Whatever you want until I have to leave tomorrow, okay?"

Noya held his gaze for long minutes. When he finally smiled, it looked a little forced. "Okay. But if I fall asleep in the car you have to wake me. Don't just carry me to bed and leave, okay?"

"Okay."

"Promise?"

"I promise." Asahi doubted he even could carry Noya the distance from the car to the guest room without Noya's help in holding on. That much dead weight was probably beyond him, even with his renewed level of fitness. "So...was there anything you wanted to do tomorrow?"

They batted a few ideas back and forth, finally landing on a walking path that followed the beach. It would be cold, but Noya seemed to really want to get out of the house. When it came time to pay the check, they had a small fight over who was paying. Noya insisted that he pay, since Asahi was visiting, but Asahi wanted to pay to make up for the fact that he'd arrived so late. In the end, Noya won by virtue of being the loudest and the most insistent. On the way home, he did fall asleep--as expected--and Asahi woke him up when they returned--as promised.

While Asahi made a quick phone call to Suga, asking if a late pick up time was okay, Noya joined Tanaka in the TV room, where Tanaka was all but vibrating with excitement about finally getting Noya to play with him. Kiyoko was reading with her feet up in the recliner, the baby on a playmat nearby, chewing on something that Asahi thought might be a teething ring. Before Asahi could slide onto the couch next to Noya, the baby pushed herself up and toddled across the room. It was more than a little surprising to see her make a beeline straight for Noya, chubby little hands clasping his knee as she peered up at him.

"She really likes you," Asahi observed, stepping carefully around her to sit next to Noya.

"Huh?" Noya glanced down from the video game briefly. "Oh, she only wants to draw on my cast." He laughed loudly. "She's gonna be pretty disappointed when I get that aircast."

Reika slapped her hand on Noya's knee insistently, seeming to prove Noya's point that she wanted the cast. Asahi leaned down and scooped her up, bouncing her in his lap while Tanaka shouted instructions to Noya that didn't make any real sense. The baby seemed momentarily distraught, then reached for Asahi's glasses so quickly he barely had time to pull his face out of her reach. He distracted her with the teething toy she'd dropped and a moment later she quieted in his lap. These were the moments of parenthood Asahi longed for: quiet evenings full of family and love. Peaceful moments like these made it feel as if the rest of the world could just fall away. He was content to sit beside the man he loved, supporting him in a video game he didn't fully understand while their child slept in his arms.

The fantasy was promptly ruined by a stench so foul it made Asahi cough and his eyes water.

Noya made a noise of disgust and actually shifted away from Asahi on the couch. "Ugh, Ryu! You gonna get that?"

"Hey, Asahi, be a pal," Tanaka said, still pounding buttons on his controller.

"Ryu." Kiyoko's tone was low and threatening.

"Okay, okay, after we finish this level."

Kiyoko didn't even speak again, she merely lowered the footrest of her recliner. Tanaka apparently took the hint and hit the pause button.

"Alright, what have we got?" Tanaka asked cheerfully as he plucked his child off of Asahi's lap. His face went sour as soon as he lifted her. "Oh, someone gave you applesauce again."

"It's her favorite," Kiyoko said mildly. She lit a scented candle as Tanaka left with the baby. "We'll probably put her down after this. You're both welcome to stay up as long as you like."

"Thanks, Kiyoko-san."

"Goodnight, Kiyoko-san!" Noya tossed his controller aside and leaned over on his elbow to grab Tanaka's controller. He closed the video game and went to the system's main menu. Asahi dabbed at his eyes with his sleeve. Who knew babies could make smells _that_ strong? Noya laughed when he looked over. "Yeah, it surprised me the first time, too. Thought she'd eaten something dead she found outside."

"That's really applesauce?" Asahi asked in disbelief.

"It's worse when they feed her eggs." Noya rolled his eyes. "Do you want to play something? There's this really cute cooking game you might like. Kiyoko plays it with Ryu sometimes. Maybe I can find it..."

"Ah, do you, um... Have you..." Asahi trailed off, rethinking his question. For a split second, he wanted to ask Noya if he'd suddenly reconsidered his stance on children. But in that same instant, Asahi was suddenly surprised to find himself rethinking his own stance on children. It wasn't all the smell, either--though it had been shocking. Mostly his doubts stemmed from the haunting thought of having to give up things in his life that he currently loved. Kiyoko had said it was worth it...but was it? "Ahm, tell me about the cooking game."

Noya found the game in the menu and explained a few of the rules. They messed up their first few rounds, but that was fine, they laughed their way through it. Eventually they found a rhythm and Asahi found he was enjoying the game. It relied heavily on cooperation and making different parts of recipes in order to serve food to guests at a restaurant. It was challenging enough to engage Noya while cutesy enough that Asahi enjoyed it. But then Asahi accidentally threw a potato at Noya's avatar's head and Noya laughed too hard at Asahi's apologies to continue. It was late then, anyway, and Asahi was worried about making too much noise for the baby to sleep, so they turned it off for the night. Asahi blew out the scented candle as Noya shifted himself from the couch to his chair.

"I have to take my last dose soon," Noya said with a grimace. "You'll stay for a while, though, won't you?"

"Yeah." Asahi smiled. "Of course."

Noya attempted to roll himself down the hall, but it was a narrow fit and he had trouble reaching the wheels. Asahi took over, angling the chair into the guest room and pulling the door shut behind them. If they were going to be talking, he wanted to be considerate and mute the noise as much as possible for the baby. By the time he turned around, Noya had already pushed himself onto the edge of the bed.

"You get around pretty well now," Asahi observed, moving the chair out of the way. "Can I get you anything? Do you need help changing?"

"Nah, I'm fine. I have two hands now." Noya grinned as if having two hands was an accomplishment. "You can hand me my pills, though. The nighttime ones can take a little while to kick in."

"Sure." Asahi replaced the pill bottle he'd taken earlier, then tapped one from the other vial into his palm. A glass of water already stood by Noya's bedside and he swallowed it down quickly.

"Your show is next week, isn't it?" Noya asked as he peeled his shirt off. For once, Asahi didn't bother looking away. There was a stark difference between Noya's left arm and his right. The one that had been casted wasn't just paler, but it was thin, too. Asahi could see the play of muscle and bone with every turn of his wrist.

"The week after," Asahi answered, feeling out of place. "But there's going to be so many rehearsals and walk throughs between now and then that it feels like it starts the day after tomorrow and just runs all through the next two weeks."

"I bet you're excited, though," Noya said, thumbs hooked through the waistband of his athletic pants. "The whole show is your line, isn't it?"

"Yeah, well." Asahi shrugged and ducked his face. "It's thanks to you, really. You took me to Paris."

" _We_ went to Paris. I didn't _take_ you there." Grinning, Noya leaned back on one hand. The other beckoned. "Come here."

Asahi couldn't help but look at Noya's bare chest, at the bed he perched on and the temptation that it represented. Noya skimmed out of his pants, leaning on an elbow to slide them down far enough to kick off. They caught briefly on his cast but then dropped away easily. To Asahi's delight, the cast was covered over in childish scribbles, evidence of many hours tolerating--perhaps, even encouraging?--the tiny human's artistic nature. It very nearly broke him to refuse Noya's invitation.

Noya's frown seemed to darken the room. "You promised."

"I--Oh!" Asahi suddenly remembered his promise to take his hair down after they finished eating. It was still pulled back, albeit loosely with free strands curling around his face. He reached back for the tie when Noya shook his head.

"Let me do it."

Asahi knew he shouldn't. Knew what would happen if he crossed the room, if he let Noya touch him, if he let Noya draw him into that bed. But it was getting so hard to care about all of that, so hard to resist. And honestly, why was he resisting at all? He loved this man, didn't he?

Noya's smile was sweet as sunshine as he ran his fingers back through Asahi's hair, tugging lightly until the hair tie came free. He teased the back of Asahi's neck, curled his fingers in Asahi's hair. And when Noya tilted his chin up, body reaching, Asahi leaned down to meet him. The kiss was like winter ice melting in the sun: slow at first, but quickly warming up. Asahi thought he might be okay as long as he stayed off the bed, but as Noya's tongue slipped past his, he knew he was lost. His hands cupped Noya's face, tipping it back to deepen the kiss. Hands were pulling him down and he was helpless to resist, one knee on the bed before he even realized it had happened. Noya's gripped the hem of Asahi's shirt and sweater, pulling both off in one sudden movement. He gasped as fingers trailed over his chest, down his stomach, hot kisses on his neck.

"Asahi," Noya moaned, eyes lust-dark. He wrapped a curl of Asahi's hair around his finger and crooked it, lightly tugging Asahi down further over him. Asahi complied, willingly, lovingly, longingly. He'd missed this. Hadn't had anything like this since their last time together. And he hated himself for it, but he couldn't even clearly remember the last time, as the lines had blurred after their break up. All he knew was that he wanted this. Wanted all of it. The rest of the world could fall away.

But then Noya's hips jerked up and Asahi unconsciously ground down into the sensation. And even as caught up as he was, he couldn't have missed Noya's momentary freeze, that non-reaction he gave every time he felt pained and tried to hide it. His body went rigid all at once, a tiny catch in his breathing. It was miniscule and right away Noya went back to pulling Asahi into the bed, but by then it was too late. Asahi’s senses regretfully caught up to him. He ducked out of Noya's arms, setting his feet back down on the floor.

"Asahi--"

"We can't," Asahi said with a small shake of his head. His chest ached, his groin ached, his eyes _burned_. "I'll hurt you."

"You didn't--"

"Yuu," Asahi said as gently as possible. "You're about to get the cast off your leg. Do you know how bad it would make me feel if we did something that set that back?"

Noya pushed himself up to sitting, his boxers rucked up on his thighs from their brief make-out session. "Fine." Noya's eyes were big, pleading. "It doesn't have to be sex. Just, can you touch me, Asahi? Please?"

His heart trembled at the need in Noya's voice, and he could scarcely help but notice Noya's other need. God, how long had it been? Months? A year? Too long... It wouldn't even take much, at least not on Asahi's side. It felt as if a single touch might be the end of him and if Noya was even half as desperate as Asahi was, it would be over almost as soon as they started. That wouldn't be enough to hurt him...would it?

"I haven't been with anyone else since we were together," Noya insisted, as if that was what held Asahi back. "I'm still clean. And it's not the medicine, Asahi, I swear. It's just you. It's always been you."

"I don't care about any of that, Yuu!" Asahi had to turn away. He'd crumble again if he kept looking into those eyes. Might crumble anyway. "I want it, too. So much that it--" That it hurt. Physically. The ache went so deep that he feared overdosing on the cure. "Don't you understand? I don't want to hurt you!"

_And I don't want you to hurt me._

That realization sent a bolt of lightning down from the crown of Asahi's head to the soles of his feet. That's all they were doing to each other, wasn't it? Hurting each other. It wasn't exactly a new thought, but it held so much more power in that moment of struggle, of want, of desire. Yes, he wanted Noya. And he understood that Noya wanted him. But like this... With no confession, no promises, no future? No. Not like this. If they fell together now, Asahi would spend the next two weeks wondering what it meant for them, or if it meant anything at all. If it would mean something still once Noya was fully healed and able to run away at wont again. It wasn't fair. Not to either of them.

Which only left him with the least painful option.

"We...we need to talk." Asahi raked his fingers through his hair. He had no idea what had happened to his hair tie and he was afraid to ask for it now.

"Then let's talk." Noya's voice was all desperation, all need. Asahi couldn't handle it.

"Not now." Not when Noya would agree to anything. Not when Asahi was weak enough to accept the smallest crumb of compromise. He searched the floor for the clothes Noya had tossed aside, too cowardly to meet Noya's eyes.

"When?"

There. His shirts were balled up inside one another, tossed away and discarded just beside the bed. He pulled his shirt free and turned it right-side-out. "When you're better."

"How much better?" Noya demanded to know. "On crutches better? Or finished physical therapy better? Back to how I was before the accident better? _When_ , Asahi?"

Asahi shook his shirt, eyes still lowered. "I don't know, Yuu. Maybe...maybe once you're off crutches?" Maybe when you won't need me anymore?

"I don't know how long that's going to be."

"I know." Asahi drew a shaky breath. "That's okay. We should...we should wait. Think about it."

"I already know what I want."

Asahi shook his head. "Maybe I don't."

Silence like a vacuum. Like the flash of a scalpel, like the last snowflake to fall in a blizzard. The pressure inside his chest ached. Any second now and he'd start to cry. When he couldn't think of anything else to do, he grabbed his bag off the floor, shouldered the strap and took a step.

"Wait."

Did Noya even know the power he held over Asahi? A single word and Asahi obeyed. He waited as Noya lifted his pillow, searched among the blankets.

"Here." Noya was holding something out. Asahi's sweater. The one he'd left here last time. Asahi took it timidly, switching it for the sweater he'd worn here, the sweater Noya had pulled off his back only moments ago.

"Do you... Do you want this one?" Asahi offered. That wasn't breaking the rules, was it? It was just a sweater. Noya had been asking for his sweaters every other day back in Canada. It couldn't mean more now than it had then. Right?

The look in Noya's eyes was longing, but after long moments, he turned away. "I can sleep without it."

I deserve that, Asahi thought, pulling the door to Noya's room closed behind him. It was more than fair. Asahi had pulled back first; it made sense for Noya to pull back, too.

Regardless, Asahi folded up his still-warm sweater and set it just outside Noya's door before beginning the long walk to Daichi and Suga's place. If Noya changed his mind, the sweater would be there. If not...well, perhaps Asahi could take some comfort in the thought that Noya was sleeping better now.

The night air gave Asahi a chill. He hugged the returned sweater as he shivered, inhaling Noya's scent.

Maybe Noya was sleeping better. But all Asahi could see ahead were sleepless nights.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah, sorry… I did promise this would hurt, didn’t I? Anyway, if you don’t hate me, you can follow me on Twitter @ShiroKabocha1 to see when the next chapter is dropping. Don’t forget to practice some self-care, guys!


	12. Chapter 12

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Actually, Asahi, I thought it'd be good time to talk." Noya said, grinning.
> 
> "Ah..." Instead of turning red, Asahi's face went pale. "I, um...I guess we...we really should."
> 
> "I was thinking." Noya shifted, trying to catch Asahi's elusive gaze. "I'm past the worst of it now, it's mostly just going easy until I can go hard on the workouts again. And really, I can do that anywhere. So I thought: why not find a physical therapist in Tokyo?" He brightened his smile, a warm feeling growing in his chest at finally being able to say it out loud. "I can ask Chikara for a recommendation tonight. If there's someone with an open therapy slot, I might be able to go back to Tokyo with you!"
> 
> Asahi must have gotten a chill because he drew inward on himself, one arm crossed over his chest to hold the opposite arm. Noya waited for a response. And waited. He shifted his seat on the bed again, trying to get in Asahi's line of sight.
> 
> "Asahi?" Noya asked timidly.
> 
> Asahi blinked rapidly. "I don't...I don't think that's a good idea."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Checklist prior to beginning this chapter: Tissues (lots), tea (comforting), cookies (whatever your emotionally supportive flavor is) and check your mental health because…it’s angsty, babes. ToT

As it turned out, Chikara had not been exaggerating about how painful physical therapy actually was. At first, it had seemed like no big thing--Chikara always made sure Noya stretched thoroughly before and after each exercise, so much so that it felt like he was doing more stretching than actual rehabilitation. But then the night would come. And with it, came the pain.

It was more Noya's leg than his arm, but that made sense, since he'd never completely stopped using his arm muscles, though his wrist and his hand experienced mild shooting pains at times, especially after marathon video game sessions. But his leg...his leg woke him up in the middle of the night, even through the medication--sometimes even through a doubled dose of medication--spasming hard enough to bring tears to Noya's eyes, making him wish he could scream the way Baby Tanaka often screamed in the middle of the night. He held himself back from that, but only just barely. He tried doing the exercises Chikara recommended, but it was hard when he was attempting to be quiet so as not to wake the baby--never mind the drugs addling his mind, making it difficult to focus. He tried remembering this was only temporary, that this rehab was going to get him back up to being able to do stupid stunts like snowboarding, but that was increasingly less effective as the treatment went on--Noya didn't even think he wanted to do another sport more extreme than volleyball for the rest of his life.

At least there was one shining spot of light throughout his rehab: Asahi spent three days of every seven in the Miyagi prefecture, escorting Noya to physical therapy and helping with his stretches and exercises. It wasn't at all sexy, but it was still nice to have Asahi pushing and pulling him through a series of stretches, hands massaging tender muscles just before bed, seeing that smile first thing in the morning. Well, never first thing in the morning. The first thing in the morning was always a battle between Reika and her parents over the potty. But then Asahi would arrive and Noya's whole day would brighten.

Today, unfortunately, was not one of those days.

"Keep flexing your foot," Ryu ordered, hands on Noy'as shoulders as he leaned his weight into him.

"I am," Noya said, voice strained. He used to be able to do this stretch unassisted back in his volleyball days--Hell, he could probably still do this stretch the morning before his disastrous attempt at snowboarding. He was supposed to wrap his hand around the bottom of his foot and lay his head against his knee. Now, it was a struggle just to reach his hand to his foot. Even his non-injured side had suffered from his long months of inactivity and he couldn't achieve the flexion he once enjoyed.

At least he had Ryu to help.

"Hold it there," Noya called when the stretch became deeply painful. Ryu stopped pushing and held Noya in the stretch until Noya tapped out, panting and sweating from the stretch.

"Hey, that was lower than yesterday," Ryu congratulated him, handing him a sweat towel. "Great work! I bet Ennoshita'll be impressed tomorrow."

"Yeah, I bet!" Noya grinned, though internally he thought: Good thing it'll be Asahi taking me to Chikara tomorrow and not you! Because really, he wasn't supposed to stretch that far just yet. But how was he ever going to get back to peak condition if he didn't push it every once in a while?

I'll feel that one tonight, Noya thought, folding his legs so that the soles of his feet pressed together. He clasped his ankles and bent forward, Ryu once again setting his hands on his shoulders and pushing down with slow and steady pressure.

It was nice that Ryu was available to help with these daily stretches--even better that Ryu was a physical fitness trainer who knew exactly how much pressure to add, and how far Noya's fitness had fallen. Really, Noya couldn't have been more lucky with the help he had on hand. With Chikara, Asahi and Ryu, there was little doubt that he'd one day reach full recovery.

The only question was: When would that be?

"A-ah! That's good, Ryu!"

Ryu eased off Noya's shoulders, allowing him to straighten slowly.

"How's that?" Ryu asked. "Need more? Want some water? Need a hand up?"

"I think I'm good," Noya said, grinning widely. Actually, he'd probably overdone it a little. Better to quit now while he was ahead. "Let me put my cast on and I'll get a drink from the kitchen. Gotta take my meds soon, anyway."

"Yeah, sounds good." Ryu gave Noya a hand up anyway, once the aircast was secure around his leg and ankle again. He handed Noya his crutches, running a critical, professional eye over Noya's frame as he balanced on them. "If you want, I can give you a massage before bed. I know that's weird because I'm not Asahi, but it might help you sleep."

"Nah, I can do it myself," Noya insisted with a laugh. A friend helping a friend stretch was one thing; a massage between friends was something else entirely. "You're just trying to get out of putting Reika-chan to bed, aren't you?"

"Ha!" Ryu threw his head back and laughed. Then he looked concerned. "Is it that obvious?"

Noya laughed and tossed his sweat towel at Ryu. "Hurry up before Kiyoko-san gets mad at you."

"Right, right," Ryu said with a sigh. He gave Noya a friendly punch in the arm before trotting on ahead. As great as it was to no longer be confined to that wheelchair, Noya was still annoyed by the crutches. Whenever he could get away with it, he walked without them. The pain in his leg made up for the pain the crutches caused his shoulder and collarbone. As far as he could tell, Noya was just spreading the pain out more evenly. That was how that worked, right?

Noya made his way to the kitchen, looked around, then stashed his crutches up against the wall before going to the fridge for a sports drink. There was always plenty sports drink in the Tanaka household. Noya selected an orange one, shook it, then leaned back against the counter to crack the seal. If there was one thing he'd never take for granted again, it was being able to walk and eat at the same time. Stupid crutches made everything twice as difficult as it needed to be.

"Hello." Kiyoko's soft voice preceded even her belly into the kitchen. Noya froze, cringing as Kiyoko looked intentionally from the crutches near the door to Noya standing across the room from said crutches. She raised an eyebrow, but said nothing. "Do you need a ride to physical therapy tomorrow? Or will Asahi arrive in time? Ryu and I have that doctor's appointment tomorrow and I just want to make sure you'll be okay without us."

"Asahi should be able to take me." Noya dug his phone out of his pocket, checking for any missed messages. "He'll let me know if he's running late. And I can always call a service to pick me up, now that I don't need the wheelchair anymore."

"Okay." Kiyoko sat down at the kitchen table, one hand resting over her stomach. "I was hoping to talk to you. Has Ennoshita given you any sort of timeline for your recovery?"

"Ha! I ask him about that every time I see him," Noya replied, grinning. "He just says it takes time. But I'm feeling pretty great! I hope I'll be off the crutches soon, too!"

"Hm." Kiyoko once again glanced over at the crutches. Noya wished he hadn't left them so far away. "I wanted to ask if you've given any thought for what you're going to do once you're off the crutches? I mean, you know you're very welcome here, but, as I'm sure you already know, our home is about to get a little more crowded."

"Ah, yeah." Noya couldn't help but drop his eyes to her big, pregnant belly. Kiyoko looked ready to burst, though it hadn't really changed much: she worked most evenings, routinely chase down her toddler and definitely still intimidated her husband when he slacked off. Still, she wouldn't be pregnant for much longer, it seemed. "Uh, I have a sort-of idea but, um... I'll let you know soon, okay?"

"That's fine," Kiyoko replied peacefully. "I just wanted to make sure it was something you were thinking about. It's not that I mind having you as a guest, but I worry that you'll be able to get a full night's sleep once the baby arrives."

What's the difference? Noya asked himself. I'm hardly sleeping through the night as it is. I might as well volunteer to stay up with the new baby.

Ever since Ryu had taught him how to change a diaper, parenthood hadn't actually looked all that bad. Well, it was still kind of gross. And it definitely seemed confining (though not as bad as a month-long stay in a hospital bed type of confinement) but sometimes it didn't seem bad at all. Baby toys were fun to play with and it never got old watching Ryu scrape baby food out of his hair. Though he did resent the fact that whenever he ate an icepop, the baby had to have one, too. He was burning through pops faster than he could buy them most weeks.

"I should go take my meds," Noya said, shoving the sports drink into a pocket so he could use his crutches. "Unless you need anything?"

"Would you put some water on to boil?" Kiyoko asked. "I'm going to have some tea before I go to bed."

"Sure thing." Noya filled the kettle from the sink, then set it on a burner to warm. He even pulled Kiyoko's mug down from a cabinet and left it on the counter for her before grabbing his crutches and limping from the room. It was actually kind of nice to do homey things like help make tea. And once upon a time, perhaps Noya would have been happy making tea for Kiyoko. But now, there was really only one person Noya wanted to be making tea for.

Noya ditched the crutches right inside the doorway of his room. It was small enough that he really didn't need them anyway. He grabbed the bottle of nighttime medication off the top of his bureau and studied it for a moment, wondering if he needed to take two or if he could get through the night on only one. The recommended dose was actually up to four pills per night, if Noya had been doing his physical therapy--which, so far, he hadn't missed a single day of. He'd never actually taken four pills because one messed him up and knocked him out all on its own and he couldn't imagine how badly four would affect him. But he knew he'd worked out harder than he should have and that he was having trouble sleeping as it was.

Eventually, Noya settled on just taking one. After all, Asahi would be there in the morning and Noya didn't want to be groggy when he arrived. He'd just have a second cup of coffee in the morning to cover any sleep loss due to pain. He swallowed down the pill with the remainder of his sports drink, removed his aircast, then dropped into bed. He really did massage his leg muscles a little, but the drug took over rapidly, blurring his thoughts until his eyes fell shut and he dropped into dreamless sleep.

He was awake and in screaming pain only a few short hours later. His teeth gritted tightly shut, Noya forcibly yanked the charlie horse out of his leg, wishing once more that an ice pack could offer relief. But the one time he'd tried it, it had only made matters worse. Maybe a heating pad might help, but he didn't have one handy and didn't know where to get one. So night after night, he just dealt the problems as they arose, stifling yelps of pain and scrubbing away tears.

This all had to get better soon, didn't it?

It had to! It just...it did. Because as soon as it got better... That was when he and Asahi could get together again.

Noya punched his thigh, kneading out a knot of pain as he reflected on the only thoughts that helped keep him focused through the pain medication as well as the pain. Asahi had said they could talk when it was over, and yeah, that had _really_ sucked at the time, but Noya had figured it out. Whenever Asahi was close by, and especially whenever Asahi was touching him, all Noya could think about was sex. He couldn't focus on his training, couldn't remember Chikara's instructions, he barely even remembered to _eat_ , forget about anything else. As unfortunate as it was, Asahi was a distraction to getting better and, even worse, he was probably right: sex would set back Noya's recovery. Which meant the only logical thing was to hold off on getting back together until Noya had healed. And it sucked--it often hurt worse than the physical therapy and the muscle cramps combined--but it did make sense. And it seemed like such an Asahi-thing to do: work hard now, and put leisure off until later. Once Noya was fully recovered, they'd have the rest of their lives to be in love.

Right?

At least, those were the thoughts that helped Noya get through the nights alone. Fuck, but he missed Asahi. Feeling Asahi's hands on his body during therapy sessions was almost torture. But it would be worth in the end.

It had to be.

Noya dropped in and out of sleep fitfully for the remainder of the night. The following morning, the mirror revealed deep circles under his eyes, but those were nothing new. They were easy to hide, too, using the makeup skills he'd learned as a model. While the household roared with the chaos of potty training, Noya spiked his hair, covered the circles under his eyes, then started the first pot of coffee. Just another routine morning in the Tanaka household. He sat down with his first mug of coffee when the harried parents arrived in the kitchen, Baby Reika tucked under Ryu's arm until he fit her inside her high chair.

"Peaches or...potatoes?" Ryu asked, pulling down the first two jars of baby food he could reach.

"Neither, just give her cheerios," Kiyoko replied, pressing a hand to the small of her back as she sat down. "We have to leave soon, we don't have time for a long breakfast."

"I thought the doctor's appointment was later?" Noya asked, surprised.

"It is, but we still have to pack," Kiyoko explained as Ryu dropped a handful of cheerios down on the high chair tray. He then poured bowls of cereal for himself and his wife, using the soy milk Kiyoko preferred for the one he set in front of her. She smiled thankfully up at him before starting her breakfast. "We meant to pack everything last night, but we got...distracted."

"Fell right to sleep," Ryu crowed, as if that was the best thing a married couple could do in a bed together. "Man, I was _out_. I haven't slept like that since...since..." His face fell as he seemingly realized he hadn't slept like that since before his first child and he now had a second one coming any minute. He dropped his head sullenly to his cereal and began to eat. Kiyoko looked morbidly amused by his realization.

"Anyway," she said to Noya. "Since I'm so close to my due date, we're going to stay at my parents' house for a few days. They live close to the hospital, so it won't be the ordeal it was when this one was born." She beamed over at her daughter, who had cheerios sticking to her face as she flailed and smiled back.

"It wasn't an ordeal," Ryu muttered. "The cop understood why I ran all those red lights and let me off the hook."

"He let you off the hook because Daichi fixed it for you," Kiyoko reminded him fiercely. "And I kept telling you that we weren't in a hurry. My water hadn't even broken yet. The hospital couldn't even check us in yet."

Ryu muttered something into his cereal. Noya clapped him on the shoulder once he finished laughing at him. That would have been a sight to see: Ryu panic-driving Kiyoko to the hospital. Thankfully, even if they did decide to have children, that wasn't something Noya would have to do with Asahi. Although, if he thought too hard about that scenario, he pictured Asahi as ten-times the neurotic father that Ryu could be. It wasn't a pretty picture.

Guess we'll just have to wing it, Noya thought grimly. Ryu does okay. I'll do fine, too. I hope.

He only panicked when he wondered how soon Asahi would want to have kids. It'd be nice if they could wait a few years, but Ryu was already on his second: did that mean they were late to the game and had to play catch up? And how many kids did Asahi want, anyway? Noya was already leery of potty training his imaginary children with Asahi. Reika was a merciless monster whenever she saw the slightest weakness, and Ryu was a good deal stronger than Asahi. But maybe that wasn't all babies: maybe that was just Kiyoko's genes coming through.

How were they even going to have kids? Did they hire someone, or how did that work?

I'm giving myself a headache, Noya realized, getting up to refill his coffee. Asahi and I haven't even talked yet. We might not even talk today. It all depends on what Chikara says about my therapy.

Although, he had pretty high hopes for getting off the crutches today. It seemed a small thing, but hope burned in Noya's heart: if he could get off the crutches, he'd push to have that talk he and Asahi had been avoiding ever since that day Noya woke up in that Canadian hospital bed. To be honest, he still wasn't certain how to have that talk. Or what to say. Or what needed to be said. All he knew was that at the end of it, he wanted to be Asahi's boyfriend again. Even if that meant waiting to finish his rehab before moving back to Tokyo. Or he could find a rehab facility in Tokyo, which was looking all the more appealing as the imminent arrival of baby number two loomed ever nearer. Besides, it was probably time he moved out of the Tanaka's guest room.

Noya had a plan for that, too.

Asahi was running late, but that was par for the course by now. It was always a toss-up as to whose car he'd be borrowing in order to drive Noya to PT and today Daichi was picking him up, then driving him to the school to grab Suga's car before coming over, which always took a little extra time. But Asahi had texted when he got off the train, so Noya wasn't worried about it. 

Besides, if all went according to plan, this whole car-switching thing would be irrelevant. 

Even knowing Asahi was running late--though not so late that they'd miss his appointment--Noya couldn't help but fidget as he waited, eventually giving up and going outside to wait for the car, balancing on his crutches at the end of the driveway. When Asahi pulled up looking stressed and harried, all Noya could do was grin. 

"I'm sorry!" Asahi said, throwing the driver's door open. "Suga was on a break and wanted to talk for a minute. Wait, let me help you with that!"

"Nah, I got it!" Noya had already stowed his crutches in the backseat and hobbled to the passenger door. "I walk more steps than this in the bathroom, don't worry about it, Asahi."

Asahi was clearly still worrying about it, but it was finished too quickly for him to do anything about it. He bit his lower lip, then put the car back in gear. 

"How are the plans for your next show going?" Noya asked. If he let the silence stretch out, Asahi would unerringly ask if Noya was in pain. And while Noya felt fine just then, he didn't want to lie about the pain that kept him awake at night. 

"It's still over a year away," Asahi replied. "So there's a lot of time to consider tone and theme and music. My team and I talked a lot about accent colors this week."

"Oh?" Noya tried to make an effort to talk about Asahi's work, but he still didn't understand it all that well. "I thought you had already decided on red and yellow as accent colors."

Asahi frowned as he put his blinker on. "Rust and amber. That was my initial plan. But the team doesn't seem to think those are winter colors and want to go more with blues and creams."

"Huh." Noya wasn't really sure what to say to that. By Asahi's frown, it seemed he didn't agree with his team, but his tone suggested he was considering going along with it anyway. "It's your line. You should be able to use whatever accent colors you want."

Asahi actually chuckled at that. "But every member of my team is more experienced than I am. They know more about the industry. I'd be foolish not to consider their suggestions."

"Ah." There didn't seem to be anything else to say on the subject. Noya would have suggested that Asahi fight for what he wanted because that was obviously the best choice, but he also knew that fighting stressed Asahi out, so he didn't often think it was worth it. So instead he offered lamely: "I'm sure it'll be great no matter what the accent colors are."

Asahi hummed agreement, waiting for the chance to make a turn. Noya didn't notice the silence until it was too late. 

"Are you sleeping alright?" Asahi asked, making Noya curse inwardly for letting the conversation lapse. 

"Yeah, I mean, as well as anyone can with a baby in the house." Noya forced a laugh. "I guess there's about to be two babies soon. Kiyoko-san said they're all staying at her parents until she had the baby, so I guess it'll be soon."

"Mm." Asahi nodded, as if he knew that already. "I'd heard Reika was mostly sleeping through the night now. Is anything else keeping you up?"

Ugh, why was he being so insistent about this? Noya turned his face towards the window.

"I'm taking my meds, Asahi. Chikara said I could vary the dose based on my pain."

"I remember," Asahi replied mildly. "Are you taking enough to sleep?"

"I'll ask Chikara, okay?" Noya offered, dodging the question. "Did you go to that Adler game? Ryu and I watched it on TV. What about the call they made in the second set?"

Asahi looked away from the road just long enough to give Noya a look that said "I know what you're doing." Noya's stomach churned sickly, but then Asahi let the subject drop and talked about volleyball instead. Noya made sure to keep up the banter until well after they'd parked and gone into the lobby of the physical therapy gym.

Rather than simply wait on Chikara, who often ran late with his appointments, Noya set his crutches aside and claimed a space on the warm-up mat. Asahi helped work him through his first set of stretches, leaning on his shoulders, or sitting in front of him and pulling his arms forward. Chikara was usually grateful for this because it helped him stay on track with his next client. He came over just as Noya and Asahi were finishing up.

"Looking good!" Chikara cheered, looking moderately harried from his last appointment. "Here, let me feel your muscle tone."

Asahi stood back as Chikara methodically checked every healing site on Noya's body, spending a longer time on his lower leg than anywhere else. When he sat back, he looked pleased.

"Want to try something new today?" Chikara asked, a sparkle in his eyes that usually meant a fresh new torture for Noya's recovery. 

"Yeah!" Noya cheered, hiding his trepidation behind a reckless grin. "What is it today? You can't have anything worse than stairs, can you?"

Chikara laughed as he helped Noya to his feet. "I think you'll be really happy about this one. Give me a moment."

Without giving any explanation, Chikara pulled out a tape measure, measured the side of Noya's leg, then trotted off with a terse "be right back."

Noya glanced back at Asahi at the side of the mat. "What do you think it is?"

Asahi shrugged. "I don't know, but if it hurts too much, you can always go back a step."

Noya struggled not to roll his eyes. The point of therapy was to get better, not repeat things he could already do just fine. He knew Asahi's concern came from a good place but he was too impatient to appreciate it just then.

Chikara returned, grinning as he held something out to Noya. "Feel like ditching those crutches?"

"Fuck yeah!" Noya snatched the cane out of Chikara's hand, setting the tip down and starting to take a few experimental steps with it. "This is so much more convenient than crutches! They make collapsible canes, too, don't they? Ah, this is so much better!"

"Slow down," Chikara ordered, holding an arm out. "You're holding it on the wrong side. You use your left hand if the injury is on the right."

"Oh?" Noya switched hands. "That feels weird."

"Try it for a few steps," Chikara encouraged. "Just stay on the mat."

"Isn't it too soon for a cane?" Asahi asked, his nerves clearly expressed on his face. "He hasn't been on the crutches long at all. It hasn't even been a month."

"I know, and in normal circumstances, it would be better to wait," Chikara admitted. Noya only listened with half an ear as he strode back and forth, getting used to the rhythm of walking with the cane. "But I worry about his collarbone and the injury in his right arm. With the cane on the left, it doesn't put as much strain on his right side. And since a cane is so much lighter and more convenient than crutches, my hope is that Noya will actually use it." Noya flinched, feeling Chikara's glare rather than meeting it head on. "Because I get the sense that the instant you're alone, you ditch the crutches. Is that right?"

"Only for, like, short distances," Noya replied defensively. Or if he was carrying something. Or if he forgot. The crutches really were too much to handle with a baby crawling around underfoot constantly. 

"Yes, well, this should give you far less of an excuse," Chikara said brutally. "You'll have one hand free to carry things and if you get a collapsible cane, it can fit in a pocket. There's no reason not to use it."

"Will switching off the crutches..." Asahi paused in his question, hands dug deeply inside his pockets. "Will it... Should he, ah, take a few more pills at night after this?"

"No more than four," Chikara said swiftly, erring on the side of excess rather than avoidance. "Everyone experiences pain differently, so it's really up to Noya on how many to take so the pain is properly managed."

Noya loved that about Chikara: most patients were likely to abuse pain medication, so he was always hesitant to prescribe a hard number of the pills. It gave Noya an excuse to take fewer than he actually probably should take. That was better, though, really. A little lost sleep was nothing compared to an opiate addiction.

Asahi still looked doubtful, but then Chikara launched into an extremely precise explanation on the uses of canes and made Noya walk three laps around the mat perfectly before clearing him for cooldown stretches. Afterwards, Noya was able to select a cane from the limited selection at the gym. He'd probably end up buying a better one online, but in the meantime he was just excited to no longer be on crutches. He envisioned burning his crutches in the backyard while Ryu and the family were out of town, but figured Asahi would probably object. Besides, the crutches were barely used and Chikara offered to take them as a donation, so he could give them to someone whose insurance wasn't as excellent as Noya's was.

"I feel so much better already!" Noya crowed, making sure to follow all of Chikara's instructions in cane-using as he made his way to the car. "I finally don't have to take those stupid bulky crutches everywhere with me! Hey, should we go out? We can take a walk, maybe get some street food?" Noya couldn't help but smile, thinking of the days when they used to grab crepes from corner vendors in Tokyo. He could actually eat while walking now, it was practically a miracle!

"If you're hungry, we can just go to a restaurant," Asahi offered, starting the car. "How does sushi sound?"

"Too expensive to be filling," Noya replied. "Chikara still says I'm underweight. How about Korean barbecue?"

That had a nice symmetry to it, didn't it? After all, they announced they were dating for the first time at a Korean barbecue restaurant. Maybe it could happen twice.

For some reason, Asahi's face turned sour for just a moment. "I'd...rather not. I'm not hungry for barbecue."

That was odd. "Okay, then how about ramen?"

Noya thought that one was an easy sell--Asahi loved ramen!--but instead he was shocked by the slow shake of Asahi's head. "Maybe I can just make something back at the house. Or we can grab something from a convenience store."

"But this is the first time I can walk through a restaurant without my crutches getting stuck on chairs or tripping people!" Noya insisted. "C'mon, it'll be fun! I need the practice, anyway."

"Ennoshita told you not to overdo it on the first day with the cane," Asahi reminded him. "If you want practice, we can go shopping for lunch supplies and cook it back at the house. That shouldn't take too long."

"Asahi," Noya groaned. "I want to do something fun! Picking up groceries and cooking isn't fun!"

Asahi glanced over across the console, his eyes strangely deep for the instant Noya was able to peer into them, then they were skittering away towards the road again. "Okay. We'll go somewhere. But you have to let me pick the place."

"Alright!" Noya agreed eagerly. He regretted that as Asahi parked in front of a sandwich shop. "Asahi, if money's a problem, you know I'll pay, right?"

Asahi shook his head. "It's not about that. Do you need any help getting out?"

"Tch." Noya swung his door open and hopped out of the car, stumbling once before he remembered how he was supposed to use the cane. He caught Asahi frowning at him and hid a grimace. Maybe Chikara had been right about the whole "going slow" thing. The cane was more convenient than crutches, but it wasn't nearly as intuitive. He'd been looking forward to opening his own door for once, but Asahi beat him there, holding open the sandwich shop door with a concerned look on his face that Noya had to pretend he didn't see.

As close to midday as it was, the sandwich shop was pretty busy. They were lucky to get a table, though Noya suspected the table’s previous occupants turned it over to them out of pity for his cane and his aircast. He'd meant to ask Chikara if he could finally lose the aircast, but he'd forgotten in all the excitement of training with the cane. And, of course, the hope that he and Asahi could finally, finally talk and get everything out in the open.

It had to be today. It just had to be.

But with the sandwich shop as busy as it was, conversation was limited to asking for napkins to be passed across the table, or for refills of soda. As much as Noya wanted to walk around and utilize the hand that wasn't gripping the cane, the bustling sandwich shop was no place to practice, which meant he had to resign himself to asking Asahi to refill his drink.

And there was something...reserved about Asahi. About his fleeting smiles and darting glances. Was he nervous, too? Had he planned to talk things out today, just as Noya had? Or was it...something else? Work related, maybe? Or something with his family? If it was important, he would have said something already, wouldn't he? Or maybe Noya was just reading way too far into Asahi's expressions. It was likely he was tired from his early morning train ride to Miyagi; he usually only ever got a few hours of sleep the night before he traveled, due to work deadlines.

"Can we go for a walk?" Noya asked when they got back to the car. "Just a short one? We can stop if my leg starts to hurt."

Asahi didn't look up as he asked: "When is your next medication dose due?"

Noya checked the time. "In an hour. I feel fine, though."

Asahi considered, then nodded. "Can we walk around by the school? They have those little electric carts in case you can't make it back to the car."

Again, Noya barely suppressed a roll of his eyes. Of course he'd make it back to the car! He didn't need the help of a stupid little electric cart. But he agreed because he didn't want to fight. And it was time with Asahi, which meant it wasn't a waste of time at all.

School was in session, but most of the outdoor areas like the baseball field and the running track were empty. Asahi made Noya stick to the sidewalks, which proved difficult enough as most of them were cracked and uneven. Noya had thought it would have been the perfect time to talk, but it proved too much to keep an eye on the ground while holding a conversation. He nearly tripped twice and both times Asahi had caught him, asking with deeply concerned eyes if it wasn't time to go back to the car. The question turned into a command when the hour ticked down to Noya's next dose. He hadn't brought the meds with him, so the only thing to do was return to the house.

The house that was strangely empty for once. Ryu and Kiyoko typically worked alternating shifts so one of them was always home with the baby. Once or twice, Noya had been left alone with Baby Tanaka when her parents were tied up at work, or in traffic, but it hadn't happened often. They'd been trying to pick up as many hours as possible prior to going on leave for the new baby. Another reason Noya wanted to get out of their hair: things were about to get extra chaotic for the Tanaka household.

"Did Kiyoko say anything about baby names?" Asahi asked from the doorway as Noya went to get his meds. "I know they're waiting to find out the gender, but I thought maybe they had picked out a few names."

"I don't think they decided on anything." Noya quickly dry-swallowed his pill before sitting on the edge of his bed to remove his aircast. Surely he didn't need it now that he was home, right? "Ryu kept coming up with awesome ideas, but Kiyoko-san didn't seem to like any of them. She said he couldn't name any of their children after video game characters."

Asahi laughed, his face lighting up for the first time all day. Noya felt his stomach begin to unknot. That had to be a good sign, right?

"Did you want to play that cooking video game?" Asahi asked, taking a step backwards into the hallway. "I need to get a little work done later in the afternoon, but I can wait until you fall asleep."

Noya hid a scowl; he hated how tired this stupid medication still made him. His naps were practically as regular as Reika's, often nodding off with her around the same time and waking up just prior to dinner. It was bad enough that Asahi now knew to anticipate going to pick up Suga based on when Noya's meds knocked him out. He always fought the effects of the drugs, but it was markedly easier if he were physically active. Lately whenever he visited, Asahi preferred lowkey activities, like video games and movies. He probably thought it was better for Noya's body that way, but Noya had some decidedly different ideas for what might make him feel better.

"Actually, Asahi, I thought it'd be good time to talk." Noya grinned, quashing the butterflies in his stomach. He didn't know why he was nervous: there really wasn't any foreseeable way that this could go wrong. Either Asahi would agree that Noya could continue his physical therapy in Tokyo, or they could do the long-distance thing, but either way, they'd be back together again without the barrier of Noya's injury between them. That was what Asahi had been waiting for, wasn't it?

"Ah..." Instead of turning red, Asahi's face went pale. He looked around the room, seemingly looking at anything that wasn't Noya. "I, um...I guess we...we really should."

"Great!" Noya waved Asahi into the room, talking as Asahi moved the chair at the room's desk to face the bed. "Look, I know you wanted to talk when I got better and look!" He flourished the cane with a grin. "I can walk and everything now! I mean, I'll probably still wear the aircast for a little while for the support, and I'll keep taking the meds even though I don't really think they're doing anything. But I'm better!" Noya braced his elbows on his knees, leaning forward to meet Asahi's eyes. "So? We're good, right?"

Asahi nodded, his gaze flicking away shortly after their eyes met. "You look great, Yuu. I can tell you're putting some muscle back on. I'm sure Ennoshita will have you back to where you were before the accident in no time."

"Yeah, but actually, I was thinking." Noya shifted, trying to catch Asahi's elusive gaze. "I'm past the worst of it now, it's mostly just going easy until I can go hard again. And really, I can do that anywhere. So I thought: why not find a physical therapist in Tokyo?" He brightened his smile, a warm feeling growing in his chest at finally being able to say it out loud. "I can ask Chikara for a recommendation tonight. If there's someone with an open therapy slot, I might be able to go back to Tokyo with you!"

Asahi must have gotten a chill because he drew inward on himself, one arm crossed over his chest to hold the opposite arm. His one foot jiggled with anxious energy. His loose hair had fallen partially in front of his face, making his expression hard to read. Noya waited for a response. And waited. He shifted his seat on the bed again, trying to get in Asahi's line of sight.

"Asahi?" Noya asked timidly.

Asahi blinked rapidly. "I don't...I don't think that's a good idea."

"Oh." Noya felt his spirits sag, but they didn't fall. Not entirely. "That's fine. Listen."

Asahi perked up at that; it wasn't all that surprising that he preferred Noya stay on as Chikara's client, which was he'd made the back-up plan.

"I'm going to move out," Noya declared, turning his phone to a few relevant pages. "Ryu and Kiyoko-san don't need me here while they're taking care of a new baby; I really just get in the way. So I figured: why not get my own apartment? It's way easier now, without the wheelchair or the crutches. I wouldn't need someone to be with me all the time anymore."

Asahi was finally looking at him, eyes wide as he listened to Noya's brilliant plan.

"I'll get a car, too, so it'll be easier to pick you up from the train station." Noya grinned. "I'll have to take a few lessons, I haven't done much driving that wasn't a boat or a motorcycle or a plane that one time, but it can't be that difficult. And it'll mostly be you driving it anyway, since the place I want to rent is close enough to Chikara's gym that I can walk. I'm sure the walk will be a good warm-up for exercise, anyway."

"Yuu..."

"The car is second-hand, so I can buy it outright," Noya continued, showing Asahi the ad he'd found for a good used car. He'd even gone to see it once with Ryu, who'd given it a short test drive. "But the apartment's a little more tricky. See, I don't have a job right now, so even though I'm earning through my investments, I can't sign a lease without proof of income."

"Yuu, I..."

"So I thought you could sign the paperwork with me." Noya grinned, flipping his phone around to show off the apartment he'd found. "I can make all the payments, you don't have to worry about that. But it'll be our place for when you visit! No more sleeping on Daichi and Suga's couch."

Asahi put his hand over the phone lowering it. "Yuu, I...I don't think that's a good idea."

"Moving out?" Noya asked, confused. "I mean, I know you wanted me to be with friends when I was stuck in the chair, but I have the green light to take care of myself now. I'm fine, Asahi."

"I know."

"And Ryu and Kiyoko-san have the new baby to worry about. And their first kid is still no picnic." Noya smiled, though it felt a little weak. "I get in their way more than I help. And once I'm out, they can use this room as a nursery. They're being really kind by setting up the crib in their room for now, but there's no good reason for them both to wake up every time the baby needs something."

"No, that's...that's fine, I think. The moving out part. If you feel ready. If you want to." Asahi was looking away again, his shoulders hunched, his posture bowed inward. "I...it's... It should be whatever you want. But, ah... Now that--Now that you're better..."

With every stutter and stammer, Noya felt his heart sinking lower and lower into his gut.

Asahi took a sharp breath, then lifted his head, meeting Noya's gaze with an intensity Noya wasn't used to seeing. "You don't need me anymore now that you're better. And I--I never minded helping you. Really, not once. I don't regret dropping everything to fly to Canada, or helping you with your therapy. But I...I really have to get back to focusing on my job or I could lose it. So now that you're better... I think it's--I think we should--"

"No." Noya said it before the truth of what Asahi was saying really hit him. When it did, he shouted "No!" and jumped up from the bed. Asahi moved automatically to reach out towards him, looking to support rather than embrace, but Noya was steady enough on his feet to move in close and set his hands on Asahi's shoulders as he searched those deep brown eyes. "Asahi, no, we said we'd get back together when this was over. Look, I'm walking. It's over!"

"That's not... That's not what we said," Asahi said, his arms trembling as he visibly tried to figure out what he was supposed to do with them. He didn't seem to want to touch Noya, but was too afraid to drop his arms in case Noya lost his balance. "I said...I said we should talk about it when you were doing better. And I think...I think this what we both need."

"No," Noya repeated, this time heatedly. "No, Asahi, listen--I hated that you felt like you had to take care of me all this time, it wasn't fair and I felt really bad about leaving about your name on my insurance. None of this should have been your responsibility and I'm sorry for that. But no one just up and flies to Canada and lives there for a month and then splits his time between Tokyo and Miyagi for just anyone, right? I mean, you...you love me, don't you?"

"Yuu..." Asahi finally set his hands on Noya's arms, braced as they were on Asahi's shoulders. "I do. You know I do. And I have for longer than you know. But we're...we're really great friends. We're not...we're not so great as boyfriends."

"I don't want to be friends, Asahi," Noya replied fiercely. "There's more to us than that. You're the only person I've ever really dated, the only person I see myself with in the future. Living with you in Tokyo was better than any other adventure I've ever had in my life! I don't want it to just be over!"

A tear rolled down Asahi's face just before he turned away, loose curls hiding it from view. "I..." Noya watched the ball of Asahi's throat bob with a heavy swallow. "I don't want it to be over, either. But I've been thinking a lot about...about us and what we want and I...I'd rather keep you as a friend than lose you again to differences we can't compromise on. It's not fair. Not to either of us. So, please, Yuu--"

"Stop." Noya's hand curled into fists, crumpling Asahi's shirt between his fingers. "Stop, Asahi, no. I've been thinking a lot about us, too. Look, I know I have a lot to make up for, just--I just need a little time. We can work this out, I know we can, so just--just let me work on it, okay?"

Asahi shook his head, still not facing Noya. "You don't owe me anything. I would have done all this even if we had never confessed. There's nothing to work out, Yuu. If you...if you don't want to talk for a while, I understand, but I hope--"

"No!" Noya shoved Asahi shoulders hard enough to rock the chair beneath him. Asahi's grip tightened on Noya's arms, turning to stare up at him with wide eyes, tears staining both cheeks. "No, Asahi! This isn't how this is supposed to go! I've been waiting, like you told me! I did all the exercises, I took the medicine, I did _everything_ you told me because I thought when it was over, we'd be together again! This whole time, I thought you were just holding back on us because you didn't want to hurt me! And you were just...you were just waiting to break up with me this whole time?!"

"We weren't...we weren't together," Asahi argued, shaking his head. "We haven't been since...since Paris. You broke up with me, remember?"

"Yeah, but--" Noya floundered. The sick feeling in his stomach was growing. Why had he taken that dose of pain medication right before having this conversation? "But we kept sleeping together! And we didn't see anyone else." Well, he'd faked a relationship...and he had no idea if Asahi had seen anyone else, but at this point he really didn't want to know if he had. "You dropped everything for me when I was hurt and I--Asahi, I lo--"

"Yuu!" It was the first time Asahi had raised his voice. Noya could feel him trembling at every point of contact between them. "Can't you see how difficult this is for me? I've never felt this way about anyone else before and I'm terrified that I'll never find that again! But you...no one's ever hurt me the way you have, either and I...I'm scared of that, too. I can't...I just can't, Yuu. So please...don't ask me to."

"Asahi..." The pain in Noya's chest was unbearable. Far worse than any pain he'd felt before, during or after his accident. That stupid pain medication wasn't worth shit: he felt everything. "Asahi." He leaned in, lowered his head. Set his forehead against Asahi's, ran shaking fingers through loose curls. It felt like he couldn't breathe. Like something was physically restricting him from drawing a full breath. Slowly, he felt Asahi's hands slide up his arms. Drop to his sides. Wrap around his back in a hug. He pressed himself against Asahi's body, feeling silent sobs wrack Asahi's chest. He didn't know what to say. What could he say? If there was a magical combination of words to stop this, he'd give anything to know what it was. He'd been waiting all this time... How could it have turned out like this?

He wouldn't even let me hold him, Noya realized, thinking back on all the days and afternoons they'd spent together during Noya's rehabilitation. Whenever we started to get close, he pulled away. He knew...this whole time, he knew how it was going to end.

It's not fair.

Noya gulped down a breath and held it, trying to think. It wasn't easy. He’d never been particularly good at thinking, and was even worse at verbalizing what he wanted. He'd never forgive himself if he didn't try anything he could to stop this... But when it came right down to it, his greatest strength had always been his _strength_ \--his body, his ability, his fortitude. Or...at least it had been, back before the accident. As it was now, he didn't really expect it to give him an edge but...but he couldn't just let it end like this.

Noya tugged lightly at Asahi's hair until he tipped his face up. Tears glittered on the ends of his eyelashes but Noya ignored them in favor of Asahi's lips. He ducked his head, closed his eyes and pressed his mouth to Asahi's. The arms encircling him tightened, pulling him closer as Asahi yielded to the kiss, mouth opening under Noya's, soft and gentle and wet. He curled an arm around Asahi's shoulders, fitted himself between Asahi's legs to press against him. Maybe talking had been the problem. Maybe he should have used his body instead.

"Asahi," Noya said, voice husky when the kiss broke. "I know how you feel, but can't we... In Paris and even after, we...we still..." He shot a glance over at the bed, trying to find the best way to say it. "Can't we just..." He searched Asahi's eyes. "Even if it's the last time?"

Asahi's eyes looked like melted chocolate. His hands were so warm on Noya's back. He wanted it too...didn't he?

"I don't want to hurt you." That same old mantra.

"You won't." He was better now, didn’t Asahi know that? He wasn't even on crutches anymore, he'd been standing without the aircast, without the cane, without pain.

Well, without pain in his leg. His heart, though... That was slowly being crushed in a vice.

Asahi shifted backwards in his chair. One hand scrubbed at his face, smearing tears along his wrist as he drew a breath. "You just took your medication. I could hurt you without you knowing it."

"Asahi--"

"So," Asahi's voice cut across Noya's, his face set and determined despite the tear-reddened eyes. "If you want to, you're going to have to do it exactly the way I say. No complaints about going too slow, or not hard enough. And if I think you're in pain, I'm going to stop. Those are my conditions, Yuu. If you don't like it then...then it's probably for the best, anyway."

"No, it's fine," Noya said, agreeing quickly. Too quickly. He didn't care. Nothing else mattered except convincing Asahi they were better together than they were apart. And it had been so long, anyway, he probably would have agreed to anything. As long as it was Asahi doing the bargaining. "Yeah, let's--let's just--you don't need a condom, I've been--unless you--no, I don't care, it's fine, just--"

"I haven't been with anyone, Yuu." Asahi sighed and looked away, smiling through pain. "It's only been you for a while now."

"It's always just you," Noya said, his voice half a whisper.

Asahi shifted, as if to stand. Noya backed away, hastily pulling off his shirt and dropping it to the floor. He felt rushed, scared that Asahi might change his mind at any moment. Even as he moved back towards the bed, he grabbed Asahi's hand, drawing him with him. He stumbled when he tried to work his belt one-handed, Asahi catching his shoulders to steady him. No! Asahi caught his shoulders, then swooped in for a kiss. Noya grabbed his shirt and tugged it free from his pants. He licked into Asahi's mouth, torn between yanking the shirt over Asahi's shoulders or taking off Asahi's belt and pants. When Asahi started working Noya's belt buckle, he made up his mind and returned the favor, hands fumbling on the belt, shaking as they worked the buttons in a straight, downward line. Asahi gasped and back away before Noya finished, shrugging off his layered shirts before moving back in with a kiss that back Noya up to the bed. Normally, Noya hated anyone taking control over him like this, but he wasn't about to complain now. Not when he knew Asahi would stop. Not when this might be their last time together...

Asahi pressed Noya into the bed before sliding Noya's pants down his hips. He backed away and let Noya get his own boxers while Asahi stripped out of the rest of his clothes. His eyes were still rimmed in red, but he didn't look tragically distraught anymore. If anything, he looked...relieved. Noya felt hope kindle within his chest. If Asahi wanted this just as much as Noya did, then maybe it didn't have to end. This didn't have to be the last time. They didn't ever have to have a last time.

Asahi covered Noya's body on the bed, Noya wrapping his arms around him with a desperation he matched with his kiss. Asahi's hands were in his hair, on his skin, beneath him, lifting him, orienting him on the bed. The first kiss Asahi placed on Noya's neck made him scream, his body arching involuntarily against Asahi's. Asahi's groaning response reverberated through Noya's bones, setting every nerve ending on fire. Lips crashed together as passion met passion, fingers tangled in hair, nails dug into skin, hips rocking against each other with almost violent need.

I’m not going to last, Noya realized, gasping for air only to choke on it as Asahi's teeth grazed his shoulder. It's been too long and this is too much all at once. I can't--

Asahi suddenly pushed himself up to his hands and knees, chest and face flushed with arousal but his eyes startlingly clear. Noya grabbed at his arms, trying to hold him.

"You didn't--" he started to protest, but Asahi shook his head.

"I know. I need-- Do you have--"

The stutters gave it away without the need for more words. Laughter and tears hit unexpectedly at the same exact moment: how could Asahi still stumble over something as basic as sex lube when this was so familiar between them by now?

"Yeah." Noya pointed to his dresser. "Top drawer. It's unopened."

Asahi nodded and pushed himself up. Noya took the opportunity to catch his breath and sit up against the pillows. As much as he hated the break in momentum, it was actually a bit of a relief. He'd been far too close to finishing and this needed to last as long as humanly possible.

Asahi returned to the bed after ripping the seal off the fresh bottle of lube. He had that thoughtful look in his eyes that Noya associated with second-guessing himself. He grabbed Asahi's hand and pulled him into the bed beside him, grinning as he stole a quick kiss.

"Want me to do it?" Noya asked, reaching for the bottle.

"No," Asahi replied, looping an arm around Noya's back. "If it's alright, I want to."

"It's always alright, Asahi." Fuck, but why did that hurt so much to say?

Asahi leaned over, kissed Noya deeply, then lifted him into his lap. As they held the kiss, Noya adjusted to the position Asahi had always preferred to prepare him in: face to face and straddling Asahi's lap. Asahi ran a hand down his back, making him shiver.

"Is this too much weight on your leg?" Asahi asked, pulling back to meet Noya's eyes.

Noya shook his head. "Bending my knee hurts a little, but I'll just skip that stretch later on. It's fine for right now."

Asahi nodded, for once seeming to accept Noya's explanation at face value. They kissed again as Asahi squeezed a dollop of lube into his hand, then tossed the tube aside. Noya's sigh was one of relief as Asahi's fingers sank into him. The motion was smooth, practiced, and even though it had been a while, Noya's body remembered and welcomed it. Just as he relaxed enough to lay his head against Asahi's shoulder, Asahi hissed an uncharacteristic curse word. Noya laughed brightly, turning his face into Asahi's neck.

"I love hearing you talk like that," Noya admitted, still laughing, though his eyes burned.

"It's just--you're so tight." Asahi sounded embarrassed at being called out, but it didn't make him stop what he was doing. Noya felt a kiss pressed against the top of his head. "I love hearing you laugh."

And just like that, Noya was crying. He hid it though, keeping his face turned into Asahi's skin and choking down sobs. He looped Asahi's hair around his fingers, watching the play of light over each silken strand as he pulled his fingers through it. He didn't want to miss a moment of this. It was a struggle to live in the moment, not when he kept remembering that this could be their last time together.

But why did it have to be their last time? Why, if they both still loved each other?

Either Asahi understood just how close Noya was already, or else Asahi was just as impatient as Noya was, but either way, despite a thorough preparation with lube and stretching, he avoided touching Noya's prostate. Noya knew he was finished by the swipe of Asahi’s hand over the bedsheets and the way his hands settled on Noya's hips. Noya turned his head away, scrubbed at his cheeks, then fixed a smile on his face, hoping it hid the fact that he'd been crying.

"How do you want this?" Noya asked, hating the tiny tremor that somehow worked its way out of his throat.

When Asahi turned away and swiped a tear away from his eye, Noya felt a pang of fear that Asahi might still back out of this. But then he took a deep breath and turned back, a weak smile on his face. "Can you lie on your side? Your left side, I mean."

His uninjured side. Asahi wanted to keep him from putting weight and pressure on his right side. That didn't bode well for vigorous and deeply satisfying sex--how did anyone have sex lying sideways? But he'd agreed to do whatever Asahi said and he wasn't about to argue now. Noya resituated on the bed, thrilling at the feeling of Asahi settling in against his back, one arm curled around his waist. Even with the slide of skin against skin, of the heat of Asahi's erection against his back, Noya couldn't help but think this position was better suited for cuddling than for actual sex. Rather than voice his protest, Noya interlaced his fingers between Asahi's and lifted Asahi's hand to his lips, kissing his knuckles. Asahi's body shuddered as it curled around Noya's, his opposite arm stretching long so Noya could lay his head against it.

"Tell me if it hurts," Asahi said, freeing his hand from Noya's with obvious reluctance.

"It won't," Noya promised. Though after so much time, he expected there might be a little resistance, perhaps a little pain. But Asahi had to be talking about pain in his leg, or pain in the places he'd been injured. Otherwise, Noya would have to admit to the gaping wound where his heart was.

Asahi shifted, positioning himself against Noya's back and using his hand to guide himself. Another problem with this position (in Noya's opinion) was the difference between their heights. In order to make it work, Noya's head was just level with Asahi's chest. He could feel each exhaled breath ruffling his hair. It wasn't bad, it just wasn't his preference, either. And even after Asahi was lined up with Noya's entrance, the slightest thrust from his hips was more likely to move Noya's body than to penetrate. It seemed almost more like achieving orgasm would be more of a grinding motion than the hard, long thrusts Noya preferred. But it was Asahi and these were his conditions. Noya braced his hand and knee against the bed and pushed backwards without argument.

Asahi's hand curled around Noya's hip, aiding in holding him in place as he pushed inside. The bicep beneath Noya's head flexed as Asahi swore softly again, his body coming flush against Noya's back as he sank in inch by inch. Now that they were finally naked again, Noya could tell that Asahi had most definitely been working out--he'd suspected, of course, but it was hard to tell under Asahi's layered shirts and chronically hunched posture. He wished he could see it all laid out beneath him--Asahi's pecs, his bulging shoulder muscles, his hard abs--but he couldn't help but think about the reason Asahi suddenly started working out again. Had it all been in preparation of their break up? Of the end? Of a new search to find a partner? The thought made Noya feel queasy. It certainly didn't help that he knew exactly how he looked: skin deathly pale where the casts had been, his muscles slim and weak due to his inability to work out. At the very least, he'd avoided putting on additional weight, but putting muscle back on would likely take up to a year.

Well, at least there wasn't anyone Noya cared about impressing. Even if Asahi was looking forward to dating again, Noya wasn't. Wouldn't. Might never sleep with anyone again. That seemed a bit extreme: he probably would hook up, if only to get over Asahi and avoid the new-couple photos that were certain to appear on Asahi's timeline. But he doubted he'd ever feel the same way about anyone that he felt for Asahi.

Noya's stomach jolted with an unexpected sob. He managed to suppress the sound, but there was no hiding the contraction of his body from Asahi.

Asahi went still, his hand still on Noya's hip. "Are you okay?"

Noya nodded, holding one hand over his mouth. He swallowed hard, grateful Asahi couldn't see his face. He drew a few breaths through his nose, then, as steadily as possible, he admitted: "I just miss you."

Asahi curled all around him, legs tangling, fingers interlocking, Asahi's lips against Noya's hair. "I miss you too, Yuu."

Noya gripped Asahi's hands, pulling his arms around him like a blanket. Locked his ankle around Asahi's calf. He never wanted to let go. Never wanted the moment to end. From Asahi's harsh breaths, Noya could only assume he was crying. He turned his own face into the sheets, attempting to wipe away the evidence of his own tears. They stayed like that until their breathing levelled out, though their grips on each other were no less fierce.

Noya swallowed, squeezed Asahi's hand, drew a breath to steel himself. "Asahi--"

"Can I--" Asahi hesitated as he spoke over Noya, then continued. "Yuu, is it alright if I..."

"Yeah," Noya said, letting what he wanted to say fall away unspoken. He rocked back into Asahi, encouraging movement. "Please, Asahi."

He felt Asahi's nod, let Asahi disentangle their fingers and legs with reluctance. Asahi wrapped his arm around Noya's side, his hand on Noya's chest, holding him in place as he thrust into Noya's body. Noya sighed and closed his eyes as he rocked backwards. Just as he predicted, it was a gentle, small motion. That didn't really matter, though. If it took longer to finish, well, Noya wasn't about to complain.

And honestly...going slow wasn't all that bad. Asahi found a rhythm that let him pull most of the way out before slowly sheathing himself once again, giving Noya that full feeling that he loved before Asahi's slow retreat. He didn't have a lot of control, but he did manage to rock back into the sensation by leaning on his hand, elbow and knee. It was slow, languid, and intimate. After Noya fully relaxed into it, Asahi's hand slipped down from his chest, trailed to his stomach, then loosely closed around Noya's cock. He groaned, back arching as he thrust into the sensation, earning a moan from Asahi behind him. Without Asahi holding him, Noya had to press harder against the bed to keep from getting pushed forward by Asahi's thrusts. His hips rotated as his knee dug into the mattress, changing the angle of penetration. By the pause of Asahi's hand, Noya thought he was going to reposition them back on their sides, but then electric pleasure shot up Noya's spine, making him shout as his back arched, his head snapping back hard enough to clip Asahi's jaw.

What followed could only be described as a slow-motion moment where the euphoria wore off enough that Noya started to ask Asahi if he was okay, then punctuated by a single feral growl that sent a shiver of desire down Noya's back. Asahi rolled so that he was partially on top of Noya, still resting to majority of weight on his side, but with just enough leverage to keep thrusting against that spot, each time a little faster, a little harder, a little less controlled. Noya couldn't have held back the moans if he'd wanted to--and he didn't. Asahi felt amazing, and hard and fast was how he liked it. He pressed his forehead against Asahi's arm on the bed and rocked back into Asahi for every inch of movement he had available to him.

It became wild, untamed, in mere minutes. Asahi rolled almost entirely over on Noya, the arm that had been stroking Noya's length now braced against the mattress to hold Asahi up as he thrust with reckless abandon. Noya was still mostly on his side, with his healed leg taking some weight to hold himself up off the mattress. His body was shaking, his need unmatched to any time before. He finally found the headspace to live inside the moment, letting everything else fall away. The only thing that mattered was using enough pressure to meet each and every one of Asahi's thrusts. The only thing that mattered was the electric sensation that made him scream rather than cry. The only thing that mattered was taking himself in hand when he knew he was nearing his end.

The only thing that mattered was being in that moment with Asahi.

It hit him all at once, hard enough to make him lose his breath, hard enough to hurt: Noya came with a shout, with blinding force, with heat, with pressure, with a truly dizzying amount of love. Asahi's weight came down on him hard, that arm that had been supporting Asahi's weight closing around Noya's chest like a seatbelt, holding him still, pulling him down. keeping him close. Noya felt Asahi pulsing in time to his heartbeat inside him. He told himself to remember that, to remember the feeling. To remember it because there was no way of knowing if he'd ever get this chance again. But it was so hard to concentrate, now that his own orgasm was past. Why did his eyelids feel so heavy? Why did moving feel like such a struggle?

_The medicine!_ Noya realized all at once, forcing his eyes open. The stupid medicine combined with the release of nervous energy, was dragging him towards sleep. But he could fight it. He had before. He just had to--

"Aaah!" Noya screamed as his leg cramped suddenly and unexpectedly, his body nearly seizing with pain.

"Yuu!" Asahi sounded startled and perhaps a bit pained as Noya's body forced him out. Noya would have apologized if the pain in his leg wasn't currently rendering him speechless. His body contorted, his hands grabbing at his legs, intent on ripping the cramp out as usual. "Stop, Yuu, wait." Asahi's hands slipped beneath Noya's, feeling for the overly tensed muscle. "Let me."

Asahi didn't yank at Noya's leg the way Noya did to free a cramp. No, his big hands felt for the ends of the muscle, pinching in, massaging, and slowly easing. The pain lasted longer, but when it finally melted, Noya melted with it, no opposing pain lingering around afterwards. It would have been nice if it didn't make him tired as well.

"Sorry," Asahi said, rolling back to his side, one hand still petting Noya's leg soothingly. "I...I lost control. I didn't mean to hurt you."

"You didn't," Noya argued, gripping Asahi's forearms with force and pulling them around him. "That always happens after therapy. After I relax. It wasn't your fault."

"I...I'm still sorry it happened." Asahi curled his arms around Noya a little tighter.

Noya rolled in Asahi's arms, putting them face to face. "I'm not." He cupped the sides of Asahi's face, keeping his eyes open as they kissed. If he closed his eyes, the medicine would get him. The medicine...and the pain. When the kiss broke, Noya smoothed Asahi's hair out of his face, tucking it behind his ear.

"Asahi, I love you."

Asahi's trembling smile was devastating, as was the bob of his Adam's apple. "We should...we should clean up."

Noya tensed, prepared to argue, then relented. Getting up and moving would counteract the medication: he could stay awake longer, stay with Asahi longer, maybe even convince him to stay. With a breath that felt empty already, Noya nodded and rolled out of Asahi's arms, both of them reluctantly disengaging in order to stretch, sit up, then stand. Noya couldn't help but cast a glance over at Asahi, checking out his abs, chest and arms. Even his thighs looked firmer, corded with hard muscle. Was he playing volleyball again? Noya almost asked, then stopped himself. If Asahi was falling for someone on a community team, the last thing Noya wanted was to remind him of that now.

Asahi was nervous about heading to the bathroom naked, but Noya reminded him that the Tanakas were staying at Kiyoko's parents' home for the next few days, until the baby was born, and that they were the only ones in the house. Even so, Asahi closed the bathroom door firmly shut behind them as Noya wet a washcloth in the sink. Showering together would have been nice, but the medicine was making him wobbly on his feet and he didn't want Asahi to notice that, or else he'd find himself back in bed, tucked in tight with soothing music playing. His hope was to stay up, talking to Asahi and convincing him to stay.

Convincing him it didn't have to end.

After a quick clean-up, Noya grabbed Asahi's wrist and towed him in close, raising himself up on his toes as he pulled Asahi down for a kiss. He felt a slight hesitation in Asahi, but when their lips met, the kiss was as passionate as it always was. Noya felt that tiny flame of hope flicker a little brighter: maybe this could work after all.

"Hey, Asahi," Noya started, patting himself dry with a towel. "I was thinking: Ryu and Kiyoko-san are going to be gone for a while. Why don't you just stay here instead of going back to Daichi and Suga's place? We could order take-out for dinner and you could help me with my stretches later."

Asahi cringed visibly. "I, uh...I was actually thinking I might catch a train home tonight."

"Tonight?" Noya echoed, his hope suddenly ringing hollow.

"Yeah, um..." Asahi ducked his head, cupping the back of his neck anxiously. "I have a lot of work to catch up on, and you're walking on your own now, so...you don't...um..." Asahi trailed off, then cleared his throat. "If you need the help stretching, I'm sure Daichi or Suga could come help. But you should probably take it easy anyway. You've been walking a lot today and your body could probably use the break."

"You can work here," Noya insisted. "I won't bother you, I can still take a break from stretching if you're here. You don't have to--"

"Yuu." Noya flinched: that was Asahi's weary yet firm tone. "I can tell you're using makeup to hide the circles under your eyes. I know you're not sleeping. Me staying here... It would only aggravate that."

"I am sleeping," Noya protested. One look from Asahi had him retreating, though. "I try to sleep. I take the medication, but the pain wakes me up anyway. I'll take the medication even if you stay, Asahi. It just doesn't make much of a difference."

"I'm sorry," Asahi said, sounding both sincere and morose. "But if you're already waking up in pain...I'd hate to add to that. I'm going to go home, Yuu. Back to Tokyo."

"Please." Noya grabbed Asahi's hand, desperation like claws digging into the soft meat of his heart. "Don't just--don't just go. We never just walked out after sex, remember? Don't...don't just leave now."

Noya could see Asahi's heart crumbling even as he nodded, resigned. While he hated resorting to manipulation, the thought of just letting Asahi go hurt even more. Keeping hold of Asahi's hand, Noya led him back to the guest room and pulled him back into the bed after him. Asahi arranged himself against the pillows before opening his arms to Noya. Noya dove into them like a man dying of thirst. He buried his face in the side of Asahi's neck and drank in the scent of his cologne, his shampoo, his sweat. Asahi's arms closed around him, warm and tight and loving.

"Asahi," Noya said speaking into Asahi's skin. "I meant it. I love you."

"I know." Asahi shifted, somehow managing to pull Noya in even closer. "I love you, too."

"You don't--" Noya stopped when a sob threatened to break free. When he had it under control, he continued. "You really don't have to go back right away. You could still go back to Daichi and Suga's. Or sleep on the couch if you're that worried about hurting me."

"I have to go," Asahi said, speaking soft and low. "I have so much work to do. I'm helping two other designers with their lines to make up for all the time I've been taking off. I'm sorry, Yuu, but it's really for the best that I go."

Noya felt immense pressure in his throat, as if an invisible hand were choking him. "Does that mean...you're not coming back?"

"I'll visit." But he didn't sound convincing. "There's Daichi and Suga's wedding."

"In the summer," Noya pointed out.

Asahi's chest rose and fell with a deep breath. "You could visit Tokyo. If you wanted. We could...we could still go to volleyball games. See Hinata and Kageyama when they're in town. Like...like we used to."

Noya felt the void in his chest grow deeper, darker, bleaker. Asahi was talking like they were already split up. Like it was already over.

And...wasn't it?

Hadn't this been...their goodbye?

Noya shifted in Asahi's arms, moving to try and keep himself awake. No matter how hard he struggled, sleep loomed ever nearer. The bed was warm, his eyes felt heavy and Asahi's presence was comforting, lulling and protective. Noya felt the now-familiar falling sensation that seized him every time the medication dragged him under. He gripped Asahi's forearms tightly, hoping to keep him for as long as possible.

"Asahi."

"Relax, Yuu."

"Asahi, please..."

"I'm right here."

"Asahi, don't..."

"You can sleep, Yuu, it's okay."

Please don't go.

~*~^~*~

Asahi told himself he was only waiting until Noya fell asleep, but the truth was that he didn't want to leave at all. He even fell asleep himself for a little while, though the anxious energy of sleeping before finishing his daily work assignments woke him before he'd even slept an hour. Even deep asleep, Noya's hands were difficult to peel off his wrists, and when he did, they left dark red marks behind. Asahi felt his heart contract: No, he didn't really want to leave. Not now. Not ever.

Not without Noya.

But really, this was for the best. They each had things to figure out, and they were both still young enough to choose different paths, make different choices. This was a good time to do that.

For both of them.

Before Asahi managed to slip entirely out of the bed, Noya cried out, his body curling in on itself. For one fleeting, hopeful instant, Asahi thought Noya had woken up. If he had to look into those distressed amber eyes one more time, he was certain his resolve would crack. He'd stop. He'd stay. It had hurt too much saying no the first time; his heart couldn't take saying it again. But no, Noya was clearly asleep--and just as clearly in pain. After his cry ended, his face was distorted, his hands curled into claws. Distressed, Asahi lifted the blankets, feeling along Noya's leg with his hands. There: the muscles Noya had overworked had seized. Asahi pinched the top of the muscle, smoothing his hand down along it, easing and pressing until he felt the muscle come loose like a knot. Noya's body uncoiled, his expression smoothed and his breathing became even once again. Asahi smiled to himself as he covered Noya snugly with the blanket.

I guess he's not feeling the pain while he sleeps? Asahi wondered as he dressed as silently as possible. Still, I wish he wasn't in pain at all. I'm sure it'll get better in time.

All things got better in time.

At least, Asahi hoped they did.

Feeling like his heart had been doused in gasoline and set on fire, Asahi scribbled a note and left it on Noya's phone. He took a last look, a last lingering touch, as he smoothed Noya's hair. Brushed a tear off his face.

Then Asahi closed the bedroom door, leaving his heart behind.


	13. Chapter 13

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Asahi had left a note.
> 
> Could he read it? Should he? It was over either way, whether he read it or he didn't. So why go through the pain? Why not throw it away? Or better yet, why not burn it? They'd said their goodbyes, hadn't they? A few times, really. They'd said goodbye when Noya first began traveling the world. They'd said it again in Paris. And maybe a few too many times in Tokyo. And they'd said it again just last night. How many more goodbyes did they have to suffer through until it was finally the last one?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, deep breath. It’s not entirely terrible, but just in case, maybe have some tea and tissues close at hand. And not to scare you but…this is pretty much the end of this story.

Noya woke alone.

It wasn't just his bed that was empty, nor the house resonating with silence.

His chest felt empty, too.

Asahi was gone.

For good this time.

And really...that was Noya's fault, wasn't it? He'd broken it off in the first place. Back in Paris. Then again in Tokyo. But Asahi had flown halfway around the world when Noya had been injured, had sat by his bed every day for months, putting his own livelihood at risk in order to be there for Noya. He'd helped with the physical therapy, had offered encouragement and even gentle admonishments. Wasn't it normal to think they were back together? After all this time?

Noya screwed his eyes shut. If he opened them, it would be like admitting Asahi was really gone. Maybe he was just fixing breakfast. Maybe he'd be in in just a moment. Any second now.

Noya had gotten pretty good at lying to himself.

Because if he really thought about it, Asahi flying to him in Canada wasn't actually anything special. Asahi would have done that for any of his friends. Maybe he'd put in a little extra time and effort because of their history together, but ultimately...that was just the person Asahi was. If anything, the fact that Noya had left Asahi's name on his insurance as his point of contact could be construed as an act of manipulation. It hadn't been--Noya honestly hadn't believed he could even get injured badly enough to require an emergency contact--but if Asahi or anyone else saw it that way, Noya wouldn't correct them. If it were to happen all over again, Asahi would still be the first person Noya would have wanted to see when he opened his eyes.

I need to change my emergency contact on my insurance, Noya thought, pulling the pillow over his head as he rolled over. Ryu might be okay with it. He'll probably have to ask Kiyoko first. Not that it matters, anyway. It's not like I’ll be doing anything that extreme anymore.

As Noya stared into the blackness of the void, the void stared back. Eventually it became too much and Noya flipped over onto his back, feeling the silence of the house like an eerie presence. His eyes slowly opened almost against his will, staring up at the white ceiling above his bed, as if staring into space was any better than staring into the blackness behind his eyelids.

What was he going to do? Sure, he wasn't hurting for money. Not now, at least. His insurance was covering his medical bills and his investments could cover anything else he needed. But he couldn't just do nothing. He was young and once he recovered, he'd be in the prime of his life. Most of his friends had real jobs, families and homes: he couldn't just hang out in Miyagi and expect it to be exactly the same as it was in high school. And he'd go mad with nothing to keep himself busy, anyway. But what, exactly, was there for him to do?

Go to college? It was an option, and one he could afford. The way Chikara and the others talked about college, it had been a blast: like high school but with more freedom and less volleyball. But what would he study? Would anything keep his interest the way volleyball had? He hadn't been a very good student--he'd only done the minimal amount of work in order to stay on the volleyball team and nothing more. College was great for some people, but Noya didn't really see himself as a student.

Professional volleyball? Noya almost laughed, but it hurt his chest too much. After these injuries, no team in the league would touch him. He might be able to help coach at the high school level, though. Especially here in Miyagi. Enough of the coaches here still remembered the name "Nishinoya" as synonymous with "the Guardian Deity of Karasuno." That wasn't a terrible idea, but it was generally seasonal and the hours were limited. It might be fun, but it wouldn't be enough.

In a month or two, he could probably go back to modeling. But that meant going back to Tokyo. Noya wasn't certain he could be that close to Asahi and pretend he wasn't still in love. And modeling had never been a passion anyway, it was just a reason to stay in shape and a means of paying bills. It had been fun, but he couldn't really see himself doing it forever.

In fact...there really wasn't anything Noya could see himself doing forever.

How did people live that way? Did Suga just wake up one morning and decide that being a teacher was what he was meant to do? Had Chikara always wanted to be a doctor? Was it a choice he still enjoyed, or did he have regrets? What if he decided he didn't want to be a doctor anymore? Could he just change jobs? Or would he just change from being a physical therapist to, like, the kind of doctor that treated runny noses? What if his interests changed and he wanted to help build bridges, or write books, or take up underwater welding? How could he be so sure that he wanted to be a doctor every day for the rest of his life?

How did _anyone_ get up day after day to do the same thing over and over again? It was a mystery Noya had never been able to solve. He didn't mind working--not even working hard, that wasn't the problem. The problem was that jobs got boring over time. They all did. And it was nice to just pick up and go find a new one, usually in an entirely new country. Sometimes a new continent. He thrived on change, on never living the same day twice. How was he going to find something like that in Miyagi? How was he going to find anything that could keep and hold his interest?

Or maybe...Noya covered his eyes with his arm, feeling the ache deep inside his chest. Maybe he should plan to resume traveling again. Maybe check out Argentina, like Oikawa suggested. There was still so much of South America he hadn't seen. He didn’t have to do anything extreme; he could kayak, or maybe he could just hike. Find some work to do, carry his entire life in his phone and on his back. That had been enough, once. Couldn’t it be enough again?

But if he was being truly honest with himself...it wasn't. He didn't want to travel anymore, didn't want to learn new languages, or new currencies, didn't want to pick up weird and exotic jobs, all he wanted was...

Noya's hand closed into a fist over his heart, pain in his chest like he'd swallowed a pin cushion full of needles. There was only one thing he wanted. And he couldn't have that anymore.

It would have been nice to wallow in bed all morning, but an alarm went off on Noya's phone, reminding him that he had scheduled time at the physical therapy gym. He wouldn't see Chikara, but professionals would be close by to help him modify his workouts as needed in order to rebuild the muscle mass he'd lost while healing. Chikara had only just given the green light to workout, but lightly, and as Ryu was about to be busy with a newborn, Noya had made the decision not to rely on him for help at home.

Though really, the plan had been to build himself a home-gym in the apartment he'd wanted to buy with Asahi.

"Ugh..." Noya groaned, rolling over to turn off his phone. Why did every thought lead him straight back to--

A piece of folded paper slipped off Noya's phone when he attempted to brush his finger across the screen. He squinted at the nightstand, watching the slip of paper fall, drifting towards the floor. He only caught a glimpse of the writing before it fell out of sight, but his stomach clenched painfully as he recognized Asahi's writing.

Asahi had left a note.

Noya rolled off the bed, grabbing at the note hard enough to crinkle the edges. He stared at it in his hand, still folded over, revealing nothing. Noya's hand shook. He knew what this was, didn't he? This was goodbye. As clear as a key left by the door. As clear as an international plane ticket. As clear as day, this note signified the end.

Could he read it? Should he? It was over either way, whether he read it or he didn't. So why go through the pain? Why not throw it away? Or better yet, why not burn it? They'd said their goodbyes, hadn't they? A few times, really. They'd said goodbye when Noya first began traveling the world. They'd said it again in Paris. And maybe a few too many times in Tokyo. And they'd said it again just last night. How many more goodbyes did they have to suffer through until it was finally the last one?

This is it, Noya decided, closing his hand around the paper. This is the last goodbye. I'm not going to hurt him anymore, and after this, he won't be able to hurt me, either.

So then...did he read it?

Noya's eyes burned, his vision going blurry. He couldn't read it right now anyway, he'd just get tears on the paper. He tipped his head back to stare up at the ceiling, drawing deep breaths to fight back tears. When he thought he had a handle on it, he looked back down at the tiny, folded note, noting the fresh twinge of pain in his heart. It was just so "Asahi" to leave a note. He could have texted, or sent an email, or even left a voicemail. But no, he'd stayed long enough to write a note because it was a more personal touch. It made Noya sick to think about Asahi sliding out of the bed, calmly penning his goodbye note, and then tiptoeing out of the room. That imaginary visual was enough, wasn't it? He didn't really need to read the note. He was already in enough pain, wasn't he?

Noya scraped himself up off the floor, tugged on a fresh t-shirt and shuffled down the hall to the kitchen. The house really was eerily silent without Ryu and Kiyoko and baby Reika. Maybe another time he would have reveled in the silence, knowing it wouldn't last. While Noya didn't have a lot of experience with newborns, he expected they were probably noisy. Not that Reika was at all timid in making her opinions known, but at least she was approaching the age where she could be reasoned with. Or bribed. Babies weren't known to be reasonable.

Noya made coffee purely by muscle memory. It was only when he sat down at the table with a cup that he realized he'd forgotten his cane in his room. Chikara would probably yell at him for that. It was nice not wearing the aircast anymore, but his leg still needed the additional support. At least he hadn't gone far without it; he'd try and remember it next time.

Just as Noya was thinking how nice a long, hot shower might be, he noticed the folded slip of paper on the table next to his coffee cup. Asahi's note? But how did it get here from the bedroom? It took Noya a moment to realize he'd never put it down: he must have carried it here himself. He sighed and flicked the paper across the table. When it looked like it might fall off the far side, Noya lunged and caught it. Just because he didn't want to read it didn't mean he wanted to throw it away, either. He kept it close as he finished his coffee, then left it by his phone while he showered. The hot water felt so good that he ended up standing under it for hours, until it ran cold. When he toweled off, he realized he'd missed his physical therapy appointment. Oh well.

With nothing to do and no one to talk to, Noya sat down in front of the TV and idly flipped through the channels. There were plenty of weights and stretchy bands and grippers, but Noya wasn't supposed to workout on his own yet and honestly, he didn't really feel like it. He didn't settle on any single show, but when he got tired of changing channels, he set the remote down and dozed for a bit. When he woke up and reached for the remote, he found Asahi's note on top of it. Dammit, was that stupid thing just going to haunt him until he read it?

He picked the note up, stared at it with heavy consideration, then his stomach growled ominously. Yes, food would help. A big meal, that was what he needed.

Although when he got to the kitchen, nothing sounded good. He scrolled through his phone, thinking he might order something, but even that didn't pique his interest. In the end, he made some instant meal thing he found in a cupboard and after he cleaned up, he found the note waiting near his phone. With a shrug, Noya carried it back to the TV room and set it nearby as he flipped the channels idly again.

The next day passed in a similar blur, with Noya skipping his therapy and the note turning up everywhere even though Noya had no memory of moving it. Maybe he was just clinging to the memory of his last night with Asahi. This was proof of their last time together. Or maybe it was just symbolic of his desire not to let go; as long as he didn't read the note, it wasn't really over. Right?

Noya got a few text messages, a few calls, even a voicemail, but he didn't check any of them. Most of them were from Chikara and Noya didn't feel like being yelled at for missing his therapy or forgetting to use his cane. He still took his medication, but usually only at night, and even then he took just a half dose to help him fall asleep. Asahi wouldn't be checking up on him anymore, so what was the point? And the cramps woke him up in pain no matter how much medication he took, although the longer he took off from his exercises, the less pain he felt, so at least he had that going for him. Not really, because it meant he was getting weaker, but it was hard to care about that just then.

A part of Noya knew he was depressed and that same part was annoyed at himself for being depressed. He was used to confronting challenges head-on and facing them down, but what could he do this time? He'd tried talking to Asahi, he'd tried following all the rules laid down for him, he'd even tried seducing Asahi at the very end and nothing had worked. There wasn't anything left to fight, there was only acceptance. And Noya wasn't ready to accept that it was over, so all he could really do was wallow in his pain and wander through the darkness.

On the third morning of waking up in an empty house with an even emptier heart, Noya awoke to an image sent to him by Ryu. Kiyoko had had the baby the night before and in the picture, Ryu was looking radiant, proud and loving as he held the new red-faced baby swaddled in a pink blanket. It took long minutes for the image to process in Noya's mind. Another girl? Wouldn't Ryu be disappointed? He'd wanted a boy--he'd said as much to Noya--but looking at the photo, there wasn't an ounce of disappointment on Ryu's face. In fact, he seemed overjoyed at the notion of having a second daughter. In the background of the photo, Kiyoko was resting on a hospital bed, looking tired and pale, but she was smiling. Not at the camera, and not at the baby, but at Ryu. She looked peaceful. Content. Like there was no one better in the whole world than the man she'd married.

What is this? Noya wondered as the image blurred. He couldn't draw enough air to breathe, the back of his throat burned and he couldn't swallow past the acid. He was happy for Ryu and Kiyoko, wasn't he? This was what they'd wanted, and it looked like everyone was safe and happy. So why did he feel so...so pained? So angry? So _dark_? 

_Why does this make me think of Asahi?_

_I'm going to be sick._

Noya kicked free of the blankets, rolled out of the bed hard enough to send shockwaves of pain radiating up from the knee he'd landed on, then scrambled to the bathroom. He didn't have much to throw up, but there were some bits of dinner mixed in with the bile. When he finished heaving, he sat back heavily against the wall and scraped the corners of his mouth with the back of his hand, because something was clutched tightly in the center of his fist. He thought it was his phone, but when he stopped and looked, he realized it was Asahi's note. Now crinkled around the edges from being carried around so much, a little worn, a little beaten, but when he caught sight of the writing through the edge, it was still crystal clear as Asahi's penmanship. Asahi's goodbye. Evidence of the end.

Noya was seized with the sudden urge to drop the note into the toilet along with the rest of the mess he'd made, but he couldn't go through with it. Instead, he cradled the note to his chest, breathing hard and blinking back tears. He needed to let go. Needed to accept the end. Because this...this wallowing, this inner darkness...this wasn't him. Never had been. No, Noya was a fighter. He'd always picked himself back up again, even after the game was lost. There was always a way forward. He just had to take a step.

I should just get it over with, Noya decided, dropping his eyes to the folded note in his hand. It's already over. It's not doing me any good to keep fixating on it. I need to be better by the time Ryu and Kiyoko get back. They've been so good to take me in, I can't ask them to take care of me when they've already got two kids to take care of. I'll read the note, I'll cry about it being over, and then I'll get over it. That's all there is to it.

Still, even with his new resolve it felt an insurmountable task to unfold the tiny piece of paper and read the writing he'd been catching glimpses of for days.

So Noya delayed. He traced the edges of the paper with his fingers, studied the fold and imagined Asahi's fingers smoothing the edge flat. He held it to his nose, getting the faintest scents of coffee and Asahi's cologne. He turned it over and for the first time he noticed a circular blemish on the page. He frowned and touched it. Had he splashed something on the note? Wait, no. The mark was old and dried, the paper thin and crinkled within the circle. A perfect match to a single fallen tear.

And Noya was certain he hadn't been the one who'd cried on the note.

He was crying, Noya realized, feeling his own eyes well up at the discovery. He was crying when he wrote this. And now I'm crying too.

Noya's hands shook, his head ached, his chest burned like it was on fire. The paper crumpled as he leaned forward, setting his head in his hands. Why did it have to be this way? Why was it all tears and pain for them now? Why couldn't it be laughter and kisses, like how it used to be? Like the day they confessed, or those days they spent in Paris? It used to be easy, it used to be fun. Why couldn't life just be like that? Why couldn't they just have what they both wanted, why endure what was hurting them both?

Why? Noya wondered with a jolt of clarity. He lifted his head slightly, brows furrowed as he asked himself the question again: Why _does_ it have to be like this?

A stillness settled over him, the kind of stillness that only happened when he was watching the volleyball drop, reading the spin, the angle, the force behind it. It was like that moment where he knew the exact place he needed to be in order to receive the ball and send it perfectly to the setter, the perfect place to be in order to keep the ball connected.

So when he had his answer, Noya jumped to his feet, note fluttering to the floor, completely forgotten. He was finished with goodbyes.

Noya flushed the toilet, rinsed his mouth out and hastily combed and spiked his hair. Back in his room, he threw a few clothes on without paying much attention, barely remembering to grab a jacket and his cane before shouldering his way through the door. It was important to text Ryu, to let him know Noya would be gone when he and Kiyoko got home. After that, the only important thing left to do was buy a train ticket. Noya scrubbed his face with his hand one last time as he pulled the door to the Tanaka household locked behind him.

The time for tears was over.

Now was the time for action.

~*~^~*~

The microwave chimed and Asahi unfolded himself from his seated position in front of his laptop, groaning as he arched his back from its perpetual hunch. Normally he worked at his desk at the office, which was far better for his back, but he'd taken a work from home day for some personal reasons, so he’d been out most of the day. He was just now trying to catch up on the work he'd missed earlier. He actually had gotten through a full workout, which was why he was "treating" himself to an instant ramen dinner, otherwise he'd be eating leaner. He took the steaming bowl of reheated noodles to the low table, set a pair of chopsticks over the vented lid to allow it to simmer a little longer, then changed the tab on his laptop.

After all, dinner was break time.

He reviewed the pictures one at a time, making plans in his head for what each could be, with the right amount of work. It might take a while, as well as some money Asahi didn't really have, but in the long run, he thought it would work out nicely. If he could get it at all.

Asahi reached for his bowl of instant noodles and hissed as the steam hit his fingers, still hot enough to burn mildly. He tugged the container towards him carefully, peeling the lid back as steam billowed out. It was still too hot to eat, but that was fine. He had more than enough to occupy his time while he waited for--

Knock! Knock! Knock!

Asahi startled, hand tensing around the outside of the container, making steaming broth spill over the side. As he tried to simultaneously move his laptop and mop up the mess, he wondered who in the world might be knocking on his door. A neighbor with a noise complaint? No, that didn't make sense. Asahi didn't even have the TV on, never mind anything else louder than the ding of the microwave. A lost food delivery person? Possibly, but why knock so loudly?

Asahi was just standing up when the doorknob rattled and turned. His heart sank as he realized he hadn't locked it and as visions of getting murdered by a psycho killer began to take root in his chest, the door burst open, dispelling some fears while igniting new ones all at the same time.

"Noya!" Asahi staggered upright, jostling the table with his knee in the process and spilling more broth from his dinner, but he couldn't be concerned with that now. Noya looked wild-eyed and disheveled, his hair slightly crunched, sweat on his forehead as he attempted to catch his breath while leaning heavily on his slender walking cane.

"Asahi." Noya staggered in a step, shoving the door closed behind him. He panted in the doorway, still catching his breath, his free hand rubbing the leg that had recently come out of a cast. Asahi couldn't remember the last time he'd seen Noya looking so physically exhausted--it had to be after one of their more intense volleyball games way back in their high school days, because Noya rarely worked out hard enough to lose his breath anymore. Or at least, he used to. It was his eyes, though, that rooted Asahi to the spot, the intensity of Noya's gaze pinning him like a bug to a board. Asahi felt his heart skip a beat, then jump into a sprint. What was Noya doing here? Was he here by himself? God, he hadn't gone up all those stairs, had he? What would that do to his recovery?

"What are you doing here?" Asahi asked weakly. "Are you...okay?"

"I have to tell you something," Noya said determinedly, eyes straightforward, jaw set. Noya's stubborn face: Asahi braced himself. He had no idea what to expect, but if Noya looked that concerned, then Asahi was terrified. "Look, I know we weren't together all that time, okay? I know it's been over since Paris and that's my fault, but I don't want that anymore and I don't think you do, either."

"Noya--"

"No, listen." Noya squared his shoulders, drawing himself up as much as possible. "Azumane Asahi, will you--"

Noya cried out suddenly, his bad leg collapsing underneath him as his cane slid out from under him. Asahi bolted across the tiny apartment to catch him, bracing Noya's shoulders with one arm as he pulled Noya against him with the other. Noya's eyes squeezed shut, both hands closed around his leg just above the knee.

"Stupid leg!" Noya hissed, tears leaking from the corners of his eyes. "It wasn't supposed to go like this."

"Sh, Noya, relax," Asahi coached, taking enough of Noya's weight against his chest in order to pop Noya's shoes off and leave them at the door. Being careful of Noya's leg, Asahi slipped an arm underneath Noya's knees and lifted him, earning a grunt of protest and pain as he cradled Noya close to him. Noya was still heavy, but far lighter than he had been when they'd been dating. It almost made Asahi smile to remember carrying a drunk Noya up the stairs to Daichi and Suga's apartment not so long ago. At least he was in better shape this time. Asahi set Noya on the edge of his bed, crouching in front of him rather than sitting down with him.

"Ow, dammit, Asahi, I swear I didn't come here to make you take care of me," Noya grumbled, pounding a fist into the taut muscle of his bad leg.

"I never imagined you did," Asahi assured him. He cringed as Noya tried to beat the cramp out of his leg, fearful of the damage he might be doing to himself. "Here, let me." Asahi slid his hands under Noya's, pinching and easing the muscle the way Ennoshita had taught them. It took long minutes, during which Noya was no doubt in pain, but the muscle finally relaxed, Noya sagging slightly in relief. Asahi sat back, reluctant to let go all the way, so he worked on Noya's lower leg, feeling the muscles there were also on the brink of cramping painfully. "How did you get here, Noya? Did someone come with you? Are you... Did you drop your things at a hotel or something?"

"No, I didn't bring any things, and I came alone." Noya was leaning back on his hands, eyes half closed against pain Asahi couldn't even imagine. "I took the train this morning. I should have gotten here way earlier but my stupid leg didn't want to work."

Asahi tried to keep his admonishments light. "What about your physical therapy? Will this set you back? You shouldn't be doing this much walking, even with--"

"Asahi." Noya leaned forward suddenly, grabbing Asahi by his shoulders, hard enough to make him startle. "I'm sorry my stupid leg gave out, but that's not why I'm here."

"Then...why are you here?" Asahi asked, looking up into Noya's eyes, hands still on his leg. "We...we already talked, just a few nights ago. Remember?"

"Yeah, but I didn't get to say what I wanted to say. But even that wouldn't have been enough. So I had to come and tell you, right now. Or, I guess--" A flash of uncertainty crossed Noya's face. "I have something important to ask you."

Asahi felt his eyes widen, his jaw hinging slightly open. "What--"

"Azumane Asahi." Noya pushed himself off the bed as if to stand, but his leg buckled and Asahi had to lunge to catch him. Noya cursed, struggling to regain his balance or pull away before giving in, breathing hard through pain and exertion. "Dammit, I wanted—Never mind. Asahi, will you marry me?"

Stunned, Asahi couldn't form a reply. Words suddenly ceased to exist at all, his mouth frozen in an "O" of surprise. He gave his head a tiny, disbelieving shake before he felt Noya’s hands close into fists in the front of his shirt.

"Asahi!" Noya clung to Asahi's shirt, refusing to let go. "Listen, I mean it! I know I don't have a ring or anything, but we can go get one tomorrow. Whatever you want, okay? I don't really care about anything else, like traveling or playing sports or anything like that, I just want you."

Asahi's heart contracted painfully. He dropped his gaze and tried to loosen Noya's hands from his shirt.

"If you want kids, we can have kids, okay, Asahi?" Noya continued, his voice taking on a desperate edge. "I'll figure it out, I swear. If Ryu can do it, I can do it. Just give me a chance! We can get a house in the suburbs, get a car or a van or whatever, it doesn't matter to me. I just...I don't want to be without you, Asahi. So whatever you want, okay? Just...just say yes."

Asahi shook his head again, eyes averted, hands resting over Noya's wrists because he refused to let go of Asahi's shirt. "I can't, Noya."

"Why not?" Noya demanded, giving Asahi a tiny shake. His voice cracked like he was on the edge of tears. Asahi's own eyes burned. He didn't know how he'd lasted this long without crying. "Asahi, just tell me what you want! I'll do anything, please!"

"It's not... We can't... Noya, I--"

"Are you seeing someone?" Noya asked, voice suddenly small. Asahi's eyes snapped up at that, the tears in Noya's eyes shocking him into silence. "That's it, isn't it? You're seeing someone else and you're just too nice to tell me." Noya turned his face away. When he blinked, a tear rolled down his cheek and he brushed it away impatiently. "Sorry, Asahi. I'll just--"

"No!" Asahi pushed Noya back down when he tried to stand. "There isn't anyone else, I promise. That's not the problem."

"Then what is?" Noya asked, renewed hope glowing in his eyes. "I still love you, Asahi. I want to make this work, just tell me how!"

"I... It's..." Asahi drew a long breath, trying to organize his thoughts. It was just so _Noya_ for him to come bursting in here and catching Asahi off guard. Most people would have called, but Noya had shown up in person. It was almost enough to make him laugh if it weren't so painful. "Look, Noya, you shouldn't feel like you have to give up everything you love just to be with someone, even if that someone is me. Neither of us will be happy living that way."

"We will," Noya said determinedly, perched barely on the edge of the bed, his hands braced on Asahi's shoulders as if keeping him from running away. "I can do it, Asahi, all of it. The house, the marriage, the kids--"

"But you still don't really want kids, do you?" Asahi asked softly.

That brought Noya to a halt. He shifted, looked away, then looked back. "It doesn't matter. I'll still be a good dad. I'll get up in the middle of the night when they cry and feed them messy food and change diapers and--and whatever else kids need. I'll do it, Asahi."

"But you wouldn't be happy," Asahi said, shaking his head. "You'd get frustrated and angry and you'd blame me. Maybe not right away, but eventually you would. What if we argued? What if we resented each other? What if we split up after having children? Noya, I couldn't take it if you just picked up and left because I forced you into a role you didn't want."

"But I want you," Noya said earnestly. "Can't we...I don't know, try? Ryu just had a new kid, maybe we could practice or something."

Asahi almost chuckled. "It's not the same as volleyball, Yuu. It's not something you can practice."

Noya blinked, fresh tears running down his cheeks, but his face opened up, eyes wide. "You called me Yuu."

Asahi broke with a trembling sigh, hot tears breaking free. "I still love you too, Yuu. And I want what you're asking, really, I do. But I think...I think you completely giving in to me and what I want isn't the best way forward. For us."

"Does that--" Noya choked on something like a hiccup before once again scrubbing roughly at his face. "Does that mean there is a way forward for us?"

"I'd like there to be," Asahi admitted, smiling through tears. "I thought I'd have a little time to figure out what I wanted, first. Then, after your recovery I thought...I thought maybe we could try talking again."

"I don't want to wait," Noya said, with classic impatience. "It's killing me, Asahi. This all hurts worse than falling down a mountain and waking up broken. I want to spend my life with you, one way or another, so if you have a plan, you need to tell me what it is. Because coming here and asking you to marry me was all I could come up with."

Asahi couldn't help it. The laughter just bubbled up in his chest until it spilled over. He was laughing and crying and shaking and hugging Noya, who was suddenly in his arms, in his lap, running his fingers through his hair and kissing him until he couldn't laugh for the lack of air. Asahi wrapped his arms around Noya, pulling him close, then resituating so that he sat with his back to the bed, Noya sitting sideways on his lap, bad leg extended for blood flow. Just because they were having a moment didn't excuse consideration for Noya's recovery.

"Listen." Asahi smoothed Noya's hair, fixing it where it had gotten crushed out of place, likely by his day on the train. "I'd be really happy if we could work something out, but I think the key is being really honest with each other to see if we can find a middle ground. We can't hold anything back, even if we think it's something the other doesn't want to hear. Do you think you can do that, Yuu?"

Noya hummed in the back of his throat as he used his sleeve to clean his face. There were tissues on the nightstand, but Asahi couldn't reach them and he really didn't want to move Noya too much. Aside from his worry about any damage Noya may have done to his leg, it just felt good--no, right--to be holding him again. "I dunno, Asahi. Right now, all I want is you. I can't really think of anything I want to say."

Asahi nodded, taking a deep breath. "Then...do you mind if I tell you what I think I want right now?"

"Yeah." Noya looked wary, but hopeful. "I'll do whatever it takes."

Asahi chuckled again, but it felt sadder this time. "I don't want you to change, Yuu. I love how you are right now. I mean, I want you to get better, of course, but aside from that--"

"I thought you were supposed to be talking about you?" Noya asked bluntly.

"Ha, yeah, you're right." Asahi freed one of his hands from around Noya and nervously brushed his hair behind his ear. "I, um...I'm not completely sure what I want right now. That's...probably really frustrating to hear after I just said we should be honest, but, um, it's the truth." Asahi gave a little shrug before continuing. "I know I still want to get married someday. I feel like that's important. I know you think it's unnecessary, but to me it just...it feels like I'm telling the world who I want to love for the rest of my life, and that someone is telling me that they want to love me the rest of their life, too. If that's not what marriage means to you...I don't know, Yuu. Maybe that's just not us."

"But Asahi, I--"

"Wait, please," Asahi begged with a weak smile. "This is a lot harder than it looks."

Noya made a face, but nodded and held his peace.

"For the kids thing... I, uh... I'm actually...not sure?" Asahi ducked his head, feeling sheepish. "I thought I knew what I wanted. Kids are cute and it's just always how I pictured my life, you know? But after talking to Kiyoko...I don't know. I guess I sort of like my life how it is now and kids would change...all of it. Even things that I can’t think of now will change. So, like, I think I still want kids? But...not now, and not soon. That probably sounds kind of wishy-washy, but that's where I'm at right now."

Noya nodded again, mouth twisted but still not saying anything.

"Actually, the only thing I think I'm sure of is that I hate this apartment," Asahi continued, glancing around at the four small walls that boxed him in on all sides. "I hate how small it is and how hard it is to just _be_ here sometimes, even when it's just me. Forget about when Daichi and Suga come to visit, or when we were living here together." Asahi blanched as he realized what he’d said. "I mean--I loved having you here! Really! I just meant--"

"You mean there's not enough space," Noya filled in. "Neither of us could ever really spread out without getting in each other's way."

"Right," Asahi agreed gratefully. "It's been a great starter apartment, but I've really outgrown it. I've been looking at other places for a while now, but everything was either way out of my price range, or too far out of the city. But, uh, actually--" Asahi glanced around, noting that his laptop was too far away to grab, but his phone was on the close corner of the table. He leaned over, careful of Noya's leg, and grabbed his phone. "I put in an application on an apartment earlier today. I don't know if they'll pick me, but it's...it's kind of nice."

Asahi looked the apartment up online, the one he had been looking at while he waited for his dinner to cool. As he handed the phone to Noya, he realized with a start that he hadn't eaten--he wasn't even all that hungry anymore, either. His dinner had long since stopped steaming and probably wasn't even good anymore. Oh well. It was a small price to finally have an open talk with Noya. Asahi tugged him in close and rested his chin on Noya's shoulder, watching him scroll through the photos of the apartment.

"Two bedrooms, Asahi?" Noya asked, a hint of his usual teasing tone in his voice. "Living large, huh? Whoa, is that a full balcony?"

"Yeah, it actually goes from the living room to the bedroom. It's huge." Asahi grinned. "And the kitchen has all new appliances. It's got a great layout and a proper entryway and everything, the problem is--"

Noya clicked over to the price and hissed.

Asahi nodded. "That. That's the problem."

Noya clicked a few more things, looking at the location, the taxes, things Asahi didn't fully understand about the apartment, then handed the phone back to Asahi. "How are you going to afford it?"

"Ah..." Asahi felt his face heat up as he shrugged. "It'd be nice if a healthy raise was coming my way, but that doesn't seem very likely. I really wanted to turn the second bedroom into a studio where I could work on designs at home, but I might have to rent it out. Or, well, um..."

Or Noya could move in. If they could work things out. If there was a future for them. If Noya still wanted to.

That had been Asahi's hope from the beginning, though he hadn't wanted to say anything until he definitely knew he was getting a new apartment. And even then, he'd been willing to give up coffee shops and even furniture for a few months in order to wait for Noya's physical therapy to be completed. He didn't want to be a stressor on Noya while he was healing. Although, in hindsight, it looked like _not_ telling Noya had ultimately done more harm. He only hoped Ennoshita could fix whatever Noya may have done to himself by coming here and walking up all those stairs.

Asahi blinked, surprised to find Noya watching him with determined eyes.

"What else do you want?" Noya asked, bringing Asahi back to the moment at hand.

Asahi drew a breath. This was actually the harder part, the part he’d wanted a little more time to find the right words. Because the future was unknown, changeable. This was more immediate, and probably more of a determining factor on whether or not they were going to try it again. "I...I don't really know how to say it, but...I actually kind of liked those days in the hospital in Canada?"

Noya frowned, looking surprised at the answer. "Really? Why? It was miserable there."

"Ha, yeah, I know. But, um..." Asahi searched for a way to be understood. "I like how we spent time together there. We talked a lot and we played card games and it was just...passing time, you know? With you. I really liked that."

"I don't get it," Noya said frankly.

Asahi tried again. "Remember when I visited you at the Tanaka's and we played video games, or we watched movies and fell asleep on the couch? I guess...I think that's just more my pace in a relationship. I like going places and doing things, but more often than not, I'd rather just be lazy and comfortable with the person I'm with. All that downtime made me realize that...that our relationship--even when it was really good!--it was very 'all or nothing.' Know what I mean?"

By Noya's confused expression, he clearly didn't.

"Sorry, I'm not saying it right," Asahi apologized. He tipped his head back against the bed, staring at the ceiling and trying to organize his thoughts. "It was like...every morning when I woke up, you were already gone. Out running, or sometimes at work already. And then I'd get home after work and you'd be asleep. We really only saw each other when we could match our day's off, and when we did...you always wanted to be _doing_ something. Like pick-up games at the community center, or volleyball games at the beach, or going out to eat or catching a live show. It's not that I don't like those things, I just...I like the quiet moments, too. I would want more of those in...in my next relationship."

He swallowed hard after he said the last part. He hadn't meant for it to sound like a threatening, but…it kinda did? He _wanted_ things to work with Noya, really, he did. But it was hard to see him agreeing to slow down, much less believe he was actually capable of it. Especially not once he was fully recovered from his accident.

Noya's eyes were hard to read. Asahi ducked his head and messed with his hair, averting his eyes from Noya's amber glare.

"I...think that's it. For now," Asahi added hastily. "I know plans change and I'm fine with that, and I'm not in a hurry to get married or have kids, but that's really how I feel about...moving forward. For now. And if that's too much, I get it, Yuu, really. You shouldn't have to change just for me, or for anyone, really."

Noya seemed to have mastered himself at some point during the conversation. He wasn't crying anymore, though his face was still red and raw from where he kept scraping his sleeves against it. The only sign that he hadn't completely relaxed yet was the fact that he was still in Asahi's lap, with one arm looped behind Asahi's shoulders, as if afraid Asahi would run away if he didn't keep a tight hold of him. Or maybe he just wanted to be close: that was a feeling Asahi understood. Was it really only three days since they had seen each other last? It felt like months had passed. Or a lifetime.

"Is it my turn?" Noya asked, as blunt as ever.

"Yeah." Asahi tried to smile. "Tell me what you want, Yuu."

"I want you," Noya said forcefully. "I mean it. I always have. I know I'm the one who broke up with you in Paris, but that was because I really thought I couldn't give you what you wanted. And, Asahi, you deserve everything and I think--I hope--I can give that to you." He went silent for a moment, eyes zipping back and forth as if searching for something. "But I think I sort of get what you're saying. When Oikawa was my roommate, we weren't, like, dating or anything, but it was really nice to have someone else up as early as I was to go running with. He came to pick-up games and we did sporty stuff on our days off to stay in shape, like wakeboarding and stuff. He was still a terrible person and all, but...I didn't hate having someone enjoy the same things I like to do."

Asahi nodded solemnly, shoving all the images of Noya being happy with Oikawa out of his brain for the moment. "That makes sense, Yuu. You should be in a relationship with someone who enjoys the same things you enjoy."

"But you're working out now, aren't you?" Noya asked insistently, grabbing one of Asahi's pecs through his shirt, surprising Asahi enough to make him squeak. "Maybe you're not running every morning, but you're doing something, I can tell. So what if I just did that stuff with you? The lifting or the games or whatever it is you're doing? And you said you don't mind the active outings, you just don't want to do them every single time our days off match up. Can't we find a trade-off or something? Like one boring--I mean, quiet day for one day out doing something? Like catching a volleyball game at the stadium, or hitting the beach, or I don't know, just something fun."

It was hard to think clearly, what with Noya still sitting in his lap, his hand still lightly squeezing his pectoral, but Asahi didn't want to let Noya go. Instead, he tugged him in closer and rested his chin on Noya's shoulder. "I liked working out with you back in high school. You don't let me get away with anything and you're really good at helping me stretch."

"Right?" Noya said with a hopeful grin. "And I've got to take it easy for a little while anyway, until I get fully healed. So some nights watching TV and ordering dinner in should be fine. I mean, that’s been my speed for a while now.” He frowned down at his leg as if it had betrayed him somehow. “But, if I’m honest…I always thought your work hours kinda sucked. I hated going to bed before you got home. I tried waiting up, but it was just tough, you know? I always wanted more time with you, and I think that’s why whenever I had you, I wanted to be out doing something.”

Asahi nodded slowly. “I…I understand that. I think that’s something I can change—not all the time! Some nights I’ll have shows, or last-minute alterations, so I can’t promise to always be home by dinnertime, but…I think I could make a few changes to my schedule to be home earlier. If…if we decided to try again.”

Noya leaned in close, rubbing the bridge of his nose along the stubble on Asahi’s jaw, an affectionate gesture Asahi hadn’t known he’d missed. It just about brought tears to his eyes. “Can we?” Noya asked. “Try again?”

Asahi’s heart screamed yes, but his mind had been churning on this for too long to agree that easily. It was what he wanted, but only if he did his absolute best to ensure it wasn’t just going to end in pain for either of them again.

"Um, the immediate stuff is important, but there's still the future stuff to consider. Didn't you say you didn't want to get married?"

"I still don't really get the point of getting married," Noya admitted, his countenance darkening. "But from the beginning, I meant to spent the rest of my life with you. If you need me to tell that to world first, then I'll do it. I'll tell whoever you want me to, it doesn't matter to me. No, that's not right. I mean, if it's important to you, then it's important to me. I just...I love you, Asahi. And I didn’t think I needed to prove that to anyone else but you. But I will, if that’s what you want."

Asahi's heart felt so warm, like too much coffee poured into a mug. He cupped the side of Noya's face and leaned in for a kiss, Noya eagerly tipping his face up to meet it. He really shouldn't be interrupting like this--he expected there was a lot more Noya would want in the future, and it was important that they bring all that out into the open--but it was either kiss Noya now or agree to his crazy idea that they get married immediately, and honestly, Asahi was tempted. So he kissed Noya instead, keeping their mouths too busy to say things they shouldn't.

Asahi broke away reluctantly, his hair still caught in Noya's fingers, as if Noya wasn't quite finished kissing him yet. Asahi swallowed the urge to do more than kiss and asked insistently: "What else, Yuu?"

"What else?" Noya asked, voice slightly hoarse. "What else is there? If you say you want a bigger apartment, I'll go in on a bigger apartment. I've got a few investments I can cash in to help out. I'll find a local physical therapist, someone Chikara recommends. I don't know what I'm going to do yet, but I'll--"

"Stop, Yuu." Asahi shook his head, trying not to smile. "That's too immediate. I want all that, too, but only if we can agree to some sort of vision of the future. Tell me what you want in five years, or ten. Just being together...that's not really enough."

Noya sighed heavily and readjusted in Asahi's lap, putting his back to Asahi's chest and setting his leg out straight in front of him. Asahi wondered if it was still hurting him by the way he kept rubbing his thigh.

"I just don't know, Asahi," Noya said frankly. "I never really planned for anything. Straight out of high school, I picked a country at random and just bought a plane ticket. I didn't have a plan for what to do when I got there, I didn't even speak the language. I don't have a vision for the future, I just know you're in it."

Asahi buried his nose in Noya's hair, considering deeply. It was true, Noya had never really been one for plans. Asahi still remembered the day Noya left from the Tokyo airport that first time, could still feel the fear and trepidation in his own heart for Noya's safety, but Noya had been laughing and joyful, excited to begin an adventure. But that...wasn't good enough. Not long term. What if Noya couldn't settle down the way he thought he could? What if the itch to travel--to adventure--came back a few years down the road?

"Are you saying that you'll never want to travel again?" Asahi asked carefully. "Never go mountain climbing, or scuba diving, or, I don't know, backpacking in the rainforest?"

He thought Noya might chuckle, but what followed could only be described as a thoughtful silence. Asahi braced himself: Noya rarely thought deeply and sometimes when he did, his conclusions didn't always make sense.

"I can't say I'll never want to travel," Noya said finally. "But I feel like I'm definitely finished with the crazy stuff. Especially after this." His cast-pale hand squeezed his still-trembling leg. "But what I want--what I've wanted for a while--is to travel with you. Nothing extreme, but, like, vacations and stuff. You know, beaches and cruises and, I don't know, places with weird clothes to give you inspiration. I think it'd be nice to go somewhere new, maybe two or three times a year. If...if that was something you wanted."

Asahi couldn't speak for the sob caught in his throat. He took several deep breaths through his nose until the feeling passed. "Vacations" sounded so much better than "adventures" and Asahi couldn't deny that his career had gotten a boost both times he’d traveled internationally. Two to three long vacations a year sounded a bit much--both time-wise and expense-wise, but if they kept Noya from getting restless and simply taking off, then perhaps there was a compromise there. He couldn't be completely sure that Noya would stay away from reckless sports entirely, especially after he fully healed, but if Asahi was going with him on vacations, at the very least he could be there to caution Noya against anything that seemed too high-risk, or encourage precautions against injury. The last thing Asahi ever wanted was another surprise call out of the blue saying that Noya was injured and alone and unable to take care of himself--that whole ordeal had shaved a few years off Asahi's life. He even had a few white hairs to show for it.

"What about kids?" Asahi asked as gently as possible. He didn't want to guide Noya too much: this was supposed to be about what Noya wanted or didn't want in his future. But still, Asahi had to know.

Noya sighed heavily. "I just don't know, Asahi. I never pictured myself with kids. They're kind of a hassle and I don't really know what you're supposed to do with them. But Ryu gets along alright and he seems really happy most of the time. And...I guess Reika was kind of cute sometimes. When she wasn't screaming or throwing food." Noya shrugged. "I could get used to the idea, especially if you're not in a hurry. Just maybe..." Noya hesitated, then turned to look back at Asahi. "Maybe we could just try one and see how that goes?"

"Yeah," Asahi said, a little too relieved. "Just one would be fine. One day."

"One day," Noya echoed. He shifted again, laying his head back on Asahi's shoulder and folding his arms over Asahi's arms, seeming almost relaxed. "I still don't know what I want to do. I can bring in money, that's not a problem. But I'm not in love with modeling and I can't really do sports anymore. Maybe I could try a trainer thing, like Ryu, but I can already see that getting boring. How does anyone just know what they want to do for the rest of their lives?"

Asahi chuckled, closing his eyes as he squeezed Noya gently around the middle. "I don't think most people do. I think a lot of people change their minds along the way. I don't think anyone's got it all one hundred percent figured out yet. If it takes you some time to figure what you want to do, or even if you just want to keep trying different things, I think I'd be okay with it. Just as long as you come home. That's all I want right now."

"That's what I want, too," Noya said, hands tensing around Asahi's wrists. For a moment, Asahi thought Noya was going to say something else, but then the moment passed and they simply sat in silence, holding each other and waiting for the spell to break. Noya's breathing grew slow and deep, not quite sleepy, but calmer, more relaxed. Asahi had to fight the urge to shift and jostle him: sitting on the floor this long with Noya's weight in his lap wasn't exactly comfortable, but he wasn't about to complain, either.

It was Noya's leg that ruined the peace: the muscles seized, making Noya hiss and lurch forward, allowing Asahi to finally shift and find a more comfortable position before helping him ease the muscle.

"You really didn't bring anything, did you?" Asahi asked after the spasm had passed. "No clothes or medication or anything?"

"Nope," Noya confirmed, looking both proud and rueful. "I didn't wanna second-guess myself. I just...I had to see you, Asahi."

Asahi kissed him, just a brief peck, but it felt good to be able to do it again. "I'm glad you came. I mean, I wish you hadn't, because of your leg and your therapy, but...I'm still glad we had this chance. I was planning on talking again once it was confirmed that I got the new apartment, and after your therapy was a little further along. I...I thought it would be good for us both to have a little time. To see if...if this was really what we wanted. To, um, try again?"

"I don't need the time," Noya said decisively. "I know what I want. But if you need it, I guess I can bum around Ryu and Kiyoko's house for a little while longer. I'm fine as long as I know you still want to try again. I can wait for you, Asahi."

Asahi smiled as he folded himself over Noya's shoulders, breathing in the scent of his hair gel. There was something almost poetic about Noya waiting for him, when he'd been the one waiting for Noya all those years after high school. But it wasn't just out of romantic sentiment that he felt they needed to wait: there were logistical factors to take into account, too. Chief among them was Noya's therapy.

"If you're okay with going back to the Tanaka's for a little while, I think that would be best," Asahi said, shifting out from behind Noya to stand. "There's no guarantee I'm going to get the new apartment and like hell I'm going to let you go up or down these stairs one more time."

"Let me?" Noya asked with a bit of skepticism. "What you going to do? Fix the elevator by yourself?"

"There's more than one elevator here, we'll just find one that works, even if it means circling the building," Asahi said, stretching as he stood. "And if there isn't one, I'll carry you down. I'm not letting you mess up your leg any further, Yuu."

"I don't really like being carried," Noya pointed out. His eyes glinted with just a hint of mischief. "But I guess I'd you let you, if you thought you could carry me the whole way."

"I could," Asahi said, shrugging modestly. He held a hand out to help Noya stand. "It's probably not the best for your leg, though. I, um, I actually don't know what to do right now."

"What do you--Oh. About me." Noya accepted the hand up, then looked around for his cane, scowling when he saw it close to the apartment's doorway. "If you don't want me here, I can get a hotel. There's some close by."

"No, you've done enough damage to that leg for now," Asahi told him firmly. He guided Noya back to sit on the bed, then turned to go get Noya's cane from where he'd dropped it. "We should call Ennoshita and see if there's something we can do without your medication for tonight. You can take the bed, and I'll just--"

Asahi stopped as he turned around, cane in hand, and caught Noya eyeing his cold noodle bowl on the table with something like carnal desire.

"Yuu, are you hungry?"

"Starving."

Asahi chuckled. "It's cold, but you can have it. I don’t think I’m hungry anymore."

"Thanks, Asahi!" Noya probably would have pounced on the bowl if Asahi hadn't gotten to it first and handed it to him, letting him eat on the bed rather than sit on the floor at the table. That was one more reason Asahi hated this tiny apartment: not enough space for chairs, which would have been better for Noya just then.

"After you finish, you need to call Ennoshita," Asahi said sternly as Noya slurped down the cold noodles. "If there's an over-the-counter stand-in we can use before you can get back home, I'll run out and get it."

Noya made a face. "He's going to yell at me."

"Well, someone should," Asahi said without pity. "You should have at least asked someone to come with you. One bad trip and you could have broken your leg all over again."

"I know," Noya admitted. "I couldn't wait, though, and if I told anyone what I was doing, they would have tried to stop me. This couldn't wait, Asahi, it was killing me worse than this stupid leg is."

Asahi sighed, staring for a moment as Noya tipped the bowl up, drinking the broth after finishing everything else. The problem was that Asahi really was glad Noya had made the trip despite the pain. These past few days hadn't been easy on him, either. It felt like he'd gotten a missing piece of himself back, just by having Noya in the apartment again. Which meant he needed Ennoshita to be the bad guy and actually chastise Noya for all the damage he'd done to himself; Asahi couldn't do it with any sort of conviction.

Asahi took the bowl from Noya once it was empty and threw it away, Noya grumbling as he dialed Ennoshita's number. Asahi laughed as he saw Noya curse under his breath as he answered it. Even before he said "hello" Ennoshita was already demanding to know why Noya hadn't been showing up for physical therapy and asking where the hell he was. Noya made a face and put the phone on speaker for Asahi to hear.

As expected, Ennoshita didn't pull any punches, yelling at Noya for making such a long trip on his own, especially after he heard the part about the stairs. The only over-the-counter medication he recommended was one Asahi used for normal aches and pains, though he warned it likely wouldn't be enough and that Noya should get back on his meds as soon as possible. He advised against stretching, unless it was to fix a cramp, and suggested a heating pad to ease the muscles. After another round of admonishments, Ennoshita warned Noya to be ready for pain the next time they had a session together. Noya scowled as he clicked off the phone.

"I have a heating pad," Asahi said, crouching down to search for it under his bed. "And I'll find a shirt for you to sleep in since you didn't bring anything. I'll wash your clothes for you tonight so you have something you can wear home."

"Asahi." Noya leaned down for eye contact. "I feel better that we talked, but I'm still not sure where we're at. Do I really have to go back? I thought you wanted to start over."

"I do, but it isn't that simple." Asahi plugged in the heating pad and wrapped it gently around Noya's leg. "This place is really too small, and you have therapy to get through. I think it's best if we wait for you to get a little better and to see if I can get that bigger apartment. But it's not like I'm going to be seeing anyone else, Yuu. I'll wait for you."

"I'll wait too," Noya said, sounding defeated. He perked up a moment later though. "Hey! Put my name on the application for the apartment! I've got great credit and I'm gonna be helping with the rent anyway. I'll help even before I move in if my therapy isn't far enough along yet. Can you do that, Asahi? Can we live together again? You said you needed a roommate anyway."

"Are you sure?" Asahi asked, hesitantly. "I'd love for you to move in again, but it's an expensive apartment and you haven't even seen it yet."

"It's in a good location and if you like it, I'll love it." Noya grinned as he pressed the heating pad down on his leg. "Does this mean we're back together?"

Asahi placed his hands on either side of Noya on the bed and leaned over him, pressing their lips together in a long, sensuous kiss. Noya looped one arm up over the back of Asahi's neck pulling him in even closer. It felt like so much more than just a kiss: it felt like finally drawing a full breath after gasping for air for so long. It felt like putting down a heavy burden at the end of the day. It felt like letting go, while still holding on.

That kiss felt like home.

When they finally stopped, foreheads resting against each other as they caught their breath, Asahi whispered: "Yes, Yuu. I think this means we're back together."

"Good." Noya's eyes sparkled for a single instant before he scooted back in the bed, pulling Asahi down with him. "Then stop acting so shy and get in this bed with me."

Asahi laughed as he fought to keep his balance. "I don't want to hurt you, Yuu. You don't have your medicine and you put a lot of strain on your leg today."

"My leg was going to cramp up regardless," Noya said, still holding the heating pad tight to his leg even as he attempted to pull Asahi into the bed. "And I sleep better with you than without you anyway."

Asahi tried to pull away, but then Noya was kissing him and Asahi had missed it too much to make him stop. As he crawled onto the bed, hovering over Noya, the heating pad dropped to the floor, forgotten. He slid a hand up Noya’s stomach, feeling smooth, soft skin just barely cushioning the hard muscles below the surface, pushing Noya’s shirt up higher until he could pull it off. Perhaps Noya had gone a little soft after not being able to workout for so long, but he was still wiry and slender, having kept most of the weight off during his recovery. He certainly didn’t look bad, except for where his skin was a little pale from having lived under a cast for so long. But all of that would return in time and for now, Asahi could appreciate being the strong one in their relationship. Physically, anyway. Somehow Noya still had him beat mentally. Probably always would, too.

Noya tugged determinedly on Asahi’s shirts, fighting to drag them over Asahi’s head without breaking their kiss. Asahi finally pushed back onto his knees and lifted his layered shirts off himself. 

"Damn, Asahi, you look so good," Noya said, eyes tracking down his chest to his stomach. "I mean, you always looked good, but whatever workout routine you've picked up, it's really working for you."

Asahi chuckled as he covered Noya with his body, tasting the skin of Noya’s neck. "It's all thanks to you. And Canada. I didn't have anything else to do after visiting hours ended, and I just kept up the habit when I got back."

"I'm sorry about all that," Noya said, shivering with an in-drawn breath. "I never meant to interrupt your life like that."

"I'm glad you did," Asahi whispered. "Who knows if we would have gotten back together without that?"

"Yeah," Noya agreed softly. "I guess getting wrecked like that wasn't so bad."

Asahi picked his head up, holding Noya's eyes. "Never do that again."

"What?" Noya asked, surprised. "Go snowboarding? It's actually pretty fun."

"No," Asahi said, threading his fingers through Noya's. "Don't hurt yourself that badly again. My heart can't take it."

"I'll do my best, Asahi." Noya's smile was soft. "I promise. I mean, it's not like I’ll even be playing volleyball for a while, forget about anything that extreme. And if I do go back to things like snowboarding and surfing, at least you'll be with me. Right?"

"Right," Asahi agreed. "Don't go anywhere without me."

Noya chuckled. "Guess that means I can’t go back to Miyagi without you."

"Except Miyagi. You can go there without me. I’ll ask Daichi to pick you up from the train station so you don’t have to walk." Asahi yawned, tired despite the early hour--well, early for him anyway. The talk with Noya had really taken a toll on his body. He settled onto the bed, pressed up tight against Noya’s side, breathing in the scent on Noya’s skin. Tomorrow, Noya would have to go back to Miyagi, but tonight, Asahi didn’t want to let him go.

"Hey, Asahi?"

"We're not having sex," Asahi murmured, too tired to even lift his head. "You've put enough stress on your body today."

Noya laughed. "Yeah, I know. I'd probably cramp up anyway and ruin the mood. I'm gonna go back to Ryu's and do everything Chikara tells me to, but give me one thing to look forward to, okay?"

"Hm? Like what."

Asahi felt Noya smooth the hair back over his ear, fingers combing through his hair. "I know I won't be able to travel safely for like a year, but...tell me where you want to go."

Asahi smiled, his heart already full of warmth and sunshine. "Hawaii. Take me to Hawaii, Yuu."

Noya laughed softly. "You got it, Asahi. We’ll go to Hawaii."

And for the first time in what felt like forever, they woke up together, not a space left between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did you want a little bit of a wrap-up chapter? Maybe something soft, sweet, or domestic? Or should we just leave it here and leave the rest to our imaginations? What do you guys think?


	14. Chapter 14

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ~A few months later...~
> 
> Asahi and Noya are getting ready for Daichi and Suga's wedding.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had such a crazy idea for an AsaNoya wedding that I just had to find a way to share it. I have no idea if it’s even possible, but it sounded way too cute and so _them_ that I had to include it somehow. I hope you like it!!

"Yuu!" Asahi stumbled as he stepped out of his shoes in the entryway of his apartment. It still threw him every time he opened the door and he couldn't see the entirety of his apartment in a single glance. "Yuu, did a courier stop by with--" He hissed as he barked his shin on a box in the middle of the hall. Why did it seem like there were _more_ boxes every day, even though it felt like he spent the majority of his time at home unpacking? How much stuff had he actually had in that old apartment, anyway? "Yuu!"

"Hang on, Asahi, I'm changing!"

Asahi perked up just a touch at that. Noya had really only moved in a week ago, though he'd visited a few times since Asahi had moved into the new apartment a month ago. They hadn't been together long enough for Asahi to get tired of watching Noya take his clothes off--and honestly, he hoped he never would.

Asahi made his way to the bedroom, secretly hoping to find Noya naked, or at least less than fully dressed, but what he actually saw made his breath catch. Noya turned away from the mirror, making a face as he tugged at his collar.

"I've watched a dozen online videos and I still can't figure out how to tie a bow tie," he griped, tugging at the ends of his tie. "I guess it's not that important since the rest of the suit fits fine, I just--"

Asahi swept across the room, cupped Noya's face between his hands and kissed him thoroughly, careful not to touch the crisp, starched collar or the chic black fabric of the suit Noya wore. Noya laughed into the kiss, breaking away after they were both breathless.

"Really, Asahi?" Noya asked, chuckling. "I thought you were supposed to go crazy when the suit comes off."

"I'm sure I will," Asahi said, stepping back to actually check the fit, rather than drool over his boyfriend in a suit. "It really does fit, though? How's the length on the cuffs?"

"Perfect. I mean, you made it, why wouldn't it be?" Noya scoffed playfully as Asahi tugged at first one cuff than the other. "But since you asked, maybe you could take a look at the inseam."

"Why, is it--" Asahi stopped as he realized Noya was teasing. He smiled and checked the length of the trousers anyway, just to be thorough. "I didn't make it, I just took the measurements and designed it, that's all."

"Oh, that's all." Noya smirked. Asahi blushed, remembering the day he'd taken Noya's measurements: they'd gotten as far as the inseam before Noya had tackled him to the floor of their then-empty apartment, making Asahi grateful for the fact that he'd chosen to do the measurements here rather than at his office. It had taken three separate attempts to get all of Noya's measurements, all of which had a similar conclusion, but Asahi hadn't minded. Noya had only been in town for the weekend then, interviewing a few physical therapists that Ennoshita had recommended. Before that, they hadn't seen each other in weeks, so the sexual tension had been pretty high. And really...it kind of still was. After everything they'd been through--the heartaches, the break-ups, the injuries and the make-ups--it sometimes seemed impossible that they'd arrived here, on the doorstep of Daichi and Suga's wedding. Perhaps the more logical progression would have been waiting until after the wedding for Noya to move in, but neither of them had wanted to wait that long. Noya had the green light from Ennoshita to travel and Asahi was moving apartments, so even if it wasn't ideal, it had worked out.

And it seemed Noya was completely over being woken up every night by a crying baby.

Asahi was genuinely worried Noya would never want kids now, after his experience with the Tanaka babies. Then again, after the one night Asahi had spent over the Tanaka household after meeting the new baby, he wasn't entirely positive it was an experience he wanted again, either.

"So what's the verdict?" Noya asked after Asahi had circled him twice, eyeing the suit's fit. "Do I pass? Or do I have to find something to rent between now and tomorrow?"

Asahi laughed. "As if you could get a rental on this short notice. You more than pass, but there's a weak hem in the back I'd like to fix, and maybe a line of stitching along the--"

"Asahi." Noya caught Asahi's hand and held it, beaming brightly. "It doesn't need to be runway perfect, it just has to be good enough for our friends' wedding."

"You're right," Asahi agreed. But he was still going to fix that stitching later. "Oh! You looked so great you made me forget. Did those suits I ordered happen to come here instead of my office, because--"

Noya hooked his thumb over his shoulder to four neat, black garment bags hung over the closet door. Asahi must have walked right past them, too distracted by the vision of Noya in a suit to notice them. He breathed a sigh of relief as he checked the tags on each suit.

"I thought I requested that the courier deliver them to my work," Asahi said, finding the bag labeled with his own name. "I wanted to look them over with my kit and--"

"--and obsess all night until it was time to leave in the morning," Noya said with patient annoyance. He tugged the bow tie free of his collar and draped it over the back of a chair. "You used the same courier service I signed up to work for, so I took the job and delivered them here."

"Oh." Asahi felt conflicted as he checked the suit inside the garment bag. "It's just...I wanted to check the measurements, just to be sure..."

"If it's just checking the measurements, you have the tools for that here," Noya pointed out. "Your workroom is the only completely unpacked room in this entire apartment. What you really want is to check every single stitch on them to make sure they're perfect before tomorrow, but then you're going to do the same thing all over again tomorrow once you get Daichi and Suga to try the suits on for you." Noya shrugged. "I just cut out one layer of obsessing for you so you'd come home sooner."

"Ah, you're right." Asahi sighed as he brushed hair back from his face. "I just--"

"Want them to be perfect, I know." Noya smirked, though the effect was lost as he struggled to take his suit jacket off. Asahi stepped up behind him and helped slide the jacket free without pressing creases into the fabric. "You know you're the only one who cares about that, right? Suga and Daichi only care about the 'I do' part of the whole wedding."

"That is the most important thing," Asahi agreed. After hanging up Noya's suit jacket, he checked the other two suits, making sure they at least looked to be the correct sizes. "But they asked me to be in charge of their suits and I don't want to let them down."

"You're never gonna let those guys down, Asahi," Noya said kindly. Asahi was momentarily distracted as Noya unbuttoned his shirt. "Hey, uh...did you check out Kiyoko's dress yet?"

"Not yet." Asahi chuckled. "Why? Did you?"

Noya shrugged, but couldn't seem to hide the tiny smile on his face. "Maybe. I was curious."

Asahi shook his head and unzipped the final garment bag, revealing the designer dress he'd taken on loan for Kiyoko. At first, Daichi and Suga had fought viciously over which one of them was going to have Asahi as their best man, but then Kiyoko had stepped in, asking if she could stand for one of them and the fight took on a more "Oh, you can have Asahi" sort of tone as they fought over who got to choose Kiyoko. Asahi found the whole thing more amusing than insulting, though Noya did get a little indignant on his behalf. In the end, Kiyoko would be standing on Suga's side of the aisle and Asahi would be standing on Daichi's, though in the end it mattered very little: there weren't really "sides" either in friendship or marriage and the only thing that mattered was that they would all be there.

That, and Kiyoko getting away from her kids for the day. Which, as Noya had apparently overheard, was the real reason she had asked to be part of the ceremony: so she had an excuse to lay off the kids on her parents for a night and wear something other than "mom clothes."

She had asked Asahi to find her something pretty but not too revealing. Something classically beautiful, but also impractical--the type of dress that would only be worn once and then forever remain a memory. After consulting with Daichi and Suga on their preferred colors, Asahi had gotten in touch with a designer that worked with celebrities on red carpet dresses and managed to borrow this stunning little number: a silver faux-wraparound style gown that hugged every curve until just below the knee, where it draped open just enough to show off her shoes and ankles. It had just a hint of a train, but not long enough to be stepped on (though Noya had money on Ryu finding a way to step on it anyway). The silver was muted by black and gray stitched accents and a pale violet stole. It was a breathtaking piece of fashion-art, and Asahi hoped fervently that Noya was wrong about Ryu stepping on it, because it had to get back to its designer in one piece after the wedding was over.

"She's gonna love that," Noya said, cheeks twitching as he tried to hide a grin.

"She will? Or you will?" Asahi joked as he inspected the seams of the dress.

"I'm looking forward to seeing you all dressed up, too," Noya said defensively. "Don't forget: I've been living with Kiyoko while she's been breastfeeding and I still moved out to be with you as quickly as I could."

"Hm," Asahi replied with a teasing look. "I'm getting more and more nervous about this trip to Hawaii and watching you stare at all the island girls."

Noya laughed. "As if you won't be staring at the island boys. I mean, I will be too, so I can't really complain." Noya tossed his white shirt over the back of a chair and Asahi nearly had a heart attack. He picked it up, shook it out, then neatly hung it over the hangar that had seemingly been tossed aside earlier. "You're gonna love Hawaii, Asahi, don't worry."

Asahi smiled fondly as he watched Noya whip his belt through the loops on his trousers. "I know I will. But we're not supposed to talk about that when we get to Miyagi tomorrow. Apparently Suga is jealous."

"They can go to Hawaii any time they want," Noya argued. "It was their choice to buy a house instead of go on a honeymoon."

"It's still a bit of a sore topic," Asahi said gently, taking Noya's pants after he kicked them off and hanging them neatly to preserve the crease. Noya's suit wasn't a rental like the others, but hand-tailored to fit and designed by Asahi. As Noya wasn't standing in as any sort of official position at the wedding, he didn't need a tuxedo like Asahi and the grooms, but he hadn't had a fitted suit either, so Asahi had decided to get him one. Or rather, make him one. Noya complained about the added effort, but Asahi was pleased by the results.

"They just made such a big deal about the wedding, I thought they'd want to go on a big, expensive honeymoon," Noya said, wearing only an undershirt and his usual boxers. His normal clothes had been left in a pile in front of the mirror, cast off earlier when he'd tried on the suit. He nudged the sports clothes now with a toe, as if considering getting dressed again, then sat down on the edge of the bed instead. "Choosing a house over a honeymoon makes it seem like they're ready to start thinking about kids already."

"Ha ha," Asahi laughed weakly as he adjusted Noya's suit on the hangars so it hung perfectly straight. "Maybe we don't bring that up either when we're there." The last time Asahi had caught up with Daichi (yesterday, and almost every day for the past week, but Daichi still claimed he wasn't nervous about the wedding), he'd said that Suga was coming around to the idea of adopting an older child. One that wouldn't wake them up in the middle of the night. Presumably. "Your suit came in a garment bag too, right? Where is it?"

"Do we need that?" Noya's nose crinkled as he considered. "I thought I could just fold up the suit and stuff it in my luggage."

Asahi swayed on his feet at the very notion, but before he could feel too faint, Noya was laughing.

"Kidding! I'm kidding, Asahi." Noya slapped his bare knee. "The garment bag is inside the closet."

"Oh, thank God." Asahi found it and carefully stashed the suit inside before zipping it closed again. "Should we put these by the door so we don't forget them? Or hang them in the laundry room, or--"

"You're not going to let us forget the suits," Noya chided gently. "Look, they're perfect by the closet. We can't even get dressed without reaching past them. And you bought that big, weird fold-over suitcase. There's no way we're going to forget the suits."

"Oh, I can put the suitcase by the door!" Asahi turned a circle, looking for the suitcase amid all the unpacked boxes, half-assembled furniture and piles of packing paper. "Here! Be right back."

"I'm just saying." Noya linked his fingers and stretched his arms over his head, pulling up the hem of his undershirt. "Seems like an awful lot of work just to get married."

"Don't worry, if we decide to get married, we'll keep it small," Asahi promised, digging the suitcase out from under a spilled-over clothing hamper. Or possibly a box of clothes that had split open at some point. Wow, someday they really needed to get around to officially unpacking.

"Wait, really?" What was that note in Noya's voice? Asahi looked up, confused.

"I mean...I'm not proposing or anything. I just figured that if that's what we decide to do, we could just make it a visit to the courthouse." Asahi shrugged as he tugged the empty suitcase away from the wall. "Maybe invite three or four friends as witnesses and catch a volleyball game afterwards."

Noya's expression was completely unreadable. "That sounds almost like what we do whenever we have friends in town, except replace courthouse with drinks at a bar."

"Well." Asahi shrugged. "I figured you wouldn't want to make a big deal about it. And that way we'd save money for a really nice honeymoon, it's just that we haven't--"

"Asahi." Noya held his hand out. "Come here."

Asahi blinked, confused, then set the suitcase down and went to Noya. Noya took his hand and tugged him down to sit on the edge of the bed. His heart fluttered nervously as Noya folded a leg in order to sit sideways and look him straight in the eyes.

"You said that for you, a wedding is about telling the world who you're going to love forever," Noya said intensely.

Asahi laughed and ducked his head. "Maybe in a metaphorical sense. It's more important that we know it and our friends know it. The world doesn't have to--"

"Asahi, if we're going through the effort to get married, then we should make it something big--something completely unforgettable and amazing--so that everyone knows." Noya clasped Asahi's hand and kissed his knuckles. "Our love isn't a secret. We're not going to hide it in some courthouse wedding."

Asahi felt his cheeks heat up. He looked away, unable to meet the intensity of Noya's eyes. "I--That's--Really--" Asahi couldn't even speak! What were words, even? "W-we said we weren't going to go that fast this time around, didn't we?"

"I'm not proposing," Noya replied easily. "But we both want it to happen one day, right?"

"I...I don't want to push you into anything," Asahi said coyly. Except yes--Yes, he wanted to marry Noya one day. Damn, this conversation was getting way too intense. Asahi tried to laugh, though his face still felt hot. "What kind of wedding would you want, if not a courthouse marriage or a big event like Suga and Daichi's wedding?"

"Mmm..." Noya hummed thoughtfully a moment, his gaze turning inward and thankfully taking some of the tension out of the conversation. "I don't know, I never really thought about it. I guess I just thought that getting married should be like an adventure."

"An adventure?" Asahi was suddenly envisioning himself holding hands with Noya in the middle of a jungle with a machete on his hip. "I think we have different ideas about what marriage should be."

Noya squeezed Asahi's hand as he laughed. "No, listen! Marriage is like a journey you go on together, right? So it should start off with something amazing, something new. Something neither of us has ever done before."

"Something _neither_ of us has done before?" Asahi shook his head. "It's unbelievable to me that there's anything _you_ haven't done that I'd be willing to do at our wedding."

"I don't mean like skydiving or anything crazy like that," Noya said almost dismissively. "Besides, the wind gets _way_ too loud for exchanging vows. I meant something more like... Hmm." Noya trailed off, eyes distant, but only for a moment. All too soon his face lit up as he lunged over Asahi's lap to grab his phone off the bedside table. "I know! It's perfect! Give me a second."

Asahi felt trepidation growing in the pit of his stomach. What could possibly be more of an adventure than skydiving? The only time Asahi would ever jump out of a plane was if it were crashing. And maybe not even then! "What, ah--what are you thinking, Yuu?"

"Wait, wait, I'll show you." Noya's expression was exultant as he tapped excitedly at his phone. "Look!"

Noya turned his phone around, but all Asahi could see was a stretch of endless white. Snow?

"Um..." Asahi hesitated to say it, but felt it had to be said. "Didn't your last attempt at snowboarding not end too well?"

"No, not snowboarding. Although, I'm not really complaining, because look where that got us." Well, Noya had a point there. "I mean Antarctica, Asahi! I've never been, and something like less than one percent of the world’s population ever even gets to see it!"

"Yeah, because...it's cold? And...I mean, what is there to do there?" Asahi thought about it, then added: "How do you even get there? Is there an airport I don't know about?"

"That's the amazing part!" Noya was tapping on his phone again. "Look, look! You can charter cruises or yachts to take you there, and at certain times of the year, you can even get off the boat and actually walk on the snow! How many people do you think have ever been married in Antarctica?"

"Um..." It was such a bizarre idea that Asahi honestly didn't know where to begin. "I guess not many? But...wouldn't it be really expensive to charter a boat just to take us there and back?"

"Think of how cool it would be!"

Asahi would have countered with "Think of how _cold_ it would be," but just then Noya tackled him down onto the bed and propped his phone up against a pillow so they could both see it. Asahi still wasn't sold on the idea of a wedding in Antarctica, but it was hard to pass up a moment of cuddling in bed with Noya.

"See, we charter one of these party boats." Noya was flipping through pictures of that appeared to show everything from raves to fine dining to live entertainment, all aboard some very large boats. "We can have our bachelor parties on the way down to Antarctica--not strippers, unless that's what you want, but I mean drinking and partying and volleyball on the deck. Just really live it up, you know? And then we get off at one of these spots." Noya switched pages on his phone, showing several absolutely breathtaking photos of snowy landscapes, incredibly blue oceans and stunning icy backdrops. And was that...were those the northern lights? No, wait, that made no sense. Were southern lights a thing? "We wouldn't wear fancy suits or anything like that, we'd dress for the weather. But we'd get married real quick, do the kiss thing, and then--Oh! You know what? We could set up a net and play a real quick round-robin volleyball game! Can you imagine that, Asahi? Volleyball in Antarctica! How many people can say they've done that?"

Asahi's head was spinning. Was this real? Or was this some kind of stress-induced fever dream?

"I know, we couldn't play long because it'll be too cold," Noya admitted. "But still, it'd make for some awesome photos. And then when we get back on the boat, we have the reception all elegant-like, with food and dancing and cake and stuff. And then the boat brings us home!" Noya looked immensely pleased with himself as he turned to grin at Asahi. "Not bad for off the top of my head, right?"

Asahi met those earnest eyes and try as he might, he simply could not keep a straight face. He burst out laughing, then tugged Noya in close against his chest, laughing into Noya's hair. The laughter turned into gasps and moans only moments later as Noya kissed up his neck, then claimed his lips, rolling them so Asahi was on his back with Noya laying on top of his chest, the phone lost somewhere in the pillows. When the kiss broke, Asahi rolled to his side, still holding Noya in his arms and chuckling to himself.

"What is it?" Noya asked, running one hand over Asahi's bicep appreciatively. "Did I get it wrong?"

"No, it was...it was very _you,_ " Asahi assured him. "I like the idea of starting a marriage with an adventure, but I just don't think we're going to be able to afford chartering a whole boat just for us."

"Not just us," Noya said insistently. "We'd invite everyone."

"Of course we'd invite all our friends, but ah..." How to say this? "Isn't that asking a bit much of them? I mean, how long would a trip like this take? Do you think enough of them could just take vacation and sail away with us?"

"Why not?" Noya asked honestly. "Plenty of people do destination weddings, this isn't all that different. You said Suga was complaining that he and Daichi aren't going on a honeymoon, so this could be like a little getaway for them. And Ryu and Kiyoko would love to ditch their kids for a little while and have a real vacation, that's why Kiyoko asked to be part of Daichi and Suga's wedding. We'd have to plan it for the volleyball off-season so we could get Shoyo and Kageyama, but I didn't just mean we'd invite our friends: I meant we should invite _everyone_."

"Everyone?" Asahi echoed. "What does that mean, everyone?"

"I mean, like, friends, coworkers, guys we used to play volleyball with. Or against. Teachers and coaches and family--not my family, I mean. Your family, sure, but mine can't come. Hey! Is that cute ex of yours still in a band? Maybe they can play for us!"

"You want my ex at our wedding?" No, wait, that wasn't the important part. "Yuu, isn't it more expensive the more people we bring?"

"No, it's cheaper! Think about it." Noya was grinning again. "Instead of asking for gifts, we just let everyone know how much tickets are going to cost and we spread the cost out evenly. It still wouldn't be cheap for us, but weddings are expensive anyway, right? So maybe we don't have a separate honeymoon, or at least not right away, but the trip could count as part of that. I bet you've never been on a cruise, right, Asahi?"

No, of course he hadn't. A ferry, sure, and maybe a harbor tour once, but that wasn't the same thing at all. Wait, was this whole idea beginning to sound less crazy all of a sudden?

"It's probably a dumb idea," Noya said, eyes dropping to down to Asahi's chest. "I only just thought of it now, so, like, I get there's a hundred details to work out. It was just the first idea that came to mind. I don't really care how we get married, Asahi, I just want it to be something special for both of us. From now on, I want all of our adventures to be together."

Asahi's heart felt so warm and big, he could just about cry. "Okay. Okay, Yuu, let's do it. Let's get married in Antarctica."

"What?" Noya looked startled, then laughed. "It's a dumb idea, I know, I get it. I just--"

"No, really, let's do it." Asahi kissed him, rolling halfway on top of him to make it a thorough one. "Marry me in Antarctica, Yuu. You've sold me on the idea."

Noya laughed as he brushed hair back from Asahi's face. "I'm not even a hundred percent sure it's possible, but I'd marry you anywhere, Asahi. You just have to tell me when my ideas are stupid."

"It's not a stupid idea." Even with their bodies pressed against each other in the bed, as Asahi searched Noya's eyes, he still didn't feel like they were close enough. "No one would ever forget a wedding like that. We'd be giving all of our guests an adventure; they'd be talking about our wedding for the rest of their lives, and how we took them somewhere none of them had ever been before."

"And play volleyball there," Noya added.

Asahi laughed. "To get _married_ there. And also to play volleyball there."

Noya pulled Asahi down on top of himself for another kiss. Then another, and another. Asahi felt warm--feverishly so--then realized it was because he was wearing way too many clothes. He sat up, knees straddling over Noya's hips as he pulled his shirts off over his head, remembering belatedly that his glasses were still on, so he had to disentangle them from his collar to safely set aside. As soon as the glasses were out of harm's way, Noya ripped the shirts from Asahi's hand and tossed them to the floor before yanking Asahi down to the bed and crawling on top of him.

"I am really glad you let me get us a hotel room in Miyagi," Noya confessed, a sly smile on his face. "Because I would have felt bad if we did this in Ryu's house and woke up the baby."

"I didn't want to stay with Daichi and Suga, either," Asahi admitted between kisses. He reached down and pulled Noya's undershirt off, ruffling Noya's hair in the process. "I was afraid what we might hear after their wedding."

"Please," Noya laughed, sitting up to pull Asahi's pants down. "We can be louder than them."

After a lustful haze of kissing and petting, gasping and moaning, Noya slicked up Asahi's cock and sat astride him, lowering himself slowly, but not too slowly. Sex had become a daily occurrence since Noya had moved in--sometimes more than once a day--so the slide was easy and familiar to them both by now. Even so, it still felt like a wonder, still seemed like half a dream. Asahi never got tired of seeing Noya on top of him, skin glowing, muscles flexing, eyes half closed and hooded as he rode. Couldn't stop his hands from rubbing Noya's thighs, grabbing Noya's hips, grinding up into him at the pace Noya set.

He hoped he never got used to it. He wanted it to feel this special, this sacred, for the rest of his life.

Noya was fully healed now, and thanks to Ennoshita he didn't even had a limp to show for his injuries. But while someone less familiar with Noya's body would think him at his peak level of fitness, Asahi knew better. Before, Noya's body had been all flat planes and hard edges, muscle on muscle and stamina for days. While the skin once covered in casts was no longer pasty-pale, there was still a touch of softness to it. Noya's training was still evident beneath his skin, but what once had been described as "chiseled" had more of a rounded, "sanded" sort of appearance now. They were still setting their routine for running in the mornings--not every morning, because Asahi wanted to be fit, not sleep-deprived--and so far Noya was more likely to run out of breath before Asahi did. He was sure that wouldn't last for long, but for now Asahi was enjoying the slow, gentle jog with a warm breakfast to follow. And then maybe a bit of making out in the shower. Or a lot of making out in the shower. It varied. Asahi wasn't complaining.

In fact, the reason they weren't totally moved into the new place yet was because every time they started unpacking, or even just trying to decide where to put things, they ended up making out, which inevitably led to sex. It was a pain living out of boxes and half-built furniture, but again: Asahi wasn't one to complain. He got to come home to Noya, and really, wasn't that the most important thing? It had been chaotic for a while, with Asahi going to visit Noya in Miyagi, or Noya traveling to see Asahi in Tokyo, and now with the wedding imminent. One day, life would slow down and the novelty of being together with Noya again would wear off and they'd finish the process of moving in. Until then, Asahi just wanted to soak in every blessed moment in his new apartment with his new/old boyfriend.

Wasn't that enough?

"Asahi?" Noya had stilled his motions, his hands resting atop Asahi's forearms. His amber eyes were clear, as if he'd been still for a while. "What are you thinking about?"

"You." Asahi smiled, his thumbs tracing Noya's hip bones. "Me. Us."

Noya grinned. "Us doing anything in particular?" Noya rocked back and forth once, making Asahi groan.

"Just this," Asahi said, rolling his hips up under Noya. "And maybe...this."

He lifted Noya up and off before flipping their positions in the bed so that Noya was on his back. Noya buried both hands in Asahi's hair and held him down for a kiss until they were both breathless. Asahi felt Noya's ankles hook around his legs, urging him closer, and as he brushed Noya's bleached bangs off his forehead, he couldn't help but notice the appreciative gaze that swept up Asahi's chest to his shoulders before landing on his face again.

"You look damn good, Asahi," Noya said, grinning. "It's a shame you've gotta cover all that up with a suit for the wedding."

"It's only for you, anyway," Asahi told him, half embarrassed, yet half proud. He'd worked hard to recover this level of fitness; he was actually looking forward to the day that Noya convinced him to join a community league. He missed the days of playing on a team, and while nothing would ever come close to the glory days of Karasuno, he still wanted to stand tall on a volleyball court. With Noya. Always with Noya.

Noya arched his back off the bed, more than a little insistently. Asahi leaned back, positioned himself, then pressed in, reveling in the groan he wrung from Noya's throat as he did. Noya started off setting the pace as fast and hard as possible from below, but Asahi wanted it to last, so he slowed it down, kissing the ball of Noya's ankle over his shoulder as he held Noya's hips still in both hands, rolling in in long, slow thrusts. Noya's eyes closed, sharp breaths coming rapidly through wet lips, fingernails digging into Asahi's wrists as he moaned for more, for faster, for harder. Usually Asahi gave in and gave it to him, but this time, he wanted it to last. He closed his eyes and just let himself feel the warmth, the pressure, the slide, the build. He'd missed this for far too long. He didn't want to miss it ever again.

"Asahi!" Noya's voice was a strained whimper. "Asahi, please!"

It wasn't the words so much as the tinge of desperation in Noya's voice, the mixed expression of pleasure and helplessness, that made Asahi press Nyoa's hips into the mattress and change his angle. He knew he had it just right when Noya threw his head back in a silent scream, body shaking around him in barely controlled frenzy, the heel in the small of his back pressing in deeper, harder. Here was another moment Asahi would happily live in forever, but the urgency of his own body wouldn't allow him to stay long. The scope of his world narrowed to Noya's ecstasy and his own need. He curled one hand around Noya's weeping erection as he lost himself in pleasure, in Noya's cries, in the feeling of being finally, finally complete.

Noya came first, screaming his release, one hand clenched around Asahi's forearm tight enough to leave marks behind. The sudden tensing and pulsing of Noya's body had Asahi spilling soon after, the relief of which left him dizzy and lightheaded. He leaned over Noya, one hand holding himself upright as he took deep breaths to ground himself. Sweat dripped from his forehead to pool with the mess on Noya's stomach and while he knew he should move, he couldn't bring himself to do it just yet. He loved this moment. He loved every moment. Every moment that Noya was his again.

"Asahi." The gentle touch along his arm was almost too much, but that voice would never be enough. "Asahi, hey."

Asahi blinked back the hazy afterglow and lifted his eyes, chasing that voice. Noya's eyes were an amber that almost glowed. A lazy smile lit his face.

"Come here," Noya said, tipping his chin in invitation.

Asahi huffed a laugh and finally broke their connection, only to lay down alongside Noya in the bed, arms looped around him to hold him close. They could get up to clean in a minute; right now, all Asahi wanted was to stay in this moment for as long as possible. They kissed slowly, lazily, fingers skimming over sweat-drenched skin, or combing back sex-tangled hair. Their breathing began to even out, pulses slowing, skin cooling. There was a level of satisfaction felt that had nothing to do with the sex and everything to do with being with the right person, the only person, the person Asahi wanted to spend the rest of his life with...

A realization bloomed brilliantly in the backdrop of Asahi’s mind, making him push himself up onto an elbow, eyes wide. "Did we...did we just get engaged?"

Noya startled, then laughed. "I don't know, but I don't care if we did. I'm not going anywhere. You, Asahi?"

The spike of fear dissipated against Noya's smile. "No. I'm not going anywhere without you, Yuu."

"Good." Noya drew him back down to the bed, fingers tracing the line of hair on Asahi's jaw. "I love you, Asahi."

"I love you, Yuu."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have really enjoyed sharing this fic with you guys. Your comments and kudos have been extremely motivating and I can’t wait to see what you think of this final chapter. I hope you’ve enjoyed this journey as much as I have. Much love, all!

**Author's Note:**

> If you’d like to know if or when there’s going to be a next chapter, please follow me on [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ShiroKabocha1). If you want to make sure there definitely IS a next chapter, leave me a note in the comments.


End file.
